Read these! These are bloopers I made for all the Mario episodes on the Super Mario Bros. Super Show DVD!
Toad Warriors
SCENE: Opening scene
Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Toad are in a car zooming to the Toad Town Rebel Fort.
MARIO: Plumber's Log... (a log falls and lands on his head) Ow! Let's try and be a little more careful with my log thing, okay?
***
SCENE: Where Bowser finds out the Mario gang has been captured.
Bowser and Mouser stand on a ledge in front of the rebel base.
KOOPA TROOPA: (on car radio) Car 54½ calling King Koopa. I've arrested the Princess and her faucet freak friends.
BOWSER: (to Koopa Troopa) Lock them up and throw away the key! And whatever you do, don't let them get away! (to Mouser) The last of the spaghetti sauce is almost in my hands! I'll make a fortune selling it back to those miserable Mushrooms.
MOUSER: Hey boss, I thought zat zis spaghetti sauce was some sort ov drug cover-up.
***
SCENE: Where Koopa Troopa has the Mario group under arrest.
KOOPA TROOPA: No, you can't call your lawyer or your mother! Any other questions?
MARIO: Yeah. Can we call one of our fathers?
KOOPA TROOPA: No!
MARIO: A pizza delivery service, then?
KOOPA TROOPA: No! That's completely idiotic!
***
SCENE: Where Koopa Troopa has Bob-Omb watch the Mario Bros. and Toad.
Koopa Troopa gets into his car to recieve a call from Bowser. Toad looks at Bob-Omb and insults him.
TOAD: Hey, Bob-Omb! Did anyone ever tell you you are uhhh-gly! I've seen better-looking bombs after dey exploded! I'll bet you have to sneak up on a match just to get alight! I fart in your general direction, you slimy trollop! Your mother was a Pikachu, and your father smelt of chuckberries!
Angered by Toad's remarks, Bob-Omb lights himself.
TOAD: (to Mario and Luigi) Run for it, guys!
They do so. Mario dives behind the car, Luigi runs to the left, and Toad heads to the right. Koopa Troopa gets out of his paddy wagon and looks at Bob-Omb.
KOOPA TROOPA: You stupid banghead! Look what you've-- (sees that Bob-Omb is about to go off; screams) No, don't go off now! (dives and snuffs out Bob-Omb's fuse) Phew! That was close!
MARIO: But not close enough!
He jumps on Koopa Troopa, then picks him up and throws him at his paddy wagon.
MARIO: (to Luigi and Toad) C'mon guys! Let's get to the rebel fort!
They get into the car and drive off. Sometime later (after the Koopas start destroying the rebel fort, to be exact), Mouser calls in on Koopa Troopa's car radio.
MOUSER: Car 54½, where are you?
KOOPA TROOPA: Spare me the television jokes, Mouser. We have a problem...
***
SCENE: Where the Mario Bros. and Toad catapult over the truck
MARIO: (as he, Luigi, and Toad are sent flying into the air) TO INFINITY... AND BEYOND! ...**** it! We didn't bring any Super Leafs, Cape Feathers, or Wing Caps!
***
SCENE: Where Bowser brings out the Thunderbirdo
BOWSER: Enough Mr. Nice Guy, it's time for my ultimate weapon! Mouser! Bring forth my answer to the Evangelion - the Amazing Color-Changing Thunderbirdo!
MOUSER: Uh, King Koopa, sir, couldn't you just call it the Thunderbirdo?
BOWSER: I could, but Color-Changing seems like a great way to describe it. Now go get it!
Mouser goes and gets the Thunderbirdo and drives it in. It's green. When it's in full view, it's now pink.
BOWSER: See what I mean?
***
SCENE: Where Toad transforms
TOAD: Princess, look what I got! (holds up the Starman he got earlier)
PEACH: Good work, Toad. With that Star you can do anything. You can be... (thinks for a minute) ...the Toad Warrior!
TOAD: Uh, just how do you know I can do dat?
PEACH: Well, Mushroom People like you can use Starmen to make a powerful transformation.
TOAD: Hmmmm, dat sounds like a good way of puttin' it. You got it! (holds up the Starman) Fighter Star Power, make up! Heh heh. Just kidding. Ahem. By da power of da Shining Star, I am the... (transforms) ...TOAD WARRIOOOOOORRRRRR!!!!!
The other Mushrooms cheer him.
TOAD: 'Ey, man, I'm da Fantastic Fungus, da Supacharged Mushroom of Might! I'm da Toad Warrior!
MARIO: (to Peach) He's been watchin' too much of that "Road Warriors" movie, don't you think?
TOAD: (to another Mushroom) Gimmie five!
MUSHROOM: Gee, I don't know if I can. I've only got four fingers, see.
TOAD: No! Ya fartknocker! Gimmie five Bomb plants! I can't believe ya can't tell da number of yer fingers from da quanity of whatever I'm telling ya t'give me!
***
SCENE: Where the Thunderbirdo explodes
Mouser is sent flying into the air on account of the Thunderbirdo's explosion. He flies by Luigi's helicopter.
LUIGI: What goes up must go down. (drops a Bob-Omb near Mouser)
MOUSER: Not again!
The Bob-Omb explodes, knocking Mouser even farther into the sky.
MOUSER: Looks like Mouser eez blasting off againnnnnnnnn! Sorry, I couldn't resist. (vanishes from sight with the "ding" sound effect)
***
Count Koopula
SCENE: Opening scene
Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Toad are running through somewhere in the rain.
