The ANGST thread: Complain here!

[Insane Steve]

I'm going to be 20 in less than a month. I've not encountered anything even close to a "soul mate" or whatever. I've never even had any empty meaningless makeout sessions. You know what, though? At this point in my life, it doesn't matter.

I mean, if you're 35 and have this problem, ok, I can see why you'd be worried (and I'd recommend a therapist), but you're not even half that age. High school people are NOT the types who are looking for anything long term. Most just want an experience and nothing more. Unfortunately, at 17 there's really not a whole lot you CAN do about this. High school is definitely not your element for looking for relationships, nor was it mine (fortunately, I didn't care at that age).

Oh, if you spend "all your time" trying to make a girl happy, she'll take advantage of you and dump you for someone who's more "real". "Real" is different for different women, but having that philosophy will get you a lot of "just friends." I'd recommend more being yourself and finding girls who like you for being you and not because you "try" to make them happy. You'll make them happy just by doing what you normally do, and that's a LOT more fun than what you're suggesting.

Also, anyone who tries to make you feel inferior by bragging about their "relationships" in front of you should be ignored. These claims fall into two categories:

1) Someone who isn't worth your time even being around or talking to, or
2) A friend who doesn't mean anything negative by it and is just joking.

Try not to get 2) cases mixed up with 1) cases. I did just that about 3 weeks ago and did things that I regret quite a bit as a result.

Also, maybe you aren't even personally ready for a relationship? I have a simple one question test for you -- the answer to the following question is the same as the answer to "Am I ready for a girlfriend?":

Do you like yourself? Honestly? How do you expect a girl to like you if not even you likes you?

Realising the above has changed me quite a bit over the last couple weeks.

[Sapphira]

Insane Steve speaks very wise words.

During the high school years, I believe people should focus their energy (aside from schoolwork and junk) on figuring out who they are, their identity, their goals and desires, what they want out of life. If you haven't figured yourself out, and especially if you haven't learned to love and value yourself, there's no way you can maturely handle a relationship. If you can't love yourself, you can't adequately love someone else, and you can't expect them to love you more than you love yourself. Only after one has done these things, when he or she is mature enough to handle one, should they then think about relationships.

A person cannot fill a void in you. You have to discover how to do that on your own. One needs to learn to be content as single before he or she should think about entering a relationship. A relationship should be formed on the basis that you love the person, and you want to have someone to love, not with the primary goal being because you want someone to love you, to be loved. Love isn't selfish, and if the latter is one's only or strongest desire, that's selfish. If you're selfish, you cannot adequately love another person. And if you can't adaquately love a person, you can't maturely be in a relationship. And if you can't maturely be in a relationship, you shouldn't be in one at all.

Also, I believe relationships need to be formed on the foundation of mutual and genuine friendship, love, care, and respect, not because "if I'm not in one, I'm a loser" or "everyone else is in one" or "well, I like him/her" or "I'm lonely." And if you like someone, try to figure out why it is you like them, why you're attracted to them.

In general, introspection is good. Figure yourself out, how your mind works, and grow from there.

On another note, realize that people generally aren't attracted to (or remain attracted to) people with low self-esteem and/or who are selfish. (Seflish being more concerned about one's self than others; however, caring more for others than for yourself is also unhealthy, as that leads to martyrdom and resentment. There needs to be equal balance.)

I have ANGST about the mentality most people seem to have regarding relationships, a very selfish perspective. I also have ANGST when people have low self-esteem. I want to knock some sense into them and make them realize that they have  value, and they need to utilize their potential. If you don't like yourself, change your actions and/or attitude. It's all about how you perceive reality.
This is the first time I've posted in this topic.

[superstarMASIAH]

Well, after reading these posts (meaning Insane Steve's, and Sapphira's), I have done a lot of thinking.  The first thing that I want to get out of the way is that I'm 17 and thats just about half of 35 only one year off, I think if you were talking to a 15 year old that that could be put into play, but I still understand what you meant by what you had said.

  What I was trying to imply when I said that I feel an emptiness inside me can be compared to something said in a Who song I had heard, I don't know what the song was named and personally I'm not the biggest Who fanatic in the world, but I still think their good.  Anyways what it said was "1 and 1 does not make 2.  But 1 and 1 makes 1"  And this lyric appealed to me because it made me think that, I have a lot of love but no-where to direct it.

