14
« on: July 05, 2005, 09:38:46 PM »
Here's the second installment. The featured episode this time is "Misadventures in Babysitting". Enjoy!
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This particular turn of events kicked off in a suburban home somewhere in Brooklyn. Some bratty kid who just happened to live there was playing with some rather poorly-designed vases. This kid was never called by his real name, so we'll just refer to him by the name he was called for the episode - Junior. Coincidentally, he happened to have the same hair color as Bowser Jr.
Anyway, his parents were apparently going out tonight, as evidenced by how pretty his mom looked. Well, okay, her zit-encrusted face wasn't exactly Miss America material, but at least she had those naughty bits that Minnie Mouse never could grow! However, their names are also unknown to me, so I'll just call them Mr. and Mrs. Junior. But for short, I'll be calling them Mr. and Mrs. J., not to be confused with those pet names that Rosie the robot maid gave for George and Jane Jetson. Speaking of the Jetsons, where are they now? I don't see them on Cartoon Network anymore, except around Christmastime. Yes, I know, they're on Boomerang now, but I don't have that. Apparently, my cable doesn't seem to provide that station. I wish it did, though. I hear it plays Pac-Man's cartoon. Maybe he's got more interesting animated adventures than Mario does. I doubt it, though. His games didn't have much story like Mario's did. But at least maybe I'll get a sound clip of his theme song and come one step closer to completing my playlist of video game cartoon theme songs. I hope to make a CD out of it. But before I can do that, I'm gonna have to wait till that "Viewitful Joe" anime makes its way here, and that's not gonna happen for...
"BACK OFF, TALK BOY!!" Mrs. Junior yelled at the narrator, zooming her left eye up to the camera.
Right. Sorry.
With that, Mrs. J. put up her mascara and addressed her husband. "Now then, dear, where's that babysitter you called for?"
"A babysitter?" Mr. Junior asked. "We were supposed to hire a babysitter?"
"You didn't hire a babysitter!?" Mrs. J. stomped her feet. "How could you not hire a babysitter?!?"
"Well, I don't think I took to your directions, dear," Mr. J. explained. "Besides, even if I did bother looking for a babysitter, wouldn't Junior's bad reputation have scared them off?"
"Don't be ridiculous; our son is a good boy and you know it." Mrs. J. sighed. "Well, how are we supposed to find a babysitter at this hour?"
Just then, the door flew open, and in stepped a very familiar redhead from another cartoon. "Somebody call for a babysitter? An antagonist, even?" she said. "I'm qualified in both fields."
"Who, I ask, are you?" Mr. J. asked.
"Don't you people watch Nickelodeon? The name's Vicky Hitch****!" As the redhead introduced herself, lightning struck outside (despite the lack of an actual storm) and a family photo nearby fell off of the wall. "Uh, pay no attention to the fact that things die or break whenever my name is mentioned."
"What? 'Vicky'?" Once Mr. J. said that, the light bulb in the nearby lamp burned out.
Vicky practices being an aggressive hunchback."Yeah. You see, I'm related to Lord Voldemort." When Vicky said that name, the aforementioned lamp fell off its stool and broke. "I'm his great-great-great-grandniece."
"Ah! That makes sense. ^_^" smiled Mr. J.
"Yes, I'm glad to get that out of the way. Now if you'll pay me fairly, and by that I mean all the cash you have at this very moment," Vicky explained, "then I'll get your kid to take care of your house, cook, make the beds, wash, mend, and knit, and keep everything neat and clean, and I will allow him to sleep in the warm cinders of the fireplace and call him Cinder-something."
"Okay," said Mr. J, not seeming to have understood what Vicky just said.
"Wait a minute... that sounds a little dangerous." Mrs. J. was a bit more sensible. "We're desperate, but we're not that desperate."
"Hey!" said Mr. J. to Vicky. "You've got the same hair color as our son! LOL!"
While his parents were discussing things with Vicky, Junior attempted to see if he could balance the vases on his head. When he found out he obviously couldn't do it without them falling over and breaking apart, he placed his cat near the remains and bugged out.
Mrs. J. looked at the cat placed near the remains of the vase. "Oh, Kitty, how could you!? That was a rare 1986 vase!" she yelled.
"What! It wasn't me!" The cat stood up on its hind legs. "Your bratty kid placed me here after breakin' it himself! Don't believe me? Well, I've had it!" The cat grabbed a suitcase and put a small business hat over his head. "You guys can get yourselves a new cat, 'cause I quit!!" And with that, he stormed out of the house with his suitcase.
"This is just great," Mrs. J. sighed. "First my husband doesn't bother hiring a babysitter. Then he hires out one I don't trust. Now the cat just quit! How can this enchanted evening get any more stressful?" That's when she suddenly heard the noise of a crash landing coming from the kitchen.7
Inside the kitchen cupboard, the Mario Bros. tumbled out of an abnormally large warp pipe that happened to be situated in there. I wonder why Junior's parents never noticed that thing. Do they even have good plumbing?
