Fungi Forums
Miscellaneous => Forum Games => Topic started by: The Chef on May 11, 2011, 05:02:55 PM
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Feh. I got bored. Let's do another one of these...
After pulling down his pants and farting a mighty fart, Mario went out for a walk with his friends.
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Mario was arrested for public indecency shortly thereafter.
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"Look," said Toad, a...
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...humble member of the Toad species.
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Nobody looked.
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Then a hurricane swallowed all the Mario characters.
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Except Waluigi.
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Waluigi was safe in his tiny apartment eating cold pizza.
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Then he ate a pretzel.
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But when Waluigi looked out his window and saw that his friends (and enemies) had disappeared, something stirred within him.
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That something was a great feeling of aloneness, akin to how Henry Bemis felt in Time Enough at Last.
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To counteract this overwhelming feeling of loneliness, Waluigi began arguing with people on the internet about things that don't actually matter.
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Due to constantly starting flame wars, he was eventually banned from at least 34 different internet forums and suspended from 27.
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Waluigi became an emo.
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Then he used Omnislash to kill Sephiroth and save the world.
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He became a slightly happier emo.
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Suddenly, bears
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thousands of them
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posting on those 34 forums.
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It was an attempt by the Bear King to take over the world.
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It didn't work, though.
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Well, actually it kinda did.
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So the World Wide Web became the Bustling Bear Brush.
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Among the most popular sites on this newly-founded "ursanet" was http://bbb.yogi-bares-all.com, the premier online source for softcore bearnography.
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Waluigi suddenly had no free time.
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Because he was suspected of MURDER and went to JAIL
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Where he met a bear.
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"'Sup, W-town," said the bear, "I'm an accomplished defense lawyer"
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"WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" said Waluigi, "HOW CAN BEARS BE LAWYERS!"
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"Easy," said the bear, "just eat the real lawyer and steal his clothes."
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So Waluigi agreed to let the bear represent him in court on the day of the trial.
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The highly-publicized case was later adapted into a blockbuster legal drama starring Alan Rickman as Waluigi and John Goodman as the bear, with the only difference being that Waluigi actually wins the case in the movie.
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But that's not the point; the point here is that the judge, jury, district attorney and basically everyone but Waluigi... were all bears.
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One could almost say it was a...
(https://themushroomkingdom.net/board/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bearpartyproductions.com%2Fimages%2Fevents%2F20090711.detroit.jpg&hash=56d578ea3a4be6fa72a11f8d73a32cab)
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Except you couldn't because court proceedings are not parties, they are very serious
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Waluigi appealed his conviction, citing discrimination on the part of the all-bear jury before which he had been tried.
[On a side note, I Googled "bear lawyer" and found this (http://www.lawyerbear.org/). Mind = blown.]
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(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/_z3qOPdy0bWw/Tc23lYEwXVI/AAAAAAAAF0w/O-SZNjgUjxE/s800/0513011856.jpg)
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It's called you add one SENTENCE to the tale, not "add one IMAGE". Next person who posts an image and nothing else will have their posts deleted.
Anyway, Waluigi made a lot of money off the case and the royalties from the movie, so he used his newfound riches to...
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It's called you add one SENTENCE to the tale, not "add one IMAGE". Next person who posts an image and nothing else will have their posts deleted.
Chill the fack out and have some fun. I thought CrossEyed and Weegee did a service to this topic.
He used his riches to buy Wario a big castle; then Wario sold his current castle and the new one to purchase an even bigger castle.
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Soon, Wario's castle took up half the planet, prompting him to do what the Bear King couldn't do...
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It's called you add one SENTENCE to the tale
"Look," said Toad, a...
a...
a...
SENTENCE
a...
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Then Waluigi woke up from a dream where his brother was still alive and decided to use his newfound riches to revive everyone else.
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It didn't work, though.
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Instead, it turned everyone in the world into bears.
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Except Waluigi.
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The bears were hungry and Waluigi was on the menu.
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Waluigi was suddenly turned into Toadette.
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"Well this sucks," said Toadette.
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Then a bear said, "Hey, gorgeous. You doing anything later?"
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"Hope not, 'cause being eaten might get in the way"
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Then they ate her.
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"And that's how the Mushroom Kingdom was formed," said Mario to his son.
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Who was a bear.
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that is the best mario OC ever
"That ain't true, pa"
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So the son clawed his father's lying face off.
