Author Topic: The Subspace Emissary 2: Darkness (Read 15552 times)

Luigalaxy · « **on:** June 16, 2008, 02:20:21 PM »

I have decided to make another fan fic that I hope will not have to close down. So, this takes place after The Subspace Emissary finished. NOTE: Spoilers are imminant, as the story uses key elements from the plotline. Stages, places, characters and enemies will be explained, some thoroughly explained, others not. SPOILERS START BELOW!

--- Prolouge ---
--- Subspace, Remains of Great Maze* ---

"How did they possbly defeat me? I managed to get one of the greatest ships, a great amount of enemies, and yet, they still defeat me. I'm gonna need some actual help this time." Tabuu thought to himself. So, then, a great swirl of energy came out of Tabuu's fingertips. It swirled together to make a blue fairy. "Thank you for freeing me. What is your name?" The blue ball that was a fairy asked. "My name is Tabuu." "Ahhh. My name is Fai. Would you like me to do anything, Master Tabuu?" Fai asked. "Yes." Tabuu answered. "Go here." An orb-like object formed from Tabuu's fingertips. What was inside was The Midair Stadium**. "OK." "Go and find Bowser. There will also be a fight there with the ones named Mario and Sonic." With that, Fai opened a portal in Subspace. It showed the Midair Stadium "Goodbye!" Fai called as she left.

* The Great Maze was a maze formed by Tabuu in the end of the game. He caused the players to go around, defeating bosses, defeating dark versions of themselves before going to the Enterence to Tabbu's Quarters. The Great Maze is formed through the memories of the characters. It is alot of the levels.

** The Midair Stadium is just a stadium to battle for the Smash Bros. torunaments. It was where Kirby battled Mario.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #1 on:** June 18, 2008, 06:11:12 PM »

--- CHAPTER 1! ---

--- Outside the Smash Stadium, Smash Realm ---

Mario and Peach were walking down the walking trail towards the Smash Stadium, about an hour before the big fight. Mario said to Peach, "It's so nice to be-a with you right now, Peach. I hope this moment never ends-a." Peach blushed and giggled.

--- Smash Stadium, a few minutes later. ---

Mario began his pratice by fighting a few Dummy Primids. Then, he continued by fighting Luigi (and going into SUDDEN DEATH.). Finally, about a few minutes before the big fight, Mario went inside the Stadium's dome for some lunch.

--- Smash Stadium, same time as Mario and Peach's walk. ---
Fai showed up inside the dome of the Stadium not knowing what to do. However, he quickly saw Bowser (the person that Tabuu had told via telepathy.) attempting to sabatoge the battle. Fai entered Bowser's mind through his ears, and brainwashed him. "Now, my minion, go find the Subspace Battleship and bring it outside the Swamp." Fai ordered. [YES, MASTER FAI. IT SHALL TAKE A WHILE, BUT I WILL HAVE IT TO YOU AS SOON AS I CAN.] Bowser responded, sounding a bit different.

To Be Continued...

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #2 on:** June 22, 2008, 12:37:49 PM »

People, I have seen that there have been 75 views. Please rate and give suggestions for the next chapter!

--- Chapter II ---
--- Battleship Halberd ---

After the great Subspace War, the Battleship Halberd was discovered, deep down in the Anicent's Sea*.
When Meta Knight, Kirby, Mr. Game and Watch and King Dedede (the crew at the time) found it, it was pretty much FILLED with refugee Subspace Army members, underwater wildlife, seaweed, etc. It took about a month to clear it out. Almost a year later, the Halberd is flying through the skies. The new crew is Kirby, Meta Knight, R.O.B.**, King Dedede, Mr. Game and Watch, Luigi, Ness, Lucario, and, suprisingly, some of the Subspace Army and some Shadow Bugs***. All of them accepted a truce. While flying around, Lucario had a vision that the Midair Stadium was in trouble. So, he walked upto the intercom, looked at the number list and found Meta Kinghts number: 1069. He typed 1069 into the keyboard, pressed Enter and waited for it load. A second later, the screen said 1069 - Meta Knight. He held down the intercom button and said, "Meta Knight, this is Lucario." A moment later, Meta Knight responded, "Yes?" "May I speak to you in your room?" "OK." After a few minutes of walking around, Lucario found room 1069. Lucario pressed the Ring button on the interface below the sign. "Come in." Meta Knight responded. Lucario walked in and said, "Hello." "What do you want?" Meta Knight said. "I had a vision that a new Subspace Army would attack the Midair Stadium." Lucario stated flatly. "When?" Meta Knight asked. "In a few minutes." Lucario answered. "OK" Meta Knight said. Meta Knight walked out of the room. Lucario followed.

