Rosalina is fat
'Swhy she rides the big cars in Mario kart
Mario is from Krypton
And his hat has his real family crest on it.
The spikeless Thwomps have birth defects
:(
Chain Chomp is the baby Mario Bros.' special item in Double Dash!! because it is their real pet
Barks, guards the house, good with kids. Perfect. Why the adult Mario Bros are never depicted as having him? Mushroom City. CRASH! Oh no I think I hit a
Bowser would look cool with a beard
Cranky Kong is the first DK, Donkey Kong Jr. has a disease that severely stunts his growth, Donkey Kong is Cranky's grandson
And Mario was actually much younger in the arcade games than he currently is but always had the mustache that is manlier than you could ever hope to have. Apes have shorter lifespans than humans do so his current age is accentuated by a white beard and a cane. DK Jr.'s days are probably numbered. No time skip issues.
Otacon met the DK Crew in person and they told him all this
So he could get the skinny about it right just in case Snake ever asked. AND THEN HE DID
Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong are about the same age
Diddy Kong is older than Donkey by a year or two?
This idea is amusing to me
Lubba is one star bit away from becoming a galaxy
But he prefers cheetos