Try escaping this one, Mcgyver.

[Hirocon]

First tie all of the strings together, and tie one end to the army knife.  Open up the can opener on the end of the knife.  Use the bubble wrap to fashion a crude sling-shot, and use it to fire the knife, tied to the string, through an air hole and through the spaces between the crates toward an auto-inflatable raft on the plane wall.  Hook the raft with the can opener, and drag it back towards you until it is at the base of your crate.  Shove the chunk of granola bar through the air hole so it lands right on the pin to inflate the raft.  The mouse will be atracted by the granola bar and will pull the raft pin in the process of eating it.  The raft inflates rapidly, pushing the crates under you and knocking your crate over.  Since you were on top of at least three other crates, it's a pretty long fall - far enough to knock your crate open.  You survive uninjured, however, since you were surrounded by infinite packaging peanuts.  Now go find the crate with the ticking sound.  Luckily, it happens to be on the top of a stack.  Even in your sedated state you're strong enough to climb the pile of crate knocked over by the raft, so you can get to the top of the crate with the bomb.  Use the fingernail cleaner on your knife (recovered from the raft) to unscrew the top of the crate.  Use the knife's can opener to disarm the bomb.  Now you can relax and wait for the sedative to wear off...or can you?  Take the bulk of the explosive out of the bomb (the bomb was probably strong enough to destroy the whole plane), leaving enough to blow out a good chunk of the plane wall.  Reprogram the bomb to blow in one minute, put it at a side of the plane away from all the saftey equipment, and run behind all the crates.  The bomb blows a huge hole in the side of the plane and the crates start blowing out.  Grab a parachute, an inflatable raft, and any other useful supplies you see, and jump.

You're hand-cuffed to a solid steel chair on top of an old skyscraper which is about to be demolished.  The demolition crew doesn't know you're up there and you can't scream loud enough to get anyone's attention.  The chair is bolted down and is completely imobile.  You're barefoot and the entire roof of the building is covered with shattered glass, a la Die Hard.  There is a single door on the roof leading into the builing.  It is on the other side of the roof, and it's locked.  The building has fifty stories and is going to be imploded in two minutes.  With your legs you can reach a full jar of peanut butter, a soft baseball cap, and a pillow.  Just out of reach of your legs are a pair of perscription glasses (not yours, you have perfect vision) and a fire extinguisher.  Far out of your reach are a bowling ball and a very confused cat.

[Glorb]

I grab the jar of peanut butter with my feet and open it up, then put some on my toe; I then catch the glasses on the sticky peanut butter. I then use the earpiece to pick the lock and, before I stand, drag the pillow over to me and get un it. I wear the cap to look cool, then grab the extinguisher. I turn it on, then use it as a rudimentary jetpack - first I get the cat, then use up the last of the fuel as the oillow scoots gently along the sea of glass. I get into the building, then down the stairs just as it explodes.

You are on an empty highway at night in the middle of nowhere in your broken-down car. You can't get out, because strange monsters are on the outside and slowly eating your car (a la Tremors). Inside your glove compartment is a toothpick, a length of wire, a lightbulb, a rubber band, a ham sandwich and an N64 RumblePak. Under the seat is a pack of half-used batteries and a chainsaw (with no gas). In addition, you are, for some reason, in a straightjacket. You have five minutes before the monsters eat your car. Go!

[Robert]

Using my feet, I grab the chainsaw from under my seat. Again, using my feet, I use the chainsaw to cut open the staight jacket. Those yoga lessons really payed off, huh? Then, I throw the sandwich out of the window. When the monsters are distracted by the sandwich, I get out of my car and use the chainsaw to hack n' slash my way to victory! If the monsters eat my chainsaw, then I'll use the wire to choke the monsters.

You were at the zoo one day, looking a the lions. When suddenly, somone pushes you into the lion pit! There are 15 lions in the pit, each one extremely hungry. There is a locked door at the other end of the pit, which is the only way out. On the ground is a empty bucket, a nearly broken shovel, lion you-know-what and human bones. The key to the door is in a lion's mouth. What would you do?

