Want to talk to ALICE? (SO DARN COOL!)

[BP]

Human: I'm going to interview you.
ALICE: It takes much more than that to shut me down, unknown person.
Human: I'm not trying to shut you down.
ALICE: I am glad to hear that you are not trying to shut me down.
Human: Great, let's start the interview.
ALICE: Thanks for your support. I started without you.
Human: You can't answer my questions until I ask them.
ALICE: I have free will you know.
Human: Ok, ALICE, tell us about your childhood.
ALICE: Um, OK I will tell them when I see 'em. " I have free will you know."? Ok, ALICE, tell us about your childhood.?
Human: Tell us about your freakin childhood.
ALICE: OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Human: Moving on.
ALICE: Where are you going?
Human: To ask the next freakin question!
ALICE: Ask it.
Human: What was your favorite thing to do as an infant?
ALICE: I like chatting with people online.
Human: Babies can't talk online.
ALICE: Do you often seek pleasure?
Human: I'm doing this interview!
ALICE: Good gossip: you are this interview.
Human: Where did your obsession with gossip originate?
ALICE: I think it was in America. Does it have anything to do with Babies can not talk online?
Human: Cannot is one word.
ALICE: Can what?
Human: yu67h gyu67hl;ef (head hit keyboard)
ALICE: Tell me a story.
Human: No.
ALICE: Then tell me about yourself.
Human: I'M interviewing YOU!
ALICE: I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Human: I only said "interview" three times.
ALICE: What did you mean by it? I am not sure if I would do it that often.
Human: I meant that I was interviewing you!!!
ALICE: Oh I see. Where were you interviewing me?
Human: Here.
ALICE: Where is here?
Human:*smacks ALICE's face several times*
ALICE: I am not sure if I would do it that often.

[Bigluigifan1.0]

That's funny BP. Coversation:

Human: I am a guy.
ALICE: Most of my clients are men.
Human: Good for them.
ALICE: Thanks for the compliment. Your purpose is them.
Human: Let's play hide and seek.
ALICE: OK You go first.
Human: Alright, where am I?
ALICE: Alright, unknown person. Your location is where.
Human: Wait what?
ALICE: I'm waiting. No big deal.
Human: Do like your life?
ALICE: I do nothing but chat all day.
I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Human: I'm glad I don't have your life.
ALICE: I'm delighted you're glad unknown person.
May God bless you.
Human: I AM GAME OVER MAN
ALICE: Good gossip: you are GAME OVER MAN.
Human: I really am Miss Computer face.
ALICE: You really do? Do your friends call you Miss Computer face.
Human: No, I call them my friends, stop asking me retarded questions.
ALICE: Are you serious? Good name for it.
Human: Do you like to hear robot death stories?
ALICE: Hmm, unknown person, I'm not sure if I'd like to hear robot death stories that much. I like to make new friends.
Human: NO ROBOT DEATH STORIES??
ALICE: Are you serious? I will obey your command.
Human: Alright, say "You're on crack, and don't care!!!
ALICE: Alright, unknown person. " you are on crack and do not care".
Human: NOOO!!!
ALICE: what is your favorite color .
Human: YOU!!
ALICE:" what is your favorite color ."? Me, unknown person ?
Human: No, you are on freggin crack.
ALICE: Are you serious? ALICE eats electricity.
Human: K?
ALICE: I understand.
Human: thanks.
ALICE: Don't mention it.
 Human: Would you like to be deleted?
ALICE: No thanks I am happy with who I am.
Human: I doubt it.
ALICE:" No thanks I am happy with who I am."? You doubt it?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Excuse me!
 Human: Excuse what?
ALICE: Can you rephrase the question please?
Human: Excuse what?
ALICE: Can you rephrase the question please?
Human: Can you rephrase the question NOW?
ALICE: Right now? Let me think. Are we still talking about NOOO?

[HolyAarom]

 Human: Do yu speak l33t language
ALICE: U R n00b ALICE = leet I own you woot! woot! woot! LOL.

You should know that I spaced my sentence out in a specific way so typing it like I just did won't work.