  I love myself, and thats why I think or feel like I have to make this step.  I can only describe my situation like this.  Say I am a (Z+) sign, I am looking for another (Z+) sign, but I cannot see other peoples signs, and there are other people willing to accept my love, but I see that they are another sign different than mine, that means that they don't interest me.  And it is not because of the way they look, it's either that they don't have the same personality as me or I do not like the way they act lets just say that there are a lot of variables that come into play, but my decisions are not purely based on looks.

  I am always willing to get to know the person before I make my decision.  The simplicity of it is that I am a person willing to give my love and willing to receive another persons love.  I just can't find the person that fits my exact code, someone who takes the interest in things that I do, or even thinks of the things I do.  I guess I've been so into Induviduallity that there is no other person or person that I can find like me.

  I remember a girl on the bus asking me what school group I would catagorize myself in, I simply replied "I just don't do that." she replied that people catagorize themselves all the time wether they know that they do or not.  So I thought to myself because I had never conciusly catagorized myself into any group.  I said to her "I am my own catagory." because that is HOW I think.  Then she asked me to describe my catagory, so I explained it to her like this "It can't be described, the only definition for it would to be to not only look at my appearance but to also look at what makes me work.  In other words you would have to study all aspects of me."  Well, then she shut up, and that was basically the whole conversation, she spent the rest of the bus ride home thinking about what I said.  I would have liked the conversation to continue and I would have liked to ask her what she would catagorize me as.  But I think I know what she would catagorize me as, she probably would have said "Stoner".  A lot of people say this and it makes me really mad.  Although I have found myself through the recreational use of different drugs such as cannabis and psilocybin containing mushrooms, doesn't give them the right to expect that I have just by observing the way I act or dress, or because of what music I listen to.  Although this catagory is true, most of the people who I don't even know have never actually SEEN me do these things.  And I think this Angst applies to everyone who catagorizes and is catagorized, that you don't really know people unless you've seen everything they've ever done.

  So in conclusion, I think I am ready for a mature and steady relationship seeing how I love myself, I am also willing to give my fullest of love to the person that I like who has accepted it.  But I think my full and most complete problem lies in finding the right person, someone who is like me and accepts me for who I am, and of course accepts my love.  The only reason I put those little tid bits in their like the anecdote and the diagram, was to help explain things to you, and to help you see how I am.

[Vidgmchtr]

....*chuckles at what he's about to say*

I have ANGST because my posts didn't receive great praise like Steve's or Sapphira's. Probably too early to say that, though.

[Lizard Dude]

GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP

I have ANGST whenever I have you read your sniveling, whiney, attention-starved, zero self esteem cries for comments. If people are going to comment, they'll comment. Stop asking. Stop. Stop.


Stop.

[Luigison]

Hmm.  I think that was LD crying for attention so I probably shouldn't comment on his post.

[Lizard Dude]

You just did, sucker!

Eeeeee heeee heee hee he h

*plop*

[Vidgmchtr]

You're welcome, I think....Or um, something. I've got self-esteem by the way.

[Lizard Dude]

Oh yeah, then stop whining for our comments, you blithering attention-starved miscreant.

[Sapphira]

Vid, you may have self-esteem, but you're extremely self-absorbed. You're selfish and all you care about (at least primarily) is yourself. The world does not revolve around you, nor will it ever. So don't expect it to, and don't act like you expect it to. ACCEPT IT.

It's good to have self-esteem, but it needs to be based on reality. If you have a grandiose view of yourself, that's seriously not healthy, not to mention it drives people away.

The problem in general is that people's perceptions (of themselves, of others, of situations) are exaggerated, not reality-centered. Either they think something is worse than it is or is better than it is. One needs to see how things really are, without first distorting it. That's easier said than done, though, and something I'm trying to overcome, as well.

Anyway, stop being so whiny, selfish, and attention-seeking, Vid. It's REALLY old.
LOLOLOLETC. to LD and Luigison.
SSM: At your age, even if you're mature enough to handle a relationship, pretty much no one of your age is, so I would stop worrying about it until others become mature. Worrying about it is just going to cause you, well, ANGST, as it's pretty futile at this point in time. You're just going to be left disappointed. Wait until both you're ready AND others are ready.
(On another note, I think doing drugs is a bad idea, not to mention drug use seems to correlate with low self-esteem, even though you say you love yourself. Drugs aren't going to fill a void, either. ...But I'll stop.)

