I'm not really interested in these sorts of stories, but I did read this all the way through. Your characters (well, not really "your" characters) are all well-developed and their actions fit their personalities, disregarding the fact that some of them certainly wouldn't walk into a bar. You're definitely on to something here, though I'm not sure if I'm going to read more when you add it, since as I said, this isn't really my kind of story.
