Author Topic: GLORB'S DARES WEEK FIVE-ISH: SMORGASBOARD OF GLORB STORIES (Read 14089 times)

Glorb · « **on:** May 21, 2010, 05:46:32 PM »

Every week I will dare all of you to do a thing. ALL OF YOU. You must then do it, and provide photographic proof. Members that complete dares will go on the High Score Board of Coolness. Accomplishments will only count if some sort of proof is given.

THIS WEEK'S DARE: Write an elaborate self-insert erotic fanfiction about my life up to the point that I joined this forum.

HIGH SCORE BOARD OF COOLNESS
Lizard Dude [5/21/10 - Put metal in your microwave and microwave it]
Lizard Dude [5/29/10 - 6/5/10 - Change your name + sig to something Viking-related]
PaperLuigi [6/7/10 - Rap about me over a beat made of household objects]

Now get goin'!

Turtlekid1 · « **Reply #1 on:** May 21, 2010, 06:18:27 PM »

Screw you, Glorb, now I have no car.

Lizard Dude · « **Reply #2 on:** May 21, 2010, 09:59:15 PM »

GLORB'S_DARE_01.wmv

Glorb · « **Reply #3 on:** May 22, 2010, 10:12:38 AM »

Lizard Dude just barely wins, I suppose, but in the least manly way possible. Good technical job there buddy. Hopefully other attempts will be manlier than a 1-second penny.

nensondubois · « **Reply #4 on:** May 22, 2010, 05:40:57 PM »

Will a metallic hamster do?

Glorb · « **Reply #5 on:** May 23, 2010, 04:21:32 PM »

Only if it's a Maniac Mansion joke.

ShadowBrain · « **Reply #6 on:** May 23, 2010, 10:08:15 PM »

What about a The Devil Wears Prada CD?

Glorb · « **Reply #7 on:** May 23, 2010, 10:13:47 PM »

They hardly qualify as metal and the CD itself is plastic, but go ahead. No one'll miss it.

ShadowBrain · « **Reply #8 on:** May 24, 2010, 07:29:14 AM »

The minute I posted that I realized I should've suggested Lars Ulrich instead.

Rao · « **Reply #9 on:** May 27, 2010, 12:04:12 AM »

I already did this like 4 years ago.

Glorb · « **Reply #10 on:** May 27, 2010, 01:35:37 PM »

Weegee · « **Reply #11 on:** May 27, 2010, 02:03:19 PM »

I accidentaly microwaved a tinfoil-wrapped Rice Krispie Square a few years ago. Does that count?

Glorb · « **Reply #12 on:** May 27, 2010, 03:16:17 PM »

Look if none of you guys were born with any balls that's cool and get well soon. But please, stop trying to weasel your way out of this. Microwaving metal is one of the coolest things you can ever do and if you can't even do that and photograph it then you're a loser.

Chupperson Weird · « **Reply #13 on:** May 27, 2010, 05:10:26 PM »

Dude that can burn holes in your microwave and stuff. I have seen this.

Glorb · « **Reply #14 on:** May 27, 2010, 05:52:29 PM »

The Chef · « **Reply #15 on:** May 27, 2010, 06:15:56 PM »

Short order: Glorb is a microwave killer.

Lizard Dude · « **Reply #16 on:** May 27, 2010, 06:21:56 PM »

I like this thread because it's great to finally have concrete proof that I am literally the only cool person* on this board.

* Some of the bots are cool.

Weegee · « **Reply #17 on:** May 27, 2010, 07:46:14 PM »

You're holding the concrete proof upside down

hurrr.

Luigison · « **Reply #18 on:** May 27, 2010, 08:13:44 PM »

I'm not challenging LD's coolness or saying Mythbusters is concrete proof of anything, but: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_LOdFm8blw&#t=5m00s

ShadowBrain · « **Reply #19 on:** May 28, 2010, 10:28:21 PM »

"They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven... they're right. I'm missing a wall in my kitchen."

Glorb · « **Reply #20 on:** May 29, 2010, 12:23:09 PM »

Updated this week's dare a day late.

Lizard Dude · « **Reply #21 on:** June 03, 2010, 03:55:14 AM »

Glorb · « **Reply #22 on:** June 03, 2010, 07:26:40 AM »

Clearly one of two things is happening. Either everyone besides LD on this whole entire board are *******, or LD is paying them to be in order to feel special. Tragically, I'm leaning towards the first option.

