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Author Topic: Your Favorite Joke  (Read 86023 times)

« on: January 07, 2008, 09:25:13 PM »
Post your absolute favorite joke here.

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Well, I've forgotten millions of jokes over the years, but my current favorite is this:



What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped.                                                                     

« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2008, 09:45:16 PM »
Good thread! I can't pick a favorite so I'll just say the first one that comes to mind, and I'll probably keep posting in the future.

What time did Sean Connery go to the Wimbledon?

Ten-ishhh                                       

« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2008, 10:32:22 PM »
Is it ok if we do Helen Keller jokes? (Just curious)
SSBB theme lyrics: I'll be the Marth, Luigi noob, This is Yoshi's B, This monkey wants to hug him. I'll heat the duck, Uigi noob, pooped through the dress this monkey wears to work.

MaxVance

  • Vance Vance Revolution
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2008, 11:12:30 PM »
You mean like this?
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Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

Remember that your first Goomba boldly you walk? When Mario touched that mushroom being brought up more largely remember that you are surprised? Miscalculate your jump that pit remember that it falls?

« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2008, 11:15:17 PM »
Actually that reminds me of I think my second-favorite joke:



How did Helen Keller break her arm?

She tried to read a road sign.

« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2008, 11:16:48 PM »
Yeah
This is my favorite

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

you would run away to if your name was UHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
SSBB theme lyrics: I'll be the Marth, Luigi noob, This is Yoshi's B, This monkey wants to hug him. I'll heat the duck, Uigi noob, pooped through the dress this monkey wears to work.

« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2008, 11:35:13 PM »
Ok, as long as the hellen keller jokes are out:

Did you know Hellen Keller had the world's biggest dollhouse in her backyard?
Neither did she.                                     

How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on the walls.

I am also a pr0 at: sexist, racist, dead baby, etc. jokes.

« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2008, 11:36:36 PM »
How did Helen Keller's parents really punish her?

They left the plunger in the toilet.             


GOODNIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

« Reply #8 on: January 07, 2008, 11:46:35 PM »
Here's one I just remembered!

A bear goes into a bar and says "I would like some water














and a sandwich"
And the bartender says "Why the big pause?"

« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2008, 12:25:08 AM »
Why did the programmer get trapped in the shower?

The shampoo said to "Lather, Rinse, Repeat".

ShadowBrain

  • Ridiculously relevant
« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2008, 08:21:07 AM »
*Administers one LOL per previous poster*

Okay, I'm not sure how this one' s gonna fly, so I'm gonna spoiler-tag the whole thing:

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.
"Mario is your oyster." ~The Chef

dżamper

  • You forgot Poland!
« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2008, 08:38:02 AM »
↑ LOL in Poland we have politician called Lepper xd
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Ok, It's one of mines:

Pole, German and Russian (this is something like a standard) after dead go to the hell. Devil says:
- OK, this is your challenge: I'll turn lights off for 30 secs. Then I'll turn it on back. In this time you must rob all of the passengers in train. If you fail, you must lie down on the fire for 10 years. But if you pass, you'll go to the purgatory.

First is German. After 30 secs lights are turned on, but he's robb'd only 1/3 of passengers.
Next is Russian. After 30 secs lights are turned on, but he's robb'd only 1/2 of passengers.
Time for Pole. After 10 seconds lights are turned on by conductor and he says:
End of ride, someone stole our locomotive!
Yoshi's broken English!     Lesson 1: All your base are belong to us!     Lesson 2: Please would paper chuck in wastebin Thank you!

SolidShroom

  • Poop Man
« Reply #12 on: January 08, 2008, 01:56:14 PM »
I've always liked this one...
A guy walks into a bar, he says "Ouch, who put that there?"

« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2008, 02:09:58 PM »
Told better:
Three guys walked into a bar. The fourth one ducked.

Glorb

  • Banned
« Reply #14 on: January 08, 2008, 02:53:12 PM »
A guy walks into a bar with his pet giraffe. They both get drunk, and the giraffe passes out. the bartender says to the guy, "You can't leave that lyin' there!" And the guy replies "That's not a lion, it's my giraffe!"

Also, one I heard recently:

Two hunters are in the woods when suddenly, one of them collapses to the ground, not breathing. The other guy gets out his cell phone and calls 911. He says, "I think my friend's dead! What do I do?!" to which the dispatcher replies "Calm down, I can help you. First, you have to make sure he's actually dead." There is a short silence, and then a gunshot is heard. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "Okay, now what?"
every

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