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"Construct me a new face!" said Mario to Luigi.
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Meanwhile, Mario Jr. set out on an adventure.
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/_z3qOPdy0bWw/Tc4U-on2k8I/AAAAAAAAF1c/HYGAmyN-6w8/s800/0514010136.jpg)
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He starts on Yoshi's Island 1 and chops up that sliding half-naked Koopa to pieces with his cleavers
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"Why would you do that to a man with a wife and three children?" asked the Koopa meekly as he died.
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"Because die," replied Mario Jr.
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The Koopa thought about his wonderful wife and children before Mario Jr. crushed his skull with his bear hands.
dohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho
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Soon, Luigi Jr. (who was not a bear) arrived and said...
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...something which Mario Jr. didn't understand because bears don't speak English.
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So Mario Jr. clawed off Luigi Jr.'s face while shouting "THIS IS BEARMERICA! SPEAK BEARMERICAN!"
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Luigi Jr. tried to shed tears of pain but couldn't because he no longer had a face.
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He died an agonizing death.
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Luigi Sr. didn't attend the funeral because he was too busy scouring the forest for honey and mauling campers.
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Meanwhile, Mario Jr. finished Yoshi's Island 1 and went on to the Yellow Switch Palace.
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But Mario cleared it in like 1991 so it was already completed
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Which was exactly what Mario Jr. had planned on.
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Mario Jr. was headed to the tennis court that had been built on the flattened palace.
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He dug up all the astroturf to find the flattened !-switch underneath, pressed by his father so many years ago, and, using a bicycle pump, reinflated the switch, causing every yellow !-block that had existed in the world for the last twenty years to suddenly disappear.
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Thousands of Toad Houses built on the ! Blocks over the decades were abruptly dumped into the bottomless pits below, sending countless Toads to their
deaths game overs.
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Then Mario Jr. was all, "WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOOOOOOOOOOOR"
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Then he answered himself with "pizza."
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The pizza asked, "WHAT AM I BEING EATEN FOOOOOOOOOOOR"
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And Mario Jr. said "because I'm hungry" and promptly ate the pizza.
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Mario Jr.'s kill count had risen to 20,000,003, which included his cousin Luigi Jr., the Koopa, the pizza, and the entire Toad population of the Mushroom Kingdom.
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"THAT'S A BIG NUMBER!!" Mario Jr. shouted to the narrator.
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"Pfft, whatever," said Stalin.
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So Mario Jr. went looking for honey.
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("Honey" being bear slang for hard drugs.)
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He overdosed.
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Which gave him a new power-up
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Which was halluco-vision!
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Which changed nothing, considering what Mario's world is like
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He saw a bunch of stuff that wasn't there so he punched at nothing and ended up accidentally killing an innocent Goomba.
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Representing him in court was the same bear attorney who screwed up Waluigi's case.
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And he cost a fortune so Mario had to think of ways to pay for it.
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That was a difficult thing because many of Mario's brains spilled out of the hole where his face was before Mario Jr. clawed it off
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"Modeling" seemed like his best bet. (http://themushroomkingdom.net/board/index.php?topic=13624.msg588500#msg588500)
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However, the prosecuting bearttorney, Miles Edgebear, was quite shrewd, and the nude photos Mario did to pay the bills (which he didn't even know were nude, due to his lack of brains and/or eyes) came up in court as character evidence.
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But Barry Butz showed up at the last moment to share his testimony about Mario's heroic nature and saved the day, at least until everyone realized Mario wasn't the one on trial
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The narrator was!
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What, I am, huh, hang on, this wasn't supposed to...
What?
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I swear she said she was eighteen
and female
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And then the judge said, "Why would that be relevant? You're on trial for murder."
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And then everyone who has died in the story so far was revived and I got off the hook.
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And then Toad said "Look!" again.
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"LOOK!" said a Chain Chomp, "A TOAD!"
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Then a bear ate Toad.
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"Thank goodness" said the Chain Chomp, quite relieved.
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As a side effect of everyone being revived, the bears became frogs.
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So the Frog King tried to take over the world.
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But he got distracted
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...by Minecraft, which he played nonstop until the end of his days.
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Slowly but surely, the frogs began evolving back into bears.
EDIT: This thread's theme song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jqlIvz7LPU)
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Which resulted in the creation of a race of Manbearfrogs
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But the Frog King only came in third.
