I wrote this one seven years ago, and it's about time someone read it.
IMPORTANT: You CANNOT save until I say so, or it will NOT WORK. First, plug your controller into the 2nd Controller port. Before you turn on the N64, hold the joystick up to where that will be the neutral position. Turn on the N64 and start the game with Mario's nose stretched in. Erase files A, B, C, and D. Choose File D. Go to the castle door and go in. As soon as you enter the door, press L, R, & Start simultaneously to set the neutral position back to normal. Go to Bob-omb Battlefield & get the 1st, 3rd, & 7th stars. Then go to Whomp's Fortress and get the 1st, 6th & 7th stars. Now go to Jolly Roger Bay & get the 1st, 5th, & 7th stars. This will give you nine stars. Go to Bowser in the Dark world now. Get the 8 red coins & get the star. (Don't fight Bowser yet.) Now go to Cool Cool Mountain and get the 6th star. Now go into the wing cap stage get all the 8 red coins. Don't jump on the red switch!!!!!!! Now go back to Bowser in the Dark World. Get to Bowser, but don't kill him yet. Let him keep spitting fire & keep collecting the coins until you have 164 coins. Now beat Bowser. Go to the basement & unlock the door. Walk to your left to where you see the ramp with the blue glass covering it. Dive up the ramp & then go through the door. Walk down to your right & then jump into the pool of water. Swim forward until you get to the other side. Jump onto one of the poles & do the butt slam. Then jump on the other pole & do the butt slam to drain the water. Go out the metal door at the bottom. Now go into the vanish cap stage. Go into the stage and work your way to the blue switch. Once you have jumped on it, just jump off the side to exit the stage. Now go back to Jolly Roger Bay. Go to star 2 & goto the ship. You will see the box with a poison symbol on it. Let the box go left 64 times & go right 64 times. After it has gone back & fourth 64 times, butt slam it and leave the world. Then, get the rest of the stars in the order stated in the Official Super Mario 64 Player's Guide. After that, go to Lethal Lava Land. Go in the volcano and jump into the lava. While you are in the air, press the control stick in the direction of the lavafall. Do it right, and you will die. When you come back, jump in the painting again, and the lavafall will be gone. Jump in the lava, and while your butt is on fire, get into the secret room behind the lavafall that is now revealed. You will see an empty space. Jump in it, and you will die again. DO NOT JUMP BACK IN THE PAINTING. Go to Tall, Tall, Mountain, pick any star, and let Ukkiki the monkey steal your hat. Get the star from "Blast To The Lonely Mushroom" again. Now go to Rainbow Ride. Get all 7 stars in backwards order. Go outside the castle and jump in the cannon. Get the 100 lives from Yoshi and jump into the drained moat WITHOUT BUTT-STOMPING. Instead of dying, you will regain full energy. Go back in the cannon and shoot at the waterfall. You will find a secret room, that is completely wire frames. Jump out, and go back to the cannon. Shoot as far to the right as you can. You will find a warp to the nameless World 16. The stars are named Star 1, Star 2, Star 3, Star 4, and so on, and all are immediately available. Get all 7 stars in this order: 1, 7, 2, 5, 3, 6, 4. Once you have 127 stars, a 120-star door will appear next to the cannon. Go in. You will find 4 more nameless worlds: 17-20. Get all 28 stars from these worlds in any order. After that, you will find a 155-star door, leading to Bowser on Mars. Throw him into the same bomb 5 times, and you will get a green key. When it asks you if you want to save, say "Save and Quit." Turn off the N64 for 2 hours, 40 minutes, and 1 second. When you turn it back on, take the key to the newly appeared locked door in the secret wire frame room behind the waterfall. There will be absolutely nothing behind the locked door. Now, go to Bowser in the Sky, and throw him into three bombs, but DO NOT GRAB THE GIANT STAR. Instead, jump off the edge, and you will appear right next to the entrance to Princess' Secret Slide. Do it in over 25 seconds, but less than 35 seconds. At the bottom, hit the yellow block. It will have a gold star in it: #156. Go to Bowser in the Sky and beat him in exactly 5 minutes. When you defeat him, the giant star will be replaced by a normal sized star. After you get Star 157, Long Jump into one of the remaining bombs. Right before you hit it, the screen will turn black, except for Mario. Unplug the N64's video cable and press the L button 2,041 times, then immediately plug the video cable back in. You will find yourself in front of the castle. The castle door has been replaced by a 165-star door, the door in the moat is locked, and the Vanish Cap course is replaced with World 21. After getting all the stars in this world, a key will be spit out of the entrance. Unlock the metal door. The Lethal Lava Land painting will have turned green. Go into Hazy Maze Cave and get every coin in the level (DO NOT GET THE 100-COIN STAR!) and then pause and choose 'Exit