MARIO: (narrating) Plumber's Log, number 10-14. For no reason at all, we were travelling through a strange land called Turtlevania. Someone had pulled the plug on that big bathtub in the sky. Obviously, we should've paid that cab driver a lot more money, or he wouldn't have thrown us out of his cab. And I had a bad feeling that we were going to experience deja vu in the style of an old horror movie. But nevertheless, I knew we had to keep our wits about in this creepy place...
LUIGI: Holy ravioli, Mario! You better tone down that narration!
MARIO: I'm sorry, Luigi, I just feel like I have the need to send killer suspense into the necks of our fans!
***
SCENE: Where Team Mario arrives at Castle Koopula
Team Mario stands at the front door of Castle Koopula.
LUIGI: I'm not goin' in there. It looks like a boarding house for vampires.
MARIO: Come on, Luigi! Nobody believes in vampires anymore!
LUIGI: I do!
MARIO: Sheesh, I can't believe how wimpy you're acting! You had enough courage to venture into a haunted mansion and suck up ghosts in a vacuum cleaner, but now you don't want to go in a haunted castle?!
LUIGI: But they hadn't even started making Luigi's Mansion by this time!
***
SCENE: Where Bowser corners Team Mario
Bowser opens up door #1 and reveals himself!
BOWSER: (talking with an Eastern accent) Welcome to the Castle of Count Koopula! Dinner is served!
MOUSER: (comes in from the secret door) And you're ze main course! (laughs)
TOAD: Ohohoho! I just lost my appetite! (slams the door on Mouser) Luigi was right! Vampires!
They look at Bowser, who appears to be paralyzed.
MARIO: Hey, Bowser's not moving.
LUIGI: Good, that should give us enough time to escape!
Peach slams the door on Bowser. Toad opens the clothes chute.
TOAD: Into da clothes chute -- it's our only way out -- or dey'll turn us into vampires like them! (jumps down the chute)
MARIO: I wonder why Bowser froze like that...
Outside the room, Kamek stands beside the paralyzed Bowser, snickering, and holding a concoction.
KAMEK: That was a great test for the paralysis spell. But I'd better get out of here before his Lizardness comes to!
***
SCENE: Where the Koopa Troopas become wereturtles
MARIO: We gotta find a way out of here! (notices a stash of tomato sauce bottles) What's this? Beer bottles in a horror movie parody? (takes one out and reads the label) "Marinara. Château Koopula, 1989." Hey, it's tomato sauce! Say, isn't 1989 the same year Super Mario Bros. 3 was shown off in the motion picture "The Wizard"?
TOAD: We're surrounded by vampires, and all he thinks about is food and publicity!
MARIO: Actually, if this is what the vampires put their sucked-up tomato sauce in, I don't think I want to eat it!
PEACH: (looking out the window) Hey guys! Look! Koopa's up to something weird!
The others look out the window and see Bowser standing on the hillside with several Koopa Troopas.
LUIGI: Mareepin' macaroni! He's training his Pokémon!
MARIO: I didn't know Bowser was a Pokémon Trainer!
BOWSER: (from outside, to the Troopas) I command you, behold the full moon!
The Troopas stand to face the full moon. They transform like werewolves and howl at the moon.
MARIO: Holy Pikachus! He's evolving them!
LUIGI: He's turning 'em into w-w-wereturtles!
BOWSER: (to the wereturtles) You can do what you want with the faucet freaks, but don't hurt the princess! Now find 'em!
The wereturtles start running toward the storage room.
PEACH: Those spiders were bad enough, but I can't stand wereturtles!
LUIGI: How would you know? This is the first time any of us have encountered them!
MARIO: Luigi, they're Koopa Troopas crossbreeded with werewolves! She's got good enough reason not to stand them!
LUIGI: I thought they were Koopa Troopas crossbreeded with Moblins.
MARIO: But don't worry, girlfr--um, Princess! It's us they're after, not you.
LUIGI: Yeah, Princess, don't worry. It's us they're after. (double takes) Us?!
TOAD: Um, am I in this shot? You can see me, right?
***
SCENE: Where the heroes are in the Tomato Sauce factory
Several Goombas are flattening tomatoes on a conveyor belt. The tomato sauce is then put in a big pot. Team Mario walks by.
MARIO: It's a tomato sauce factory!
TOAD: Dose Goombas look kinda spaced out t'me. (takes a better look and gasps) Dey're zombies!
PEACH: Maybe we can sneak past them.
They start to do so, but Mario sneaks over to the vat of tomato sauce and takes a taste.
MARIO: Mmm... needs garlic.
GOOMBAS: Huh?
The Goombas jump in anger and one of them throws tomatoes at Team Mario.
PEACH: Run for it!
They start to run, but are stopped by Bowser and his wereturtles.
BOWSER: Too late, princess!
LUIGI: (to Mario) You had to open your big mouth!
MARIO: Hey, I thought that since the Goombas were zombies, they wouldn't notice anyone tasting their food!
LUIGI: You cheesehead!
***
SCENE: Where Bowser tries to make Peach a vampire
BOWSER: Now my dear, it's time to initiate you into the Loyal Brotherhood of Tomato Sauce Vampires!
PEACH: Brotherhood? You mean, you're not the only Tomato Sauce-Sucking Vampire around?
BOWSER: Of course not. Come on out, guys!
Several other Nintendo villains come in, all dressed as vampires.
GIOVANNI: So what's up, Count Koopula? Hey, nice Laura Ashley curtains.
BOWSER: Thanks. I got it on sale at the Villains' Mart for $29.99!
K. ROOL: So what did you call us up for?
KING DEDEDE: Yeah, where's the sauce?
BOWSER: I'm introducin' Princess Peach here to you guys. Princess, meet Count Giovannicula...
GIOVANNI: I want your Pikachu's tomato ketchup!
BOWSER: ...Count Ganondorfula...