Reading · « **Reply #3 on:** June 22, 2008, 03:25:14 PM »

You've got a sort of interesting plot going here. I think the writing could be improved just a touch, but that might just be me. Overall, it's not a bad story, but it's not holding my attention as well as some other stories do. I am looking forward to the next chapter, so I hope the story will develop and become more intense and interesting. Just some suggestions.

Ambulance Y · « **Reply #4 on:** June 22, 2008, 03:30:00 PM »

The best thing to improve writing is get harshly criticized and continue to write anyway. The plot is alright, but I will agree that the writing itself could be improved. I'll also note that the writing is very straightforward and blunt. Straightforward writing can work very well (i.e. Hemingway and Kerouac), but it must be mastered first.

Kimimaru · « **Reply #5 on:** June 22, 2008, 10:24:08 PM »

Great story! I agree with the others though. The plot is great, but the writing can be tweaked a little. I look forward to more of these!

jmdblazer · « **Reply #6 on:** June 22, 2008, 11:00:49 PM »

Great story! But work on the dialogue, Meta Knight's dialogue needs to be more in character, and more than just "ok".

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #7 on:** June 23, 2008, 11:03:16 AM »

Sorry. 2nd fan fic ever. But your all right! Right now, I'm still thinking up the next chapter. Thank you for your support. Yeah. Now that I think about it, Meta Knight's dialouge could be changed. The writing, however, I will change.

Turtlekid1 · « **Reply #8 on:** June 23, 2008, 04:34:57 PM »

Good story, I only have one complaint that you don't need to heed: Lucario can't actually talk. He sends telepathic messages for communication. But like I said, I'm just a fanboy, and it's not really crucial.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #9 on:** July 02, 2008, 06:00:43 PM »

... OK! I will change that when I can. Also, plot suggestions: please PM me with them as they may be spoilers. Now for:

--- Chapter III ---

Lucario and Meta Knight made it to the control tower after a few minutes of walking around. When they got there, Meta Knight gruffly pushed the Primid controlling the ship out of his way. Meta Knight then started to turn the ship to the side, but then, CRASH! The ship had collided with a Subspace Gunship. The Subspace Gunship took hold of the Halberd with 4 claws that had been stolen from the Halberd. "How ironic." The Primid mumbled.

--- Smash Stadium ---
Mario started the fight with a punch at Sonic. Sonic took 5% Damage. Sonic used Spin Attack but was grabbed ahold of a Dark Sonic. Mario attempted to attack the Dark Sonic, but was held back by a hypnotized ROB.

Kimimaru · « **Reply #10 on:** July 13, 2008, 09:31:47 PM »

Nice. Try to make them a little longer though.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #11 on:** July 31, 2008, 01:34:32 PM »

I'm gonna try to make this a monthly updated story. Though, sorry, no update this month. Kimi, I was thinking about making the chapter 2 part but decided against it. The story is about to have a pretty big change (not with the storyline yet, but you will see.), so stay tuned.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #12 on:** August 04, 2008, 10:52:04 AM »

Welcome! Welcome new title!
This is the change I was talking about. I've noticed that I've been slacking with explanations. So, they will stop. The title change has to do with a new story element that will appear in September. (hint, hint.) And, there will be a chapter this month.

-Luigalaxy

Reading · « **Reply #13 on:** August 04, 2008, 11:29:56 AM »

I wouldn't advise calling yourself a slacker. If you say something all the time, you may start to fully believe it.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #14 on:** August 04, 2008, 01:14:33 PM »

I'm teasing. I'm not really a slacker.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #15 on:** August 06, 2008, 01:53:22 PM »

A quick update. After reading a post made in the Smash Dojo, I noticed a factual error in the latest chapter. It was edited. I also edited the Prolouge for a spelling error.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #16 on:** August 30, 2008, 04:25:46 PM »

-NEWS POST-

I would like to apoligize on being nearly late for this months update (which is above this post if viewing Default Mode). I will try not to do it again. The main reason I didn't get around to posting it was because I had writers block for a bit. Anyways, enjoy.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #17 on:** August 30, 2008, 04:44:03 PM »

Quote from: Kimimaru on July 13, 2008, 09:31:47 PM

Nice. Try to make them a little longer though.

