I think this was mostly the same dream, but I don't remember how all three parts were connected. They were probably overlapping to some extent.
I was in a house with some old woman who was kind of a witch or vampire or something, and may have also been my girlfriend's mother, and didn't have any water in the house because the plumbing was weird and she apparently didn't need to drink water. Mud or something came out of all the faucets. It had been raining a lot for the last few days though, so she said half-jokingly that there was probably enough water in the family room to drink (having leaked through the ceiling).
The staircase to the second floor was quite pretty and ornate, but also very small and thin, and the individual steps were barely big enough to walk on with tiptoes, if even that. I wondered how one was supposed to go down the stairs when wearing heels, other than by trying to scale it like a mountain slope. I repeated the word slope a few times because it sounded funny.
The old lady had a bunch of cards from Clue laid out on a table, separated by type. They were several very different sizes, and all looked quite fancy. She said she had been borrowing the cards from the Clue game that was in the basement or garage (can't remember which). I told her she shouldn't do that so much, and took the cards upstairs to my room, where I found a Clue box and also a checkers and chess and backgammon set that was apparently also Clue. I later realized that neither of these were the set from the basement/garage.
I don't remember what happened in between here.
A movie was going on. A guy who looked kind of like the Architect from the Matrix except a lot nicer was telling a likeable-looking 30-something guy about time and brains and stuff. For some reason this part of the dream really reminded me of Inception while it was going on. He pointed out one part of the brain that was devoted to "closely examining 24-hour systems, giving the illusion of free will." Likeable-Looking Guy asked Nice Architect Guy about his love interest, at which point the movie slowly started morphing from an alternate version of Inception to an alternate version of Juno that had very little to do with Juno. His love interest was Juno. She was older, though still young enough that it seemed a bit weird, though that was a plot point. Nice Architect guy said that Alternate Juno ends up having 27 children, though he added that that was, of course, adding up all the kids she has in all her possible timelines. Likeable-Looking Guy asked if she ended up finding a nice enough guy. Nice Architect Guy said she did in several timeines, and that in none of the timelines he saw did she find anyone better than Likeable-Looking Guy. The two of them were suddenly made out of erasers as Likeable-Looking Guy turned, looking surprised.
Likeable-Looking Guy went to go see her, his confidence renewed. She was talking to some skateboarder kid who was significantly younger than her. He kissed her. She was surprised and said thank you (one of her character quirks in this movie was that she thanks people for kissing her). Skateboarder Kid found this weird and was probably gonna leave her, so the ending was probably gonna work out. Somewhere along here, things were back in my room in the old woman's house.
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In my house, I was looking at our guinea pigs. I noticed a new one, which was shaped a bit differently. I started to pet it, and it didn't feel like it had any fur, even though it looked like it did. It felt a bit like a cross between an elephant and my dog where he's lost some fur (about the same warmth as my dog). I soon realized that this new guinea pig was actually a type of rat called a "desert kangaroo." He grew arms and started looking a bit like
Saelt Marae, but with less hair, and a dark blue or sometimes white. His arms grabbed me and he talked to me a little.
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I was in the mall, looking for jobs, or remembering when I was there looking for jobs before. In one store, I saw a group of about seven people, one of whom was Bill Kaulitz, who was pregnant. He was there on a date with a girl. He looked bored. They were trying out chairs in the store. His chair and hers were both reclined all the way back so they could lie down on them. His chair didn't have a headrest, so he had to put his head on another chair that was behind it. He said to her in a bored voice, "Look, my chair even comes complete with a headrest." She said, "No it doesn't." He said, "I know."
Since I'd already gotten a job, I didn't need to keep looking, and decided to just hang out in the mall for a while before my mom got back. I saw a sign in the mall talking about a bridge they were going to build. I later realized it was going to be a bridge to another branch of the mall several miles away. I and a friend of mine had seen that other branch when we were returning to civilization on a boat a few days ago, as I recalled. I decided to go see the other branch now while I had some time through the way that they currently had to get there. I saw a woman going to some stairs or something thinking that was the way there, but the stairs started moving and it was a very large escalator going down. The steps were shaped very irregularly and differently, and looked like they were flowing down like a waterfall. The woman realized that was the wrong way.
I turned around and saw another escalator going up, in the opposite direction. It was much thinner, just wide enough for one person, and didn't actually have any stairs on it -- it was just a conveyor belt going up. Within a second of seeing it, I was on it, going up. I got to the top, along with a bunch of other people, all in a room. I looked out the window of the room and realized we were in a boat, which had just cast off. A guy in a wheelchair had just barely made it onto the boat before it left.
The walls of the room fell off and I saw that there were multiple speedboats, which were built around Ski-Doos. All of the boats, including this one, were now small and had only one or two people on them, plus a driver. There was a rogue boat with no one on it and the steering handlebar broken off of the Ski-Doo bumping into some people and knocking them into the water. It pushed my boat into a corner or something that I couldn't get it out of. I figured I was about to wake up at this point, but somehow I got back into the water.
My boat got to some place where two guys were trading rhyming insults about politicians. After a little while, I realized that I was on the tropical island where the other branch of the mall was. There was a bazaar out in front of the mall, including a KFC tent with lots of stacks of chicken. KFC's slogan in this world, "We Serve Chicken Deliciously," was written across the top of the tent. I recalled that a few years ago, my mom had been part of the effort to change their slogan to that from "We Serve Chicken Delicious," to make it more grammatically correct. For the first time since then, I started to ponder whether it actually made a bit more sense the first way. I grabbed a piece of chicken from one of the stacks, but before I ate it, I looked around to see if I could just take one for free and eat it just like that. After looking a little, I saw the guy running the tent, behind more stacks of chicken, on the other side of the tent, talking to people and saying that they could try some and then pay a dollar to try more. I went back to the other side before the guy saw me. A black guy with a cool voice was selling some kind of cross between durians and artichokes, except he said they were monkeys. I went over to the back of the KFC tent and started eating the chicken I was holding. I woke up as I was eating it, and my mouth was watering quite a bit.