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A whole bunch of snakes came to feast on these Manbearfrogs.
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The snakes found themselves inexplicably attracted to these crossbred abominations, and soon Manbearfrogsnakes became the Mushroom Kingdom's dominant species.
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"Look!" said Manbearfrogsnake, "A human!"
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"Hi, my name's Human" said the human.
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He was lying.
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Humans like to do that
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"Wait, so is he a human or not?" wondered the story writer.
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"I am, but I'm also the last of my kind" said Human.
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That's because Mario Jr. killed everyone.
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Except for seven people:
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Mario, Bowser, Bowser Jr., a Boo, Yoshi, Lubba, and Alex Trebek
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Alex Trebek's legs were robots
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"What a terrible fate this is, that I must spend eternity with my hated nemesis," grumbled Bowser.
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(He was talking about Robotrebek.)
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"What is, your problem," said A.T.
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Then Yoshi said "Yoshi!"
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(Which roughly translates to, "We of the Yoshi species have been oppressed by mankind for far too long, and the time of reckoning is nigh!")
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Only there was nothing he could do because all the other Yoshis had been destroyed by Mario Jr.
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For the time being, Yoshi settled for eating the Boo.
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The Boo escaped, but without the cat ears she was wearing.
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Just then, a disembodied Scottish voice stated, "Your mother's a shlut, Robotrebek."
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"What is, that otherworldly voice??"
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"I am the force-ghost of Ewan McGregor," said the voice, "and I've come back from the dead to warn you!"
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Actually it was Sean Connery.
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"But sherioushly," Connery said, "I have been shent here sho that I may warn you of a terrible catashtrophe that will shoon befall your world!"
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"Pfft, what world?" grumbled Bowser. "There are only seven of us!"
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"SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, BOWSHER!"
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"As I was shaying", continued Connery, "I have come to warn you all that one among you sheven will shoon betray the othersh."
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Lubba glanced over at Mario and thought to himself, "I bet it'll be that dago wop guinea *******."
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Mario glanced over at Trebek's legs, who were of course robots, and thought "I don't know if we can trust Bomb Man and Napalm Man"
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Mario didn't know his Mega Man villains very well, though, because they were actually Tomahawk Man and Yamato Man.
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"Wait, where did they come from?" Bowser asked.
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"Japan", replied Robotrebek.
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"So I guess there aren't just seven people left on Earth?" said Bowser, who didn't think the addition of more characters would make the story more interesting.
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The seven remaining people on Earth (and Sean Connery) soon began to notice the distinct lack of females within the group.
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"I'm okay with this," said Bowser Jr., to which Bowser responded, "Son, I am disappoint."
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Suddenly Game & Watch Gallery 2 became the Mario canon to end all Mario canons and Yoshi was able to repopulate the planet asexually just by eating
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"So now we have myself, my son, my nemesis, a boo, Alex Trebeck, Lubba, the ghost of Sean Connery and a bunch of friggin' Yoshis?" said Bowser.
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"VIVA LA YOSHILUTION!"
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So Yoshi crowned himself Yoshi King and proceeded to take over what was left of the world.
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Which wasn't so bad, actually, considering that Yoshi is too mellow to bother with being a tyrannical evil leader
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Until Boshi was born, that is.
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Boshi was actually King Yoshi's son (PLOT TWIST!).
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Unlike his father, Boshi did evil in the eyes of the Lord.
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The late Jack Lord, star of TV's Hawaii Five-O.
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"Book 'em, Danno," said Jack Lord's ghost.
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"Oh, um... right... I'll... get right on that... sir... if that's... not too much trouble then..." said Booker.
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"Hold it, you guyzh never paid any attention to my warning" said Connery
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Sean's warning became prophetic when Boshi and Bowser Jr. teamed up to take down their fathers.
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Bowser Jr. punched Bowser right in his whore mouth.
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Then he punched Bowser again in his regular mouth.
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But then Bowser just breathed fire on Bowser Jr., making him look all burnt-like.
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Also he breathed the fire with his whore mouth instead of his regular mouth, giving Bowser Jr. a severe case of fire herpes.
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Then he breathed fire with his regular mouth, too, giving Bowser Jr. a severe case of death.
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"Father, why don't you love meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?" cried Bowser Jr. as he died to death.
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Years later, Bowser Jr.'s skeleton rose from the ashes, still infected with the herps.
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In those intervening years, the Yoshis, led by King Boshi, had developed interstellar travel and populated the entire galaxy.
