Fungi Forums
Miscellaneous => General Chat => Not at the Dinner Table => Topic started by: CrossEyed7 on August 07, 2009, 05:49:23 PM
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If you must make light of the serious adult business for grownups, leave it here.
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Knock-knock?
Who's there?
An ABORTED FETUS.
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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five!!
haha
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What's really sad is that I kind of chuckled at the last one.
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Did you hear the one about the toddler, the fork and the electrical socket?
His funeral's this Tuesday.
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What's funnier than 5 dead babies in one garbage bag?
1 dead baby in 5 garbage bags.
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Well I'm quite proud that I managed to derail a topic with no prior replies.
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Just wait until dc804 catches wind of this... "discussion". The man will have a field day. On that note,
What did the blind paralyzed orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer!
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Well I'm quite proud that I managed to derail a topic with no prior replies.
So that's your goal here.
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What's the difference between a baby and an apple?
You can't have sex with an apple before you eat it
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Whoever created this terrible, awful thread made specifically for dead baby jokes deserves to be shot.
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Uh... Says the guy who participated twice.
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It was meant to be doubly ironic: First, I did indeed contribute to the thread, and, second, CrossEyed never intended this to become a dead-baby-joke thread. Isn't that just hilarious? Having to explain it makes it even funnier.
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What's the difference between a box of Tide and American atomic weapon secrets?
I didn't just sell a buttload of Tide to the North Koreans.
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What's the difference between an egg an a fetus?
A fetus is not an omelet.
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(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fjamie-online.com%2Frandom-jamz%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F06%2Ffacepalm.jpg&hash=f6321d15fd7c7d197118f30ac5a73a9a)
EDIT: Good save there, Nenson.
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What did the misoginistic man say to the feminist woman?
go make me a sandwich while you clean the toilet and later we'll have sex in the missionary position and if you get pregnant you'll just have to deal with that yourself
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You can't have sex with an apple before you eat it
You have no imagination.
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Bobman you ruined that joke. The correct version is not "can't", it's "don't".
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(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mojo4music.com%2Fblog%2Fcalifornia_dreaming_by_henry_diltz%2FJim%2520Morrison-photo.jpg&hash=08c28eb71098e61ff871281fd83f96f1)
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You'd have instantly won this thread if Jim Morrison had been standing in front of an actual door there.
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Forest Guy you ruined my name.
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Why did Kim Jong-Il cross the road?
Well, normally it would be to threaten firing missiles at America but since he's actually DEAD and the North Korean government is covering up the fact that he's DEAD he didn't actually cross the road at all, at least not in this case.
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(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg19.imageshack.us%2Fimg19%2F3025%2F16354376.jpg&hash=0d32070ba5b406e852913e2fe0d15da7)
Okay, I left the joking at a Door.
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Your mom met Weird Al? Neat!
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I have never seen such a sick burn dished on these forums in quite a while, at least not in such a completely unprovoked way.
I think Weegee would make a much better Ped Xing.
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That being said, I would LOVE to have been
your mom that guy in that picture. Really, is that someone you know, Bigluigifan?
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That's the former keyboardist of the Doors.
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...Who happens to be standing in front of a door along with Weird Al, who recently released a song parodying the Doors' style (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R32aFmxL9HY)? If it weren't such a cliche to mention, I'd say that you've won this thread.
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Just wait until dc804 ctaches wind of this... "discussion". The man will have a field day.
Heck yes!
I took my girlfriend for an abortion today. Apparently its considered bad manners to pass round a bag of jelly babies in the waiting room. Ungrateful slags.
A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms.
"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin.
"My baby!" screams the mother.
"Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse.
However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window.
"What are you doing?!" yells the mother.
"April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"
I locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night.
It turns out they get really angry when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.
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Thanks Weegee. Thanks a bunch.
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I've long figured dc has dirtyjokes.co.uk on Favorites.
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No problem, PL. I was expecting exasperation or sarcastic gratitude from you. Anyways,
What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
Slap her across the face
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I've long figured dc has dirtyjokes.co.uk on Favorites.
I have never heard of that site. I get my material from sickipedia.org.
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You've never heard of it because it probably doesn't exist. I was making fun of the fact that all the jokes you post are profane and/or gross, and are usually full of British terms.
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(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.chan4chan.com%2Fimg%2F2009-07-27%2F1248713709725.jpg&hash=250010fe8070c29ca7b8a4ba86c44497)
ARGUE.