"Plumber's Log, number 17-362," Mario narrated, not moving his lips. "We appear to have landed in some blackish-blue backdrop, somewhat like the center of time and space. For some reason, my mouth movements don't seem to match my dialogue."
Luigi spoke up, his mouth movement not in tune with what he was saying. "Well, of course they don't match, Mario. You're narrating!"
Mario switched into speaking mode, also with awkward mouth-flaps. "No, I mean they really aren't matching my mouth movement! Look!"
Luigi made a noise with his tongue, but his mouth didn't open until a second later. "Holy crap, you're right!"
"Anyway, where the devil are we, Luigi?" Mario sat up, knocking his brother down from himself.
"Really, bro, how the hell would I know?" Luigi grunted, his last mouth-flip not making a sound.
"Well, there's only one way to find out." Mario opened the door in front of him and looked around at the kitchen he and his brother were entering.
"Y'know, Mario, I don't think we're in the Mushroom Kingdom anymore," Luigi made the obvious reference.
"Well, DUH, Luigi! Of course we're not in the Mushroom Kingdom! This is Brooklyn! You can clearly tell that because the Brooklyn Bridge is right outside!" he said, pointing out the window.
Luigi looked out the window too. "So we're back home now? Geez, I knew it! Salvador Drainado was lying about that whole 'Last Drainpipe' crap!"
"Please don't curse, Luigi," Mario reprimanded. "I'm sure there's an explanation as to why we're somehow able to have easy access between the Mushroom World and Earth, as well as a reason why we have to make viewers question if we know we don't actually exist by always referring to the latter as the 'Real World'."
Luigi looked weirded out. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Mario's eyes shifted the other way, then back again. "I don't know..." Just then, a load of green slime dropped from out of nowhere and splattered right on Mario.
Mario had just finished getting the green slime off of his face when Mrs. J. suddenly came into the kitchen. "Oh, there you are! Are you here to babysit Junior too?"
"Babysit?" Mario jumped back. "Oh no, you're mistaken, lady. You see, my brother and I just happened to stumble into your kitchen when we were... Hey, what were we doing, Luigi?"
"Uh... I give up, Mario," Luigi fidgeted. "What were we doing?"
"Well, whatever it was, I can't remember it either!" Mario shook his head. "It's like we were just scripted to end up here."
"Did you come in through the back door?" Mrs. J. asked, not paying attention to what the Mario Bros. had just said, nor the fact that Junior was making faces behind her. "Never mind, it's good that's there two of you; Junior can be quite a handful. If you want, you can help yourself to anything in the refrigerator. We just bought some fresh lasagna from Gramps' Market."
"Lasagna? From Gramps' Market? Fresh? Bought?" Mario's mouth was watering.
"But Mario, have you forgotten--?" Luigi's query was cut off by Mario elbowing him in the ribs.
"Shut up, Odie!" said Mario, getting his brother's name wrong. "Everybody knows lasagna is nature's most perfect food!"
Mrs. J. took Mario and Luigi into the living room. Mr. J. was still discussing payment with Vicky when the lady of the house interrupted and said, "I'm sorry, Vicky, but we won't be needing your services."
"WHAT?!" Vicky objected.
"Hey, aren't you that caretaker from that show about the foster home for imaginary friends?" Mario asked.
"These two gentlemen here have volunteered for the job," Mrs. J. fibbed, ignoring Mario, "and they're offering to do it for free."
"Fuh-ree? You just said my two favorite words, dear!" Mr. J. turned to Vicky. "You heard Ms. October, Icky. Out you go!"
"I'll throw myself out, thank you!" Vicky picked herself up by the back of her shirt, dragged herself to the doorway, and threw herself out the door. Then she called back, "I believe I had a hat!" Mr. J. threw his hat to her. "Suckers!" she snickered, taking off with the hat.
Mr. and Mrs. J. walked over to the doorway. "We'll be back at around 10:30."
"10:30? You're gonna be out for a long time!" Mario checked his watch, which read 6:00.
"And please give Junior a bath?" Mrs. J. requested.
"Awww, do we have to?" Luigi whined. "Our games are rated E for Everyone. A bathtub scene might anger parents."
"Have a nice time; I know we will." Mrs. J. followed her husband to their car. Once she got inside, she commanded to Mr. J., in an funnier-sounding Edna Krabapple-esque voice, "Quick, let's get out of here before those Italian stereotypes change their minds!" And with that, they zoomed off to wherever they were going.
Back inside Casa de Junior, Luigi shrugged. "Well brother, it looks like we're babysitters."
"How many times do I have to tell you to stop stating the obvious, Luigi?" Mario asked. "Besides, considering that the Princess got turned into a baby last season, maybe now we'll know the ropes to the job."
