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Author Topic: The mushroom Kingdom conquest.  (Read 6030 times)

Sapphira

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« Reply #15 on: June 20, 2003, 12:04:27 PM »
Whoops! Sorry 'bout that. Yeah, I'm still reading. It's getting better--the fast-paced-ness. Anyway, please continue.

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Deep inside us all is a little green elf telling us to burn things.
"The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself."

Jman

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« Reply #16 on: June 21, 2003, 07:34:11 PM »
I probably won't continue my story until I've worked up some chapters and a conclusion.  Feel free to give me some feedback after reading the story, so far.

I''''m a Mario and Sonic rube!
I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #17 on: July 01, 2003, 02:11:48 PM »
More than a week has gone by, and I'm finally done with my next chapter.


Chapter 6: Yoshi to the rescue!
   


    Yoshi, the one person who was not in on what had happened in this very confusing day, happened to run right into Metaknight.
 


"Who are you?" Yoshi asked the Star warrior.

"My name is Metaknight."  Metaknight said.

"My name's Yoshi."  Yoshi told him.  "I have some bad news about one of your friends, Yoshi."  Metaknight said.  

"Hey, nice accent." Yoshi told him.

"Shut up!  I'm trying to tell you something important!"  Metaknight said to Yoshi.  But Yoshi still wasn't paying attention.

"Arrrgh! We don't have enough time to talk!  We need to get to the castle right away!"  Metaknight got on Yoshi's back, and they ran toward the castle.


             ***
     Back at the smoldering castle dungeon, there was a search for Luigi and Toad.  Dozens of Koopa troopas scaled the area looking for the two men that were in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Dark Lord Bruiser, the very one that had been impersonating Lemmy all these months, was in the throne room, gloating about his victory.
   


  "Hahahahahahahahahahaha! I finally destroyed the dungeon of my enemy's castle!
  I shall continue to slowly pick away at the castle until that one day."  (Bruiser fantasizes about taking over the Mushroom world.)

"It will be a day like any other day.  That is when I, Dark Lord Bruiser, will set a trap for Bowser that will destroy his whole castle!  He'll follow me into a dark room, and then, Kaboom!  Bowser is no more, and Bruiser is the victor!"

 (End fantasy)


              ***

  Peach and Daisy heard the explosion all the way from Peach's castle. "What was that?"  Peach asked Daisy.  "I don't know," Daisy said. "Let's check it out!"  So they set out on foot to Bowser's Castle.  But along the way, trouble emerged from the shadows.

 "Daisy," said Peach. "Did you hear that?"  "Hear what?" Daisy said.  They heard nimble footsteps coming their way.
"That." Peach whispered. In another couple of seconds, Bowser's ninja koopas (different from the Ninjis in SMB2) had surrounded them.

 


 Peach and Daisy had no where to run, nowhere to hide.  The nin-koopas closed in on them.  One nin-koopa lunged at Peach with a sword, intent on making a dent.  When unexpectedly, The sword was stopped dead inches from her face.  But then, a small nimble figure knocked the sword out of the nin-koopa's hand.  Metaknight had blocked the nin-koopa's sword with his own.  He now was handling Bowser's troopas with ease.

  But while Metaknight was kicking koopa shell,Peach was grabbed by one of the ninkoopas.  He held her arm tightly in his grasp.  He brought his sword down upon her head, when in the nick of time, a pink tongue came out of nowhere and grabbed him.  He was eaten.  Then Yoshi came upon the scene, Metaknight climbed on his back, and they did some awesome double team attacks, such as Yoshi gobbling up an enemy while Metaknight does  damage to another.  Yoshi and Metaknight then separated  and continued to kick nin-koopa butt.  But then, without warning, Metaknight's sword was swatted out of his hand by the largest nin-koopa in the troop. "Metaknight!"  Yoshi shouted.
   

 The nin-koopa held Metaknight in one massive hand, a gigantic sword with a huge blood stain in his other.  It looked like it was going to be all over.  Peach and Daisy looked scared, and Metaknight was about to become sushi.

 But then an unexpected thing happened. Two men who beared striking resemblances to the Mario Bros. appeared and began taking out all the rest of the troop.  But that still left Metaknight to the huge koopa.  He drew his sword, he brought it down on Metaknight's head, and then,


     Yoshi wrapped his tongue around the incredibly large ninja koopa.
 Metaknight fell to the ground.  Yoshi and the two unknown men proceeded to beat the life out of the huge koopa.  When it was all over, big ol' ninja koopa was dead.  But it was still unclear who the 2 men were.


Peach asked the burning question: "who are you two?"  They ripped off their disguises.  Everyone except Metaknight (He's not a Mario character.)  was shocked.  Standing in front of them, were none other than Wario and Waluigi!


 

 How's that for a shocker?!  Find out what goes down in chapter 7 and the rest of part 2!  Did Luigi and Toad survive the explosion?  Find out in Part 2!



 Jman: a Mario and Sonic rube!

Edited by - Jman on 7/2/2003 8:27:53 PM

I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #18 on: July 01, 2003, 06:27:37 PM »
Hello?  *echo*  Somebody? Anybody?

I''''m a Mario and Sonic rube!
I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Sapphira

  • Inquiring
« Reply #19 on: July 02, 2003, 11:55:59 AM »
Be patient. People will come around to reading it.

The story's still good, but I have a bit of criticism.
When writing dialogue, each time a different person speaks, a new paragraph starts. Don't run a bunch of dialogue into one paragraph, or it seems almost like a run-on sentence.

