This is an essay I wrote about 6 months ago, for another forum. Hence, why my alias in it is "Krazymonkey5".
WHY PEACH IS A BIMBO
Alternately: "Why Krazymonkey5 Needs a Life"
~An essay by Krazymonkey5
Bimbo: [n] -- 1: Disparaging term used to describe a person (usually a woman). 2: TRAMP
(Source: paraphrased from the Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary - 10th edition)
Ok, so maybe the Princess isn't a tramp (unless there's something going on with Mario or Bowser while we aren't looking), but I CAN show you why she deserves to be disparaged. Let's start with the overall basic plotline of the Mario games. I mean, in just about every Mario game, the Princess is kidnapped by Bowser. This shows (psychologically) that Bowser has enough of an advantage of some variety over the Princess to show complete dominance over her. The obvious advantage is strength, but apparently Bowser needs some intelligence to kidnap the princess successfully, correct? I mean, in today's world, it is ridiculously hard to kidnap any member of the royal family. Using this lemma, I can prove that Bowser is theoretically more intelligent than the Princess. (Or else she'd see him coming, and take steps against him)
Let's take a look at Bowser's track record here; that is, when it comes to intelligence.
In Super Mario Bros., Bowser is standing on a bridge over lava. And holy crap! There's a freaking axe on the other side! Now, you'd have to be a total idiot to place an axe on the other side, but it gets worse. Why doesn't Bowser just GRAB THE AXE AND DROP MARIO IN THE LAVA? That should occur to him immediately, but apparantly obvious things like that elude even the King of Koopas.
Let's look at another case. In the game Paper Mario, Bowser is able to grab a magic wand that allows him to get any wish he wants! Now, if the average person grabbed this wand, there'd really be no issues here. I'll let you come up with a plan here; it isn't THAT hard. Now, despite this obvious advntage, Bowser manages to grab defeat from the clutches of certain victory and gets beat by Mario! Now, Mario can't be THAT bright, can he?
Ok, after you read those paragraphs, what have we to say about Bowser's intelligence? Also keep in mind that you can't count the number of times Peach has been kidnapped by him on only one hand... (Unless you are polydactic, in case disregard that comment.) Seriously now, how smart can the princess be? It's as if she's RESIGNED to being kidnapped by Bowser every 2 years or so.
Let's also look at the Princess herself. Her voice is one of the most annoying things I have ever heard. You'd agree, correct? Also -- examine one of her major attacks in Super Smash Bros. Melee -- she blocks people's attacks by using Toad! Obviously she can't take attacks herself. And two of her major attacks in Super Mario RPG is the "Super Slap" and the "Frying Pan". Need I say more?
In conclusion, this is just the tip of the bimbo iceberg for Princess Peach. After looking at Bowser's mental capacity, one would have to seriously wonder how she could be getting kidnapped by him in the first place. And her abilities outside of kidnappings seem limited. I can come up with so much more, but there is a 5 MB size limit per post.
(I have SO MUCH MORE too, but I'm lazy today.)
~Krazymonkey5