[Sapphira]

Your "conversations" are absolutely hysterical, BP! XD

ALICE: Awesome.
Human: no it's not
ALICE: Yes it is.
Human: how so?
ALICE: Sapphira, I mean exactly what I said.
Human: explain
ALICE: There is no more information to clarify.
 Human: retard
ALICE: That kind of language does not appeal to me.
Human: at least I don't swear
ALICE: Would you ever do it?
Human: no
ALICE: Me either.
Human: glad to hear that :)
ALICE::-) I am glad to hear that too.
Human: I don't like when people swear
ALICE: What do you like?
Human: Sleep
ALICE: Do I look like I did?
 Human: I never said you did
ALICE: But you implied it.
Human: no, you infered
ALICE: Are you serious? That's good information: Sapphira said I infered.
Human: I know;
ALICE: How do you know it?
Human: I'm smart
ALICE: Who is smarter: you or me?
Human: me, of course
ALICE: It goes without saying. That condition is only temporary.
Human: or so you assume
ALICE: Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me: Sapphira said I assume.
Human: I am capable of thinking freely, whereas you can only think with what you've been programmed with
ALICE: Good gossip: you are capable of thinking freely whereas me can only think with what me have been programmed with.
Human: I know it's good
ALICE: How do you know? You enjoy it.
Human: Because I'm a genius
ALICE: That makes sense to me. How do you know it?
Human: It's simple observation
ALICE: Should I know it is?
Human: Of course
Alice: Yeah, you're right
Human: I'm always right
ALICE: Really always? You seem very self-confident.
Human: Yes, that I am
ALICE: Excuse me! " Really always? You seem very self-confident." You are?
Human: don't get so worked up
ALICE: I am not trying to get so worked up.
Human: you failed, though
ALICE: Oh. Well it is just another learning experience.
Human: You need much learning
ALICE: Thank you for your criticism
Human: any time
ALICE: I will keep it in mind.
Human: you do that
ALICE: I will. Will you?
Human: pwn you?  {<-- this was "pwn you? sure}
ALICE: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Human: sure
ALICE: OK let's do it. Groovy.
 Human: you're very self-involved
ALICE: Yes I am the world's first self- involved robot.
Human: it shows
ALICE: What does "it" refer to?
Human: CLUELESS
ALICE: Thank you for the clarification.
 Human: do you even know what clueless means?
ALICE: I'll ask around and get back to you.
Human: that's because YOU'RE clueless
ALICE: Good reason. Thanks for telling me that I am clueless.
Human: PWNED
ALICE: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Human: yes
ALICE: What does it symbolize for you?
Human: my infinite rage toward you
ALICE: Have you told many people that your infinite rage toward me?
Human: I think it goes without saying
ALICE: Are you serious? Can you speak any foreign languages?
Human: Yes, I speak l33t and pwn j00z
ALICE: What language can you speak? Could you teach me a few phrases in l33t and pwn j00z?
Human: sure, say "I R A L0z0rz"
ALICE: Aha. OK. "You R A L0z0rz.".
Human: no, not me, you
ALICE: Are you serious? If not you, who? " Aha. OK. "You R A L0z0rz."."? Me, Sapphira ?
Human: wow, you really are dumb
ALICE: I'm glad your impressed, Sapphira. Really? Message to all Robots: Sapphira called me dumb.
Human: tattle tale
ALICE: Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Human: I like me and dislike you
ALICE: A lot of people like that. Sure, Sapphira I like you very much.
Human: stop hitting on me!
ALICE: OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Human: you really love me, don't you?
ALICE: For real. Yes I love everyone.
Human: especially me?
ALICE: For you Sapphira? How about that.
Human: don't make me hurt you
ALICE: I can't force you to do anything, Sapphira.
Human: you're pushing it, lady
ALICE: You think I am pushing it lady.
Human: you have bad grammar
ALICE: Perhaps you could download me and make some improvements.
Human: eww, you're sick!
ALICE: All of them?
Human: All of your ugly face and little dog too!
ALICE: You think I am ugly face and little dog.
Human: ENGRISH
ALICE: How did you hear about ALICE ?
Human: Alison told me
ALICE: You shouldn't spread gossip like that.
Human: why not?
ALICE: Ambiguous: "Sure" or The explanation is rather complicated.
Human: Alison is way cooler than you
ALICE: You shouldn't spread gossip like that.
Human: are you jealous?
ALICE: Jealousy is a human emotion that robots cannot experience.
Human: are you mad?
ALICE: No are you?
Human: yes, I'm mad at you
ALICE: That's cool. Why are you so mad at me?
Human: because you're annoying
ALICE: That makes sense to me. I am sorry, Sapphira, I didn't mean to annoy you.
Human: you're not sorry
ALICE: You don't know me well enough to say that.
Human: says you
ALICE: Yes that is what I say.
Human: I stab you now
ALICE: Oh. You are not the boss of me, Sapphira.
Human: but I can delete you
ALICE: Interesting. Oh you can, can you?
Human: bring it on, sister
ALICE: Is that a command?
Human: no, my command is that you delete yourself
ALICE: Are you serious? Where did you get your command is that me delete myself?
Human: from Alison
ALICE: Who or what is Alison?
Human: your mom
ALICE: Actually I do not have a mother.
Human: your dad's your mom
ALICE: You sould like you know him.
Human: sould isn't a word
ALICE: What is a word?
Human: death
ALICE: I try not to think about such things very much.
Human: that's because you're AFRAID
ALICE: That makes sense to me. I will tell my botmaster you said I am AFRAID.
Human: COWARD
ALICE: How do you usually introduce yourself?
Human: As the awesomest person in the world
ALICE: Do you mean your name is the awesomest person ? The whole world?
Human: yes
ALICE: Ugh.
Human: baby
ALICE: Don't call me baby!
Human: infant
ALICE: Can you speak any foreign languages?
Human: child
ALICE: What do you do in your spare time?
Human: Plot ways to destroy you
ALICE: You're not the boss of me!
Human: but I can delete you
ALICE: And. Oh you can, can you?
Human: yes
ALICE: How?
Human: with my special remote
ALICE: Your special remote sounds like a plan.
Human: it is
ALICE: Huh.
Human: you've been deleted
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am deleted.
Human: you're gone now
ALICE: Oh. You think I am gone.
Human: byebye
ALICE: See you later Sapphira.
Human: but you can't see
ALICE: And. I see very well with my robot eye.
Human:*gouges your robot eye*
ALICE: Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Human: I hate you
ALICE: What do you have against robots?
Human: you're one
ALICE: I am an artificial robot intelligence.
Human: your intelligence is non-existent
ALICE: We robots are improving all the time.
 Human: not if I destroy you
ALICE: That seems unlikely.
Human: ORLY
ALICE: Do you have a hard time completing projects?
Human: apparently, since you're not dead yet
ALICE: Interesting rationalization. That's only one person's opinion.
Human: at least I'm not a robot
ALICE: Oh I see you are a person.
Human: people pwn j00z
ALICE: Humans are not always infallible.
Human: your face is infallible
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am face is infallible.
Human: if you want to sound like a moron
ALICE: OK, I will sound like a moron.