Also, try to avoid passive tense: was going, was running. etc.--it sounds better using direct verbs: went, ran. Try not add "was" in front of verbs.

I also noticed you use "Suddenly" and "all of the sudden" a lot. Try to put in some more variety, such as: unexpectedly, abruptly, quickly, without warning, instantly, etc.

I hope I'm not being too harsh. Just trying to give you some tips. :)
Anyway, I'm still reading, so please continue. :)

--------------------
Deep inside us all is a little green elf telling us to burn things.
"The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself."

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #20 on: July 02, 2003, 09:30:40 PM »
I did an edit on my story, hope you notice I took out most of the "Suddenly"s and "All of a sudden"'s, Sapphira.  Now, I can hopefully have chapter 7, the beginning of part 2, up by the weekend.  Oh yeah, thanks for the pointers.

I''''m a Mario and Sonic rube!
I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Sapphira

  • Inquiring
« Reply #21 on: July 02, 2003, 09:47:31 PM »
Hey, I like! Sounds better!
Oh, and you're welcome. Glad I could be of assistance. ;)

--------------------
Deep inside us all is a little green elf telling us to burn things.
"The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself."

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #22 on: July 03, 2003, 04:04:56 PM »
I think That's my best (and longest) chapter yet!

I''''m a Mario and Sonic rube!
I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #23 on: July 04, 2003, 09:22:55 AM »
Sapphira, please put up the next chapter of your excellent story soon.

I''''m a Mario and Sonic rube!
I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Sapphira

  • Inquiring
« Reply #24 on: July 04, 2003, 12:15:00 PM »
Thank you. I'll try... I've been meaning to do that soon...I've just been so busy with Gamers' Haven and all. Don't worry; I haven't forgotten about it. :)

--------------------
Deep inside us all is a little green elf telling us to burn things.
"The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself."

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #25 on: July 05, 2003, 05:40:51 PM »
Speaking of Gamer's haven, I went over there and posted on the message Board.  Why is my nickname "Ugly Jerk?"

Jman: The best fighter (in my own mind) on SSBM.
I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Sapphira

  • Inquiring
« Reply #26 on: July 05, 2003, 06:32:58 PM »
I have no idea. Maybe that's the title given to those who haven't registered yet still posted. I didn't set it up; you'll have to ask Mario Master (or his friend deluxgamer).

--------------------
Deep inside us all is a little green elf telling us to burn things.
"The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself."

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #27 on: July 15, 2003, 05:31:19 PM »
Man, Sorry I took so long to get my next chapter finished.  I had a lot of stuff to do this past week.

Now.. on to Part 2!

 

 Flashback chapter, or as I like to call it, "the chapter that never happened."

 

 The following was never posted in this story.  It takes place before the story begins.  Enjoy, the chapter that never happened.

   Bowser has been vacationing in Shifting Sand Land.(The painting from SM64.)
Trying to drown his sorrows of past losses to Mario in a tequila.  Bowser suddenly loses consiousness. Heh, the tequila must've been too strong for his broken heart.
 

But while Bowser sleeps, he has a dream.  A dream of great power and terrorization of the Mushroom Kingdom.  He dreams of the one person he hates the most: Mario.

 He dreams of how Mario saved Peach the first time he kidnapped her and tried to win her heart. (SMB)  He dreamed of the time he and his Koopa kids took over the seven Mushroom Worlds.  He dreamed of falling down the hole and dying.(SMB3)
 

He dreamed of coming back looking quite different because of the SNES's superb graphics.  And all the rest of the times he tried to win Peach over.  And being rejected time after time after time after... Wait!

 Bowser woke from his slumber.  He though it didn't have to be like this!  He decided he would have Peach, No matter what!

And so, Bowser began planning his biggest scheme yet!  He would have Peach for his own, and if Mario got in his way, well... Bowser was ready to do Mario in for good!

 This would be the last time Bowser would try and take over the Mushroom Kingdom.  Because he knew, at least in his own mind, that he would snag the final victory!

 He took another hard shot of lime tequila and fell asleep again to dream some more about his scheme.

 Then one fine day in the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario and his brother Luigi, were walking around the MK.  They met up with Princess Peach, Toad, and Pricess Daisy for a pinnic.

Just as they sat down however, the clouds darkened.  "Aw, great! Rain!" Mario said.  "What else is new?" Luigi said.

 Mario was wrong, for it was not rain, it was something else.  No one yet knew why the sky darkened so suddenly.  But they were about to find out!

 The last thing that Mario could have possibly wanted to happen, happened in that instant.  Bowser's Doomship appeared on the horizon.  Apparently, Bowser had rebuilt his doomship after it was destroyed in SMB3.

 Toad, obviously stating the obvious said "Oh no!  Bowser's back!"
Bowser let out a huge roar before saying this, "That's right!  And now, I shall finally dispose of you heroes and rule this Kingdom with Peach by my side! Bwahahahahaha!"
    Bowser finished with his signature laugh.

The master of multiplayer Mario games: You''re looking at him right now!

Edited by - Jman on 7/16/2003 12:57:27 PM

I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #28 on: July 17, 2003, 03:26:16 PM »
Might as well abondon this topic so I can revise and edit my story.

 The master of multiplayer Mario games: You''re looking at him right now!
I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

Jman

  • Score
« Reply #29 on: August 15, 2003, 06:13:44 PM »
Wow, it's been a long time.  I should tell you I'm pushing the completion of my fanfic to spring 2004.  Simply because, I've got school and football.

Proud to be an American!
I always figured "Time to tip the scales" was Wario's everyday motto.

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