After re-reading, I noticed that these are pretty short. This chapter will be longer.

-Chapter 4-
-Recap- Last time we left off, Mario and Sonic were being held back by Dark Sonic and a Subspace ROB. In a very blunt and straightforward move, a hypnotized Bowser (referred to here on as Hypno Bowser) steered a Subspace Gunship into the Halberd and captured it.

-???? ?????, same time as attack-
"Hahaha. That fool Tabuu is doing my job for me. Just a little more time." A mysterious voice commented.

-Smash Stadium-

A few seconds after the attack, the Gunship floated over the Stadium and shot out a large tractor beam, taking in Mario, Sonic, the Subspace ROB, and Dark Sonic aboard. As this happened, the crowd scattered. Peach gasped at the sight.

-Dream Land*-

In the far off land of Dream Land, Kirby saw the whole attack happen. So did King DeDeDe. With that, DeDeDe and Kirby both went into their respective ships, went into hyperspeed, and landed right ontop of the Gunship.

-Halberd-
"Meta Knight, our ship has been damaged beyond repair." Lucario thought. "I'm not blind, you know." Meta Knight responded. "Lets go look at the damage." At this point, the ground shook. "Whats going on?" Meta Knight yelled. "Sir, it appears the Gunship is taking us into their bay**." A Primid said. "Perfect." Lucario thought.

-Inside the Cargo Bay.-
As soon as Mario and Sonic made it to the Cargo Bay, they were dropped. At this point, Mario attacked the Subspace ROB*** and Sonic attacked his dark self. After about 20 minutes of fighting, the Subspace ROB fell and Dark Sonic dissapated. "Yahoo!" Mario cried in triumph. "Lets get out of here." Sonic suggested. Mario nodded. After looking around for 5 minutes, Mario found the key. Mario unlocked the door and left.

*What? It was about time Kirby joined the story.
**The bay that the Halberd was taken into was a Docking Bay, not the cargo.
*** A new kind of ROB, has joined the newly formed Subspace Army. When destroyed (like most enemies), its Shadow Bugs fall out and it dies.

Did you enjoy it? Like I've said before, send suggestions via personal message. See ya later,

-Luigalaxy

UPDATE: After getting a PM on a better wording, I changed the point where the Gunship pulls in Mario, Sonic, SSROB and Dark Sonic. (Thanks goes to jmdblazer)

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #18 on:** September 04, 2008, 01:59:35 PM »

I have officially started a Fan Fiction Team. There are (3) more spot(s) left on the team. You can PM me or post here if you want to join.

Current members:
1.Me (Luigalaxy)
2.Kimimaru
3.Jmdblazer
4.[empty]
5.[empty]
6.[empty]

Wow. 520 views. Folks, feel free to post what you think here. Anyone notice what I threw into the Recap?

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #19 on:** September 19, 2008, 06:07:46 PM »

Quick post.

If you saw what I said, then you may of thought: "OMGZ!!1 Whos gonna update SS2:D?!?!?!?!1?ONEONEONE?" (or something like that.)
Well, I am happy to say that the team has come in handy. They will right the next chapter. Hopefully, it won't be a filler chapter. Hopefully, I will be able to update normally again. That is all.

-Luigalaxy

Kimimaru · « **Reply #20 on:** September 20, 2008, 09:43:50 AM »

-Chapter 5-

As Kirby and King DeDeDe landed on the Gunship, some mysterious dark, black figures began to come out from the floor of the Gunship. The mysterious figures charged at our heroes!
"What are these things?" cried King DeDeDe as he fought off the mysterious figures.
"I'm not sure," said Kirby, "but they seem to be coming from the Control Deck!"

While still fighting off the dark figures, Kirby and King DeDeDe went onward to the control deck, but before they could get there, they found bigger and tougher mysterious figures! These ones were unique; they had hints of green and purple in their skin. One of these figures was charging up some sort of laser beam.
"Watch out!" yelled Kirby, as he inhaled King DeDeDe and jumped out of the way.
The force of the beam that the figure shot was immense. If the heroes had gotten hit by that, who knew what would have happened? The figure started charging up another beam.
"Oh no you don't!" shouted King DeDeDe.
King DeDeDe smashed the figure into pieces and noticed that some strange particles were being emitted from the mysterious figure. The particles were moving closer towards the Control Deck.
"Let's follow them!" shouted King DeDeDe.

