Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the oven
What do you do when the dish washer stops working?
Slap her and tell her to get back to work
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
Doesn't matter, they'll just sit in the dark and cry about it
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you throw them
How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One to hold the bulb and the rest to drink until the room spins
One cannibal turns to the other and says, "Does this clown taste funny to you?"
Three guys are caught by a band of cannibals. The cannibals say, "We will let you go under one condition. First, go into the jungle and bring back ten fruits of the same kind."
The three guys go out, and the first one comes back an hour later. He has ten apples.
The cannibals say, "You must shove all ten apples in your nose without making any sounds. If you fail, we will eat you."
The guy gets to the third apple and grunts in pain. They put him in a cage for later.
The second guy comes back an hour and a half later. He has ten grapes.
The cannibals say, "You must shove all ten grapes in your nose without making a sound. If you fail, we will eat you."
The guy gets to the seventh grape and bursts out laughing. They put him in a cage for later.
As the cannibals turn to greet the third guy, they turn back to the caged grape man. "Why were you laughing so hard?"
"I saw the last guy coming back with ten pineapples."
Spoiler tagged to ensure no accidental sight of punchline:
Two guys are caught by a tribe of headhunters. The headhunters say, "You have two options. Death, or booga booga."
The first guy says, "I have a wife and kids. I'll take booga booga."
The headhunters take him to their camp and rape him.
The second guy sees this and says, "I will never agree to that. I choose death."
The chief smiles and says "DEATH BY BOOGA BOOGA!"
