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Miscellaneous => General Chat => Topic started by: Markio on November 08, 2003, 10:00:53 PM

Title: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Markio on November 08, 2003, 10:00:53 PM
OK, just post jokes.  Everything that everyone writes nowadays is either serious or taken seriously.  Er... just post jokes!Here's a few of mine:

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.  One to screw it in, and one to not screw it in.

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Six.
Why?
It just does, OK?

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two.  One to hold the giraffe and the other to put clocks in the bathtub.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Sixteen.  One to screw it in and the others to form a support group.

How many dull people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.

How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but only if the lightbulb wants to change.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side.

Is there another word for synonym?

Shouldn't there be a smaller word for "monosyllabic"?

Never slam a door.  Doors have feelings too.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

What's another word for thesaurus?

What's the difference between ignorance, appathy, and ambivalance?
I don't know and I don't care one way or another.

*LD gets hit with a trout.*
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Lizard Dude on November 08, 2003, 10:21:24 PM
Why does Toad get invited to all the parties?

I’m not stupid, I’m LD.
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Markio on November 08, 2003, 10:36:37 PM
Because he was a fungi.  Why did Toad leave the party?  Because there wasn't mushroom!

*LD gets hit with a trout.*
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Hirocon on November 08, 2003, 11:58:07 PM
There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Trainman on November 09, 2003, 03:16:59 AM
What happens if you don't laugh?
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Luigison on November 09, 2003, 08:44:03 AM
Heh to Hirocon.  Well it was almost a laugh.  Maybe you have to understand binary to get it.  I do, but I didn't.
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Markio on November 09, 2003, 09:04:21 AM
5 out of 4 people have prblems with fractions.

How many lonely people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but he wishes it were two.

Why do they put braille dots on the numbers of drive-up ATM machines?

*LD gets hit with a trout.*
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Luigison on November 09, 2003, 09:33:05 AM
"Aparently 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population."
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Screech on November 09, 2003, 09:38:54 AM
There are three kinds of people in this world. People who can count, and people who can't.

"Walk softly and carry a Super Scope."
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: TEM on November 09, 2003, 09:39:45 AM
I laughed out loud at the feminist lightbulb support group joke.

Time slowed and Reality bent.
But on and on the Eggman went.
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Jake on November 09, 2003, 10:45:36 AM
What do you call a snail on a ship?

---------------------------------------------

Luigi hated it when he craped his pants. Boo!
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Markio on November 09, 2003, 11:44:08 AM
A death trap, because if he falls in, he'll die from the salt water.  Just kidding.  A snailor.

*LD gets hit with a trout.*
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Insane Steve on November 09, 2003, 09:42:36 PM
Ok then, "pro-" means for something, and "con-" means against something. If "progress" means "For advancement", what word happens to mean "Against advancement"?

How many members of Rainbow PUSH would it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2, one to screw it in and one to complain that the lightbulb is racist because it is white.

Stupid Quotes: (7th edition)
"To bright for drugs!" (spelling error intentional)
~On an anti-drug poster I saw in my middle school. It also had a "Red Ribbon" that was colored purple.
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Markio on November 09, 2003, 10:03:49 PM
What's black and white and red all over?
Everything a bull sees.

*LD gets hit with a trout.*

Edited by - Markio on 11/9/2003 8:07:11 PM
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: WarpRattler on November 10, 2003, 07:31:49 PM
What is black, white, and red all over?(Hint: There are multiple answers.)

("o0o") My metroid thinks you are stupid. People who
...v...v disagree with metroids often get sucked dry.
Oh, and Lizard Dude:"And there was this great Food Festival! Did you know that food this and food that...."-jon
Please unban me from #tmk. Apparently, MEGAߥTE said that I''m too young to chat in there, but I''m able to post here. I don''t understand.
CATS:ALL YOUR LOWER SURFACE ARE HEARING TO US
CATS:YOU CREDIT NO PROBABILITY TO SURVIVING FORMING YOUR TIME.
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Trainman on November 11, 2003, 03:24:18 PM
They put Braille on the ATM because they can be guided by their dogs up to it and get money out. No, not the dog driving, fools, but walking up to it.

Insane Steve: Answer to your question-"Congress," of course. The government these days...


Why do they make Braille DRIVER's manual should be the real question here. Why do they do that?

"Oh, I''m such and idiot." "I don''t wanna live to see the day the Earth screws up." ~Trainman
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Black Mage on November 11, 2003, 03:28:44 PM
"If 'progress' means 'For advancement', what word happens to mean 'Against advancement'?"

 Bush!
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Lizard Dude on November 11, 2003, 03:42:03 PM
Hear, hear.

I’m not stupid, I’m LD.
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Wheel_kirby on November 15, 2003, 12:53:23 AM
what do you get when you cross a bird, and B-I-N-G-O the dog? A Birdo

------------------------------

An 1857 pioneer- "Oh you hush! if god made it then it shouldnt hurt me!" *Eats a mushroom* The next day he died of poisoning...
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Mr. Wiggles on December 08, 2003, 07:57:23 PM
 Funny labels
1  Unknown Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
   Appliances

2  Flying Goku
This label defies explanation. Take a look at the picture.
   Toys

3  Life saving device
This is NOT a life saving device!!!
   Appliances

4  Child-Sized Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
   Clothes

5  Various Computers
Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue
   Electronics

6  Interstate 10, Near Phoenix, AZ
State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers
   Signs

7  Unknown Blow Dryer
Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
   Appliances

8  Unknown Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.
   Hygiene

9  Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
   Appliances

10  Unknown Mattress
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow
   Miscellaneous


The square root of a flexnard is a cup full of boogers-Carl,Jimmy Neutron
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Screech on December 08, 2003, 09:22:39 PM
A maternity ward: No children.