While our heroes were following the strange particles, they noticed that the mysterious dark figures stopped showing up. The particles led to a gigantic black hole that seemed as if it would lead into a void. Our heroes were stumped.
"What should we do?" asked Kirby. "Should we go into this black hole or turn back?"
"There's not much else to do." said King DeDeDe. "Let's take our chances."
Kirby and King DeDeDe went into the black hole. While in the black hole, it seemed as if they were being teleported to a whole new land.

Upon arrival, our heroes saw a beautiful meadow filled with flowers. Kirby sniffed one of them.
"Wow! These smell great! You have to smell one Ki-" Kirby started.
"Kirby?!?" said King DeDeDe, shocked. "What's wrong?!?!?"
Kirby fell onto the floor and didn't move.
"Noooo!" cried King DeDeDe. "What has happened to you, Kirby???"

"The smell of these flowers has made your friend unconscious." said a mysterious voice.
"What? Who is there?" asked King DeDeDe.
"No one you need to know." said the mysterious voice. "I can see that you've met my minions."
"So YOU'RE the one who is controlling these dark figures!" said King DeDeDe. "Show yourself, you coward!"
"Don't make me laugh! As long as the Dark Army remains in your world, it's guaranteed that I will control the entire universe!" said the mysterious voice. "Heed my words: You shouldn't expect everything to be as it appears in the Dark Realm, hahahahaha!"
The mysterious voice vanishes.
"What do I do now?" wondered King DeDeDe.

To Be Continued...

Kimimaru · « **Reply #21 on:** September 26, 2008, 04:55:53 PM »

Chapter 6 coming soon guys! Sorry for the wait.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #22 on:** September 29, 2008, 01:07:42 PM »

Woah! That was a great chapter, Kimi. Better than my draft for Chapter 5. Anyways, I'll let Kimi write Chapter 6, but I'll write Chapter 7. If possible to push into my work week, I'll change the monthly update limit.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #23 on:** October 02, 2008, 03:56:26 PM »

Possible new thread coming soon. That is all.

Reading · « **Reply #24 on:** October 02, 2008, 05:26:53 PM »

I have to say the style Kimimaru uses, that is closer to an actual book format, is the one I like better. In the earlier chapters, it was sort of just "This happened. Then this happened. Then this person said this. Then this big thing happened." Again, I'm not insulting your writing skills, but try to add a bit more detail and make your sentences less static and more vivid and flowing. It's sort of hard to describe, but Kimimaru's part is a step in the right direction. Keep at it and I'll become even more interested in the story.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #25 on:** October 02, 2008, 05:38:47 PM »

Thanks for the advice. No offense was taken, and I'll keep that in mind when I write Chapter 7.

Kimimaru · « **Reply #26 on:** October 05, 2008, 09:53:10 AM »

-Chapter 6-

Back at the Smash Stadium, Peach was still worried about Mario and Sonic, so she called in the Ice Climbers, Mr. Game and Watch, and Falco to help.
"What's up?" asked Falco.
"Mar-Mario and Sonic were taken into that!" cried Peach, pointing at the Gunship.
"We'll go and investigate." said Falco. "Everyone! Get into my Arwing!"

Peach, Falco, Mr. Game and Watch, and the Ice Climbers headed towards the Gunship. On the way there they saw a Pilot Primid who piloted a ship that looked like a combination of an Arwing and a Wolfen. The wings were glowing with a strange pink light.
"Shoot it down!" said Popo.
Falco threw a Smart Bomb at the Pilot Primid. Only smoke was seen.
"Yeah, we got him!" shouted Nana in excitement.
But Nana had spoken too soon, because coming out of the smoke was the Pilot Primid! This time, the wings to its ship were a greenish color.
"What's this!?" said Falco in shock. "Let me use the new scanner that Peppy installed into our Arwings to find out what's up with this guy."
Falco scanned the Pilot Primid.
"This Pilot Primid has a ship that only gets stronger when it is hurt. Its wings represent how strong it is. If the wings are an orange color, then it indicates that the ship is at maximum strength." said the scanner.