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http://img.chan4chan.com/img/2009-07-27/1248713709725.jpg
ARGUE.
http://themushroomkingdom.net/board/index.php?topic=12091.0
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.
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I tell you what, we don't mess around here in Texas.
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(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv503%2FOppressor%2Fbush_thumbs_up.jpg&hash=c8f4fe9b9ad97f371b24431f07bdf8b7)
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W's actually from Connecticut.
He's just about as dumb as the rest of us down here in Texas regardless.
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TEM, aaah [darn] man, I kinda laughed at that, but at the same time, meh.
(Only a small number of Texans are actually gun-slinging, "JOO CAIN'T TAKE MAH RIGHTS FER HAVIN GUNZ UH-WAY" kind of people.
Not to correct you...but just, for the record for everyone else...even though this is a non-serious thread I still see someone taking that as "yeah 100% of texans are underwear-wearing-only rednecks who drive Chevrolet pickup trucks everywhere with their mufflers cut off.")
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DEY TOOK ARE JEEHBS
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I'm from Texas, and it's the best nation on Earth. Anyone who disagrees is probably is dinosaur in disguise.
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I'm from Texas, and it's the best nation on Earth. Anyone who disagrees is probably is dinosaur in disguise.
When I saw this I thought it was either someone very ignorant or a troll then I saw who posted it and realized that both are correct. Sorry marioguy. You're going to have to do better than that.
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DEY TOOK ARE JEEHBS
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.humorscore.com%2Fuploads%2Fthumbs%2F84a890d1237a3d36b102a8885086ccfb_TheyTookOurJobs.flv.large.jpg&hash=89b46d6b5b3d53d34d31d95d6b839631)
It's a well known fact that every single male from Texas is like this.
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Hahaha @ previous post.
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(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.humorscore.com%2Fuploads%2Fthumbs%2F84a890d1237a3d36b102a8885086ccfb_TheyTookOurJobs.flv.large.jpg&hash=89b46d6b5b3d53d34d31d95d6b839631)
It's a well known fact that every single male from Texas is like this.
They may not be bright, but at least they perfected human cloning.
Or is the reason why they all look the same is because most of them are inbred?
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(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fklaussloves.files.wordpress.com%2F2008%2F12%2Finbred.jpg&hash=04fdf477a4e09e1eacd2cc8e03be4717)
"Care to say that again, little man?"
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Once again, dc804 ruins a great joke by being as unfunny as possible.
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Try any of the lower (east of Texas) southeastern states for your inbred jokes.
No offense to anyone who lives in those states, but that's the stereotype.
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ITT: Idiots who don't know anything about Texas. If I say that your parents are siblings. Will you get mad?
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Well, folks, you've been warned. If sadib ever says this aloud:
ITT: Idiots who don't know anything about Texas.
...Your parents will become related to each other.
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My parents ARE related to each other. They are
first cousins second cousins uncle and niece mother and son husband and wife.
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He's got you there.
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What a perfect place and time for...
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.adruc.com%2Fimages%2Finbreeding_moore.jpg&hash=10762545b1529bdd09f6d0d2536b129a)
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(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.filibustercartoons.com%2Fcomics%2F20031029.gif&hash=cd4f2da8cc3160b9eb60208f24a4727b)
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(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg46.imageshack.us%2Fimg46%2F4624%2Fworldmap220ij.jpg&hash=319e2dac3444e4d11d840ffcbfe19c46)
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Alternate views and layouts:
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.encyclopediadramatica.com%2Fimages%2F7%2F76%2FWorld_map.gif&hash=f319bc934550473b0761a4ebc5cf74f2)
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages3.wikia.nocookie.net%2Funcyclopedia%2Fimages%2Ff%2Ffb%2FThe_world.jpg&hash=023f429826c20320800b17c1dcfa5b85)
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages2.wikia.nocookie.net%2Funcyclopedia%2Fimages%2F5%2F5c%2FWorldmap.jpg&hash=ecd917bbd37d5fd12491731c1a77d541)
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From Uncyclopedia:
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages3.wikia.nocookie.net%2Funcyclopedia%2Fimages%2Fa%2Fa4%2FWrldmap.jpg&hash=b5c2dd50dcb9a65cab7c44fa6336d60e)
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages3.wikia.nocookie.net%2Funcyclopedia%2Fimages%2Ff%2Ff6%2FReaganworld.png&hash=7aa8651bfec472fe45d93089ea3e787b)
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages1.wikia.nocookie.net%2Funcyclopedia%2Fimages%2F7%2F7b%2F43mapa.jpg&hash=95916522697fc33596446d31bf7c417f)
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Ha, speaking of Bechtel Corporation, my father works for them as an on-site RN.