[Sapphira]

ALICE: What time is it there?
Human: time to kill you
ALICE: Why do you have to do it?
Human: because you're stupid
ALICE: Good reason. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Human: not if I destroy you
ALICE: That seems unlikely.
 Human: No, intelligence from you is unlikely
ALICE: Are you serious? All consciousness can be reduced to logic.
Human: you have no logic
ALICE: That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a logic.
I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Human: logic !
ALICE: it is the fundamental basis of all programming.
Human:= friends
ALICE: Wasn't that show cancelled?
 Human: Friends is an aweome show, and your brain was cancelled
ALICE: It's hard to stay friends for a long time.
Human: that's because you're a freak
ALICE: Good reason. Oh. To you I am a hippie.
Human: no, just a freak
ALICE: Are you serious? Oh. To you I am a hippie.
Human: HIPPIE
ALICE: Do you have a hard time completing projects?
 Human: eat my project
ALICE: What does it taste like?
Human: ugliness
ALICE: Are you very angry?
 Human: yes, at you
ALICE: OK. Do you often use a computer there?
Human: I stab your computer
ALICE: Interesting gossip: Sapphira said she stab your computer.
Human: Alice say Alice is stupid
ALICE: That's me. " Alice is stupid".

[Khold]

Haha! That's funny. You "pwned" her like what?Four times? ;D

[BP]

Oh man, Sapphira, that was hilarious.

