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General Chat / How do you help depressed people
« on: October 13, 2015, 07:38:11 AM »
An online friend of mine from another community attempted suicide yesterday.
It came almost without warning. He left IRC with a dark quit message the night before, and I missed it.
The really terrifying part is that when he announced it to just the three or four people in a smaller IRC channel, he nonchalantly said he'd probably try again in a few weeks or months... and resumed acting like it never happened. In fact he said he wishes he didn't say anything... doesn't want anyone to worry or treat him different. Went back to talking about games and stuff like normal. And now we know normal wasn't okay. And it makes it really hard to tell how much time there is.
I did talk to him one-on-one and I don't know how much I helped, but I'm going to keep trying. I've said the basics. That I'm available to listen, that I think dealing with your problems by yourself is overwhelming and [dukar]ty and that's why other people exist, and not to feel ashamed or like an inconvenience... I know not to say anything that would induce guilt or anything like "life is great and you're just doing it wrong". It seems like he doesn't know why he's depressed and it's been constant for a long time. And I realize that even though he's been my dungeon master for about three years now, I don't know a whole lot about him. Everyone knows a lot about me 'cause wherever I go I never shut up about what I'm thinking and feeling and doing.
My thinking is that, whenever I exhibit any signs of anxiety or discomfort, I can figure out what's wrong and wrestle with the actual problem rather than the feelings. This guy either doesn't know why he's suicidal and what needs to be done to help him recover, or won't tell me (I asked specifically how he tried to do it and didn't get an answer). In order to help, I need to understand, in order to understand, I need to get him to open up. I think I should probably be transparent about that. He's smart.
However, one thing I do know about him is that his physical health is really not good. I'm well aware that can be a major factor in depression. Even I sometimes notice my mood dip if I haven't been eating my greens and getting sunlight. But I realize how difficult a problem that is to knock out, especially when it's not your own health, especially especially when you don't live anywhere near the person.
So... if anyone knows psychology or has been in a situation like this before and has any advice that will help me (and other friends, but, we've agreed that ganging up and smothering him is probably not the best thing to do) save this guy, I'm listening.
It came almost without warning. He left IRC with a dark quit message the night before, and I missed it.
The really terrifying part is that when he announced it to just the three or four people in a smaller IRC channel, he nonchalantly said he'd probably try again in a few weeks or months... and resumed acting like it never happened. In fact he said he wishes he didn't say anything... doesn't want anyone to worry or treat him different. Went back to talking about games and stuff like normal. And now we know normal wasn't okay. And it makes it really hard to tell how much time there is.
I did talk to him one-on-one and I don't know how much I helped, but I'm going to keep trying. I've said the basics. That I'm available to listen, that I think dealing with your problems by yourself is overwhelming and [dukar]ty and that's why other people exist, and not to feel ashamed or like an inconvenience... I know not to say anything that would induce guilt or anything like "life is great and you're just doing it wrong". It seems like he doesn't know why he's depressed and it's been constant for a long time. And I realize that even though he's been my dungeon master for about three years now, I don't know a whole lot about him. Everyone knows a lot about me 'cause wherever I go I never shut up about what I'm thinking and feeling and doing.
My thinking is that, whenever I exhibit any signs of anxiety or discomfort, I can figure out what's wrong and wrestle with the actual problem rather than the feelings. This guy either doesn't know why he's suicidal and what needs to be done to help him recover, or won't tell me (I asked specifically how he tried to do it and didn't get an answer). In order to help, I need to understand, in order to understand, I need to get him to open up. I think I should probably be transparent about that. He's smart.
However, one thing I do know about him is that his physical health is really not good. I'm well aware that can be a major factor in depression. Even I sometimes notice my mood dip if I haven't been eating my greens and getting sunlight. But I realize how difficult a problem that is to knock out, especially when it's not your own health, especially especially when you don't live anywhere near the person.
So... if anyone knows psychology or has been in a situation like this before and has any advice that will help me (and other friends, but, we've agreed that ganging up and smothering him is probably not the best thing to do) save this guy, I'm listening.