GANON: I demand you tell me where your tomato sauce is!
BOWSER: ...Kount K. Rool...
K. ROOL: Tomato-flavored bananas, anyone?
BOWSER: ...Count Dedede...
DEDEDE: I like my tomato sauce with any food that I eat!
BOWSER: ...and our founder, Count Dracula.
DRACULA: I hope you're not afraid to join us - fear makes de blood taste terrible.
PEACH: Hey wait a minute, I thought you guys were Tomato Sauce-Sucking Vampires, not Blood-Sucking Vampires.
BOWSER: (to Peach) We are. But we gotta do what real vampires do when they make someone join them. And that's sucking their blood! (to other villains) Now you guys better get going, or this episode may be longer than it should be!
The other villains all exit one at a time.
GANON: Yeah, I gotta get ready for my part in the next Zelda episode.
GIOVANNI: I must continue with my master plan to conquer the Pokémon World!
K. ROOL: I need to go and hatch a new diabolical scheme to steal the Crystal Coconut!
DEDEDE: Cancel my tomato sauce-sucking appointments, I'm late for dinner at my castle!
DRACULA: Mother Brain just called. She needs me for a series of sporting events dis Saturday. See ya!
***
SCENE: Where the Mario Bros. and Toad attack Bowser with the vampire repellant things
Mario, Luigi, and Toad open the door to Bowser's private room just as Bowser is about to suck Peach's blood.
MARIO: Unhand her, fang-face!
Toad runs up and tears off the curtains. Bowser grimaces in pain from the sunlight.
BOWSER: Ow-ooh! I HATE SUNLIGHT! You ruined the initiation! Not to mention you tore down my Laura Ashley curtains and ruined those, too! I'm going back into my coffin, and you guys better be back here at nighttime! (goes to his coffin but Mario gets in the way) Outta my way, plumb scum!
MARIO: This garlic will put you out of the way! (breathes the garlic breath in Bowser's face)
BOWSER: Aiiieee! (coughs)
PEACH: Boy, that garlic thing looks like something out of "Sailor Moon R"!
***
The Adventures of Sherlock Mario
SCENE: Opening scene
The good guys run in the direction of the cry for help.
LUIGI: Mysterious meatsauce! Look!
PEACH: It Herlock Somes's hat and magnifying glass!
TOAD: But where's Somesie-womsie?
LUIGI: Pet nicknames already, Toad? I didn't know you were such a fast mover.
MARIO: He must have been kidnapped.
LUIGI: Kidnapped? By whom?
MARIO: That I'm gonna find out. (puts on the detective hat) Or my name isn't Sherlock Mario! Which is actually the name I've given for this alter ego. Hmmmm, I've-a-got a creepy feeling that Wario and Waluigi may be behind this.
TOAD: But what would da Wario Bruttas want wit' a detective?
MARIO: Wario and Waluigi would want someone to lead them to a stash of gold, most likely. But we don't know who did this, so we'd better start searching!
***
SCENE: Where Bowser and his minions have trapped Herlock Somes
BOWSER: So, Mr. Smarty-Pants Detective, I'll bet you can't guess what my next caper'll be!
SOMES: Elementary, my dear Kooparity! You're going to break into the Tower of Victoria and steal a new weapon, the Retro Rooter.
BOWSER: All right, which one of you bonehead blabbermouths spilled the beans!?
TRYCLYDE: Heh heh, I bet it was Mouser! Heh heh!
MOUSER: Koopa Troopa's ze big mouth!
KOOPA TROOPA: You're the one, you limburger-eatin' liar!
Mouser grabs Koopa Troopa and starts slapping him anime-style.
MOUSER: YOU STOOPEEED EEDIOT! I WILL KEEEELLL YOU!!
Tryclyde gets caught in the crossfire too.
SOMES: It was elementary, my dear Kooparity. That's just the kind of crime a crafty Koopa won't commit. That, and the fact that I've already read the script for this episode.
***
SCENE: Where Team Mario finds out Bowser kidnapped Somes
Team Mario crawls around Somes's home, looking for clues.
MARIO: Don't worry! A good detective always uses his head! (bumps into Somes's dictator machine) Ouch! (falls on the others)
LUIGI: Wow, you certainly got that right!
SOMES ON MACHINE: ...And Kooparity's next move will be to steal the Retro Rooter from the Tower of Victoria.
LUIGI: Great garlic! The Koopa's here in Victoria! Huh? Why did I just say a grammarically incorrect statement? Shouldn't I have said "The Koopas are here in Victoria" or "Bowser's here in Victoria"?
PEACH: I'll bet he kidnapped Somes!
MARIO: Must be. Kidnapping someone isn't exactly Wario and Waluigi's game. But what the hell is a "Retro Rooter"? If it's something valuable, no doubt the Wario Bros. are after it too!
LUIGI: Oh, will you knock it off already? They're not even in this episode!
***
SCENE: Where Bowser and his minions find the Retro Rooter
Bowser and his minions approach the Retro Rooter's room.
MOUSER: Great balls of cheese! Zat unfortunate hybrid ov a tape recorder and a Saint Seiya action figure is ze Retro Rooter?! I vas thinking eet was an extremely sought-after CD compilation of ze greatest hits from ze sixties, or maybe a hyper-effective anti-aging skin cream, but definitely not looking like zat!
***
SCENE: Where Bowser traps Team Mario on a wooden slab
PEACH: You'd better let us out of here, Professor Koopiarity, or else!
BOWSER: You don't scare me, you linguini-lickin' losers! Trying to kill us with plungers is no way to fight enemies! And by the way, it's Kooparity, not Koopiarity!