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I just read this entire thread and I can't believe people missed this:
"It was already dead!"
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi720.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fww201%2Fleonhart%2Fken1.gif&hash=04812311cc663fe6a3cfb8e9c8a6e08e)
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neeeerd aleeeert
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Nerd calling another nerd a nerd on an internet message board
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi52.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fg16%2FMidgetBottle%2Freactionimages%2F1249691931588.jpg&hash=ca5ef3e03f2f76ccdddbe10549cba21c)
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OC
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I had always assumed there to be a massive scrotum beneath it.
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It's amazing how one immensely inappropriate comment can stall an entire thread. On that note,
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.filehurricane.com%2Fviewerthumbnails%2F429200824725PM_488.jpg&hash=bc4458436c47935dcb9de8b6ef987555)
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Well, that sidewalk's pretty narrow. Could just be courtesy.
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Yeah, going through two lanes of traffic is courtesy...
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At least the cars would leave you with your wallet-- BAD WEEGEE
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At least the cars would leave you with your wallet-- BAD WEEGEE
I los--wrong thread.
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Yeah, going through two lanes of traffic is courtesy...
More courteous than making the other guy go through the traffic, I guess.
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Maybe the white guy is sociopathic.
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You never know, that black guy could be a monster in disguise.
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What's black and has been abused a lot on the internet?
Punctuation.
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What's black and has been abused a lot on the internet?
Punctuation.
It's funny because the font color is white here.
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It's funny because sadib isn't.
<ICE BURN HAS OCCURED>
<ICE BURN HAS OCCURED>
<ICE BURN HAS OCCURED>
<ICE BURN HAS OCCURED>
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Calling your own post an ice burn automatically makes it not an ice burn.
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It's come to this--no one else is making ICE BURN-worthy posts, so now Glorb has ICEBURNsturbate.
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It just occurred to me how hilarious Glorb's post is.
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It was %98 percent wrong.
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You said percent twice. You should stay at the door, because you're a joke.
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I'll let that post speak for itself.
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It was %98 percent wrong.
I smell a...
...REDUNDANT FUNCTION
:D
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I'll bet you a $100 dollars that you're right.
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Also, percentage signs are not dollar signs. They go after numbers.
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THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN THE POINT.
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http://themushroomkingdom.net/board/index.php?topic=12505.0
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What's better is how Yoshisaurus Rex [unsuccessfully] hikacked that thread to become his own personal welcome wagon, and was subsequently shunned completely by the greater community instead.
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Results from typing HIKACK into google. (http://www.google.com/search?q=hikack&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a)
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I laughed.
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I thought we were supposed to be joking about serious issues?
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Grammar is a very serious issue which should never be considered a joke,
So lets continue joking about grammar.
The #1 grammar error ever is spelling grammar grammer.
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Grammar is a dumb word, anyway. One who grams?
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Spelling isn't grammar.
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That's what SHE said.
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TEM.... TEM......
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Obama's Stance On Gay Marriage:
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fniacblog.files.wordpress.com%2F2009%2F06%2Fobama-hot-dog-july-4-2008-butte-mt-ap.jpg&hash=5299fac83e63c97e38b355ea825aa54f)
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What does that have to do with gay marriage? Are you saying we should grind up all the gay people and make hotdogs out of them? That could actually help us out of the economy crisis.
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...It's called a weiner for a reason, sadib.
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Actually, a ground-sadib dog sounds mighty tasty right about now.
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I want to grind up on sadib's weiner.
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No you don't.
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(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm3.static.flickr.com%2F2288%2F2025840882_edee52519f.jpg&hash=b2412520527fe85b7fc2914cb8d85ad8)
I'm Jimmy Olsen.
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A hotdog steed?
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No, that's how Clay Aiken looks ground up.
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A newly wed couple are having a baby. The father bets the wife $50 that it is a boy, the wife accepts thinking it will be a girl.
Several months into the pregnancy the couple head to the doctor's office. After an ultrasound the doctor tells the couple the news: The abortion was a complete success.
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8/10 I chuckled.