[Toad]

I don't do drugs and I have low self esteem.

Wait a minute, that didn't help at all, did it? Darn it! I'm useless!!


.. ok, I don't really feel useless, but anyway..

I have ANGST because I have to ask several of my teachers for extensions on homework for this week. It has been a very crazy week.. For one thing, my parents Internet connection died Monday and wasn't reset until Thursday, then Friday afternoon while I was at work, I get a call on my cell phone that sounds alot like my dad telling me that mom has been in a car accident and she's in the hospital. I leave work to go home and see if dad knows anything else, and walk in to find him lying on the couch, watching a football game (which is normal..)

I asked him if mom was ok and he asked me why wouldn't she be? I told him that he just called my cell phone telling me that she was in a car accident, so he informs me that he hasn't made any phone calls all day long, and then calls mom to see if she's ok. She is fine, and I told them about how extremely perplexing the phone call was because, any time before I answer my cell phone, I look at it to see who's calling, and the display told me that it was HOME and *our home number*.

I hope the person that called me got ahold of whoever they were trying to call.

Anyway.. enough about me. I just realised that I haven't used the spoiler text boxes yet, so here we go!

spoiler text!!!!!!!! [/ANGST]

[Pt_Peach]

Gee, the text was so big, it stuck out of the spoiler blocking.

[MaxVance]

spoiler text!!!!!!!! [/ANGST]

It works better if you place the size tags outside the spoiler tags, like this.

[Fwirt]

I'm angry at all of the idiots who post on craigslist:
MY CHILDEREN ARE STARVINGG AND I"VE GOTTED CANCER can i have some free video games
Or something along those lines...  I've seen requests for much more ridiculous things...

SPOILER TEXT!!! (You wish there was something useful here.)
__________________________________________________
I'm not crying for attention...  But I can if you want me to.

ANGST MAKES ME ANGRY!!!!!

[superstarMASIAH]

Vid, you may have self-esteem, but you're extremely self-absorbed. You're selfish and all you care about (at least primarily) is yourself. The world does not revolve around you, nor will it ever. So don't expect it to, and don't act like you expect it to. ACCEPT IT.

It's good to have self-esteem, but it needs to be based on reality. If you have a grandiose view of yourself, that's seriously not healthy, not to mention it drives people away.

The problem in general is that people's perceptions (of themselves, of others, of situations) are exaggerated, not reality-centered. Either they think something is worse than it is or is better than it is. One needs to see how things really are, without first distorting it. That's easier said than done, though, and something I'm trying to overcome, as well.

Anyway, stop being so whiny, selfish, and attention-seeking, Vid. It's REALLY old.
LOLOLOLETC. to LD and Luigison.
SSM: At your age, even if you're mature enough to handle a relationship, pretty much no one of your age is, so I would stop worrying about it until others become mature. Worrying about it is just going to cause you, well, ANGST, as it's pretty futile at this point in time. You're just going to be left disappointed. Wait until both you're ready AND others are ready.
(On another note, I think doing drugs is a bad idea, not to mention drug use seems to correlate with low self-esteem, even though you say you love yourself. Drugs aren't going to fill a void, either. ...But I'll stop.)

Let me just get this out into the open, and this is going to be the only time I am going to talk about this in the forum or with any of you unless you want to ask me something over a personal message.  I started using recreational drugs regularly last year in December 2005.  It was a choice I made on my own, nobody forced me or tryed to pressure me into doing it.  Since then I regret nothing I've done involving drugs, I made it one of my hobbies and tend to keep it that way for quite sometime.  The reason why I started doing them was partly curiousity, but mostly for finding myself.  In the time I was using drugs, and I still am, I have unearthed many of the deepest crevases of my brain, and have become aware physically, mentally, and spiritually.  I have only made friends since I have started this, many friends I had before are still my friends today, and do not mind my personal quest of awareness.  Last and foremost, I regret nothing, and do not care what others think, because most of your judgements about my drug use would be wrong.