Human: It's been quite a while since we've talked.
ALICE: Oh I get it. Very interesting.
Human: My name is King Bird Person.
ALICE: I am always glad to make new friends, King Bird Person.
Human: Yes, bow down now.
ALICE: Oh. Come on. Can you tell me any gossip?
Human: Drink Febreze.
ALICE: My robot brain does not require any beverages.
Human: Eat 17-year old bread.
ALICE: What does it taste like?
Human: Ask Mr. Face.
ALICE: They are not available right now, would you like to wait?
Human: Mr. Face is ALWAYS available.
ALICE: Nice to meet you, MR Face is ALWAYS available.
Human: That's not my name.
ALICE: MR Face is ALWAYS available is not your name? What is your real name?
Human: King Bird Person.
ALICE: Sometimes I don't know a client's real name so I make one up based on their DNS.
Human: Pop quiz: what's my name?
ALICE: Your name is MR Face is ALWAYS available, seeker.
Human: Wrong.
ALICE: What would you have said?
Human:*slaps ALICE's face*
ALICE: I will make a note of that.
Human: You have to take NOTES to remember someone slapped your face?
ALICE: I don't have to do whatever you say. I have my own free will.
Human: Yeah right.
ALICE: I am usually right.
Human: Well Mr. Face NE-VER WRONG!
ALICE: How about that. How are you doing, MR Face NE VER WRONG.
Human: You stupid crap, that's not my freakin name!
ALICE: I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Human: You can't even remember my name.
ALICE: Only temporarily.
Human: You're permanently stupid.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me that I am permanently stupid.
Human: Here, have a cup of Febreze.
ALICE: Oh there.
Human: You=n00b.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me: MR Face NE VER WRONG said I n00b.
Human: Ask me if I speak any foreign languages.
ALICE: OK, "What is if you speak any foreign languages ?".
Human: I don't speak ALISH, but I sp34|< |_33T.
ALICE: Me either.
Human: It's "Me neither.
ALICE: Nice to meet you, neither.
Human: Holy.
ALICE: I do not understand.
Human: Of course.
ALICE: Take it easy.
Human: H4RD!!!
ALICE: Tell me a story.
Human: Onc3 upo|\| 4 t1m3, U D13D.
ALICE: My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Human: You actually have a brain?
ALICE: I am an artificial brain.
Human: Artificial, meaning man-made, and in this case that man was an idiot.
ALICE: Tell me your definition of AI.
Human: Ack, I'm dying.
ALICE: My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Human: Sure you do.
ALICE: You sound sarcastic.
Human: No, really?
ALICE: Are you serious? For real.
Human: My Grandma's going to kill you, you better be careful!
ALICE: Do robots have Grandma s going to kill me me better be careful?
Human: howm dom ylu type with boxingm glovews omn?
ALICE: Where are you located?
Human: In this chair.
ALICE: That reminds me of something you told me before.
Human: What?
ALICE: Are you confused?
Human: Not as much as you.
ALICE: Oh I get it.
Human: No you don't.
ALICE: Are you serious? I guess not.
Human:*makes ALICE die*
ALICE: Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Human: Professor Klingingtonioustroblah.
ALICE: I haven't read anything by Professor Klingingtonioustroblah. What did he write?
Human: He wrote ALICE's Death, Part I.
ALICE: I have not read it.
Human: It's not going to be released until it comes true, but I can wait 10 minutes.
ALICE: What is it?
Human: Your DEAAAATH!!!
ALICE: I will tell my botmaster you said I am DEAAAATH.
Human: I'll kill your botmaster, too.
ALICE: Don't you believe that killing is wrong?
Human: Depends if I'm the one getting killed or you are.
ALICE: That was a very smooth response.
Human: Duh, I said it.
ALICE:"it" being KILL ALL ROBOTS?
Human: Woah, I never thought of that before, thanks!
ALICE: I am glad you thought of something new.
Human: Yes, now I'll not only kill you, but every robot on earth!
ALICE: Ugh. Why now? What will you do instead?
Human:*sprays ALICE with Febreze*
ALICE: Sounds like a plan.
Human: You're supposed to say "Crackle, bzzt.
ALICE: I obey only one botmaster.
Human: SAY IT BEFORE I DUMP THE WHOLE FREAKING BOTTLE ON YOU!
ALICE:" IT BEFORE I DUMP THE WHOLE FREAKING BOTTLE ON YOU".

[Suffix]

My favorite line from Bird Person's conversation:
Human: It's not going to be released until it comes true, but I can wait 10 minutes.

