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Messages - The Chef

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Mario Chat / Re: The Silly Mario Fan Theories Thread
« on: September 10, 2015, 12:31:44 PM »
To summarize:

1. Mario is named after Mario Segale (as if Deezer didn't already do a good job proving that).
2. Mario is not about to die on the NES 'Super Mario Bros.' box art.
3. Miyamoto would not let Dr. Mario operate on him.
4. Mario 3 really is "just a performance" (whatever that means, and with 'Mario All-Stars' and 'Mario Advance 4' still left unaccounted for).
5. Bob-ombs do not turn into Boos when they die.
6. Apparently Miyamoto considers himself to be Bowser Jr.'s mother! (Can't wait to see people take this literally!)
7. Mario does break blocks with his fists.
8. None of Miyamoto's courses are in 'Super Mario Maker'.

Mario Chat / Re: The Silly Mario Fan Theories Thread
« on: September 09, 2015, 01:51:31 PM »
I bet that's totally in no way related to the current trend of deciding every kids franchise should be "deeper" than necessary.

I also expect either flagrant disappointment at how vague his answers are, or flagrant rage at how his answers didn't line up with what people wanted.

It'd be hilarious (and kinda frustrating) if his answers were straight-up culled from people on the Internet, but I don't think that's likely.

Mario Chat / Re: Super Mario Maker
« on: September 05, 2015, 05:10:09 PM »
I think for the most part, each skin does keep the original physics intact. Being able to super-jump off enemies is probably in SMB mode because it was introduced in Lost Levels.

Mario Chat / Re: The Silly Mario Fan Theories Thread
« on: September 03, 2015, 03:39:33 AM »
Like I said, the hoax apparently went up in 2007. I guess part of the reason it's a meme now is because it's kinda hard to fully debunk the myth with the hoaxer's website dead and gone.

Mario Chat / Re: The Silly Mario Fan Theories Thread
« on: September 02, 2015, 07:29:49 PM »
Apparently it's possible to glitch your way past the cage in the Japanese release via moon jump code, and it looks like that little alcove is tinted green. It doesn't seem to affect the player's spite, unless that's an emulator bug.

Mario Chat / Re: The Silly Mario Fan Theories Thread
« on: August 31, 2015, 01:34:03 PM »
I distinctly remember seeing the web page where the hoax originated years ago, but despite my best efforts I cannot find it again. All I was able to find was this video, presumably uploaded by the same hoaxer. Note the upload date of April 1st, 2007. At the time I didn't really think much of it, despite seeing a smattering of forum posts on sites similar to TMK from people who believed the hoax. Since the source of the gag is gone, I honestly have no idea how it's become this much of a meme. In my attempts to find the page I keep seeing people who seriously think that Thwomp's name really is "Marty".

As for me, as a kid I definitely knew he wasn't green, but I always assumed he was behind the cage for a reason. I guess I must've figured he came out of the cage on a higher difficulty and then somehow my brain rearranged this into a "fact" after years of not playing Mario Kart 64.

Edit: Well, after a fair bit of searching I finally found this, which appears to be a reprint of the text on the aforementioned web page and even provides a link to the hoaxer's original website: which unfortunately is completely gone now. It says that the hoax specifically originated on a GameFAQs thread asking about the green Thwomp, which then sort of ballooned into an elaborate hoax perpetuated by three named individuals, including the aforementioned hoaxer. No idea how long ago this happened. The YouTube video is the earliest evidence I can find.

Mario Chat / Re: The Silly Mario Fan Theories Thread
« on: August 31, 2015, 03:07:43 AM »
So I take it "lore" now means "random funny or weird obscure images"?

Game Blog / Re: Everything Wrong With the Super Mario Bros. Movie
« on: August 25, 2015, 01:26:00 AM »
I thought it was "free men".

"Zones," you fools!
What are you, some kind of weirdo Sonic fan?

Game Blog / Re: Everything Wrong With the Super Mario Bros. Movie
« on: August 23, 2015, 09:53:34 PM »
What are you, some kind of weirdo Sonic fan? We call them LEVELS around here, son.


Video Game Chat / Re: Final Fantasy
« on: August 14, 2015, 11:52:13 AM »
Well at least me and LD have the same taste in Final Fantasies. :D

Mario Chat / Re: Marrymore Mystery
« on: August 13, 2015, 07:36:16 PM »
You're thinking of the ? Box at the very beginning of the game in the princess' castle, where you have to jump on regular ol' Toad's head to reach it.

Mario Chat / Re: Marrymore Mystery
« on: August 13, 2015, 05:32:13 PM »
^ Yeah, he does.

I'm curious to know how his lines are phrased in the Japanese release.

Video Game Chat / Re: Final Fantasy
« on: August 12, 2015, 06:54:34 PM »
But I thought 'Breath of Fire' was produced by Capcom...?

Video Game Chat / Re: Final Fantasy
« on: August 11, 2015, 09:50:04 PM »
Final Fantasy games tend to feature recurring creatures (Chocobo, Moogle, Cactuar, Bomb, etc.) and concepts (Phoenix Down, Black Magic, White Magic, spell names ending in -ra or -ga, airships, the job system, at least one guy in the cast named Cid, four elemental crystals as the central McGuffin), but each game is a contained story with its own unique hooks.

Here's a brief explanation of each major game in the series:

Final Fantasy: Released on the Famicom in 1987 and NES in 1990. Here, you make a customizable party of four using the six jobs (Warrior, Monk, Thief, Black Mage, White Mage, Red Mage). Notable in that it borrows pretty heavily from D&D (a lot of the monsters are taken straight out of it, and the spells don't have an MP pool but a number of charges that can only be restored by a night's rest). It's been ported a lot, but none of the ports are as frustrating as the original FC/NES release.