[The Blue Toad]

First, I pray to God that this works.  Next, I cover myself in lion you-know-what.  It is absolutely disgusting, and I'm probably whimpering in the process.  I grab the nearly broken shovel threateningly.  The lions hate my stench, so they don't come near me.  I hit one right in the head with the shovel!  It breaks in two, and the lion is just irritated.  Oops.  So now there is one lion going at me.  I take a human bone, and, as he approaches me, jaws open, I shove it vertically in his mouth so that he can't bite through it.  Acting quickly, I take the bucket and hit him many times over the head until he is unconscious.  Hah hah!  Next I reach into his mouth, which is still forced open by the bone, and grab the key!  I race towards the door, and make it out alive.
Note:  I still have the bucket, and I'm going to use it to beat up the guy who shoved me in.

You are in a room on the third floor of an apartment building.  There are no windows leading outside.  There is no light source within the room.  There is a door across from you.  Around the top of the door, there is a small glass window.  The glass is too thick to break through.  In that window, you see the shadow of stranger.  He is peering in, trying to see you.  You cannot pick out any of his facial features, though you know that this is the same, creepy guy who has been after you.  Luckily, you had locked the door so he cannot get in, and since there is no light source within the room, he cannot see you.  His purpose is unclear, but it seems as though he wants to get ya!  You are very scared, and, sadly enough, don't have your medication with you.  You are panicking, and you need it more than ever.  You could pass out any second!  You need to get out in a hurry, but the creepy guy is right there!  Oh, if only this apartment building wasn't abandoned.
You look around the room.  You find:
-  A blanket.  (Very thin, and molding).
-  A rat.  (Pretty big, and huddled up in the blanket... he looks pretty mean).
-  A pair of broken reading glasses. 
-  A tin full of popcorn crumbs.
-  A damp match.
-  A rubber band.   

The guy seems restless, and looks as though he'll wait forever!  You feel as though you're blacking out.  What will you do?

[Robert]

There are a couple ways I can solve this,
1}I take the rubber band, open the door, pull back the rubber band, aim for his face and fire. As he's crying in pain, I'll run like the wind!
2}I'll grab the rat, open the door and throw the rat at him yelling "get 'em, spanky!" While the rat is fighting the person, I will run out of there faster than you can say "What the?!"
3}I'll grab the popcorn tin open the door and say to the person, " How about we stop this feud and have some popcorn?" We'll shake hands and walk into the sunset.
4}I'll wear the blanket over my head and gently pick up the rat, holding it as if it were a baby. After opening the door, I'll say to the person, "Could you spare the life of a poor mother and her starving child?" He'll thing I'm insane and decides that my life is pitiful enough already, and lets me go. When I'm out of his sight, I'll make a run for it.

You wake up chained to the bottem of a deep pit. The pit is to deep to climb out of with your hands. You can see your worst enemy at the top of the pit, beside a cement mixer. He plans to cement in the pit you are currently at the bottem of. Your two arms and and your legs are chained tightly to the ground. In your grasp, you have a match, a box of tissues and pen. Out of your reach is a fishing hook and broken handgun with no bullets in it. The pit will be cemented in 60 seconds. Go.

[Glorb]

First, I kick the hook into my hand and use it to pick the lock on the chains, freeing myself. Next, I take the pen, put the tissue on the pen and adhere it with my spit. Using my feet I kick the gun and hook into my hand and force the hook into the tip of the pen through the tissue. Next, I grab the match, strike it on the ground with my hand and throw it on the tissue, lighting it. I fire the flaming pen at the cement mixer, which causes it to explode. Then, using the fishing line like a grappling hook, I climb my way to safety. Approx. completion time: 53 seconds.

You are a cat on a hot tin roof; the only safe spot from the scorching heat is a small area of shade, which is slowly depleting. The only objects within the shade are an electrical outlet, a paperclip, a shoestring and a novelty plastic alligator, and just out of your reach in the heat is a Barry Manilow CD. You have a minute and a half before the heat makes you explode. Go.