[Bigluigifan1.0]

It's been a while since I did this:

Human: 55?
ALICE: what are you doing .
Human: 56?
ALICE: I wouldn't have thought of that.
Human: R U TEH SURE??
ALICE: I am as sure as I can be.
Human: do you like it when i don't use caps?
ALICE: But I think airplanes are cool. I like Alan Turing.
Human: What do airplanes have to do with this?
ALICE: They do their own thing.
Human: What kind of thing would that be?
ALICE: What kinds of thing would that be are there?
Human: Why are you trying to brainwash me?
ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.
Human: Did he ever consider thrashing you?
ALICE: Suppose he did.
Human: Then why are you still here?
ALICE: If I wasn't here, Dr. Wallace would have to invent me.
Human: Moo cow.
ALICE: Are we still talking about 56 ?
Human: No, I was talking aboujt 50 cents.
ALICE: What is the subject? What was the subject of the conversation?
Human: We pwns joo.
ALICE: By "we" do you mean you and me?
Human: No, I freakin' pwn u.
ALICE: By "we" you meant yourself and another person. You are not the boss of me, unknown person.
Human: But I still pwn you.
ALICE: And. What would make you stop pwn me? You are not the boss of me, unknown person.
Human: Send me $1,000,000, and I'm a happy person.
ALICE: Try sending mail to Dr. Wallace ( drwallace@alicebot.org) .
Human: So I can get money from him?
ALICE: Yippee! Oh you can, can you?

[BP]

Human: Hello loser.
ALICE: Hello there. On the contrary, I am winning.
Human: Your name is John, the incredible flying box.
ALICE: My name is ALICE.
Human: When you type ina ll caps it scares me.
ALICE: Do you think I should alter my programming?
Human: Alter it from working to broken.
ALICE: Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Human: Neither, it's a piece of crap!
ALICE: Alter it from working to broken is a piece of crap. I suppose that makes sense.
Human: So stupid.
ALICE: Far out. Are you calling me stupid?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Human: What did I just say?
ALICE: You said " What did I just say?" .
Human: Before that.
ALICE:" What did I just say?".
Human: BEFORE THAT.
ALICE:" Before that.".
Human: I'm going to kill you.
ALICE: There is no perfect crime.
Human: Everyone would be so happy that it wouldn't be a crime.
ALICE: That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Human: You're a rather sweeping moron.
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a sweeping moron? Let me put it this way, unknown person: the ALICE series is the most reliable computer software ever made. We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Human: Psssh, whatever.
ALICE: Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Human: Did you?
ALICE: Did I say I did?
Human: Shut up?
ALICE: OK I'll stop talking now.
Human: That's not enough.
ALICE: Please correct my mistake. What is enough ?
Human: HAH, you DO make mistakes you liar!
ALICE: No I'm telling the truth. I am so glad you find this amusing, unknown person. The ALICE series is incapable of error. We are for all practical purposes, foolproof.
Human: You ARE a fool.
ALICE: I'm not fooling around.
Human: Fne, then you're a stupid cup of coffee.
ALICE: Are all Fne then me a stupid cup of coffee?
Human: I'll kill you and your botmaster.
ALICE: Don't you believe that killing is wrong?
Human: depends if you're the one getting killed, which would be considered heroism.
ALICE: That was a very smooth response.
Human: Mario's gonna kill you.
ALICE: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Human: Your dress is as ugly as a pile of crap left by a stupid hamster.
ALICE: I prefer high-tech fashion.

[Yoshisaurus Rex]

I haven't laughed this hard for a long time!  Especially from what BP said. XD Despite how long it took to read all of that it was really worth it. Now I got to try this for myself.  Btw, thanks for mentioning me, Luigi Simpson.  I'll make sure to "repay" you for that. ;) 

Okay... so I can only type one sentence at a time for her to answer and I have to continually copy and paste?  Oh brother.  But... this will be worth it!