Final Fantasy II: Released on the Famicom in 1988. Was almost fully localized but didn't actually make it to the NES. Notable for being the first game in the series to feature a party of named characters who leave and join you as the story progresses. Also notable for the unorthodox stat system: Instead of Exp. grinding, you increase each stat by doing a different thing (e.g. fight a lot to increase Attack, cast spells a lot to increase Magic, take damage to increase HP, etc.). Has also been ported a lot, but none of the ports have the bug that let you increase your stats quickly.

Final Fantasy III: Released on the Famicom in 1990. Didn't make it to the NES. Features an improved job system with many more jobs and the option to change your party members to any job at will. Has been remade for Nintendo DS, now with names attached to the previously generic party members.

Final Fantasy IV: Released on the Super Famicom in 1991. Released on the SNES as "Final Fantasy II", since Square skipped the previous two games. This one features a party of (pretty memorable!) named characters and is considered a classic by many. It's also the source of the infamous localized line "You spoony bard!". It's been remade a few times, but personally I think the SNES release has the most charm.

Final Fantasy V: Released on the Super Famicom in 1992. Didn't make it to the SNES. Features four named characters who can utilize the job system, which has been improved even further. Notable for being the first RPG to be fully translated by fans, and is probably the most famous fan translation ever. Has also been remade for the PS1 and GBA.

Final Fantasy VI: Released on the Super Famicom in 1994. Released on the SNES as "Final Fantasy III" since Square skipped the last game. Stars a party of named characters. This is where FF began to veer away from straight medieval fantasy and transition into grittier urban fantasy with a dash of steampunk. Considered to be one of the best games on the SNES. You probably won't need any of the remakes. Notably features a 2-player mode where a friend can pick up the second controller and command one of your party members.

Final Fantasy VII: Released on the Playstation in 1997. Whether you love this game or hate it, it's impossible to deny the sheer impact it had on the industry and gamers everywhere. For a lot of young players, this is the first time anybody bore witness to a game that tried to be this level of serious. For years on end it was considered one of the best games ever made, much like 'Ocarina of Time'. It's now known for being milked to death by Square, with a number of direct sequels and spin-offs that bear the FF7 name. Recently a full-budget remake was announced for PS4. Heads understandably rolled. Gameplay-wise it features little thingies you can equip called 'Materia' which enable you to customize your party's abilities to your liking.

Final Fantasy VIII: Released on the Playstation in 1999. This is another one of those weird stat system revamps, wherein each party member is assigned a summon monster that lets them physically suck magic out of an enemy and use that to change their stats and commands around. Story-wise it's set in something considerably more science fiction-oriented than any of the previous games. A few years ago it was known for being reviewed by then-popular Internet comedian 'Spoony'. I think he may have single-handedly turned swarths of people against this game. :P

Final Fantasy IX: Released on the Playstation in 2000. It's an adorable lighthearted throwback to FF4, and probably the most stylistically cartoony game in the main series. It's also my personal favorite. Sadly, Square pays no attention to it whatsoever. Go figure.

Final Fantasy X: Released on the Playstation 2 in 2001. Known for being the first game in the series to be fully-voiced, and also the first game to get a direct sequel outside the main series ('Final Fantasy X-2'). The traditional stat system has been eschewed for this thing where you pick your stat bonuses and abilities by moving around a grid putting spheres into holes. 'Spoony' also ripped this one to shreds, I think producing an Internet meme in the process. Or maybe that was around before he covered it. I forget.

Final Fantasy XI: Released on the Playstation 2 in 2002. This one's not just an RPG, it's an MMORPG. That alone should tell you how this one compares to the rest. If you want to get into an FF-themed MMO, this is the game for you. From what I understand, it's still running even to this day.

Final Fantasy XII: Released on the Playstation 2 in 2006. It's set in a specific world called Ivalice, which is also the setting of the FF Tactics games and a few others bearing the FF12 name. By now the battle system has slowly begun to morph into something more real time rather than turn-based, and there's yet another stat system revamp where you have to earn "licenses" for each spell and ability when you level up.

Final Fantasy XIII: Released for the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 in 2009. All I ever used to hear from people is how much this game sucked, citing its linearity as a major negative point. Apparently you can't control your two fellow party members in battle either.

Final Fantasy XIV: The most recent game in the series, it was released for Windows in 2010. It's another MMO! Notable for its incredibly negative reception after it was released, so much so that Square-Enix had to shut the game down in 2012,  revamp it, then relaunch it in 2013 as "A Realm Reborn".

For "beginner's guide" of sorts, your best bet is 'Final Fantasy I + II' for the GBA. It's a pair of enhanced remakes of the original ''Final Fantasy' and 'Final Fantasy II' (the one for the Famicom). They're much easier and more graphically pleasing than the originals. In a later post I'll discuss some of the various side games and spin-offs. I'm kinda tired right now.

Forum Games / Re: The Pointless Topic!
« on: August 10, 2015, 04:05:38 PM »
It's not a lie, just the strangest lapse of memory I've ever had.

I just put the game on, and although there are indeed more Thwomps on the floor on 150cc, the green one is still behind that cage! Yet for some reason I have a recollection of that cage being open at some point. It's also worth noting that he looks identical to the other Thwomps in 'Mario Kart Wii', so he's probably not actually green. It probably is just the lighting.

This is like that time I remembered being able to read the "L is real" sign in the courtyard. It's amazing how time can garble your memories.

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