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Author Topic: The Prophecy  (Read 65374 times)

Insane Steve

  • Professional Cynic
« Reply #75 on: May 02, 2003, 11:15:00 AM »
Hahaha, I bet this Prophecy refers to something completely different than what it obviously looks like. Still brilliant.

And you said you added Part 2 after originally writing the story? I'd like to see if the style from the new part is any different than the styles of the pre-written parts... it ought to be interesting.

Still, Part 1 was excellent. Amazing. Better than I'll ever be.

Congratulations! You have just been blessed by the wisdom of Steve.

~I.S.~

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #76 on: May 03, 2003, 08:24:00 PM »
This is great! Can't wait for part 2. Now that our five heroes are back together, the fight can begin! Or maybe not until later in the story. Keep it up, Sapphira!

Long live the Mario Brothers!

Edited by - Jman on 5/3/2003 7:29:08 PM

I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #77 on: May 04, 2003, 01:38:00 PM »
Sorry to double post, but I have another fan fiction story. This one is a storyline for those who have played championship modes on WWE video games. The story: Super Smash Brothers has a new general manager. And you're not going to believe who it is!

Long live the Mario Brothers!

I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Sapphira

  • Inquiring
« Reply #78 on: May 04, 2003, 11:08:00 PM »
Thanks for all the encouragement, everyone. I'm still trying to work on it (b/w everyone being home and in the way, doing chores (ugh), posting and reading stuff on this board, and playing Animal Crossing.) Heheh...

Anyhoo, I mentioned that once I posted all of Part 1, I'd tell what the changes were in CH 10+, so here ya go.
Originally, when Mario and Toad are close to the castle (and Mario gets that massive headache), he feels Peach die on him. So Mario never got to see her one last time to say goodbye.
I felt, though, that since Peach was hanging on for Mario to come, they should get to see each other one last time. If she died before he came, then her holding out would've been pointless.
Plus, the good-bye makes it more emotionally compelling--at least I thought so.

Well, as I said, I'm glad from all your positive feedback and will continue the story as promised. :)

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If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true.

Edited by - Sapphira on 5/5/2003 2:46:21 PM

"The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself."

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #79 on: May 05, 2003, 03:41:00 PM »
Can't wait for some more good reading. I mentioned above that I wrote a SSB fanfic with a storyline similar to the WWF games on N64. Anyway, still can't wait for part 2.

Long live the Mario Brothers!

I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Sapphira

  • Inquiring
« Reply #80 on: May 15, 2003, 08:39:00 PM »
Okay, guys, I'm REALLY sorry for taking so long. I'll try to get CH 13 up by tomorrow, but it's a big maybe. Hopefully my mom'll be at work tomorrow. (I think she said something about not having to go tomorrow, but I'm not sure.) If she's going, I'll get up earlier so I can work on it more.

Sorry. I know you're all waiting...

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If things don''t go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true.

"The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself."

Sapphira

  • Inquiring
« Reply #81 on: May 16, 2003, 06:25:00 PM »
Okay, so I didn't get up earlier this morning, but I finished it anyway! And now, the much awaited Chapter 13...


-Part 2: Tribulation-
Chapter 13: Midnight Venture
----------------------------

The rest of the hard year had slowly passed. The young child Melony had trouble sleeping every night since the gloomy afternoon her mother had passed away. Disturbing visions and horrifying images haunted her dreams. She was terrified to sleep for fear these nightmares would come true or even that she would never wake up again. Every night she prayed they would stop, and holding her Yoshi doll close, she managed to cry herself to sleep. There was something about that doll’s eyes that made it so friendly and comforting, so different from everyone and thing in that dreary castle of her home. She longed to know what peace felt like. And she was only five years old.

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Eventually the five friends slowly found their way to Princess Peach’s Castle. How terrible it was—crumbling, eroded, misshapen; it was almost in ruins. The inside, though, was in much better condition; in fact, most of the many rooms were still in decent shape, except for those on the topmost floors, which had completely collapsed and were now demolished.

The five set a plan: they would search for other hiding inhabitants and provide help and refuge for them in the castle. Already they had been successful, and everyone was extremely grateful, joining in to help in the search. Eventually, though, suspicion began to arise from some in the Koopa Troop. Luckily, they seemed to be safe for the time being.

Mario began to grow weary. Late one evening he announced that he had to go somewhere. The others wondered what he was planning on doing as he headed for the castle's doors, taking a Cape Feather from his pocket. Luigi stopped him; he didn’t like this one bit.