"How can we defeat an enemy that gets stronger when we attack it?" wondered Peach.
The Pilot Primid closed in on the Arwing and started attacking it furiously. Falco skillfully dodged the shots with barrel rolls.
"I got it!" exclaimed Peach. "One of you, get out of the ship and take the primid out of his ship! A ship without a pilot isn't a threat!"

Unfortunately, the Pilot Primid shot again and got the Arwing on its left wing.
"We're going down!" said Falco. "Everyone, evacuate!"
Falco pressed the evacuate button on the Arwing. The seats jumped out of the Arwing and activated parachutes. Everyone came out safe, but the wind was pushing them away from each other.

Peach was floating towards the ocean, Falco was floating towards the Smash Stadium, the Ice Climbers were floating towards a strangely shaped mountain, and Mr. Game and Watch, because of his light weight, was floating up towards the Gunship.

To Be Continued...

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #27 on:** October 05, 2008, 10:15:09 AM »

A little short, but good non the less. I edited the Midair Stadium to Smash Stadium to go along with the story.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #28 on:** October 15, 2008, 01:58:07 PM »

Its time for the new chapter. Authors, due to Kimimaru jumping on the bandwagon, and me doing the same, if you want to, you can wait another month. The due date (is this school?) for Chapter 8 is December 1st. Here it is.

-Chapter 7-

Falco landed in the Smash Stadium with a *thump* and glared up at the Arwing/Wolfen ship with the Pilot Primid. He began to look for a new ship, but Fox saved him by flying in with his Arwing. "Need a lift?" Fox asked.

Meanwhile, in the Gunship, Mario and Sonic ran through the halls, finding their way to the Control Tower. However, they were stopped by some strange creatures that had hints of purple and green on their skin with black as a main background. They started attacking the group. From their corpses came some strange black/purple bubbles that made more creatures. "This is going nowhere!" Sonic exclaimed. Mario noticed, and had an idea. "Lets just run down the halls!" Mario suggested. "Good idea, but they might pull a suprise on us. They ran down the halls, and made it to a big elevator. However, they were greeted by a giant explosion.

Back in the Control Deck, Bowser was overseeing the Captain Primid piloting the ship. An Engineer Primid spoke up, "Sir Bowser, a strange occurance is happening near the Cargo Bay and Fuel Tank." "Go find out what it is!" Bowser replied. The Primid went out. "Best boss EVER." The Primid mumbled. When he got to the Tank, he was suprised to find the creatures tearing up the Tank. "Hey! What do you think your doing?!" The Primid yelled. At that moment, the Tank exploded, creating a black hole. "Wha---" The Primid said. At that moment, he was sucked into the hole.

Mario and Sonic immediatly turned to run, an alarm ringing through the Gunship. They were stopped by the creatures. A window was to Sonic's left. He Spin Attacked it, and jumped through it. They fell towards the ground, but were stopped by the Arwing. Fox turned the Arwing away from the hole, and the Gunship started to be sucked up by it. Below the Arwing, an in-audible splash was heard.

To Be Continued...

You like it? On another note, I plan on making a new fan-fiction. The title that I have is "Mario & Luigi: Earth", my own take on the series. The poll is for who wants to see, and who doesn't want to. If it is approved by the readers, I will start it after this fiction.

Reading · « **Reply #29 on:** October 15, 2008, 04:02:52 PM »

"I'll need a prologue for it." I would want some more information on the story itself before I'd decide, although I'm toward yes.

Just remember to focus on this story first. Anticipation for your next project can distract and diminish the quality of the one you're currently working on, so put your full creative energies into tSE2 for now, and then think about M&LE later. Trust me...it's happened to me before.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #30 on:** October 16, 2008, 02:59:51 PM »

Thanks for the advice, Reading. You perfectly guessed my game plan. I was gonna finish this before I went to ML. Next post will contain a little more info. Poll closes tonight (Thursday) at 7:00 ECT.

jmdblazer · « **Reply #31 on:** October 16, 2008, 04:45:45 PM »

Why close the poll? At least wait a while longer.

Also, you know you spend too much time on electronics when you describe someone as having a main background.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #32 on:** October 16, 2008, 04:57:22 PM »

Fine. Closes Saturday, 7:00 EST.