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Mario and Bowser were pretty much the only organic non-Yoshis left, as Lubba had been eaten by Boshi and Alex had gone full cyborg.
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"Well, I guess we better get to repopulating,"
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...Mario said as he activated the cloning pods.
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...if you know what I mean.
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Without going into detail, let us just say that many Kooplumbers were born as a result of that day's... events.
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"I didn't know I had it in me," chuckled Mario.
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"That's because I drugged you first!"
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Even Connery was impressed by Bowser's... virility.
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"Eeeeeeew" said the narrator.
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"And THAT'S why you shouldn't do drugs," said the narrator, Rosalina, to her audience of Lumas and also Mario.
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"That was a great story, mom!" said Rosalina Jr. who was a bear.
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"I'm glad you enjoyed it, honey!" croaked Rosalina as she flicked her forked tongue.
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"Mama mia I think I need a sip o' fresh air righta now" said Mario, and he headed for the door
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and flew out it with his lion wings
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You see, Mario was a griffon.
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"Merv Griffon?" Robotrebek shouted from within the book that Reptilina had been reading.
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"SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH TREBEK!" shouted Rosalina's husband, the spirit of Sean Connery.
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Robotrebek's legs started shooting at the spirit of Sean Connery, but
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the attacks were useless, as the spirit of Sean Connery was too powerful to even look at.
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Plus he was incorporeal anyway.
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"Guess I gotta call the professional to deal with this one," said Robotrebek as he phoned Peter Venkman.
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So the Ghostbusters proceeded to that store from the crappy NES game to stock up on supplies for their case.
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"Aw hell nah, we already got us some proton packs," said Winston.
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"But we don't have Ghost Food" said Ray.
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Captain Falcon knocked down the door and came in with some Ghost Food, which made everyone say "YES!"
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Along with food for ghosts, he also brought some punch for falcons.
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Suddenly, a ghost eagle swooped in and grabbed four characters and took them somewhere else:
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Freezeezy Peak.
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They all froze easily.
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Mumbo Jumbo brought two of them back to life... WHICH DID HE CHUSE?
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Robotrebek and Haunt Connery, the rest he had to save by turning them into walruses
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"Does this mean I'm human again?" asked Haunt Connery.
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BUT HE NEVER WAS A HUMAN IN THE FIRST PLACE
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Connery was born a sex god, a fact to which Petula Clark can attest.
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Being the God of Sex that he was, Connery made his way back to Mount Olympus where he rightfully belonged.
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Hera was all, "So honey, how was your day"
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And he was all like "THE SHAME THING I DO EVERY DAY, MARTHA... TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD"
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"You're a god, you already own the world," said Hera.
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"I didn't say which world I wanted to take over" said Connery.
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The world he was actually referring to was, of course, the World of Warcraft.
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However "Try to take over the world" is not a valid answer to "how was your day"
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But what do I know, I'm just a narrator.
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So Connery went out to get some bread but got ambushed by a parasitic beaver.
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"Well I've dealt with this before," said Connery the Sex God.
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He tricked the beaver into falling for him, naturally
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Connery prefers his beavers shaved, but it was a good lay nonetheless.
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Then Mario appeared and said "'Ey, I thought-a my name was in tha title!".
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"You can go to Jolly Pirate Donuts and take a two hour [dukar] for all I care!" screamed Connery.
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So Mario took a job at a local Mafia-operated pizzeria.
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The Italians there didn't know English very well and always mixed up words like "donut" and "pizza" (They apparently didn't know Italian very well even).
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Fortunately, Mario was Super enough to pick up the pieces.
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"Picked up the pieces of what?" said the friendly Mafia owner.
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The pizznuts.
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As Mario was sweeping up the pizznuts, a group of bears (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSUW-Z_Cnc0) walked in.
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The bears demanded they hand over every last pizznut in the restaurant or face certain doom.
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"Ey, budd, ya sure ya wanna do dat?" asked a Mafia person.
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Then the almighty Bear King barged into the pizzeria and went on a rampage, stealing every pizznut in the process.
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"Why-a you do such a thing to-a yo mama?" asked a Mafia mom.
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The almighty Bear King stopped and looked at the Mafia mom and said "Mama?"
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"Ah! You-a father, he never-a told-a you, did he, what-a happened in-a Central-a Park-a forty years ago, eh-a?" she replied.