Disney has Pixar, the Muppets, and Marvel, but what would happen if they bought Nintendo? Would they ruin any franchises? Would they save any franchises? Can you see the future? Is there any way of knowing?
Here are two musical predictions as to what might happen if Disney suddenly bought Nintendo.
Version 1.0: What Negative-Thinking People might Think would Happen
An ensemble of Nintendo characters dances with creatures from Bambi. Colonel KR, himself, in full knightly battle gear, pops out of a bush and starts singing these words:
Gather everyone from far and near.
No more things that would cause children fear.
We have some good news you’ll love to hear:
We’re all obligated to bring cheer!
Now Bowser’s emotions all are shared.
Yoshi is drunk off of fresh air.
Ganondorf believes in playing fair.
Pikachu is braiding Samus’ hair.
Too much violence can be bad taste,
So Kirby and Link bake fresh cupcakes.
Mario will dance and Donkey Kong sings.
Olimar wears a purity ring.
We’re a happy family for kids
’Cause we all forgot who Spyro is.
Say goodbye to heroes who are tough.
We can never play it safe enough!
Version 2.0: What Positive-Thinking People might Think would Happen, Lion King Style!
(Me): *Random African-sounding nonsense.*
(Backup Singers): *Random African-sounding nonsense.*
An array of Nintendo characters slowly gathers at small cliff where Captain Falcon is standing. Peach and Colonel KR, again in full knightly battle gear, are standing behind him expectantly.
(Backup Singers): Disney-Nintendo, Disney Nintendo x ∞.
(Me): On the day that they first signed that contract
And Nintendo became Disney’s tool,
Disney gave to Nintendo the tax cuts they needed.
Nintendo got tons of money to blow
IN THE CONTRACT FOR LIFE!
On that note, Captain Falcon holds up a baby-sized adult Mario with Mickey Mouse ears on his hat. The characters below rejoice by acting like monkeys. In the case of Donkey and Diddy Kong, they just act like themselves.
Great things await all,
And Pixar will make films
About SSB Brawl.
The other Nintendo characters bow in submission to the awesomeness of Mickey Mario.
There is no downside
To getting your hopes up
For the awesomeness
OF THE CONTRACT FOR LIFE!
(Me and Backup Singers: AWESOME!)
Okay, that’s all said and done. Let’s look at both sides of this possible future event. On the one hand, Disney has a reputation for “Disney-fying” many non-Disney franchises in its wake. One the other hand, when Disney bought Pixar, everyone said it would be a disaster, but we got Cars and WALL-E; and when Disney bought Marvel, everyone said it would be a disaster, but we got The Avengers. It’s also true that Nintendo’s kind of in bad shape in its struggle against the iPhone/iPad/Droid game rage, so maybe it needs support from a “big brother,” but what if Disney took that role too literally…?
So, what’s your take on this possible future event? Can we even be sure what will happen if Disney does buy Nintendo? I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Poll
