Fungi Forums
Miscellaneous => General Chat => Topic started by: CrossEyed7 on October 06, 2011, 05:48:11 PM
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This (http://tinyurl.com/rpg) describes me with frightening accuracy and I don't know what to do about it.
My response:
On closer examination, she makes some good points. They definitely apply to my one relationship, at least.
You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.
At least partially guilty.
They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date.
Or start designing wedding invitations in their head when they've barely met her. Yep.
they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".
Oddly, these are actually two sides of the same coin. We desperately want companionship and acceptance, and when we see an opportunity, our instinct is to go all in and elope on the spot, and then we recognize how weird that is and so we don't say anything at all.
They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.
This is important.
Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.
This too.
They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."
I kinda thought it sounded that way too when Will Smith said it in Hitch, but it could also just mean "no one will love you the same way that I do."
"She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH!
This is definitely a majorly unhealthy attitude, but I don't know how connected it is to nice-guy-ness. Seems more Twilight-y, really, and Edward is definitely not nice. Neither is Bella, really.
This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".
To be fair, though, it's not just us mistaking obsession for love, it's the entirety of society. Listen to basically any love song. Look at how everyone thinks "Every Breath You Take" is a love song.
You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it.
So yeah, I'd say that's pretty accurate.
Discuss.
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Well, as I said, I'm not entirely sure what to make of it.
I've voiced some other thoughts on sites that aren't this one, and because I'm too lazy to type them all out again, I'm going to copy-and-paste and link to my blog. And maybe type out a few things, too, I guess. Whatever.
I feel like I have a choice between two unpleasant things:
1) Since there is approximately a snowball's chance in Hell of my actually being genuinely confident, I'd have to fake it. I refuse to do this. I refuse to not be sincere, because it's just going to lead to bigger problems later.
2) I can just be - if you'll excuse the use of an Internet meme - FOREVER ALONE. While I don't particularly want to do this either, and while it'll probably make me miserable, at least I won't have to fake anything.
Also, the thought of changing myself scares me. I don't want to turn into a jerk; I don't want to lose the traits I possess that I do like; and I'm worried that if I stop putting this girl on a pedestal, I'll stop liking her at all; then where will that leave me? Sure, I'll have changed, maybe for the better; maybe I'll be more attractive to girls. But if I lose the girl that inspired me to change in the first place, it'll be just as much of a failure if I stop caring about her. Maybe more, because of all the wasted effort.
Also also, this (http://truttle.tumblr.com/post/10668583508/prepare-for-a-wall-of-text) (posted a full week before I even found the article, by the way).
The article brings up some good points, but a big problem is that if it's trying to help insecure guys, it might be a good idea to not be so harsh about it. Considering how negatively their supposed "Nice Guys" react to criticism from people close to them, how much worse off are they going to be when they see some complete stranger on the Internet bashing them with no real advice except "like yourself"? The tone by itself just makes me want to keep being a loser just to spite whoever wrote the thing.
And yes, it did touch a nerve, how did you know? Like, I was so busy thinking about this article the day I read it that it showed on my face when I was at lunch with my friends (they told me so afterward). So yeah, I'm taking it a bit personally, because it hit far too close to home. No one likes to have their flaws pointed out, but this article pointed mine out so poignantly and systematically that it actually affected my mood for the better part of a day, and it's still nagging me in the back of my head: "you're a loser, no feelings you have for anyone will ever be requited!"
I feel trapped. As I said before, I feel like change is either not possible or will come at too high a price. But I know that a good part of the article is dead-on. It just... it really frustrates me.
On a different note, I'm taking this thread as further evidence that CrossEyed and I are really the same person (and are both somehow Weegee, too, but anyway).
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Thinking on this some more:
I think this article might ruin my life. Not only is it causing me to wonder about how legitimate my attraction to Camp Girl (http://themushroomkingdom.net/board/index.php?topic=12960.msg593691#msg593691) is, it's making me question whether I've ever had a (not necessarily romantic, mind you) relationship where that hasn't been based on this sort of emotional dependency. Like, should I bother meeting for lunch with my friends at the usual time and place tomorrow? It's not like I like them for who they are, I just need an emotional fix. Right? Should I bother pursuing a romantic relationship? It's not like I'm ever going to have a healthy one, because no matter how nice I am to a girl - no matter how I express my attraction - it's going to be a thin veil for my own selfish need to feel good about myself. Right?
I feel like crap now.
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There are two types of men in the world: Alphas and Betas.
Alphas are dominant, outgoing, ambitious and aggressive. That one co-worker who's always getting the promotions and ****ing your girlfriend on the side, is an alpha. They possess both the physical attractiveness and the mental self-assuredness necessary to manipulate social norms in order to get what they want. Alphas are successful because they can step on people and look good doing it. *****es love alphas.
Meanwhile, betas are the ones who do what alphas tell them to and later complain about it on 4chan /adv/.
Language warning on the below files.
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There are two types of men in the world: Alphas and Betas.
Man that's a false dichotomy. Some people are more complicated than just wanting to **** another person's brains out.
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I'm hearing an awful lot of "We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas."
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Being confident in yourself doesn't mean you have to be a jerk. And being a nice person doesn't mean you have to be a total ***** either. Be yourself. And if there're things you don't like about yourself, work to defeat them. If you can do that, you'll start to impress yourself, and the rest should be natural.
Don't know how to get started on that? Be clean. Be smart. Be strong. Be fun. Don't be lazy. Be cool. Be uplifting. Be generous. Be considerate. Be reliable. Be bold. Be positive. Be awesome.
Trrry not to suck!!
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Being confident in yourself doesn't mean you have to be a jerk.
