Author Topic: Wario's Culinary Caper  (Read 1344 times)

« on: September 25, 2005, 08:43:14 PM »
I loved Bird Person's story so much that I created this. Enjoy.

Wario has just returned from a a trek across the DryDry Desert. As you could guess, he was searching for money, but found nothing. It was time Wario retired to his second most favorite passion: Food. He traveled into his house and shut the door. "Slam!" Opening his fridge, Wario picked out pickles, onions, garlic, ham and bread. All at once, he smushed the ingredients together and placed them between the slices.

Wario: Yum! My favorite! Hold on....this would go great with mustard! Now were did I put it?

He searched up and down, high and low, but could not find it. After only 2 minutes, Wario decided that Ketchup would work just as well. He opened the fridge once again, only to find the mustard in front of him.

Wario: Whoa. Didn't think to look there!

As soon as he grasped the mustard and turned around, he discovered that his sandwich was gone!!

Wario: Hey! Who took my sandwich? WALUIGI!

Waluigi: Wha? Yer home already? What took you so long?

Wario: Nevermind that! Did you eat my sandwich? It was right here a second ago!

Waluigi: Shut up, you fattie! I didn't take yer stupid sandwich. Is it that important? Make another one!

Wario: No! This one was special! It had all of my favorite stuff on it! Besides, were out of groceries, so it's impossible to create another sandwich!

Waluigi: Then just go get some more, dope!

Wario: Nah, I'm to fat and lazy! You do it!

Waluigi: *You can travel miles across a desert but can't go two blocks to the mart for food....*

Wario: Hmmmm.....I've got it! The hamburglars took my precious sandwich!

Waluigi: ........idiot...........

Wario: Those fiends! I'll get them!

Wario dashed out the window, breaking the glass easily.

Waluigi: Uhhh, there's a door here........

Wario: Come on! Jump out the window!

Waluigi: I'll use the door, thank you very much....

Wario: No, you have to use the window!!!!

Waluigi: Why?

Wario: It's much cooler.......please?

Waluigi: Fine.

Waluigi leaped out the broken window. Unfortunatley, a tiny shard of broken glass had placed itself where Waluigi's face was headed. It clipped his eye, and blood spewed out every where. Because he was skinny, it didn't take long for his entire body fluids to be evacuated. Waluigi died.

Wario: Oops......uhh, I'll pretend that didn't happen.....

Wario rushed after the "hamburglars" while bumping into everyone and everything that got into his way. Coincidentally, he smashed into Mario and Luigi.

Mario: Hey, watch it fatso! Were walkin' here!

Wario: *speaking very fast* HeyMarioandLuigiit'sgreattoseeyoubutI'mlookin'fermysandwichheygreatideawhydon'tyouhelpme!!!

He took hold of the Bros. arms and kept running.

Luigi: I guess were gonna help......


Eventually, Wario had made it to the end of a dirt road. He still coudn't find the hamburglars.

Wario: Man, were are those stupid hamburglars?

Mario: Stupid! You ate those crooks 2 weeks ago! Don't you remember? Even though we beat em' up......

Luigi: You got a medal from the mayor and everything!

Wario: Oh yeah. I do remember! I ate the medal too! No wonder I had stomach cramps the next day.

Luigi: I think you need to stop eating so much. We'll help you find your sandwich, but as soon as we do, you have to promise to think before you eat!

Wario: Fine. Lets go back to town.

Walking back, Mario concocted a wonderful idea. If they could get Yoshi and Donkey Kong to help, the two could track the sandwich with their....*you guessed it*....noses! Since they had increased smelling......power (go figure), the animals could find it in no time. The Bros. persuaded Yoshi and D.K to help, but before they could begin, Wario had to explain what happened.

Yoshi: (Are you the biggest moron on this planet?) Hmmm....okay, we'll need the toppings.

Wario gave them every bit of info about the sandwich.

Donkey Kong: Okay, we look for sandwich now! We find fast. We experts.

Donkey Kong found a bug on his back and ate it, sniffing his butt at the same time.

Wario: He speaks my language!

Mario: ..............X_X

Yoshi: Uhhh, D.K? Mabey you should leave.


Wario screamed and pooped in his pants. Mario waisted no time and pulled out his shotgun.

BANG! D.K was dead.

Luigi: Were did ya get one of those?

Mario: I had to goad Miyamoto into giving me one. It wasn't easy....

Luigi: I can only imagine.

Yoshi: Actually, I'm glad the dumb ape is gone. He was getting to be a big, pain in the-

Luigi: Assassin! Okay, lets look for the sandwich!

After 2 hours or so of nose sniffing, they came upon a small gas station. As they walked in, Wario fell in love.

Wario: Food.....everywhere!

Mario: We don't have time! Spongebob starts in 5 minutes! Lets find the sandwich and leave!

Luigi: *sweatdrop*

Yoshi: groan.....okay, where's my payment?

Luigi: What payment?

Yoshi: Didn't I tell you? You owe me and what's left of butt sniffer five hundred bucks! Since you murdered my poor partner, I'll be taking what's his and leave!

Mario: But we haven't even found the-

Yoshi: Don't care! Hand them over.

As they were yelling and bellowing over the"payment", Wario gorged himself in the store culinary supplies. As he did, something in his mind sparked. Wario's brain, though an insignificant size, could process information 3 hours slower then a normal person! He knew where the sandwich was!

Wario: Waitaminute! I remember where my sandwich is!

Mario: You do? Where?

Wario: I ate it.

Luigi: Gaghh!!!!! Why didn't you tell us before?

Wario: I forgot.

Mario: Idiot.....big stupid ugly idiot!

Store Owner: Hey! Yer stupid friend ate all my food!

Mario: Huh?

Mario looked around, and found an empty space.

Wario: Sorry. I got hungry while you guys were talking about payment!

Mario: O-o-okay.....RUN!!

Mario and pals dashed out of the store, with Wario lagging behind. Finally, they reached Wario's house. Mario noticed Waluigi's dead body.

Mario: How'd that happen?

Wario: Long story. I'll tell you later.

As soon as they had made it inside, with Wario complaining on how they didn't use the window, Mario sat down and spoke with him for a long while. It ended with Mario saying.....

Mario: And what do we do if we can't find our sandwich?

Wario: Remember that you ate it anyway!

Mario: Good! Lets go home Luigi!

The others walked out, with Yoshi still P.O'd about his payment. Of course, not five minutes after they left, Wario got up and reached for another sandwich. Even though he needed more groceries, the blubbery behemoth made due with what he had.

Wario: Ketchup.....ham.......lettuce....

He placed it down and searched for mustard. Up and down he looked, but could not find it. Eventually, he forgot how to make it through the house. He forgot how to make an emergancy exit. He forgot how to make a sandwich, put on mustard, tie his shoes, button his shirt, pick his nose, brush his teeth, and flip the T.V on. He forgot how to eat, perform body functions, talk, see, and feel. He even forgot how to breathe. Wario died 5 minutes after Mario left.


The moral: It helps to place sticky notes on your face. That way, you don't forget how to breathe.

"And I realized a chyojin doesn''t need useless power. What''s Important and surpasses power is spirit....." Buffaloman from Kinnikuman.

Edited by - PaperLuigi on 9/25/2005 8:24:35 PM
Luigison: Question everything!
Me: Why?


  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2005, 10:52:21 PM »
It's hilarious how Wario eats everything! And how stupid he is! He should be that way in all of the stories here.

My friend John: Wow! I can see my own breath! It''s already that time of year?
Me: No. Your breath just smells. Really bad.
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!