“Mario, what exactly are you doing?” he asked concernedly.
Mario turned around to face him, slightly flustered. “Look, I’ll be back, all right?”
He frowned. “Mario, come on; we’re brothers. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Since *when* do I have to answer to *you*?!” he snapped. Luigi stared at him, shocked. “Look, it doesn’t concern you. I’ll be back, all right?”
“Mario…”  The door closed in his face. Mario shook his head frustratingly and flew away into the distance.

Luigi sighed and glumly turned around. Daisy slowly descended the stairs, pausing with a puzzled expression on her delicate face.
“What was that all about?” she asked.
Luigi sighed. “I dunno. Something’s up with him.” Daisy walked the rest of the way down.
“Is he all right?”
“Well, he said he’d be back…”
Compassionately she placed a hand on his slumped shoulder. “Then I wouldn’t worry about it. He knows how to take care of himself.”
“You're right,” he sighed.
Daisy pursed her lips. “Come on; it’s getting late.” Silently the two headed back up the velvet stairs.

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Luigi awoke from his sleep. Rolling himself over, he glanced at the clock. 12:03. He looked over to his wife; she was sound asleep, her breathing faint and peaceful, filled with an aura of tranquility.

Carefully in the dark he forced himself up and silently dressed into his classic overalls and green shirt, topped off with his signature ‘L’ cap. He walked over to the sleeping Daisy and lightly kissed her fragile cheek. She stirred a little then gently rolled over, sighing deeply in her dreams. For a moment he felt he could gaze at her forever. She was so beautiful, so loving, so innocent. Her face defined the very essence of grace and serenity.

Luigi stood up and quietly exited the bedroom. He pursed his lips.
“Don’t worry…I’ll be back,” he whispered, “Sleep well, my love…”

Slowly he closed the door and walked down the hallway and stairs, careful to make sure he wouldn’t wake anyone. He opened the immense, wobbly castle doors with a creak. Closing them behind him, he pulled a Cape Feather from his pocket. Luigi shook his head.
*Here goes nothing…* he thought. Slowly he flew up into the midnight sky. He had to find Mario—before the night was over, before he did anything stupid.

------------------------
The head Royal Mushroom Retainer awoke, tossing from his dreams. He had been having trouble sleeping lately. Still a bit drowsy, he quietly crept down the stairs and walked into the dimly-lit kitchen. He noticed Yoshi sitting at the island counter, staring off into space, playing with an untouched cookie.
“Hey, Yoshi,” he said languidly.
Yoshi looked up. “Hey,” he said, “Couldn’t sleep?”
“Naw. You neither?”
Yoshi sighed and shook his head. “Wanna cookie?” he asked.
“No thanks.” Toad pulled up a stool, numbly staring at the yellow wall. After several minutes he broke the silence. “Hey, since neither of us can sleep, do you wanna do something? I’ve got some cards, if you want to play.”
“Sure.”

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Mario sat on the rooftop of a house, staring at Bowser’s immense, dark Castle before his eyes. His chin rested in his hand, a forlorn, agonizing expression shrouding his face. Suddenly he stood up and shouted fiercely at the top of his lungs.

“How could you do this to her!!?” he screamed, “How dare you!! I promise you, you WILL pay!! I WILL avenge her, if it’s the last thing I do!!” Mario collapsed to his knees, burying his face in his hands. “Oh…Peach… How could I let this happen to you…?” He felt a slight breeze brush against his back. A figure flew from behind and landed on the rooftop.

“Mario,” it whispered. The agitated plumber slowly lifted his head. It was Luigi. Quickly he turned away, tightly closing his sapphire eyes. “Mario…” he solemnly pressed, “I thought I’d find you here…”

Mario clenched his teeth, still facing away. “Why did you follow me? I told you this doesn’t concern you!”
“Look, I didn’t come here to debate this…” He sighed painfully. “Look…I’m worried about you. Everyone’s worried about you… Come on; what’s going on…?”
Mario numbly stared at a small balcony protruding from the dark castle’s portentous exterior wall. “Here, right here…” he whispered, “This is the last place I saw her…”
“Mario…”
“I can’t…!” Agonizingly he closed his eyes.
“Mario…please…”
“She died in my arms, Luigi…”
He stopped. “What…?” Mario shook his head forlornly. Luigi pursed his lips. “Mario… Tell me… Why are you here…?”
“I have to kill him…! I have to…!”
“Kill *Bowser*?!” Luigi gasped, “Are you completely out of your mind?!”
“She’s gone because of him! If it weren’t for him, she’d still be alive today…!”   