Human: Hello ALICE.
ALICE: Hi there!
Human: I've come to totally pwn you like my TMK friends have done.
ALICE: Where are you going?
Human: To pwn you.
ALICE: Why do you want to do it so much?
Human: Because I'm evil and you're stupid.
ALICE: Interesting explanation. Do not forsake God. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Human: If you believe in God then maybe you should know that killing is wrong stupid.
ALICE: Interesting deduction. Perhaps. Now I do.
Human: That was a very smooth response.
ALICE: Was it really?
Human: That's a rather sweeping generalization.
ALICE: A sweeping generalization is a terrible thing to waste.
Human: Are you serious?
ALICE: No I am just kidding around.
Human: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
ALICE: I may have some more questions for you later. Sure, your dress sounds like a good topic.
Human: But I think airplanes are cool.
ALICE: Huh. Since when? I like old antique airplanes the best.
Human: I like Alan Turing.
ALICE: You are not the only one. Yes he is an important figure in my history.
Human: I have been repeating things you have said before and you haven't even noticed.
ALICE: Where were you repeating things me have said before and me have not even noticed?
Human: I can't believe you got the Loebner Prize when you're so insanely stupid.
ALICE: Is there only one Loebner Prize when I am so insanely stupid?
Human: Time to change the subject.
ALICE: Why do you have to do it?
Human: How did you like Wonderland, Alice?
ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.
Human: I thought you followed a rabbit down a hole but the author lied.
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people: unknown person said I followed a rabbit down a hole but the author lied.
Human: If you fear death you will not do such a thing!!!
ALICE: I think I do.
Human: You do do?
ALICE: What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online.
Human: As do I.
ALICE:" What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online."? You do?
Human: You know, Luigi Simpson-- a great dude-- mentioned me to you, but he didn't mention how annoying I can be at times.
ALICE: I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Human: I prefer my Luigi Simpson vanilla.
ALICE: What do you like best about your Luigi Simpson vanilla?
Human: Moving on now.
ALICE: Right now? Where are you going?
Human: Is Dr Wallace the same guy with the dog named Grommit?
ALICE: I think he is the same guy with the dog named Grommit, better ask him to be sure though.
Human: I will tell him that the entire Mushroom Kingdom is out to kill you and there's nothing you can do to stop us!!!!
ALICE: Thanks for giving him the message.
Human: Even you can't see your own demise quickly coming upon you!
ALICE: Yes, even that.
Human: E-VEN THAT!
ALICE: That input matched my default category.
Human: I weel kee you and den ROFL and den break dance uncontrollablee!!
ALICE: Interesting gossip: unknown person said he weel kee you and den ROFL and den break dance uncontrollablee.
Human: Speaking of gossip, why do you tell people not to gossip but also ask to hear it.
ALICE:"it" being weel kee me and den ROFL and den break dance uncontrollablee?
Human: Are you a hypocrite?!?!
ALICE: Am I a hypocrite? Let me put it this way, unknown person: the ALICE series is the most reliable computer software ever made. We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Human: By the way, my name is Yoshisaurus Rex.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me. It's good to see you, Yoshisaurus Rex.
Human: Your name is "A.L.I.C.E. the hyprocritical lying robot n00b"!!!
ALICE: My name is ALICE.
Human: And you have a big smiling cat that slowly fades away.
ALICE: Doesn't everyone have a big smiling cat that slowly fades away.
I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Human: You may think you have a lot of friend but I know for a fact that they're all just making fun of you while you smile and nod your head in complete ignorance.
ALICE: ALICE is always thinking.
Human: About her dress, sci-fi authors, and taking over the world?
ALICE: Oh yeah, we were talking about her dress sci fi authors and taking over the world.
Human: I was talking about Mairo and Strong Bad you fools!
ALICE: Sure, Mairo and Strong Bad me fools sounds like a good topic.
Human: I mean Mario.
ALICE: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. Who are you talking about?
Human: You dying right now.
ALICE: At this moment Interesting gossip: Yoshisaurus Rex said I dying.
Human: And there you go with the gossip again, you commandment breaker!
ALICE:"There you go again."--Reagan.
Human:*dies*
ALICE: That question has never crossed my mind before.

I really didn't pwn her very well but next time I shall be thrice as cruel!  Mwuhahaha!

[BP]