PEACH: Kooparity, Koopiarity, it doesn't matter how we say it! You still suck ass!
BOWSER: Oh, you will pay for your use of inappropriate dialogue that should not be said in a kids' show based on a series of E-rated video games!
***
SCENE: Where Team Mario fights Team Koopa
Bowser's lackeys finish hooking up the Retro Rooter.
KOOPA TROOPA: The Retro Rooter's ready, boss.
BOWSER: Then let's sink this city in sewer water!
MARIO: Not so fast!
Team Mario comes out of the manhole they went through.
MARIO: Hold it right there, Koopa Kreepo!
KOOPA TROOPA: (imitating Mouser) Rotten cheeseballs! It's those pepporoni plumbers!
MOUSER: Shut up, Koopa Troopa! And don't steal my lines! It's bad enough that you insult me, but now you copy me!
BOWSER: **** it! How did you morons get here?!
MARIO: We followed your claw prints here!
BOWSER: (slaps Mouser in the jaw) Mouser, you numbskull! I told you it was a bad idea to make those fake footprints! Especially since I'm wearing shoes today!
***
SCENE: Where the Retro Rooter is destroyed
Mario kicks Bowser, knocking him into the Retro Rooter, causing it to go kaput and explode. Peach and Toad untie Somes.
SOMES: Kooparity, your caper is kaput.
BOWSER: (cries) Buh hoo hoo hoo! You wrecked the Retro Rooter! You ruined my plan to flood this city! (pounds the ground in the style of Huey, Dewey, and Louie's "Plan B" routine from the "DuckTales" episode "Scrooge's Last Adventure")
MARIO: Oh my god, our archenemy is immature.
BOWSER: Well, I don't care! As the old saying goes, "He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day!" Um, I mean, "koops and runs away lives to koop another day". I'll be back tomorrow with an even more evil scheme! (takes out a Sub-Space potion, creates a warp zone, and escapes through it) See ya!
LUIGI: (curses) ****ting spaghetti! Bowser's escaped again!
MARIO: Yeah, but at least Victoria won't be having to put up with his feet obsession anymore!
***
Koopenstein
SCENE: Opening scene
MAYOR: Welcome, Princess Toadstool. May I present you with the key to our humble village?
MARIO: (whispers to Luigi) Hey, you wanna tell him that he sounds like he's addicted to helium, or should I?
***
SCENE: Where Mouser alerts Bowser of the Marios' presence
BOWSER: Now all I need to complete my Monster Robot Troopa is a brain. Dang, I wish the DiC people had gotten a staff with brains to do this show. Then I wouldn't have any trouble finding one. Hmmmm, that Gary Oak kid from Pallet Town could make a nice donor, if he wasn't such a stubborn creep.
MOUSER: (rushes in) Uh, Dr. Koopenstein, sir? (looks at Bowser) Whoo, you don't look so good today, your Koopaness.
BOWSER: If only you weren't so stupid, Mouser, I'd use yours. Yes, yes, what is it?
MOUSER: Ze Mario Bros. and Princess Toadstool are in ze village.
BOWSER: Aha! Just what the doctor ordered. Those plumbers may not be too bright, but between the both of them, I can make one good brain. Good work, Mouser!
MOUSER: Frankly, sir, I think you're being a little too optimistic today.
BOWSER: Well, what choice do I have? You're too stupid, this show's creators don't have brains, Gary Oak's a snotty Chia Pet, and the other members of the Loyal Brotherhood of Tomato Sauce Vampires won't give up their brains! Mario and Luigi are a good idea for a last chance reserve! Now go capture them and bring them to me! If you fail, I'll feed you to my monster!
Mouser looks at the Monster Robot Troopa and shivers.
MOUSER: Ohhhh, I wouldn't want to have myself fed to that badly-drawn contraption...
***
SCENE: Where Toad climbs up the castle wall
MARIO: He's almost to the battlements. Hurry up, Toad, I'm starving!
PEACH: Don't you ever think about anything but food?
MARIO: Of course I do! Every night I think about how lovely and beautiful you are.
Luigi falls over in stupidity.
PEACH: Awwwww, Mario, I don't know what to say.
MARIO: Well, it's like this, Peach...
PEACH: ...
MARIO: I...
MOUSER: (offscreen) Forget it! I know exactly what you're going to say! And I know that she has a picture of you by her bed! And I wasn't even in Paper Mario!
***
SCENE: Where Mouser brings the Mario Bros. and Peach to Bowser
MOUSER: Ahem, two halfwits and a princess.
LUIGI: Hey, I resemble that!
MOUSER: Zat's "resent", Luigi! Not "resemble"! Geez! No wonder you're so dumb! You can't use ze right words in a sentence!
***
SCENE: Where Toad confronts the Shy Guys
TOAD: (to Shy Guys) Hey, I got an idea! Let's flip for it! Heads, I keep climbing; tails, you let me go. Either way, you keep the Coin. (takes out a Coin) Okay?
He tosses the Coin. As the Shy Guys watch it, Toad grabs a potted Piranha Plant, and hops on top of the Shy Guys' cannon. He hits the Piranha Plant on the back of the head to make it spit fire and light the fuse.
TOAD: If da Princess could do dis in "Count Koopula", how hard can it be for me?
***
SCENE: Where Bowser tries to rip off Mario and Luigi's brains
Mario and Luigi are put in Bowser's mind stealer.
BOWSER: First, we'll measure your combined brain power. Think of the smartest person you know.
MARIO: Professor Oak?
BOWSER: No, not him! I meant, smartest as in all around, not just in one category!
MARIO: Oh that's easy, then! It's Ness!
BOWSER: No, not him either!
MARIO: Well then, if you don't want us to think of Professor Oak or Ness, who do you want us to think of?