"But Mario," said Luigi, "we had plans for tonight, remember?"
"Great Scott, you're right! Excuse me a moment." Mario pulled his cell phone from out of nowhere and called up a good friend of his. "Sorry, Fred. Luigi and I aren't gonna be Bowling for Pasta and Brontosaurus Ribs with you and Barney tonight."
"Aw gee, that's too bad, Mario," said Fred Flintstone on the other line. "We were lookin' forward to joining up with you again."
"Some other time, perhaps. Bye-bye, Fred." Mario hung up the phone and put it away. "Well, Junior, what do you want to do tonight?
"Let's play hide-and-seek!" declared Junior. "And you two boobs are it!"
"Say, that's a good idea!" Luigi smiled.
"Oh no, no hide-and-seek for me. I had a bad experience with that game once," Mario said, starting up a flashback.
**"96... 97..."
As Mario counted with his eyes covered, a dark cloud overshadowed the moon.
"98... 99... 100!" Mario started running around, calling, "OK, Moon, ready or not, here I come!"**
"Instead, we'll just watch one of your favorite movies," Mario decided as his flashback ended. "Where's your video collection?"
"Right there." Junior pointed to the drawers in the furniture piece where the family TV sat.
"Hmmm..." Mario looked through the videos. "'Land Before Time 87.5'; 'Lion King 1 1/3: The Monkey's Tale'; 'GI Joe: The 90-Minute Toy Ad'; 'Star Wars: Attack of the Cheesy Dialogue'; 'Barbie: Defender of Anatomically Incorrect Fashion'; 'The Berenstein Bears and the Trouble with Grammar'; 'Curious George Goes on the Oprah Show'; 'The Burger Battle Book'; 'Ernest Doesn't Go to the Beach'; 'Power Rangers: Please God Make It Stop'... 'Catwoman'? Uh, Junior, don't you have any good movies?"
"They're all at my aunt's house," Junior answered. "Besides, I wanna play hide-and-seek."
"OK, so how's about we tell you a story? In fact, here's one now." Mario adopted a storytelling expression. "Once upon a time there was a big red hooding ride who sat on a muffet and said, 'Oh grandma, what big feet you got.' So he chopped off his head with a giant beanstalk and they lived happily ever after. Come on, you gotta go to bed now."
"No way!" Junior jumped up and down. "I demand we play hide-and-seek!"
"Fine, fine. We'll play hide-and-seek," Mario consented. So he and Luigi covered their eyes and starting counting to a hundred while Junior looked for a good place to hide. He must not have been good at finding good places to hide in the span of one minute and forty seconds, for the Mario Bros. had reached the 90-second count by the time he looked under the sink and noticed the abnormally large pipe that neither he nor his parents had ever noticed before.
"Oh boy! Those two idiots'll never find me here!" Junior climbed into the pipe as his babysitters finished counting and started looking for him.
On the other end of the pipe, Junior emerged somewhere in Grassland. "This place is awesome! And that theme music is rather catchy," he said, addressing the World 1 Map background music.
Close by, a trio of Hammer Bros. peeked from behind the bushes. Wait, three Hammer Bros.? Shouldn't there have been a fourth one? Hammer Bros. always come in pairs, you know. Then, without warning, the Hammer Bros. changed into Boomerang Bros. and one of them threw a Boomerang in Junior's direction. When Junior heard the stick's telltale whistle, he caught attention of it, grabbed it, and threw it back in the direction of the Boomerang Bros., who had by now changed back into Hammer Bros. The boomerang must've been a steel one, because it sliced through a tree and sent it toppling on top of the incredible rank-changing Hammer Bros.
"Woohoo! This place is the shiznat!" Junior waved his arms triumphantly. "I hope those morons never figure out I went though a giant pipe that just happened to be under my kitchen sink."
As Junior was making his victory pose, close by walked Larry, Roy, and Ludwig Von Koopa.
"Who's that funny-looking nutjob?" Larry asked.
"And why's he got da same hair color as BJ?" Roy referred to his dad's little clone.
"I don't know," lisped Ludwig, "but from his appearance, I can tell that he's a Real Worlder!"
"A Real Worlder?" Larry looked distasteful. "You mean 'an Earthling', don't you?"
"Ov course I mean he's an Earthling!" Ludwig was frustrated with that. "I don't know vhat's up vit zis whole 'always refer to Earth as the Real World' shnit. It's like somevun vants us to believe some strange fact like ve're just sprites in a computer game."
"Or characters in an animated cartoon!" added Roy.
"Or drawings in a comic book!" contributed Larry.
"Or an illustration on a lunchbox!" Ludwig licked his lips.
"Or..." Roy's next line was cut off by Junior interrupting them.
"Hey you mondo bizzaro creatures," he said, "who are you? And what kind of place is this?"
"Haven't you ever played Nintendo?" said Larry. "This is the Mushroom Kingdom, and I'm Larry Kinglive Koopa."