Well, speaking for myself, at least, every time I display some sort of confidence in front of someone else I think "crap, I hope I didn't come off as arrogant just then." Of course it's not true that being confident makes one a jerk (I know confident people who are also very nice people - Camp Girl is one of them), but it certainly makes me feel like one.
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Being confident in yourself doesn't mean you have to be a jerk.
This. None of my friends are at all like the guys Weegee described and they're all happily with someone.
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I guess having someone you like reject your affections and heavily imply that the reason is that you're too insecure is pretty good incentive to deal with your insecurities. Better than this article, anyway!
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TK, it's at times like this that it's almost acceptable to indulge in hate.
[Language warning]
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Why would I hate her? She was perfectly within her rights to say "I don't reciprocate" if she didn't reciprocate.
And it did force me to really think about my own personality for the first time in a while. Like, not just make me angst about how insecure I am, but actually inspire me to change what I don't like about myself. That said, I still would've preferred a different outcome.
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Not saying this is you Weegee, but this what I envision every time I see similar posts made on 4chan. There's heavy language so beware.
http://oi39.tinypic.com/n6qcmw.jpg
And I don't know about you but I never got picked on by girls in middle school and high school. Every person who bullied me was a dude (yes I was a nerd who got shoved into lockers, go me). Don't you think it's kind of arbitrary to hate girls for being whores and not guys for being macho *******s?
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In high school, girls sometimes dared each other to whisper dirty things in my ear because I was the ugly fat guy. They would then point at me and laugh. I once overheard some girls talking about how gross it would be if I asked any of them out.
Don't you think it's kind of arbitrary to hate girls for being whores and not guys for being macho *******s?
Even the douchiest *******s are capable of being decent human beings at times.
If you're wondering why I save all these images and screencaps anyway, they're great for posting during misogynistic circlejerks on /r9k/. Language warning below.
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I've got the bottom half of the last one saved in my 4chan folder already.
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I think that's the first time I've ever seen the n-word on the Fungi Forums.
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Hmm, I forgot about that. While a few such points on that list are baseless and insulting, many were rooted in truth.
For instance, all redheads are crazy *****es.
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Soooo, can we all come together to ignore anything Weegee says in this thread, seeing as he's not a nice guy? Or a passable human?
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In high school, girls sometimes dared each other to whisper dirty things in my ear because I was the ugly fat guy. They would then point at me and laugh. I once overheard some girls talking about how gross it would be if I asked any of them out.
Yeah and the wrestlers at my school (all guys) used to make sarcastic cat calls at the fat ugly girls.
I'm sorry, but being an ******* is not a girl-exclusive quality.
Even the douchiest *******s are capable of being decent human beings at times.
...and whores aren't?
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Quasi-misogynistic Butthurt Megavirgins: The Thread
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What happened to you Weegee, you used to be funny mang.
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Soooo, can we all come together to ignore anything Weegee says in this thread, seeing as he's not a nice guy? Or a passable human?
I used to be a "nice guy". Now I think of women of mosquitoes: Some won't suck your blood, but those are so few and far between that they're not worth looking for.
Quasi-misogynistic Butthurt Megavirgins: The Thread
Who are the other ones?
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I used to be a "nice guy". Now I think of women of mosquitoes: Some won't suck your blood, but those are so few and far between that they're not worth looking for.
I'm guessing you make that judgment on their refusal to have sex with you...?
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The bottom line: I'm content with avoiding them during the day and ****ing to them later. Besides, losing my virginity before 30 means I'll never become a wizard.
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Not everyone's going to tolerate you mang, and it's not going to be just women who don't. At least from my perspective, the majority of jerks are dudes.
Does that mean I think all guys are complete garbage? No, in the same way I don't believe all women are saints.
EDIT: Oh, you edited your post. Mine's kind of odd looking now.
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Quasi-misogynistic Butthurt Megavirgins: The Thread
I almost lol'd in a public setting.
Also, I'm getting a tremendous amount out of reading PL's posts in conjunction with his avatar.
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A tremendous amount of what? Laughter? I'm just trying to discourage misogyny brah. Not sure how that relates to my avatar...
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Something about the exuberant Pony accompanying stonedface social advice is just oddly humorous. Not that I'm not taking you seriously.
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stonedface
Was that intentional?
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This thread has more delayed edits than the Constitution.
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Was that intentional?
Oh... No, it was crappy iPod Touch keyboard-tional.
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That's what you get for using Apple products!
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(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.telegraph.co.uk%2Fmultimedia%2Farchive%2F01239%2Fsteve_jobs_1239404c.jpg&hash=a07f496a27561f11e6e00023cadb1b1b)
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Krillin! PL!
Too soon!
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Yeah, I'm not even going to worry about any semblance of a grace period and just say that in my experience Apple couldn't/can't program for [dukar]. Well, them or the Chinese manufacturers and/or Silicon Valley tech start-ups they buy out.
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I would date Steve Jobs if I was a girl.
I think I would be into oldish smart distinguished guys if I was into guys.
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http://truttle.tumblr.com/private/15228644823/tumblr_lx7ke92MbN1qj5y7q
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I'm not sure about taking relationship advice from a blog with Fluttershy as the background.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqrfXtcAWV0.
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Better than taking advice from one with mock-vintage cowgirl art in the northwest corner. As far as I can tell, Tk seems to know what he's talking about, if only for his own particular life.
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Ayn Rand's thoughts on the matter: The love of a parasite is worth nothing (http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/02/love-of-parasite-is-worth-nothing.html)
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Ayn Rand
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg411.imageshack.us%2Fimg411%2F4250%2Fstoppedreadingthere.jpg&hash=870d1e25df88d087eca7af11d4325674)