April 18, 2003
I received an anonymous tip today that K-Mart*shudder* had several GBA SPs still in stock..
Certain of my victory over whatever it is that's always out to make my life miserable, I stopped at the local Electronics Boutique and bought two games : Yoshi's Island ($30) and Warioland4 ($20), both titles of which were recommended to me by fellow friend and XLT playboy Jay Worth. After leaving the store, I made my way to K-Mart where, upon entering, I was rendered aghast : Humans with blue sweatpants and moustaches roamed freely and without shame. Corpulent women with bleached hair and pink fanny packs bickered in the aisles. Off in the distance a pack of juggalos had managed to tear open a bag of Hershey's kisses and were pelting them at each other like savages. It was as if the store were some sort of wretched haven for the town's lowlifes and halfbreeds. I felt as if I were a prince amongst lepers. I finally managed to locate the GBA SPs without coming into direct contact with any of the noxious automated filth previously described and went to fetch the section attendant. It was at that instant that an indescribable horror dawned upon me. After acquiring the 2 games, my total allocated funds had been brought down to $107 and 25 cents. The state tax in New York is 7% and, as is well known, the new Gameboy model costs a teeth-gnashing $100.. That makes the purchase price around $107. "No problem" I thought to myself, "covered and then some". Alas, for some reason unbeknownst to any mortal man I was informed that K-Mart had decided to sell their SPs at $110. Was I hallucinating? Was it a mistake? Surely it was a mistake. Unfortunately I was allowed neither comfort nor console. How quickly I was brought to my knees.. After pleading with the manager for 10 minutes to no avail I retreated to the parking lot where I hurled a shopping cart through the windshield of a Toyota pickup truck.
Now I am home, typing out this pathetic and most grevious account in a vain attempt to reverse my waning faith in mankind and perhaps gain some sympathy...
Dear brothers, I implore you, help me to my feet.
Edited by - Cabbog on 4/20/2003 12:32:39 AM