"Allow me to introduce myself." Roy bowed. "I'm Roy Orbison Koopa."
"And I'm Ludwig Von Koopa. But for some reason, everyvun calls us Cheatsy, Bully, and Kooky, respectively," Ludwig explained. "I don't see vhy. Personally, I hate my apparent nickname, because it's more like a name intended for a girl. But you get the picture."
"Yeah!" said Larry. "And any enemy of the Mario Bros. is a friend of ours!"
"Even Wario?" Roy asked. "I don't recall Dad getting along well with him..."
"Are you talkin' about those two moo-cows with the moustaches who are babysitting me?" said Junior. "'Cause if you are, well, actually, I'm not really an enemy of them. I'm just harassing them. But just in case they figure out the way I came here, why don't you help me make their lives more of a living hell?"
"Why, soytenly!" said Larry. "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
A few minutes later, Mario and Luigi came out of the pipe that Junior had entered from. "How are you certain that Junior came through here?" Luigi asked.
"We came through here the other way, didn't we?" Mario reasoned. "If we could use this pipe to somehow end up in his kitchen, he could probably use it to end up here!"
"I still understand how exactly there happen to be pipes lying around in the Real Wo-- I mean, Earth, but if Junior is here, then his safety's at stake!" Just as Luigi was finishing his sentence, a banana cream pie flew in from out of nowhere and hit him on the face. "Hey, what was that for?!"
"Oh, it must be National Don't-Mention-Meat-Or-Someone-Will-Hit-You-With-A-Banana-Cream-Pie Day!" Mario smiled, trying not to laugh at his brother's expense.
"National Don't-Mention-Meat-Or-Someone-Will-Hit-You-With-A-Banana-Cream-Pie Day? That's a lot of baloney." Just as Luigi said the last word of that sentence, another banana cream pie came up and hit his face. "And anyway, how come you didn't get hit by a banana cream pie when you earlier mentioned Bowling for Pasta and Brontosaurus Ribs?" Luigi had just finished wiping his face when yet another banana cream pie hit him on the face.
"How should I know? You didn't get slimed when you said 'I don't know' back in the Sultan's palace!" Mario rolled his eyes, referring to chapter three of King Koopa Katastrophe Spoof.
"Who cares?" said Luigi. "Junior's probably in trouble right now!"
Just then, they heard Junior whining from afar in a rather unconvincing voice. "Mario, Luigi, come help me!" he shouted. "I'm in big fat trouble, and I'm unable to do anything about it!"
"You're right," Mario acknowledged to his brother. "He's in trouble."
The Mario Bros. jumped down from the pipe and ran around, looking for Junior. "Junior, you mangy fur-brained lunkhead!" Luigi called out. "Where are you?"
Stupidly, neither of them noticed that Junior and the three-eighths of Bowser's children whom he was hanging out with were watching them from the bushes nearby, despite the fact that they were clearly sticking their heads out. "Should I yell some more?" Junior asked.
"Oh, hell no, fellow prankster!" said Larry, not noticing that Roy's head had changed orange at that point. "They're already running around like idiots; that one yell should be enough."
While Junior and Larry were discussing things and not allowing Ludwig and Roy to have any say in their conversation, a green-headed Piranha Plant came upon the Mario Bros. "Oh no! Ptooeys!" Mario incorrectly yelled out. "And it's spitting mad!"
"Boy, you must have flunked math," said the Piranha Plant. "There's only one of me! Are you seeing double or something? Also, I'm a Piranha Plant, and I'm not actually spitting at the moment. I am a little angry, though."
"Why?" asked Luigi.
"'Cause people keep taking certain Wikipedia articles out of categories that they do belong in!" the Piranha Plant grumbled. "How can Mojo Jojo not fit under the Villains category!? So I think I'll take out my anger on you!!"
"That's what you think!" From out of nowhere, Mario showed off the poster for the 2005 movie "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory".
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" The emotionally-scarred Piranha Plant did a 'little girl scream' and ran off. During which, its green head turned red.
"How'd you do that?" Luigi asked.
"Oh, I simply just had this poster stuffed in my pockets," answered Mario, putting the poster back in his pocket.
"No, I mean getting the Ptooey's head to change color," Luigi clarified.
"Um... that is a question I'm unable to give you the answer to," said Mario, trying to avoid getting slimed again. "Anyway, I think I see Junior right there in those bushes!"
Luigi looked at the bushes his older brother was pointing to. "Where?"
"Aw crap," snapped Mario. "He must be long gone by now. How are we supposed to catch up with him now!?"
Just then, a pack of Yoshies came stampeding through. "KIBBLES 'N BITS! KIBBLES 'N BITS! WE'RE GONNA GET SOME KIBBLES 'N BITS!" they chanted repeatedly, as the Mario Bros. got caught up in their riot.