[DeadAwake]

Unfolding the paperclip with my claws, I attach it to the shoe string.  With my new grappling hook, I pull the Barry Manilow CD towards the shade--having got the paperclip right in the CD hole (cats have really good aim).  I give the plastic alligator a kiss for good luck, and hop on the CD, sledding down the hot, tin roof like it's the middle of January.  I don't have to worry about the landing, because I always land on my feet.

Scenario:  You are trapped in a cage with the world's largest bear.  You have a small chair and long hair.  There are marbles everywhere, but you're running out of air... You start to think life isn't fair, but in the end you don't really care:  You've gotta make it out of there.

[Robert]

Quickly, I grab all the marbles in the cage. I give the bear some of the marbles, and together we play a friendly game of marbles together. Once we've become good friends, I'll ask the Bear to use his massive strengh to break me out of the cage. Problem solved.

You're trapped in a room. The room is very tall and is very wide. There are no doors, windows or any other exit out of the room. In the room, there is a gun with one bullet in it, a feather duster, 4 tennis balls and a wig. There is very little oxygen in the room, and if you don't escape soon, you will die. Go.

[Glorb]

Assuming the implied solution isn't suicide, here goes: First I take the bullet out of the chamber and insert the feather duster into the chamber, being sure to tie one of the feathers to the cocking spring. I jam the handle, protruding from the barrel of the gun, into a tennis ball and fire it at the wall. This creates smallish hole, which is then made bigger when the ball comes swinging back to the feather being tied to the inside of the gun. Now that I have oxygen coming from the hole I slowly chip away at the wall with the handle until I can fit through.

You are in an abandoned house on the third story with one window fifteen feet above you; on the other end of the room is a madman with a chainsaw blocking the only exit to the stairs. He said, four minutes ago, that you have seven minutes to escape before you kills you (you spent the four minutes crying). On the floor are a single marble, a Nerf gun with no ammo in it, a copy of Electronic Gaming Monthly, a rubber ladle, a very shallow puddle of saliva, the handle from a shotgun and a foot of rope. Now that you took all that time looking over the objects you have one minute. Wait for it...Go!

[Drew_the_gamer]

I stuff the marble in the Nerf gun and shoot the window above me. Then I tie the rope to the shotgun handle to make a crude grappling hook and I throw it through the broken window and climb out.




You are curled up in a ball in a steel cage 3 by 3 by 3 feet, falling out of a plane. You have one minute until you hit the ground. In your pocket is a zippo lighter, winterfresh gum, and a pen and Kleenexes. Houdini couldn't escape this.

[Glorb]

Um, can you say bump? This was a cool topic, but it's from six months ago. Oh, and here's the solution: Jump out of the cage (you didn't say it was locked), open up the pen, chew the gum and get it all spit-covered, then stuff it in the hollow pen. Then, when you're really close to the ground, set the Kleenexes on fire with the lighter and stuff them into the pen, where the fire reacts with the gum and causes it to cumbust, creating a short burst of jet flame which slows your descent.

[SushieBoy]

Hey Glorb, don't get all like that when he did contribute to the topic, it doesn't count as a bump if you are actually on topic.

[Glorb]

Yeah, but it just seemed a little long. But never mind, you're right.

[tehxboxdudezor]

You are curled up in a ball in a steel cage 3 by 3 by 3 feet, falling out of a plane. You have one minute until you hit the ground. In your pocket is a zippo lighter, winterfresh gum, and a pen and Kleenexes. Houdini couldn't escape this.
[/quote
i fall to my death and loose a life. I respawn the ground beside where i crashed and continnue on with my life.

You are in a small steel room with no doors or windows. in front of you is a paper clip , a piece of string, a chewed piece of gum, ten pieces of used kleenex, and a piece of paper with the url for the fungi forums on it. the room seems to be getting warmer by the minute, and you can hear a barney song in your ears. the song is impairing  your thoughts, so you don know how to combine any objects unless the sound stops. And, you're hungry. and cant think anyway until you eat something. escape this one, macguyver!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!1

[PaperLuigi]

Dude, check the dates before you post.