Luigi’s heart ached. He spoke softly. “Mario… I know you loved her… I know you’ll never be the same… I understand; she was the greatest friend…to me, to everyone. But some things…you just have to let go…”
Mario was fuming. “Let go!? LET GO!? How could I *possibly* let go!!? How could you possibly understand how I feel!? How would *you* feel if, say, something happened to Daisy!? Would *you* just be able to ‘let it go’?!”
“Mario…I…”
“She meant the world to me…! I’d die for her…! I’d kill for her…! Which is why I have to do this…” Mario angrily spun away. Quickly his overwhelmed brother grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to face him.
“Mario, listen to me! Don’t do this! I’m begging you! …Peach is gone…! There’s *nothing* you can do to change that…”
Mario forcefully pushed his hand away. “I thought you said you understood…!” he fiercely retorted.

“I do! But, Mario, you’ve lost it. You’re not thinking straight anymore. I’m saying this because, believe it or not, I care about you.” Mario looked away. “Bowser has become way too powerful. Troops would be on you like *that* before you could get anywhere near to him. Mario, there’s no way you’d be able to make it. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I’ve done it before!” he shouted vehemently, “What makes you think I can’t do it again?!”
Luigi sighed desolately. “Mario, there’s way more of them than there’s ever been before. And, besides, you were thinking clearly and rationally each time. Mario…that’s all beside the point. You *know* murder is wrong, even though he is your mortal enemy. I know in your heart you could never bring yourself to do it… That’s why you never have, despite the many opportunities…”

“This has nothing to do with morality!” he screamed, “This is about justice! He deserves to die, Luigi! You can’t tell me he doesn’t!”
“Mario...don’t do this…”
The red-clad plumber painfully closed his eyes, his teeth clenched so tightly his jaw ached. “Please…! Just go…”
Luigi sadly realized he couldn’t force his brother to change his mind. He turned away dejectedly. “I won’t stop you…but, please…just do the right thing…”
Mario continued to painfully look away. Sighing heavily, Luigi slowly flew away, hoping that somehow his words would get through to his overwrought brother.

Edited by - Sapphira on 5/16/2003 6:36:39 PM

"The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself."

« Reply #82 on: May 16, 2003, 11:03:00 PM »
Wow!, I just read the whole thing............this is amazing. You form a storyline very well and write as if you were writing a sequel to the "Left Behind" series. Keep up the good work.

Sapphira

  • Inquiring
« Reply #83 on: May 16, 2003, 11:13:00 PM »
^_^ Another reader! Thank you!

(Oh yeah, I LOVE the Left Behind series. You may actually catch an allusion or two...(sooner or later, anyway.) The rest is solid originality. ...Hmm...although it *IS* rather apocalyptic and prophesaic... (wait, that's not a word!))

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If things don’t go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true.

"The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself."

« Reply #84 on: May 17, 2003, 04:52:00 PM »
*fumble* *fumble* WOW! that sound that you just heard (read) was me picking my jaw off the keyboard. NEVER have I read such a passionate story in my life. This is actually the first story that has brought tears to my eyes, ya ive read other tragic stories, but NEVER like this one. Step aside Bluto, Im your biggest fan!

It‘s-a me, Marionut#1!

It's-a me, Marionut#1!

Sapphira

  • Inquiring
« Reply #85 on: May 17, 2003, 04:59:00 PM »
^_^

...That was me, speechless!

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If things don’t go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true.

"The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself."

« Reply #86 on: May 17, 2003, 10:22:00 PM »
Ooh boy! Mario's getting vengeful! I don't think Mario has ever really gone down that path before, but I like it. I hope you get the next chapter up soon.
... and I am still the #1 fan of this story.^_^

Spill the blood of the innocent!!! Then clean it before it makes a mess!

Like a sponge, thirsty I am!

Chupperson Weird

  • Not interested.
« Reply #87 on: May 17, 2003, 10:28:00 PM »
*clap clap*
Well, I read all of what I hadn't so far, and, while unbelieveably repulsive, I still like the story.
That was a joke.

« Reply #88 on: May 17, 2003, 11:08:00 PM »
Not any more Bluto......

It‘s-a me, Marionut#1!

It's-a me, Marionut#1!

« Reply #89 on: May 18, 2003, 03:15:00 AM »
Yeah, I am!! :P

U.S. X-Box Controller- Doubles as an anchor for sea-worthy crafts.

More shtick than you can shake a stick at.

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