Another few minutes later, Junior Whatever-His-Last-Name-Is, Larry Koopa, Roy Koopa, and Ludwig Von Koopa stood in front of a pyramid-shaped cave somewhere in Desert Hill. At least I assume it was in Desert Hill. "OK, OK," said Junior, "for this one, how's about we get a giant mouse-trap and bait it with pizza. And when they come to get it... SPLAT!"
"That's completely ridiculous!" said Larry. "We happen to know they're not that stupid. Instead, how's about you lure them in here?"
"Yeah!" agreed Ludwig. "I have a surprise for them in there that they'll never forget."
"Okey-dokey," said Junior.
The Yoshi stampede had brought the Mario Bros. closer to the pyramid, and fortunately, they managed to jump out of the stampeding crowd at that point. "Boy, it was a good thing that Yoshi stampede came along," said Mario, "or we'd never be able to find Junior."
"Why do you say that?" Luigi asked.
"Well, look over there!" Mario pointed to the nearby pyramid-cave.
Junior came running out of the cave, with Roy Koopa in hot pursuit. "MARIO! LUIGI!" Junior screamed, not any more convincing than before, as Roy grabbed and dragged him back inside. "SAVE ME, YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF GAZELLE DUNG!!"
"Bully Koopa's got him!" Mario stated the obvious.
"Huh? Isn't his name actually Roy Koopa?" Luigi questioned.
"Don't blame me; I don't know why DiC won't let us call Bowser's kids by their real names," said Mario. "The point is, we gotta save Junior!"
"Need any help?" asked Jenny Wakeman.
"Not now, Jenny. We got problems of our own," Mario reprimanded the teenage robot as he headed into the pyramid.
"Yeah, why don't you go make out with Brad or something?" Luigi followed his brother.
"All right, I will!" Jenny turned to bat her metallic eyelashes at her longtime (boy)friend, Brad Carbunkle. "C'mon, Brad, you wanna go make some French kisses behind the scenery?"
"Jen, you're speaking my language!" Brad grinned with a sexy look in his eyes. "Heh-heh, all riiiight."
The Mario Bros. ran for the pyramid-cave (and Jenny and Brad went to go make out behind the background props) as Roy brought Junior inside, where Larry was waiting. "This is gonna be awesome!" said Junior. "I can't wait to see the looks on their faces!"
"They ran in here!" Mario stated the obvious again right before he and Luigi ran into the cave. They didn't quite look surprised when they saw Junior standing there pleasantly with Roy and Larry.
"Goodbye, stupids!" Junior ran off, and right behind him, a cave-in just happened to occur.
"What the hell just happened?!?" Mario asked.
"I don't know," Luigi answered stupidly. And just as he said, green slime dropped in and splattered all over him.
"That vuz a cave-in, you lunkheads!" Ludwig pushed a boulder in front of the cave entrance, blocking it. "And now we have you trapped!"
"Hey Mario, I think we've just been played for saps," said Luigi.
"Why don't you tell me that isn't obvious, Luigi?" Mario requested.
On the other side of the rocks, Junior, Larry, and Roy laughed wickedly at the Marios' expense. "That was awesome!" said Junior when they finished. "I'll bet Bart Simpson, Dennis the Menace, and Calvin would love to do that."
"Sure, it's fun, but the best is yet to come!" Ludwig started a valve on a crapload of pipes that just happened to be situated there.
"Say guys, this is just for fun, isn't it?" Junior asked. "'Cause you see, I'm gonna have to be returning home with these guys sooner or later."
"Yeah, whatever." Ludwig sighed as he continued turning the valve.
On the Marios' end of thing, lava started pouring in and filling up the interior portion they were trapped in, forcing them to move to higher ground.
"Kooky, just what are you doing, anyway?" Junior inquired.
"I already told you, my name is Ludwig," the German-accented Koopaling corrected, "and I'm filling the cave up with lava, stupid! What does it look like I'm doing? Making a pool and filling it with lime jell-o?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa... whoa. Whoa." Junior put his hands forward with each usage of the word. "You're seriously trying to kill them?"
"Geez, you seriously haven't been playing our games, have you?" said Ludwig. "Of course we're trying to kill them! We're villains!"
"Yeah!" added Larry as he and Roy grabbed Junior from behind. "And quite frankly, we've grown a bit tired of your stupidity."
"Hey, I'm not that stupid, just 'cause I've never seen you guys before!" complained Junior as the Koopalings dragged him out the back door of the cave.
"Maybe not, but your parents certainly should've told you not to take candy from strangers!" said Roy as they brought him to a nearby pipe. During which, the spike on his shell got rather stumpy.
"You didn't offer me candy," Junior corrected. "You just got me to help you prank my babysitters."
"Whatever!" said all three Koopalings, tossing Junior down the pipe.
"AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaA!!!!!!!!!" Junior screamed like Macaulay Culkin as he fell through the pipe. He landed in the sewers below. After shaking the water off of him and the stars away from his head, he got up on the platforms above. "Yeesh! I can't believe I considered those Koopa guys my friends!"
"You see, little boy?" said Willy Wonka, showing up from behind a wall. "This is the kind of stuff that happens when you join a bad gang." And then he played some musical notes on his small kazoo. Eight Oompa Loompas came in from behind, singing to their signature tune.
"Oompa Loompa, doopity dap,
You have been played for a stupid sap,
Oompa Loompa, doopity deeps,
Helping those nasty Koopaling creeps.
What do you get when you do things like that?
Becoming worse at the drop of a hat?
It's as different as the day and the night.
Are you aware that it's not right?
Maybe it's too much for you.
Oompa Loompa, doopity dell,
Take our advice and you will do well.
You'll be living an upright life,
Like the Oompa Loompa doopity dife.
Doopity-dife!"
As soon as the Oompa Loompas finished their song, they and Mr. Wonka immediately ran off. Junior was still trying to figure out the candyman's involvement in this episode when he suddenly noticed he was about to be smashed by a Thwomp. Luckily, he ran off just in time, avoiding similar fates by a few more Thwomps.
"I should've stayed back home and watched one of those crappy movies," Junior muttered, not noticing that he was being followed. "I could even stand to sit through 'Curious George Goes on the Oprah Show' right now. But noooo, I had to come here!" It was at that point that he spun around and noticed two Boo Buddies cowering behind him. "Hey, who are you? And why are you covering your eyes like that?"
"Ugh." Boo Buddy #1 took his hands off of his eyes. "We're Boos! We're freakin' ghosts! Don't you know the basics around here?"
"Yeah!" added Boo Buddy #2. "We follow you around when you're not looking at us, and then make pathetic attempts to hide ourselves when you look in our direction!"
"What kind of ghosts are you?" Junior criticized.
"Why you little!!" Boo Buddy #1 put on his most fearsome expression and made a spooky noise with his lungs. This was enough to scare Junior into jumping three time his own height into the air.
"Say, #1," Boo Buddy #2 addressed his companion, "how come we never do that on the Mario Bros.?"
"We have to be sneaky, you idiot!" Boo Buddy #1 tried to slap his companion, but couldn't connect.
Then a Boom-Boom came running through the passage. "And who are you?"
"I'm Boom-Boom the Mini-Boss Koopa," the brute introduced himself. "I run this place with an iron fist, cheap suits, and really bad breath! And I'm in a bad mood, so if you get in the way of my fists, it's your fault!"
"Whoa!" Junior jumped over Boom-Boom as he was passing by. Ignoring the fact that he had just avoided being murdered by two ghosts and another anthropomorphic turtle, Junior cowardly ran through the maze. "MARIO! LUIGI!" he cried. "NOW I REALLY NEED TO SAVE ME, YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF GAZELLE DUNG!!"
Back in the pyramid-cave, Mario and Luigi were still backing away from the lava that they were trapped with. "Boy, looks like a hot time in the old volcano tonight!" Luigi stated the obvious some more. Wait, now the cave was a volcano? Did I miss something?
"Luigi, will you quit being so frank?" The moment Mario finished saying that, a banana cream pie flew in and hit his face. "I mean, stop stating the obvious! We're blowing this popstand!" Mario pulled a sledge and mallet out of a toolbox that he didn't have in any previous shots. Using it, he hammered at one of the blocks in the wall, as if he were trying to make a hole in the wall. But instead, he just knocked the block out of the wall to the exterior.
Luigi climbed through the hole. "Hey, Mario, I'm stuck!" he griped.
"You're stuck?! How can that be possible? You're thinner than I am! I should be the one who gets stuck in there, and furthermore..." Mario suddenly realized the lava was reaching his waist. With a "Yipe!" he pushed Luigi through the wall-hole and climbed it through it himself. Surprisingly, his legs had managed to defy the laws of lava physics and avoid being burned off.
Luigi placed the block back where it was before the lava could even come pouring out. "That was a close one!"
"You sure about that?" Mario nitpicked. "My legs clearly should've been burned off by the lava. It was practically up to my knees and I'm still alive right now! What the hell was up with that?"
"Oh no." Luigi stood firm. "You're not gonna make me get slimed again! I am not going to say 'I don't know'!" But then green slime dropped in on him anyway, because he did say the trigger phrase.
Just then, the both of them heard the Koopalings laughing again. They peeked on the other side of the cave-- I mean, volcano, and saw the three Koopalings standing there with Ludwig's lava-filling thingy. How did he bring it outside? "That brat sure was an idiot! Did you see the look on his face when he heaved him into the Pipe Maze?"
"Uh, not really," answered Roy. "I was facing his backside at the time."
"Oh no! Junior's trapped in the Pipe Maze? Now we are in a stew!" A banana cream pie then came and hit Luigi on the face.
