Author Topic: The Nonsense Game! (Read 16651 times)

Nintendo Bros. · « **on:** December 10, 2006, 02:12:43 PM »

Here's a fan fic i've been working on. It consists of Mario and the Nintendo gang in comic problems and such.

Apologies to these great artists:

Charles M. Schulz-----------Peanuts
Jim Davis-------------------Garfield
Bill Watterson--------------Calvin and Hobbes
Patrick Mcdonnell-----------Mutts
Darby Conley----------------Get Fuzzy

Nintendo Bros. · « **Reply #1 on:** December 10, 2006, 02:25:56 PM »

Chapter 1: The World War I Flying Ace

Mario and Luigi were walking down to the city and walked past Charlie Brown's house. "Mama Mia, what are we doing here in a comic strip?!" asked Mario. They were both confused and they saw Charlie Brown. "Hello." he said. "What are your guys name? You from Italy?" "Nah, from the Mushroom Kingdom" replied Luigi. "What are we doing here in a comic strip?" Charlie Brown was laughing. "Because Nintendo Bros. put you guys here!" "Who?" both asked. "Nintendo Bros. is a famous pair of brothers who run Nintendo" Charlie Brown answered. "Just stick around for a while!" "Okay-dokey!" said Mario. "It IS time for a change. Come on, Luigi!"

When the Mario Bros. went to the backyard of Charlie Brown's house, Snoopy was his alter ego, The World War I Flying Ace. "Hello, little doggy!" said Luigi, in a cute voice. "HEY, YOU ENLISTED MEN!" "The Flying Ace" said. "WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT? THIS IS WAR, AND WAR IS NOT PRETTY!" "What war?" asked Mario. "ARE YOU BLIND? This is World War I and I'm about to shoot the-oh crap! It's the RED BARON! You fellas need to come with me!" Snoopy grapped them and they flown on his doghouse, or "sopwith camel". "Wait, that's not the Red Baron, Snoopy!" said Mario. "It's-" "BWA HA HA! It's about time I found you." It was Bowser...

Chapter 2 coming soon!

The Chef · « **Reply #2 on:** December 10, 2006, 07:02:48 PM »

I have only four words to say to you:

STOP. WRITING. THIS. NOW.

CrzyFlmngMnkyHead · « **Reply #3 on:** December 10, 2006, 08:27:09 PM »

Quote from: The Chef on December 10, 2006, 07:02:48 PM

I have only four words to say to you:

STOP. WRITING. THIS. NOW.

Seconded.

SushieBoy · « **Reply #4 on:** December 10, 2006, 10:44:59 PM »

Whoa, smackdown.

PaperLuigi · « **Reply #5 on:** December 10, 2006, 11:48:52 PM »

LOL at Sushie Boy's post.

Yeah guys, talk about bashing something before it's even into the second chapter. Although it could use improvement.......a LOT of improvement.

The Chef · « **Reply #6 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:49:34 PM »

Not only is this a bad idea to begin with, but it's only two paragraphs and he already completely destroyed Snoopy's character. That enrages me.

SushieBoy · « **Reply #7 on:** December 13, 2006, 06:51:35 PM »

Don't forget Woodstock!

Eclipsed Moon · « **Reply #8 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:37:08 PM »

Okay I've been avoiding chiming in to this, but there is nothing I like to see more than characters getting "ruined", and really I want to see this continue.

PaperLuigi · « **Reply #9 on:** December 13, 2006, 07:45:40 PM »

Well, I just hope he doesn't touch Cosmo and Shoe. Those two are my favorite in the Sunday papers.

The Chef · « **Reply #10 on:** December 14, 2006, 08:08:37 PM »

Quote from: Eclipsed Moon on December 13, 2006, 07:37:08 PM

Okay I've been avoiding chiming in to this, but there is nothing I like to see more than characters getting "ruined", and really I want to see this continue.

You're cruel.

Nintendo Bros. · « **Reply #11 on:** December 16, 2006, 11:19:25 AM »

Well, I hoe you guys are happy, now that you ruined my fan fic. HERE'S A TIP: IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T SAY ANYTHING!!!

Robert · « **Reply #12 on:** December 16, 2006, 11:33:43 AM »

Quote from: Nintendo Bros. on December 16, 2006, 11:19:25 AM

HERE'S A TIP: IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T SAY ANYTHING!!!

Not trying to sound mean or anything, but if that's the case, then how are you supposed to improve your story if no one can give you constructive critism?

Eclipsed Moon · « **Reply #13 on:** December 16, 2006, 12:21:51 PM »

"STOP. WRITING. THIS. NOW." is not constructive criticism.

"Not only is this a bad idea to begin with, but it's only two paragraphs and he already completely destroyed Snoopy's character. That enrages me." is not constructive criticism.

PaperLuigi · « **Reply #14 on:** December 16, 2006, 01:02:03 PM »

Yeah, but it's still not very good. The first paragraph is only a few sentences long. You need to start out with something longer in order to get an audience.

Also, the wording is very confusing. There are times when I think Mario is talking when really it's Snoopy......or Bowser........or whatever. The intro needs work too. Mario and Luigi are all of a sudden inside the comic, without much to explan why, except "Nintendo Bros. put us here." It'd be cooler if there was little bit before that! (Like, for instance, Mario and Luigi find the comic strip and get sucked inside.) It shouldn't be so random; the plot suffers from little things like that.

Don't give up on your fan-fic. Keep working on it to make it better. (I think this might serve as constructive critisism.)