superstarMASIAH's really hard topic to talk about
I'm going to explain a few things in this, and don't worry I am not denying everything you may say. I am only telling you how things are with me, from the person who know's me best. In these cases the accusers have yet to really listen to the addicts and just write them off as denying everything, thats why this topic is very hard for me. Bad things that I have found that drugs have done to me (let me remind you that the only one's I have taken are cannabis and psilocybin containing mushrooms, both which are organic, not that that makes a difference) are that I'm often grouchy when I havent had a buzz in a while, although it may not appear like it, thats the way I feel inside. I guess the tar in my lungs would be bad, although I can run for a while without being out of breath, the tar is still there though (organized sports was never a hobby of mine though). The mushrooms have killed some brain cells, I'm not Ozzy Osbourn yet but I found out as I use them, my WANT for trying them again deminish's, I have only had them 3 times. I am often lazy, but I will get things done if they have to be, and I am still persistant on the things I enjoy.
Some relatively good things that drugs have brought me would be the love of all things, I never hurt anyone physically or mentally, although I am constantly getting into arguments with my parents (I think most teenagers are common with that in their quest for independence). I never ask to borrow money, and I never steal money to pay for drugs (all the money I use is 100% earned by myself). I am an artist, and I can remember everything that happens to me when I'm on drugs, (although that isn't that common in most people) so one trip can produce about 80 to 100 good ideas for art peices that I want to do. And believe me, I utilize that to the best of the abilities of my wallet, incase you didn't know, art supplies can be expensive (so I run out a lot). I like to think that drugs have helped me develope a life philosophy. It has sparked an interest in music and motivates me to find various meanings in things.
Now for the hard part. Although it's hard to admit, it seems as though cannabis has always been there during the hardest times of my life, and beleive it or not I think the hardest times really were between Now and December 2005. Even though it is difficult to think about, besides the curiosity, I think part of the reason for my drug use was about my grandmother. Just the summer before she had been admitted to a care facility, and thats when things started getting bad. Whenever we were there to visit her she would cry and ask me to take her home. Even though I couldn't, I wished that all that happened to me instead of to her. Then she had to be moved out and into intensive care because she was biting people, thats when she forgot how to talk and walk. So then she was basically in a wheelchair, and could only make facial expressions, she could move the upper half of her body though. Then months went by and by, and suddenly it was April and I hadn't gone to see her in 3 months. She was in very critical condition, so my parents left that night to tend to her. I remember I was watching on that night, a program on public access about the liberation of psychedelic drugs and cannabis. I only remember this because later that night my parents had called and told me that she died. about a half hour before they called, which is when she died, I was walking out of the bathroom when I heard a noise behind me. The light was off, but there behind me peering around the corner was a minature figure of my grandmother (about a foot and a half high). But what I remember most about that was that she was garbed in green sheets of cloth and was glowing. And for the rest of that night, when I was in my bed I felt as if she was sitting right on the corner of my bed watching after me. I took this as a sign that I should live my life how I want and that she would always be there, through good and bad.
In conclusion, I've been above the influence for a little over a month although I have been planning on getting high for a while, but have been able to resist. I don't get cravings like people who smoke cigerettes (and I think that is partly due to the fact that cannabis isn't manufactured). But I do have dreams about it, maybe thats my subconcius craving about a trip. I havent made a decision on wether I am going to quit or not. But if I don't I guess I'll quit when I have kids and I am planning on it.
One common misconception that I have to get out of the way is that drugs only had a minor effect on Syd Barrett when he went recluse. It was mostly the pressures of fame and fortune and the death of his dad in WW2 when he was 12. Although the drugs unleashed these, he soon recovered near the end of the seventies eary eighties. He just didn't want to remember any of the things that had happened in the sixties, he was almost completely normal after the fact. And you have to admit that Syd had a little more magical mind than most other people did, even before he started the drugs.