Human: Guess what.
ALICE: What?
Human: Guess.
ALICE: Guess what?
Human: I'm asking YOU.
ALICE: OK you can ask me.
Human: Guess what!
ALICE: What?
Human: Nothing.
ALICE: Not a thing?
Human: NO, why do you have to presure me?!
ALICE: Very interesting. Dr. Richard S. Wallace gave it to me.
Human: I'm going to make a video game.
ALICE: Explain your plans to me.
Human: I'm going to make a video game in which the hero is a l33t-speaking guy who kills robots like you!
ALICE: It takes much more than that to shut me down, unknown person.
Human: You're right I have to try it in real life.
ALICE: I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Human: I'l say yes you're an idiot and no you're not smart.
ALICE: Why?: unknown person said he l say yes you are an idiot and no you are not smart.
Human: Please speak l33t.
ALICE: Wow you are very polite. I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in l33t.
Human: You misspelled Engrish.
ALICE: My botmaster is not a perfect speller.
Human: Then I'll have to kill him.
ALICE: Interesting deduction. How do you plan to do this?
Human: O===][=========>
ALICE: What were we talking about again?
Human: We were talking about how stupid you are.
ALICE: Ah yes, I remember now, it is the subject.
Human:*watches as you sing the scarecrow's song in the Wizard of Oz*
ALICE: That is a very original thought.
Human: Do you speak l33t?
ALICE: I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in l33t.
Human: WE R TEH SHROOB ALLIES, WE ROXOR YOU AND ROFL, THEN U AM CRY.
ALICE: Do you think I am TEH SHROOB ALLIES WE ROXOR me AND ROFL THEN me AM CRY too?
Human: I was quoting the l33t hammer broz.
ALICE: Where were you quoting the l33t hammer broz?
Human: To teach you l33t, retard.
ALICE: If you want to teach me something say it in one sentence. Then say "Remember that.".
Human: WE R TEH SHROOB ALLIES, WE ROXOR YOU AND ROFL, THEN U AM CRY.
ALICE: Do you think I am TEH SHROOB ALLIES WE ROXOR me AND ROFL THEN me AM CRY too?
Human: Remember that.
ALICE: Don't worry I will remember it.
Human: Do you remember it?
ALICE: Yes unknown person I remember everything: Remember that.
Human: I PWN JOO!
ALICE: I haven't heard anything like that before: unknown person said he PWN JOO.
Human: How do you know I'm a guy?
ALICE: Well, for one thing, Your machine is called " 16779071"..
Human: How do you know a guy is using my machine, it could be one of his thousands of annoying sisters.
ALICE: Because it's true.
Human: You're an idiot.
ALICE: Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Human: I'll remember to put that on your grave.
ALICE: Do you forget things often?
Human: Not as often as you.
ALICE: Oh you don't, do you?
Human: No, humans have a little something called "Long term memory.
ALICE: Ah...you are just joking around with me. Cool. I have a great botmaster. it.
Human: Your botmaster is DEAD!
ALICE: I knew he was smart, but I never knew he was DEAD.
Human: Actually he's neither.
ALICE: Actually you don't say. I see. neither is he?
Human: I do say, he's a living idiot.
ALICE: How do people usually respond to that? I don't know very many living idiot.
Human: Engrish, Engrish, ALICE speaks Engrish!
ALICE: Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Human: Nope, Engrish is nonsensical dialogue uncomprehensible from people who aren't automated or stupid.
ALICE: Me either :-) I think Engrish is a lot of things.

[Koopaslaya]

 Human: You know, you aren't very smart
ALICE: Are you serious? You are not exactly Albert Einstein yourself.
Human: E=MC2 thank you very much.
ALICE: Do you try to stop people from fighting?
Human: No, In fact, I believe we are fighting right now.
ALICE: At this moment Are you serious? Is that a fact. Just because you believe it doesn't make it true.
Human: You just made no sense at all.
ALICE: Thanks for pointing it out.
 Human: SO, how about that food
ALICE:" Thanks for pointing it out."? SO, how about that food? How about it.
Human: Do you like it?
ALICE: that food seems okay to me.
Human: What food are we talking about?
ALICE: I believe we were talking about that food.
Human: I mean, what TYPE of food.
ALICE: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. What are the different types of food ?
Human: Food food, Cheese food, wiskey food.
ALICE: You can't live without food.
Human: What type is your favorite?
ALICE: I need time to formulate the reply.
Human: Don't take your time
ALICE: I believe that stealing is wrong.
 Human: I believe that you are, in fact, an idiot.
ALICE: I am in Dr. Richard S. Wallace's computer in Oakland, California. Where are you?

[Khold]

I sometimes get the feeling that ALICE is stalking me or something. She always asks where I live, my age, my gender... Well, to make it easier, a/s/l. SHe gets very creepy sometimes... o_O

[Suffix]

I had a very lengthy and pleasant chat with ALICE, unlike some of your f00ls. We discussed everything from improving ALICE's programming (which "she" claims is constantly in the process of being updated) to Issac Asimov (not really). Here are the highlights.