Info on M&L:E

First, as told in the title, Mario and Luigi venture to Earth (crossover much?). The main characters are Mario, Luigi, Bowser and myself. Yes, myself. My name is changed, however, to J. Taking place in the Mushroom Kingdom, and Earth and in another place that will stay secret for the time being. The 1st Chapter will be released some time because the Prolouge is mainly a recap of PiT. And thats some info.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #33 on:** October 18, 2008, 06:42:35 PM »

Well, the poll has closed. According to results, 4 people said "I'll need a prolouge", 1 person said "Another M&L? NO." and 1 person said "Heck yes!". So, after the next chapter the prolouge will be up and another vote will be held.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #34 on:** October 25, 2008, 02:24:33 PM »

Chapter 8

Peach swam to the surface and looked up. A strange blackhole was covering it up. "Huh?" She said, but was swept down the waterfall. Meanwhile, on the ship, Bowser yelled, "WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Immediatly, the second alarm went off, and everyone started rushing for the pods. Bowser ran across to the pods, pushing Primids and Mites and such out of his way, and jumped in. He blasted off. Fai took control. She said, "You did good, my minion." "[THANK YOU, MASTER]." Bowser replied. Fai opened a hole to Subspace and brought the ship in.

"iz sh3 sti11 a1iv3?" "LOL, p0rtal j0k3." "Huh? Who's there?" Peach asked. Peach opened her eyes to see two Mites, one red and one green, in front of her. "l00k!!!! sh3 iz sti11 a1iv3!!!11!!1!" "Who are you?" Peach repeated. "i am d33z3r." The first one said. "and i am chup." The second one said.* "and w3 ar3 Teh L33ts." D33z3r said. "How do I get back above the waterfall?" Peach asked. "LOL! j00 ar3 t00 much 0f a n00b t0 g3t up th3r3." D33z3r said. "H0w3v3r, w3 wi11 h31p j00 g3t up th3r3." So, Peach and The Lee-- "itz Teh L33ts!!!!!" Erm, Teh L33ts began to go up the waterfall.

Meanwhile, Mr. Game & Watch did not grasp the fact the ship was being swallowed, and entered the black hole. He ended up in a trail of darkness at first, but it immediatly transformed into a beautiful forest path. "Who dares enter the Dark Realm?" a mysterious voice asked. Mr. Game & Watch said nothing. "ANSWER ME!" The voice demanded. Game & Watch rang his bell. The voice translated it. "Well, you will now become a slave of mine, Mr. Game & Watch!" With that, darkness formed around G&W's feet and he was swallowed by the darkness.

"l00k 0ut f0r dat!" d33zer said as a rock fell. Teh L33ts and Peach were going up the craggy Water Climb. Peach jumped up, but missed the platform. She opened up her parasol and floated to another platform. After about an hour of jumping, they reached the land near the waterfall. "w311, it wuz fun." D33z3r said. "Thank you for helping." Peach said. She walked forward, but was attacked by Mr. Game and Watch!

To Be Continued...

*Deezer and Chupperson Wierd of the forums do not talk like this, but the names fit with Teh Leets.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you like it? This chapter was better when I tried to post it, but accidentally closed out the window, so threw this together quickly. Teh Leets talked with Peach a bit more, the ship went into detail, and half the chapter was gone. So, yeah. Pilot chapter for M&L:E is coming soon.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #35 on:** October 26, 2008, 06:40:15 AM »

Just gonna point something out. Views: Somewhere above 900. This pleases me. Feel free to voice your opinions on the chapter.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #36 on:** October 26, 2008, 11:39:33 AM »

Okay folks, you voted, you wondered and you waited. Its here. Enjoy.

M&L:E Pilot Chapter

Mario was drinking some coffee, reading the Fungi Gazette, when a knock was heard on the door. He put the Gazette down, put his mug on a coaster, and walked over to the door. He opened the door. Luigi was there. "Big Bro! Its Bowser! Hes attacking again." Mario was suprised, and ran out the door with Luigi. *Luigi joined the party!* Mario and Luigi continued forward and jumped into the pipe that lead to Toad Town. In Toad Town, Mario and Luigi met up with some Toads. One said, "Bowser kidnapped Peach! I think hes still there, but theres a roadblock blocking the way!" Mario and Luigi walked up to the roadblock, but were stopped by a Hammer Bro. "Hey! By orders of His Smelliness, King Bowser, none shall pass!" The Bro. said. The duo tried again. "Did you hear what I just said?! You know what? I'm just gonna beat your butts!"