"You got a point, Weege. His folks would have a real beef wi--" Before Mario could finish his sentence, a banana cream pie came and hit his face. "I guess we should've stuck with the original dialogue," he said as they walked over to the pipe nearby. "At least we know that the writers at least got the Pipe Maze's name right!"
The Bros. leaped down the pipe, which somehow deposited them in a different area of the sewers from where Junior had landed earlier. They had just managed to dodge two Thwomps when Boom-Boom came running up. "Hey, Luigi, how's about we perform one of our special Bros. Moves on Boom-Boom here?"
"OK," said Luigi.
The enemy battle music from Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga started playing as Luigi jumped in front of Mario. Mario jumped on his green-clad brother's outstretched hands, and Luigi threw him into the air.
"Hey, this is Super Mario Bros. 3! You can't do that move!" Boom-Boom's nitpicking was cut short by Mario landing his shoes right on him and draining all of his HP. Mario jumped back and struck a victorious pose as some red bars appeared nearby, showing 107 being added to his number of experience points.
"Nice move, Mario! You upped your experience points!" There was no stopping Luigi's obvious-stating.
"Hey, aren't you gonna notice us?" complained Boo Buddy #1 from behind Luigi.
Luigi looked at the strangely revealing-themselves Boo Buddies. "Shouldn't you be trying to hide yourself?"
"Normally, we would," explained Boo Buddy #2, "but this episode's writer doesn't seem to know that."
"Oh, really? And I suppose he thinks I can do... this!" Luigi made a positively scary expression with his own face and put out his hands like a monster. His teeth even got spiky at that point.
"Hey!" whimpered Boo Buddy #1. "You're supposed to be scared of us!"
"Like you said," Luigi bit back, "the writer doesn't know anything about us. Now I believe this is the part where you run away." And that's just what the Boo Buddies did. Later on, they were kicked out of the Loyal Order of Boos for being such disgraces to Boodom. Afterwards, they unsuccessfully tried their hands at antagonizing Pac-Man, and then went on to become soldiers of the ghosts in Sonic Adventure 2, but that's another story.
Junior came out from a pipe he was hiding behind. "Is that you, God? It's me, Somebody Junior."
"Junior?" Mario and Luigi ran up to the pipe Junior came out of hiding from. Mario looked sensitive at first, but then an angry look crossed his eyes and he then exploded in anger. "JUNIOR!! I'LL KILL YOU! Then I'm gonna bury you! Then I'll dig you up and clone you! Then I'll kill all your clones! And then, I'm never speaking to you again!"
"Eeeeep!" Junior almost wet himself.
Mario laughed like Peter Griffin. "No, no, I'm kidding. That's just something I heard in a movie that you oughta add to your video collection. Or preferably, your DVD collection, if you got one."
"Aw, man," Junior kicked dirt, "my DVD collection is my good movie collection, which is at my aunt's house, in case you forget. Anyway, you gotta get me outta here. I've been sung to by orange midgets and tormented by incompetent ghosts!"
"Orange midgets, you say?" Mario looked at the "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" poster again. "Well, it's a good thing you didn't encounter this version's kind.
Up above, Ludwig had somehow constructed his pipe-valve thingy into an even bigger monstrosity and connected to a hose that sprawled into the Pipe Maze. As they looked at the new-and-improved pipe-valve thingy, Roy didn't notice that his shell had changed green, and Larry didn't bother to point it out.
"OK guys," said Ludwig, "I've somehow deduced that the Marios have managed to escape the volcano and are now in the Pipe Maze with that Earth fool. So why don't we heat things up down there?"
"Good idea!" Roy was speaking with a deeper voice than usual for no reason. "I don't know how we know those pain-in-the-tail plumbers escaped that last trap, but this oughta send 'em and their little brat to Hell! Oh, oh, pardon my language."
Ludwig turned the valve on his machine, and by that, I mean he threw a switch. Lava started flowing from the machine's hose and into the Pipe Maze. As the lava went down the pipe and started flooding the maze, some strange unidentifiable voices belted out a song about how to avoid being burned. Wait, didn't they already sing that song back in the last chapter of the first King Koopa Katastrophe Spoof? Anyway, the song must've had more of an impact here than the first time around, because all the enemies in the Pipe Maze ran for cover. The same went for the Mario Bros. and Junior, who stupidly ran like cowards from the lava rather than find higher platforms like the enemies were doing. Fortunately, Mario and Luigi both managed to conveniently find Blocks that housed Super Leaves, so they were both able to put on Raccoon Suits and fly Junior out of the Pipe Maze to the safe ground above.
"That was awesome!" said Junior. "I didn't know you guys could grow raccoon tails and somehow use them to suspend yourself in midair."
"Well, they don't call us super for nothing!" Luigi bragged, his mouth movement not matching his dialogue again.