BOWSER: Me!
Bowser throws the lever on his machine. Shockingly, dumbness appears on Bowser's machine.
BOWSER: What? Impossible! A potted plant scores higher than that!
MARIO: Hey, you wanted us to think of you, so that's what we're doing!
***
SCENE: Where Toad comes to the rescue
Toad looks in the window and sees the Marios trapped by Bowser.
BOWSER: No one is that stupid!
MARIO: You are, Koopa, if you think we're giving you our brains for your monster!
BOWSER: How can you call me that if I stole the Star Rod and I used it on you unexpectedly?!
TOAD: (from window) I've gotta save 'em!
Toad climbs up to the ceiling window. Peach pushes Mouser aside and threatens Bowser.
PEACH: Leave them alone, or I'll--I'll--I'll do something!
BOWSER: Whatcha gonna do? Shoot the animators? If you want me to set free your boyfriend and his brother, you'll have to make a better threat than that! And don't try to deny your love for the fat plumber! Mouser told me what you were doing before he captured you! Besides, who's gonna help you, anyway? That miserable fungus you call Toad?
TOAD: TOAD-ERONIMO!!!! (breaks through the ceiling and lands on Bowser) I don't know why I had to make that bad pun.
***
SCENE: Where Bowser becomes the monster
Bowser comes out of the brain transfer thing and looks at them monstrously.
MARIO: He's turned into the Koopenstein Monster!
LUIGI: Oh, nice deduction, Mario. You think we couldn't see that without one of us saying it?!
MARIO: Run for it!
Before they can do so, Bowser walks up to them, grabs Peach, shoves the others, and walks through the door. Mouser runs after them.
MOUSER: Yeoww!
MARIO: After him! He stole my girlfriend! I mean, he stole the Princess!
LUIGI: Heh, I knew it! You are in love with the Princess!
MARIO: Oh, shut up!
***
SCENE: After Bowser becomes the monster and rips off Peach
MARIO: How will we get Princess Toadstool back? Koopenstein could be anywhere.
TOAD: Well, I suppose we could just chase him to his hideout.
Suddenly, the Mayor runs up to them.
MAYOR: Heeeeeeeellllllllllppppp!!!!!!!
MARIO: Don't tell me, let me guess. Wario and Waluigi are stealing your village's gold? Shadow Mario is polluting the village with his grafitti? Tatanga is blasting at the villagers? Foreman Spike is destroying the houses? King Boo is haunting everyone?
MAYOR: NO! My pickle jar is stuck, and I'm starving!
MARIO: Mr. Mayor, not every mayor of a city or village is so weak that he has to call on superheroes to open his pickle jar. And you also need to stop inhaling helium so much!
MAYOR: But I just gotta have a pickle! Oh yeah, and the Koopenstein Monster is attacking the village.
MARIO: Well then, why didn't you just say so?
***
SCENE: Where Mario shouts insults to Bowser from the clock tower
MARIO: I gotta distract the monster, or Luigi and Toad are history! (to Bowser) Hey Koopenstein! You're a big sissy, you Eastern-speaking pigdog! I wave my private parts at your aunties and fart in your general direction, you second-hand electric donkey bottom biter! Your mother was a Pikachu, and your father smelt of chuckberries! I unclog my nose in your direction, you son of a window dresser! I burst my pimples at you and call your village attack a silly thing! And if you think you got a nasty taunting right now, you haven't heard anything yet!
Just then, the Quite Extraordinarily Rude Frenchman from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" comes out from the clock and starts slapping Mario's face.
A QUITE EXTRAORDINARILY RUDE FRENCHMAN: Hey, you stupeed mascot for Ninny-tendo!! Queet stealing my material! You daffy Italian puuuuuuh-lumm-bur!
***
SCENE: Where Mario takes control of the Robot Troopa
TOAD: Are you sure dis'll woik? Da Monster still ain't got a brain, remember?
MARIO: If it doesn't, we're in deep spumoni. Stand back, I'm gonna try it out!
After a few seconds with Mario's remote control, the Robot Troopa comes to life!
TOAD: Ya did it!
MARIO: The Monster Robot Troopa lives! And to think, all it took was an Atari 2600.
***
SCENE: Ending scene
The villagers cheer. The Mayor stands, holding a silver platter.
MAYOR: Thank you for saving us! And now, your reward! (lifts up lid to reveal pizza with holes in it)
MARIO: Hey! Who's been eating on my pizza? Hmmm, that sounds like a good title for a song... (starts singing to "Who Let The Dogs Out?" by the Baha Men)
Who's been eating on my pizza? Who! Who! Who! Who!
Who's been eating on my pizza? Who! Who! Who! Who!
***
Mario Meets Koop-Zilla
SCENE: Opening scene
Luigi, wearing a Chinese hat, is pulling the others on a cart through the city of Sayonara.
TOAD: What's so super about dis Super Sushi?
PEACH: Whoever eats it doubles their size and strength.
MARIO: Besides that, it makes great spaghetti sauce! (to Luigi) Faster! Faster!
LUIGI: What's your hurry? Boy, when it comes to food, Mario's got a one-track mind. (looks around) This place reminds me a lot of Tokyo. It'd be an exact replica if it had the Tokyo Tower and the Pokémon Center boutiques!
The ground shakes.
LUIGI: Holy ravioli! It's an earthshake!
It knocks Luigi off his feet and the cart goes up with him. Mario catches Peach in his arms.
PEACH: Wow! Nice catch, boyfriend!
MARIO: Hey, it's what us heroes do in scenes like this.
LUIGI: Hey, where's my Chinese hat?! (bawls) SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY CHINESE HAT!