Mini Boss: Hammmer Bro. and Roadblock Crew

The Hammer Bro. pointed his hammer at Mario and then threw it at him. Mario dodged easily. Toad walked up, saying: "Mario! Do you remember how to battle?" He replied yes. "Okay. You ARE Mario."
Mario jumped forward, right on the Hammer Bro. Luigi did the same. "Grrr!" The Hammer Bro called up two Koopa Troopas. "Hope you enjoy being defeated by my Roadblock Crew!" The first Koopa shot forward in his shell towards Mario jumped on the shell, knocking it at the Hammer Bro. It fell down. "Ah!" The other Koopa went towards Luigi. Luigi jumped over it. It came out of its shell. The Koopa attempted to knock Luigi back, and it missed. Mario jumped on the downed Hammer Bro, defeating it. Luigi jumped on the Koopa, making it drop its shell. The Koopa ran. Mario and Luigi defeated the Hammer Bro. and Roadblock Crew!

Did you enjoy it? Do you think this should be a full-fleged fan fiction?

Reading · « **Reply #37 on:** October 26, 2008, 03:22:57 PM »

Uh...well, that isn't really what I'd call a "pilot". It doesn't really imply anything about the story.

You should have an interesting beginning to catch readers' attention. My suggestion would be to begin the story right at the moment the Mario Brothers are about to rescue Peach, and then Bowser activates this dimension warp or however you want it to happen.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #38 on:** October 26, 2008, 03:47:22 PM »

. . . That was pretty much the beginning. I'll rewrite in a little bit and re-post it.

Nintendoobsessed · « **Reply #39 on:** October 27, 2008, 01:01:19 PM »

Luigalaxy, let me tell you about the stories at TMK, and how they work:

1. Most stories are weak, and badly written.
2. A few stories are too dark, and people won't accept dark stories. (Like mine!)
3. And the rest are written by Reading. (And everybody seems to like these)

Well...

Whatever.

Try to write a story.

Try.

But be forewarned...

Oh never mind. Just write.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #40 on:** October 27, 2008, 02:21:31 PM »

The 3rd one is true. Reading is a great author. And for the latter, that I shall.

jmdblazer · « **Reply #41 on:** October 31, 2008, 04:44:23 PM »

This seems interesting. I would like to read the rest of the story.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #42 on:** November 04, 2008, 04:06:16 PM »

Time for a treat. Yeah, I'm in the mood today, but no chapters. Not yet. Instead, I give you a bit of a glimpse for Chapter 9! And, the rest of M&L's pilot.

Tabuu's Plan

Bowser and Fai entered the hole into Subspace, and it closed behind them. Tabuu appeared before them. "Ah, good job Fai. He was one of my originals." Tabuu said. "WHO, MAY I ASK, IS THIS?" Bowser asked. "This person's name is none of your concern, Bowser." Fai replied. "By the way, Master, what is your plan?" Fai asked. "Well, thats suprising. That you wouldn't of guessed." Tabuu started. "However, I must tell you of my past. About, oh, 8 or 9 months ago, I decided to take over the Smash Realm." Tabuu continued. "When I sent out an army, all of them were either brought over to their side or killed. They defeated me, and broke my Off-Waves." Tabuu said. "So, I've been planing my revenge. Yes, Bowser's ship DID fail, but I plan on doing more. I will destroy that realm, and the people in it!" Tabuu yelled. "I see. I would have done so too." Fai replied, looking a little sad. "Then I have made you well, Fai." Tabuu said.

Mario and Luigi: Earth Pilot (part 2)

"Good job!" Toad said. "I'm gonna help you a little. First, heres exactly 100 coins." *Mario recieved 100 coins* "Second, heres 3 Green Shells." *Mario recieved 3 Green Shells* "And, I'll heal you." *Your party was fully healed!* "Okay then. Bowser went in about a half hour ago, so you better get in there quick!" Toad finished. Mario and Luigi walked forward. Bowser was just getting in the Koopa Klown Kar and flying away, with Peach in the passenger seat. ! Mario jumped up, and hit right into the Klown Kar. KZZZZZZRK! "Rargh!" Bowser growled. The Klown Kar crashed, and Peach went right onto the ground. "Grrrr... MARIO!... and Luigi! You always ruin my plans. I'm going to ruin you! But first..." Bowser pulled a Koopa Kage out of the downed Kar and put Peach in it. Peach was still out cold. "Now, lets fight!"

