Best. Chapter. Ever. It's my favorite. Mostly because it has a big surprise ending, and the vandalism itself is nothing you would've thought of. N new characters, but like I said. BIG SURPRISE ENDING. Read it!
Chapter Seven: The Vandalism
Ted coughed in his black face mask, as he pulled on some black sweatpants, and a black sweatshirt; he couldn't be seen during what he was about to do. He wasn't completely sure what he was going to be doing, but he knew that he'd be completely destroying Fungi High's football field with some of his new friends. Ted pushed a chair up to his doorknob, so his mother couldn't walk in. He turned on a tape recording of some snoring sound effects, so it would seem as if was sleeping. Ted hopped out of his window onto a tree limb, and jumped off. He quitely pulled himself onto his dark BMX, and pushed off into the darkness of the night; stealth his greatest need at the moment. After a few minutes of pedaling, the school came into sight. Soon after, the field came into view. What he saw was unlike anything he could have imagined. Ted expected something subtle, like arson, or making the football field a giant mud pit, or burning their names into the field, but this was just bizarre.
A giant cement mixer truck was nudged up against the field, and three of the golden koopa mascot statues from the school were placed in the middle of the field.
"Ah," Bud Wig exclaimed, "the great vandal is here! We are not worthy!"
"What are we doing," Ted asked Bud and his two fellow vandals.
"My dad owns a cement buisiness," Bud grinned, "so we're going to encase the entire field in cement! To the extent of unfixability!"
A fat, greast man from inside the truck nodded to Ted.
"That's not it, though," Bud laughed, "we're incasing the golden koopa school spirit statues in the cement, and totally messing them up!"
Ted realized that they could be commiting a felony here. He shuddered.
"So, should we begin," Bud asked.
"Uh...yeah," Ted whispered in yet another desperate attempt for new friends.
"Okay, dad," Bud shouted, after which all of the gluey, gray mixture came toppling out of the mixer, covering the field, and bringing the statues about knee-deep in the stuff.
"Sweet," Bud cackled, "now, men, put on these boots."
He distributed a pair of boots to each vandal, and ordered them to march out to the middle, where the statues were. Bud followed them with a box.
Ted, Bud, and their two friends stood face-to-face with the koopas.
"Ted, why don't you show us what you've got," Bud said, handing him the box of stuff, expecting him to mess up the koopa.
Ted looked into the box, and brought out a tube of lipstick. He pushed out some lipstick, and smeared it all over the koopa's face, trembling. The three vandals cheered. Ted then took out an old brown tupee, and attached it to the koopa's head. The vandals cried with joy. Then, he pulled out a pair of underwear, and attached it firmly to the koopa's fist. The vandals once again were overjoyed.
"Man, Ted," Bud cried, "you are one funny dude. But there's one more thing we're going to do."
Ted pulled out a saw from the box, and pointed to each of the goal posts.
"No," Ted stated, "you don't mean we're going to saw down the goal posts, do you?"
"I thought you were the Great Vandal, Ted...unless...I'm mistaken."
"Oh...er...I was kidding," Ted lied, afterwhich he grabbed the saw and trudged through the hardening cement to the first goalpost.
He faced the goalpost, shaking his head in disbelief. He pulled up the saw, and pressed it firmly against the pole, and began sawing it down. After a few minutes, he pulled it off, and the goalpost fell down, spreading cement all over the place. The vandals cheered, and Ted trudged off to the other side, and began sawing off that one. The same results followed. But the vandals were off to the side. They were obviously signaling that the vandalism was all over.
So, Ted had succesfully covered the field in cement, and made one of the golden koopa statues look like a woman with a tupee, and for the record he was not happy with himself. Ted decided to turn around and get home as quickly as he could...but...he was STUCK! The cement had dried, and he couldn't get his boots out! Ted panicked, trying to find anyway to get out of this prediciment. The vandals were laughing their hineys off, off to the side of the football field.
"Oh, Ted," Bud cried, "do you think we're stupid? We knew you never did any vandalism! We can see right through Patrica Peach. Any gossip that slides past her is a lie, and this was just a clever plan to get you to realize that lying just to be friends with us is dumb!"
"SO I'M GOING TO BE STUCK HERE?" Ted screamed.
"Yes," Bud sighed, "you'll be stuck in this cement, and eventually, Principal Deezer will come along and expell your butt. Just a lesson that you'll learn from all this!"
"YOU MORON," Ted screeched, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH JUST TRYING TO BE FRIENDS! THIS VANDALISM WAS ALL OF YOUR WORK, YOU BACK STABBER!"
"Yelling will not help," Bud added, "just relax."
"REELLLAAXXXXXXX?"
"Yes, relax."
One of Bud's cronies walked up to Ted on the dried cement and smeared lipstick all over Ted's face. Ted was done; he punched that kid right in the jaw, and he fell over yelling.
"Hey, jeez," Bud exclaimed, "we're going! But, you have to admit that this was a really clever plan."
Ted did have to admit that. I mean, who could've gotten out of this one. But he was still steaming mad as Bud and his friends departed, hanging on the back of his dad's cement mixer.
Ted waited to be expelled.