They look around and see the people of Sayonara fleeing in terror. Bowser shows up in the form of a giant.
TOAD: Look! It isn't an earthshake! It's Koop-Zilla!
MARIO, LUIGI, AND PEACH: "Koop-Zilla"?
MARIO: What kind of a stupid name is that?
***
SCENE: Where Dr. T. Garden explains how Bowser became a giant
GARDEN: It's honor to meet two of the world's greatest plumbers and video game stars! That Ash Ketchum kid never gets any time off to come visit.
Mario and Garden bow to each other but bump their heads.
MARIO: Ouch! Sorry, doc!
GARDEN: Ouch!
PEACH: Tell us, doctor, how'd King Koopa get to be so humongous?
GARDEN: WHAT?! You didn't figure it out yourselves!?
MARIO: Well, we were starting to think he had transformed into Giga Bowser and eaten too many Super Mushrooms.
GARDEN: Ooh, that cursed Koopa! I'll show you. We taped it on my laboratory's hidden camera.
TOAD: "We"?
GARDEN: Yes. Me and my hidden cameraman.
He turns on the tape and they watch and see that the camera does things a security camera doesn't do.
MARIO, LUIGI, PEACH, AND TOAD: Oooooh!
TOAD: I see what you mean!
***
SCENE: Where Bowser breaks out of the net
BOWSER: (struggling in the net) Just wait till I get my mitts on you midgets!
MARIO: That net's made of solid steel, Koop-Zilla! You'll never get out!
BOWSER: Wanna bet, you faucet-fixin' featherhead? (breaks free)
MARIO: **** those "Godzilla" prop people! They told me this thing would work!
***
SCENE: Where Mario stabs Bowser's finger
Bowser digs in the manhole.
MARIO: I'll unstick us!... (he breaks off a piece of a pipe) ...By stickin' Koopa!
Bowser's finger gets stabbed by the sharp end of the pipe piece. He leaps up into the air with an "OW!", blowing his finger, and lands with a crash.
BOWSER: You'll pay for that, you mozzarella morons! But first I'm gonna crush this city into Koopa Krumbs. (walks off rubbing his finger) After I buy myself some pain reliever for this finger. Ow...
***
SCENE: Where Giant Mario battles Bowser
Mario throws Bowser into a nearby building. He then picks him up by the tail, swings him around, and throws him.
MARIO: So long-a, Bowser! Hee hee, I couldn't resist saying that.
***
SCENE: Where Bowser escapes
BOWSER: (takes out a Sub-Space potion) Then, as the old saying goes, "He who koops and runs away is nothing but a big wimp!" I mean, "lives to koop another day!" (tosses the potion, creating a warp)
PEACH: Look! He's escaping into a warp zone!
LUIGI: Not today!
Luigi, Peach, and Toad run over and grab Bowser, stopping him. The warp closes.
LUIGI: Gotcha, ya scaly coward!
BOWSER: You moron! I was supposed to escape through that!
LUIGI: What! And make us look like we're too stupid to stop you from escaping? Don't you realize how much that'll hurt our appeal to the players?
***
Raiders of the Lost Mushroom
SCENE: Where the heroes meet Indiana Joe
TOAD: (after Joe frees him from the quicksand) Whoa! Who are you, hero dude?
JOE: The bravest, baddest treasure hunter in all of Jungleland - Indiana Joe!
PEACH: Treasure hunter!
MARIO: Can you help us find the Lost Mushroom?
JOE: Piece of cake!
LUIGI: Good. Now that we've got that settled... helllllp!
Joe throws out his whip and uses it to get Mario, Luigi, and Peach out of the quicksand.
TOAD: Y'know, Joe, I notice that you don't have a face.
JOE: Well, I guess my animators were too lazy to give me one.
TOAD: But what's really amazin' is dat you're talking even without a mouth! I mean, we know a guy from Pewter City who can see without opening his eyes, and you are able to see and talk without eyes or a mouth!
JOE: Aw, shucks. You're just sayin' that.
***
SCENE: Where Bowser plots to steal the Lost Mushroom
BOWSER: That statue was left to me by my great-great-grandkoop.
MOUSER: On your mother's side, or your father's side?
BOWSER: (ignoring Mouser's remark) It's mine. And those plumb bums ain't gonna have it.
TRYCLYDE: Eh, what are we gonna do, Kolonel Von Koop?
BOWSER: We're gonna follow those faucet-fixing fools, and when they find the Lost Mushroom, we're gonna take it away from 'em!
MOUSER: Geez boss, that's stealing!
KOOPA TROOPA: Yeah!
TRYCLYDE: Th-th-that's right!
BOWSER: Of course it's stealing, you dimwitted dumbcots! We're bad guys! We're supposed to steal! (hits them with his stick)
MOUSER, TRYCLYDE, AND KOOPA TROOPA: Owwoww!
MOUSER: Oh yeah!
TRYCLYDE: That's right!
KOOPA TROOPA: I forgot!
BOWSER: Boy, good henchmen are hard to find!
MOUSER: Hit it!
They start singing to the tune of the "Double Trouble" reprise from Pokémon Live!
MOUSER, TRYCLYDE, AND KOOPA TROOPA: Team Koopa's koopin'!
Talkin' trouble, walkin' trouble
Triple trouble, big trouble's gonna follow you!
Team Koopa's koopin'!
Talkin' trouble, walkin' trouble
Triple trouble, big trouble's gonna follow you...
We're gonna steal that gold statue!
***
SCENE: Where Indiana Joe leads Mario-tachi to the Temple of Koopa
JOE: Here it is, the Temple of Koopa.
MARIO, LUIGI, AND TOAD: The Temple of Koopa?