Course.' Then, go into Lethal Lava Land. It will have become Lethal Luigi Land. Get the "Red-Hot Log Rolling" star. Now go to the courtyard and butt-slam the "L is real" statue. Go to Big Boo's Haunt, and KTQ will be near the entrance. When you go up and talk to him, he will race you around the mansion. If you win, KTQ will give you a green hat. Go inside the house and Luigi will be there with his vacuum cleaner from LM and no hat. Walk up to him and he'll say, "Mama mia! I've-a been-a looking for that! Will you give it to me?" If you say no, he'll fight you SMRPG style. He has 350 HP and Mario has 255. If you say yes, Mario'll drop it and a Boo'll eat it and he'll fight you anyway. When you beat him, he'll give you a star. Save, and then use it to go through the 165-star door. Inside, everything has green grafitti on it. Go to the Wing Cap Switch and Luigi will be there. Punch him 3 times and he'll turn good again. Then the Boo will come, Luigi will suck it up with his vacuum, and get his hat. Now when you pause, below "Switch Camera Angle With R" will be "Mario >> Luigi. After unlocking Luigi, you get a star and can go through the door that used to go to Bob-omb Battlefield. Get all seven stars and the painting will turn to a painting of Geno from Mario RPG. Butt-stomp in random places for ten seconds and Geno will come out. Mario >> Luigi will change to Mario >> Luigi >> Geno. Geno will tell you that Exor has been resurected and will soon hit this castle. You have one minute to get two stars from the painting that used to have Jolly Roger Bay, then run out the 175-star door just in time to get away from Exor. Exor will knock down the bridge and make a speech similar to the one he made in Mario RPG. Jump in the cannon and aim for Exor's mouth. (Point the cannon at his right [left to you] eye) If you do it right, you will warp to an alternate dimension. Find Peach in there and jump back out Exor's mouth. Get the rest of the stars in the castle, ending with the red-coin star in Bowser in the Sky, and Exor's left eye will turn into a 286-star door. Hit it just right and you will fight Bowser on Jupiter. After you beat him, he will surrender to you and give you the fourteen stars he was carrying, allowing you to enter the 300-star door in Exor's right eye, unlocking 30 new worlds, which, in turn, will open the 410-star door on Exor's mouth. After going inside, you will be go to Nimbus Land and meet Mallow, who will join your party and give you a star. Go to Jugemu's Bus and ride it to Monstro Town. There you will find Bowser. He will fight you in a battle that is a combo of every Bowser battle ever. Fortunately, it's relatively easy. When you beat him, he will join your party and give you another star. Then you will warp to Hyrule. Go to the Temple of Time. A priest in there will tell you to get the three Spiritual Stones. Go to the castle and find Link. Beat him in a SSB-type fight and he will join your party.. You will go back in time 10 years and meet the Great Deku Tree. He will talk to you and tell you about the great evil lurking in this and other dimensions, named Noogle. However, right before the Deku Tree can tell you more about Noogle, he dies and the camera zooms in on a running sillhouette. Chase after the guy that killed the tree and you'll end up at the lost woods. At this point, an error message will appear, saying "PLEASE INSERT THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: OCARINA OF TIME CARTRIDGE." Do that. You will hear a different song in each hole. Go in the one playing Saria's Song, then Epona's Song, then Zelda's Lullaby, then the Song of Storms, then the Song of Time. Kill the five Gold Skulltulas with your slingshot and get the tokens that appear. After you get the fifth one you will be warped to the courtyard with Zelda. She will give you the Ocarina of Time and teach you the Song of Time. Go to the Temple of Time and play the song of time. The Door of Time will open. Go inside. You will see nothing but white, but you will hear Shigeru Miyamoto talking. He will congratulate you on what you did, and a door will open on the N64, and a disc about the size of a GCN disc will come out. Miyamoto will tell you to put it in a Gamecube tomorrow. The date that you got this disc is burned onto it from the N64's internal clock and will be read by the Gamecube's secret internal clock. (NOT the one on the menu screen) If you do all this correctly, the Gamecube disc will have 'Mario's Big Fun Super-Happy Adventure.' Beat this game in less than a week and you will see Miyamoto again congratulating you. After a while, the disk cover will open and Miyamoto will tell you to put the disc in your computer. The disc will have secret plans for Nintendo's next-next-gen console, with previews of Tom Clancy's Battle Faction, Final Fantasy XXIX, Mario RPG 6, Mario Party 12, The Legend of Zelda: The Great Harp, Super Smash Bros. 4: Nintendo Vs. Sega Battle Royale, Luigi's Museum: Luigi's Mansion 3, Castlevania: Dracula's Bride, Pokemon Stadium 4-Ever, Star Wars Rogue Squadron 5: Red 5 Standing By, and Sonic Heroes 3.