A sign near a road by a lake: If this sign is underwater, do not pass.

"Walk softly and carry a Super Scope."
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: TJOghost8 on December 12, 2003, 03:33:41 PM
I have a joke, but it's too vulgar to post.

They're always laughing... laughing at nothing.
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Trainman on December 12, 2003, 04:44:22 PM
More Funny Labels:

SALT
Salt Inside
(Little packets)

NUTS
WARNING: Nuts inside.


Sign at a foreign hotel:

"Please do not steal our towels. If you are not a person to do these such things, do not read this 'notice.'"



Trainman- Train Horn Man <--- I''m with stupid.
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Mr. Wiggles on December 12, 2003, 07:57:46 PM
Airline Peanuts
Instructions: Open Packet,eat nuts.
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Darth Danno on December 12, 2003, 10:26:14 PM
 This is something I saw on the bulletin board in the back of my social studies teacher's class.

WARNING!
The edges of this sign are sharp!
Do not touch the edges of this sign!

[In small lettering]
Also, the bridge is out ahead.

================<[]====[]====[]>================

 It''s a right to be stupid, but I''m abusing the privilage!
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: TJOghost8 on December 16, 2003, 02:05:08 PM
***NOTE: The following jokes aren't to offend anyone. There just there for fun.***

Your mama's so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet!

Your mama's so stupid, she failed a blood test!

Your mama's so gluttonous, when she walks into an "All-You-Can-Eat" restaurant, there are speed-bumps!

Your mama's so fat, she stepped on a weight scale and the measure read "To be continued."!

You're so ugly, you scare away blind people!

You're so ugly, on the day you were born the doctor took one look at you and slapped your mother!

Ha ha ha ha!
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Popple on January 15, 2004, 10:57:54 PM
How many flys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but I don't know how they got in there.

A guy walks into a bar...

Ouch!

Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Frank.
Come on in, Frank.

Or is it?... *shifts eyes supiciously*
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Markio on January 16, 2004, 12:02:39 AM
I just saw a little warning sign on my keyboard:

WARNING: Some experts believe that the use of any keyboard may cause serious injury.  Consult statement on the back of this keyboard.

It says more on the back, but I can't post that because... I just don't want to.

I am not a loser!  Just ask my pet rock!
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: GiftedGirl on April 08, 2004, 04:18:08 PM
Knock knock
Who's there?
Impatient cow
Impatient c--
MOO!

--------------------
I''m Sonya! Sonya the hedgehog! I''m Sonic''s lesser known sister and I''m the keeper of the Plasma Emerald!
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: GiftedGirl on May 11, 2004, 06:47:31 PM
What do you get when Mario melts?

Liquid Plumber.

--------------------

ME: Say hello to my little friend!

LttlFrnd: Hi! My name''s Likorish!
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: WarpRattler on May 11, 2004, 06:55:16 PM
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

("o0o") My metroid thinks you are stupid. People who
....v...v disagree with metroids often get sucked dry.<•>_<•>
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Nameneko on May 12, 2004, 08:03:45 PM
On a butcher knife:
"Keep out of reach of children"

"There are no such things as stupid questions, just stupid people."
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Luigison on May 16, 2004, 02:00:00 PM
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Luigison on May 16, 2004, 02:02:31 PM
The above was ment as a joke, not as an insult to Markio or anyone.
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Markio on May 16, 2004, 03:54:10 PM
What's so insulting about yellow bunnies? (jk).

Edited by - Markio on 5/16/2004 2:56:57 PM

Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Mr. Wiggles on May 26, 2004, 05:26:26 PM
Once there were 4 people on a plane. they were Governer Arnold, The Pope, a little boy and George W Bush. The plane started to malfunction and the pilot told them that there are only 3 parachutes so they have to decide who will live. Governer Arnold says "I am the governer of California and they need me" so he jumps out. President Bush says "I am the greatest and most intelligent president the United States has ever had" so he jumps out. The Pope bends down and tells the little boy "Son, I have lived my life and it's time for you to live yours. go on and jump" The little boy says "But Pope, we can both save ourselves" The Pope asks "how?" The little boy says "The most intelligent president of the United States took my Backpack instead of a parachute"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"you know what I''m doing right now? Giving you the finger."
"John,I''m poor, I''m Blind, and I run a newstand in the back of a coffee shop. God gave me the finger way before you ever did."
~ Becker & Jake in a conversation
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Lizard Dude on May 27, 2004, 03:58:57 PM
If only you and dead people can read hex, how many people can read hex?

“I’m a stupid fatty and I love to play with my Easy Bake oven.”
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Fifth on May 27, 2004, 05:34:12 PM
You've already asked that one, and I've already answered it.

I'll put the answer iside the alt of this little image.

deae people



Go Moon!

Edited by - Fifth on 5/27/2004 4:34:55 PM

Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Lizard Dude on May 27, 2004, 05:36:10 PM
I applaud your spoiler prevention method. I once made a tiny image myself, but not for that reason.

“I’m a stupid fatty and I love to play with my Easy Bake oven.”
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: Vidgmchtr on May 27, 2004, 05:55:47 PM
Why do people park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?
Title: Re: You'll Laugh When You See This!!
Post by: GiftedGirl on May 28, 2004, 09:22:40 AM
Why did the camera cross the road?

To get to Walmart in a 'flash'.

--------------------

COMPUTER: ERROR. PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE.

ME: Ok. *presses key*

COMPUTER: ERROR. PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE.

ME: Grrrrrrrrr!