"We better move them, or we'll have to change the adjective in our franchise's name to 'barbequed'!" Mario yelled. "Those little Koopa *******s must've superheated the volcano!" The volcano then erupted and sent dirt and gravel flying everywhere, some of which landed right on Junior's face. "We're not usually ones for clogging up pipes, but in this case, we'd better close up that volcano!"
"Aw, can't somebody else do it?" Luigi whined, trying to clean Junior's face with his hands. "Besides, we gotta bring Junior home."
"Sorry, Luigi, but we can't," Mario pointed. "Like Princess Peach says, this is our show, and we should handle our own problems. So let's prevent that volcano from blowing this place sky high!"
So in less than four seconds, Mario and Luigi had constructed a giant catapult out of trees and logs, and then gathered up a boulder that happened to be large enough to close up the top of the volcano. Luigi struggled to place the boulder on the catapult. "Aw ****, Mario! I can't get it on there!"
"What kinda wimp are you, Weege? We still have Raccoon Power!" Mario then batted his Raccoon Tail against the boulder onto the catapult, despite the fact that his tail would more likely have been weaker than Luigi's hands. Getting up on the boulder, he proclaimed, "Boulders away!" Luigi pulled the rope, and up went Mario and the boulder. Mario managed to guide the boulder so that it landed right on the volcano, closing it up. Ignoring the fact that the lava pressure would probably build up and dislodge the boulder, Mario flew back to where Luigi and Junior stood.
"Um... am I supposed to say that was awesome?" Junior looked confused. "It kinda looked scripted to me. Oh well. Way to go, Mario!"
"For a first-time plumbers' helper, you weren't bad yourself," Mario congratulated.
"What are you talking about, Mario!?" Luigi looked angry. "Junior did nothing to help this whole episode! In fact, it's partially his fault we almost got killed today! Congratulating him like this is a load of baloney. Oops!" Just as he was saying that last word, yet another banana cream pie hit him in the face. "Besides," he said, checking his watch, "his folks are gonna be home in fifteen minutes!"
"It's 10:15 PM already?" Mario was flabbergasted. "This whole escapade was more like less than eleven minutes than five-and-a-half hours! But since we're on DiC Entertainment's nonexistent payroll, we might as well get back to that warp zone."
One scene-switch later, the Mario Bros. and Junior crawled out from under the sink in Junior's kitchen. "We're back in my kitchen!" Junior commented. "Amazing!"
"Did those Koopalings give you drugs or something before they threw you into the Pipe Maze, Junior?" Mario asked. "This plot point doesn't sound amazing if you ask me. If you ask me, what is amazing is the fact that it's supposed to be 10:30 PM, but it's still light outside!"
Just then, they heard the family car coming in, and Junior's dad calling from outside, "Luuuuucy, we're home!"
"Oh, must you say that every time we come home?" They heard Junior's mom saying.
"Uh-oh. Did Mom tell you to give me a bath before they got home?" Junior asked his babysitters.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she did," said Luigi.
"Well, get me in that bathtub already!" Junior jumped on Mario's shoulders. "Or my folks'll never let you babysit me again. That is, if you want to."
"We don't. But since not doing a favor is a bad influence to our viewers, we'll do it." Mario carried Junior upstairs, with Luigi running ahead to the bathroom. Strangely, as they were running up the stairs, none of them noticed that someone had apparently broken into the living room and stolen the TV and most of the furniture.
In the bathroom, Luigi turned on the hot water and even found time to add in the bubble formula. Mario brought Junior in and plopped him in the tub, paying no attention to his clothes having changed from red to green in the shot where he did that. "Is there any reason you're putting me in the tub with my clothes on?" Junior asked.
"Well, I figure it's to avoid angry letters from parents," Mario answered. "Either that, or DiC can't draw and animate people in their birthday suits very well."
Mrs. J. came into the bathroom, looking a bit peeked. "Junior, do you have any idea what happened to the furn--" She suddenly stopped and noticed that he was sitting right there in the bubble bath. "Why, Junior! You're taking a bath! How did you do that?" she asked the Marios, whose Raccoon Suits were being covered up by the bubbles.
"Uh..." Luigi put an umbrella over his head. "I don't know?" Sure enough, green slime fell down when he said that, but then time he didn't get hit because of his umbrella.
"Well, now I know I can trust you boys." Mrs. J. then switched to her Edna Krabapple voice again. "You think you could sit again Friday night?"
"Oh boy!" Junior jumped in the tub. "That would be super!"
Mario and Luigi hit their foreheads with their palms. "Forget it, lady!" Mario said, walking out of the bathroom. "That kid is a menace!"
"Yeah, get somebody else!" Luigi followed his brother. "I think Mary Poppins is still available."
Junior leaned against the side of the tub and frowned. "Boy, some people have no integrity."<p>
Super Mario Bros. are cool like sunglasses!
Edited by - Nintendo Maximus on 7/5/2005 8:40:59 PM