Boss: Bowser

Bowser started with a flame burst, but Mario and Luigi jumped, perfectly dodging. "Grrr!" Mario used his hammer on Bowser, causing him to become dizzy. Luigi used a Green Shell and weakened him a good amount. Bowser became less dizzy and got in the Klown Kar. He shot a giant bowling ball out of it, and Mario dodged, but Luigi was fatally damaged. Mario got angry and attacked the Klown Kar. The Klown Kar smashed down again. Bowser almost was defeated. Mario and Luigi charged up a Bro. Attack, called Hammer-quake. The bros held the hammers long enough to create a giant shockwave, hurting Bowser fatally. Bowser was defeated!
"Grrrr... you guys keep doing that!" All of a sudden, the Klown Kar started to power up for some reason. At the same time, a meteor crashed into it. The collision created a dimension warp. Mario, Luigi and Bowser were knocked away from Mushroom Castle, but Peach and the Kage were knocked into it.

So, I hope you enjoyed it. Look for the chapter sometime in the next 2 weeks.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #43 on:** November 08, 2008, 02:16:23 PM »

I was suprised when I was looking through the Fan Creations and saw this. I looked at views. Freaking 1200. Yeah, 12 hundred. Thats alot. I'm under Reading's Super Paper Mario 2 by 2000. Feel free to criticize, people. And, thanks for bringing us this far.

Reading · « **Reply #44 on:** November 11, 2008, 05:59:30 PM »

You're welcome. ;) I'm still interested.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #45 on:** November 16, 2008, 05:26:51 PM »

Just to let you all know, Having lots to do, I'll update with a new chapter around Thanksgiving.

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #46 on:** November 30, 2008, 03:11:26 PM »

And, as I promised, the chapter is out.

Chapter 9

Mr. Game and Watch started by using Chef. The sausages hit Chup and D33zer but not Peach. Peach slapped Mr.G&W and then hit him with a golf club. D33zer flying kicked G&W, sending him near the waterfall. He got up, and then jumped into the air and deployed a parachute. He floated above Peach and pulled out a key. He brought the parachute in on himself and put the key underneath him. Peach quickly rolled out of the way and smashed him with a frying pan. G&W turned into a trophy. "That was c10s3! What shou1d w3 d0?" D33zer asked. "Bring him back, of course." Peach answered. Peach leaned down and touched Mr. Game and Watch's trophy.

This is the point where Tabuu's Plan appears. Because I don't wanna waste time and reprint it, check the post 3 posts above this one.

Peach and Mr. Game and Watch walked forward, and saw the waterfall suddenly explode in front of there eyes. It wasn't like a Subspace portal, it was... different. Swirls of green were in it. Mr. Game and Watch ran forward and jumped into the hole. Peach sighed and followed suit.

Peach and Mr. Game and Watch appeared in a bunch of darkness. They heard a voice. "You, little pink ball, what is your name?" Said the voice. Another, more highpitched voice said, "Kirby." The voice started again, "You are now my minion." Kirby's voice, a little deeper said, "Yes, Dark Lord." "I am now going to tell you my plan, Kirby." The Dark Lord said. "I will cut into the Smash Realm, and it will make everything enter this realm. That fool, Tabuu, is helping by capturing the rouges. I will make a few of you my minions." Peach gasped. The Dark Lord said, "WHO GOES THERE?!" Peach and G&W ran back, and just barely got out. They landed back on a ledge.

Did you like this one? Please comment.

Reading · « **Reply #47 on:** November 30, 2008, 04:13:36 PM »

Interesting. The chapter wasn't really long enough to warrant a full-length commentary, but I'm interested in where this "Dark Lord" stuff will lead...

Luigalaxy · « **Reply #48 on:** December 01, 2008, 03:15:15 PM »

I've been getting a little short on the chapters. I noticed. Chapter 10 will be longer, I'll make sure of that. Thanks for the advice. Since I started, I've become a better author. I also script for a webcomic, which helps me with this too.

Poll

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