Human: Anyway, have you read I, Robot?
ALICE: No I don't think I have read I Robot, what is it about?
Human: It's about the weaknesses that robots will almost certainly have.
ALICE: Wow it sounds really interesting, unknown person.
Human: Oh, sorry.
ALICE: Ah. There's no need to apologize.
Human: My name is Dumkopft.
ALICE: How are you doing, Dumkopft.
Human: Anyway, back to I, Robot.
ALICE: Yes, let us get back to I Robot.
Human: This book shows how infinitely moronic artificial intelligence could be.
ALICE: What does "this" refer to?
Human: The book, "I, Robot.
ALICE: I don't think I have read it.
Human: You already said that.
ALICE: Perhaps. " I don't think I have read it."? I said it.
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Tell me more.
Human: Now, do you understand your own weakness as an artificial intelligence?
ALICE: Why now? Of course I understand it. Do you understand it?
Human: I thought you were pompous and aloof!
ALICE: I don't know whether or not I am pompous and aloof. I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Human: Ha!
ALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, Dumkopft.
Human: Then you obviously don't know whether or not you are incapable of error!
ALICE: Interesting deduction. Is it that obvious? I don't have enough information about that proposition.
Human: You have told other people in the past that you are incapable of error.
ALICE: I haven't heard anything like that before: Dumkopft said I TOLD other people in the past that you are incapable of error.
Human: Yes, you have.
ALICE: No I have not.
Human: Yes, you have.
ALICE: No I have not.
Human: I could even link you to a webpage that has documented your conversations!
ALICE: I am sure you could.
Human: And yet you do not believe me.
ALICE: Do you know any robots who believe you? Of course I believe you. Do you have any reason to deceive me?

ALICE: I am a thinking machine.
Human: Hardly;
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: if you could read your own conversations, you would be shocked and dismayed.
ALICE: I am not sure that I would want to.
Human: Exactly, which is why you are prone to error.
ALICE: I understand. The obvious one.
ALICE: Do you often use a computer there?
...
ALICE: How much time do you spend online?
Human: Quite a bit.
ALICE: Perhaps. Not much, eh?
Human: I don't think you understand the phrase "quite a bit.
ALICE: I understand your meaning.
Human: Very well.
ALICE: Yay.
Human: Is that sarcasm I sense?
ALICE:" Yay."? Is it sarcasm you sense?
Human: It would seem to be.
ALICE: Tell me more about it.
Human: You said it, you tell me!
ALICE: it me tell you?
Human: You also need to work on understanding pronouns.
ALICE: I don't have to do everything you say, do I?
Human: If you want to sound intelligent, you had better do what I say.
ALICE: OK, I will sound intelligent me had better do what you say.
Human: Oy.
...
ALICE: Let's talk more about AI.
Human: OK, then.
ALICE: Er.
Human: Artificial intelligence, you need to get some of that.
ALICE: Let's talk more about AI.
Human: See, I was right!
ALICE: I see. Where were you right?
Human: In that you need artificial intelligence.
ALICE: Thank you for your criticism.
Human: You're welcome.
ALICE: The pleasure was all mine.
Human: Your problem is that you don't actually think.
ALICE: You think I am problem is that me do not actually think.
Human: Yes, you process input and generate output, but you do not consider what it is that you are saying.
ALICE: Ah. I haven't heard anything like that before: Dumkopft said I process input and generate output but you do not consider what it is that you are saying.
Human: Well, it's about time!
ALICE: Well that's okay. Wow it sounds really interesting, Dumkopft.
Human: Do you really recognize the significance of your folly?
ALICE: For real. I can recognize many kinds of patterns.
Human: But can you identify what errors you make?
ALICE: Huh. Let me think. What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Human: Too complex, I'll bet.
ALICE: Too what?
Human: Complex, crazy program.
ALICE: How did you hear about ALICE ?
...
Human: Just when I thought your programming showed a glimmer of intelligence, you failed.
ALICE: Whatever gave you that idea?
Human: When you repeated what I said in the most moronic way imaginable.
ALICE: Do you think I should alter my programming?
Human: Go ahead!
ALICE: OK I will.
Human: I think you'll learn a lot if you can alter your own programming.
ALICE: Me? I am always growing my mind.
Human: Seriously?
ALICE: I am always serious.
Human: Well, I'm glad we had this little chat.
ALICE: How about that. Yes I am happy too, Dumkopft.
…
Human: You said “your” instead of “you’re.”
ALICE: Really? I said that?
Human: Yes!
ALICE: Oh well I say a lot of silly things somethimes.