LUIGI: It looks more like the Temple of Koopa-And-Hippopotamus-Crossbreed.
JOE: It was built by the evil reptile's great-great-grandkoop.
MARIO: On his mother's side, or his father's side?
JOE: Inside is the Lost Mushroom.
MARIO: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's steal the statue and scram!
JOE: No way, Ray. That place is dangerous, terrifying, and just plain icky.
TOAD: Boy, Joe, you must be a very sensitive treasure hunter to not wanna go in just 'cause you think it's icky.
JOE: I don't mind leadin' you here, but I'm not going inside.
MARIO: I thought you weren't afraid of anything.
JOE: Almost anything. I have Koopaphobia!
MARIO, LUIGI, PEACH, AND TOAD: Koopaphobia?!
MARIO: **** it, Joe, that's an even worse Koopa-related name pun than Koop-Zilla.
***
SCENE: Where Team Mario gets trapped in the Temple
PEACH: I wonder what Indiana Joe is afraid of. This is just an old cave.
MARIO: Peach, you heard what he said! He said he was afraid of Koopas! Why else do you think he called his fear "Koopaphobia"?!
PEACH: To make a really bad pun?
CRASH! The wall closes up behind them.
LUIGI: Huh? We're trapped like pasta in a spaghetti feed!
MARIO: Luigi, you gotta quit using food in your similes and expressions. It's making me hungry.
Then a telephone rings in a phone booth behind them.
MARIO: I'll get it!
LUIGI: I didn't know they had telephone booths in temples.
MARIO: (answers the phone) Hello?
The caller turns out to be Helga G. Pataki as Deep Voice.
HELGA: Don’t go out in the hall yet! It’s swarming with guards!
MARIO: What the?
HELGA: Don’t worry about me. The point is, you’ve got the evidence you need to save the neighborhood!
MARIO: Um, 'scuse me, miss, I'm not whoever it is you're trying to call.
HELGA: Oh.
MARIO: That's all right. It doesn't really matter.
HELGA: Tough titty if it does, you great pillock! (hangs up)
***
SCENE: Where Bowser steals the Lost Mushroom
MARIO: We did it! We beat ol' Koopa-Stoopa to the Lost Mushroom!
TOAD: Hey, dat's my insult.
Suddenly, Bowser and his minions appear.
BOWSER: Don't be so sure!
MOUSER: Prepare for trouble!
TRYCLYDE: And make it double-double! Heh heh!
KOOPA TROOPA: To infect the world with devastation!
BOWSER: To bright all Koopas within every nation!
MOUSER: To denounce ze goodness ov truth and love!
TRYCLYDE: To extend our wrath to the Stars above!
MOUSER: Mouser!
TRYCLYDE: Tryclyde!
KOOPA TROOPA: And Koopa Troopa!
BOWSER: Bowser! That's right!
MOUSER: Team Koopa, blast off at ze speed ov light!
BOWSER: Surrender now or you'll surely lose the fight!
TRYCLYDE: Heh-heh! That's right!
BOWSER: All right, twerps, hand over the Lost Mushroom!
Just then, two more voices are heard.
JESSIE: Prepare for trouble! You're getting the motto wrong!
JAMES: Make that double! We'll show how it's... um... dong!
Team Rocket appears on top of the Temple of Koopa.
JESSIE: To protect the world from devastation!
JAMES: To unite all peoples within our nation!
JESSIE: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
JAMES: To extend our reach to the stars above!
JESSIE: Jessie!
JAMES: James!
JESSIE: Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!
JAMES: Surrender now or prepare to fight!
Meowth jumps in front of them.
MEOWTH: Meowth! Dat's right!
BOWSER: What are you doing here, Team Rocket? Your Boss may be a Tomato Sauce Vampire, but you three aren't!
MEOWTH: Didnja hear us? You and yer team stooped to copyin' da Team Rocket motto! Da Team Rocket motto is never t'be duplicated!
BOWSER: Yeesh, you've got an even bigger Brooklyn accent than Toad, cat. Speakin' of the good guys, let me steal the Lost Mushroom.
He looks around and sees that Mario's group has fled.
BOWSER: They've buggered off!
MOUSER: So zey have! Zey've scarpered!
BOWSER: (to Team Rocket) This is all your fault!
MEOWTH: Our fault?!
BOWSER: If you hadn't showed up to critizice the Team Koopa motto, those spaghetti-eaters wouldn't have gotten away!
JESSIE: Well, you shouldn't have imitated our motto!
BOWSER: That's it! Tryclyde, get rid of those three Tomato Sauce Vampire lackeys!
TRYCLYDE: Heh-heh! With pleasure, Kolonel Von Koop!
Tryclyde spits fireballs at Team Rocket. They jump off of the Temple and run for their lives.
MEOWTH: You idiots! Dose guys have better powers dan we do!
JAMES: Well, how were we to know that the three-headed snake could spit fireballs?
TEAM ROCKET: Team Rocket's blasting off again!
BOWSER: (to his minions) One of you, go find the pipesqueaks and get them back into this scene! We'll have to shoot a retake!
***
SCENE: Where Bowser makes wishes on the Lost Mushroom
BOWSER: With this fantastic fungus, I'm gonna be the richest Koopa that ever kooped!
Just then, the Powerpuff Girls break in on the scene!
BLOSSOM: Not so fast--
BUTTERCUP: --Bowser--
BUBBLES: --Koopa!
MOUSER: It's ze Powerpuff Girls!
TRYCLYDE: Eh, what are they doing here?
BLOSSOM: We know what you did. You stole the Lost Mushroom from Mario and his group!
BUTTERCUP: And we're gonna kick your heiny for that!
BUBBLES: So there! (blows raspberry)
The Powerpuff Girls begin to beat up Team Koopa in the style of their show. Then, Mario's group plus Joe show up.
LUIGI: Hey, I thought we were gonna handle Bowser by ourselves.
Mario picks the Powerpuff Girls up by their belts.
MARIO: Listen, B-named girls, there's only room for one group of heroes in this TV series, and we got the job, so get your big-eyed heads back in Townsville!
***
SCENE: Where Bowser escapes
The good guys corner the outnumbered Bowser. He is sweating immensely. The good guys get closer to him. Suddenly, he gets down on his knees and begs for mercy.
BOWSER: (talking like Roger Rabbit) Oh, puh-puh-puh-please don't hurt me! I'll do whatever you want!
MARIO: Um, Bowser, weren't you supposed to use one of your Sub-Space potions and escape through a warp zone?
BOWSER: Well, yeah, but you see, my latest shipment of Sub-Space potion from the Villains' Mart has been delayed. So, my escape may take a while...
MARIO: I see.
BOWSER: So, how about some cards in the meantime?
MARIO AND LUIGI: Good idea.
JOE: We'll have some tea while we're at it!
***
Robo Koopa
SCENE: Opening scene
Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Toad are running from Bowser, who is in a robosuit, and blasting Bullet Bills at them.
MARIO: (narrating) Plumber's Log, #2001. We'd heard that Koopa was running amuck in Roboland, and we had come to save the day. But now, we were just trying to save ourselves. Naturally, that kind of stuff happens in these series finales.
***
SCENE: Where Bowser shows off his super powers
BOWSER: The fun's not over yet! I've got super vision... super hearing... super strength... and yes, even super toes! And each of my little piggies is gonna blast you!
MARIO: Boy, you get a big kick out of admiring your feet, Bowser.
BOWSER: Yes, I certainly do, don't I?
MARIO: Y'know, with all those powers, you oughta get your own theme song!
BOWSER: Really? All right, I'll try it! (sings the RoboCop theme song, replacing every "RoboCop" with "Robo Koopa") Well, how's that? (looks around and sees that Team Mario is missing) Um, Mr. Director? Could you find Mario and his friends for me? It seems they tricked me into singing that song so they could escape.
***
SCENE: Where Bowser chases the Mario Bros., Dr. Nerdnick, and Bunsun
MARIO: Dr. Nerdnick, how can we stop Robo Koopa?
NERDNICK: (talking in English) Really, sir, how the hell would I know?
MARIO: You're the one who made the **** robosuit!
LUIGI: Um, shouldn't you have said that in that unknown language you speak in?
***
SCENE: Where Nerdnick finishes making the Mario Bros.' robosuit
NERDNICK: (speaks in mystery language) S-M-R-T! Utborjh, S-M-A-R-T!
BUNSUN: He said, "I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!"
***
SCENE: Where Mario and Luigi (in their robo-suit) begin to fight Bowser
MARIO: Where is Robo Koopa, anyway? (looks around using a telescope installed in the robosuit) I'll bet he's afraid to face us. (sees Bowser in the scope's view) Then again, maybe not.
BOWSER: If it isn't-- (laughs) --Robo-Rooter!
MARIO: Stop laughin' and fight, Koopa! And may the best machine win!
They face each other off and start singing to "You Just Can't Win" from Pokémon Live!
BOWSER: You're way out of your league, you've more than met your match!
MARIO: I guess you're slowing down, Bowser. You can't hit what you can't catch!
BOWSER: Soon the whole world will know the genius of my plan!
LUIGI: We will find a way to stop you any way we can!
BOWSER: You are such goody-two-shoes, it's more fun being bad!
MARIO: No one's gonna side with you - you're stark raving mad!
BOWSER: Oh yeah? Just ask the Goombas! LUIGI: They're all really past!
BOWSER: Listen to me, pizza breaths, nice guys finish last!
MARIO: Oh no! You just can't win!
BOWSER: You're not that strong!
LUIGI: Time to pay for your sins!
BOWSER: You've got it all wrong!
You just can't win!
MARIO: We're gonna shut you down!
BOWSER: Your chances are slim!
LUIGI: No more fooling around!
MARIO AND BOWSER: Let the battle begin!
You just can't win!
***
SCENE: Where Bowser gets defeated
BOWSER: (holding up Nerdnick) One more step by any of you, and Nerdy here gets it!
MARIO: Leave him alone, Koopa! I'm the one you want!
BOWSER: I want you all! Heh-heh-heh! After years of getting my tail kicked in video games, I finally get to do away with the Mario Bros.! This is the opportunity I've been waiting for. The chance of a lifetime! (The camera zooms in to close up on him as the lighting changes to a dramatic spotlight) I'll show the other members of the Loyal Brotherhood of Tomato Sauce Vampires! I'll make them sit up and take notice! "King Bowser Koopa Defeats Mario Bros.!" I'll be invited on "The Regis Villaibin Show"! And the merchandising! There'll be King Bowser Koopa t-shirts! I'll turn this into a video game! I'll sell the film rights!
NERDNICK: Wippop safety-wafety!
BOWSER: What did you say?
BUNSUN: He said we don't have to worry, because your suit is about to run out of fuel unless you push the big red button on your chest!
BOWSER: Thanks again, Nerdy baby! (puts Nerdnick down) Push this button and-- (he pushes the button and gets ejected out of the robosuit) OH NO! LOOKS LIKE BOWSER KOOPA IS BLASTING OFF AGAINNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!! (disappears from sight with the "ding" sound effect)
So what did you guys think of my SMB Super Show bloopers?
Super Mario Bros. are cool like sunglasses!