WarpRattler · « **Reply #23 on:** June 03, 2010, 09:43:28 AM »

You forgot the third option, where no one except Lizard Dude cares.

By the way, you really shouldn't dare people to do things you aren't willing to do yourself. Where's the footage of you putting something metal in your microwave? Where's your Viking nick and sig?

Kuromatsu · « **Reply #24 on:** June 03, 2010, 02:32:08 PM »

I'd be more interested if changing your name and custom title on this forum was a little more... flexible.

Needless to say, I am a *****.

Weegee · « **Reply #25 on:** June 03, 2010, 02:38:00 PM »

For next week's dare, have the contestants drink their own urine.

Glorb · « **Reply #26 on:** June 03, 2010, 05:45:08 PM »

Quote from: WarpRattler on June 03, 2010, 09:43:28 AM

By the way, you really shouldn't dare people to do things you aren't willing to do yourself. Where's the footage of you putting something metal in your microwave? Where's your Viking nick and sig?

Dude, I'm daring you guys. Not myself. I realize you come from Canada where everybody sits around with their thumbs up their asses and compliments each other and Drake gets famous entirely through Lil Wayne's help and would still be on Degrassi otherwise, but here in America, there's no baww baww, I can't put metal in a microwave all by myself!. You either follow through with a dare or don't.

Turtlekid1 · « **Reply #27 on:** June 03, 2010, 05:55:31 PM »

Warp, you didn't tell the rest of us you'd moved to Canada.

Glorb · « **Reply #28 on:** June 03, 2010, 06:21:27 PM »

I just really wanted to take a dig at Drake.

bobman37 · « **Reply #29 on:** June 04, 2010, 03:12:11 PM »

Glorb's right. This is America, where Justin Bieber gets famous entirely through Usher's help.

Weegee · « **Reply #30 on:** June 04, 2010, 03:21:25 PM »

Ass-thumbing isn't taken lightly here, you know. Show the sport some respect.

Lizard Dude · « **Reply #31 on:** June 05, 2010, 12:11:33 PM »

When do I get my name recorded in the annals again?

Glorb · « **Reply #32 on:** June 05, 2010, 12:12:37 PM »

I gotcha.

Weegee · « **Reply #33 on:** June 05, 2010, 01:31:40 PM »

Now comes the part where Fnord's name won't be changed back until the end of the year.

Glorb · « **Reply #34 on:** June 06, 2010, 11:02:05 AM »

Wow, you people are all total freaking pansies. Seriously, just leave this board forever and ever, all of you.

The Chef · « **Reply #35 on:** June 06, 2010, 03:07:40 PM »

I didn't know Deezer and Megabyte made "not being a pansy" part of the forum rules.

SolidShroom · « **Reply #36 on:** June 06, 2010, 04:49:18 PM »

Glorb, just because nobody is responding to your attention whoring doesn't mean you should resort to name calling.

Weegee · « **Reply #37 on:** June 06, 2010, 05:58:29 PM »

Besides, Glorb, a song about you already exists.

Turtlekid1 · « **Reply #38 on:** June 06, 2010, 08:52:14 PM »

Glorb · « **Reply #39 on:** June 07, 2010, 10:59:52 AM »

Oh, Fungi Forums, Fungi Forums. I'm starting to think I might be devoting too much time and attention to this topic in the first place, because it must have taken me hours to decipher what you're saying over the sound of your own sissiness. If all you people, all 3191 of you (excluding myself and LD), were any more sissytastic little crybabies, I would honestly go blind from the amount of estrogen produced by you all collectively.

SolidShroom · « **Reply #40 on:** June 07, 2010, 12:54:52 PM »

Glorb, swallowing semen doesn't give you any more testosterone than the rest of us.

Glorb · « **Reply #41 on:** June 07, 2010, 02:31:52 PM »

Glad to see you mustered up the courage to find out, SolidShroom.

Turtlekid1 · « **Reply #42 on:** June 07, 2010, 02:58:09 PM »

For what it's worth, I see Glorb as a sort of symbol of the forums as a whole - that is: formerly fun to be around, and still has some good moments here and there, but for whatever reason, is rapidly turning into something bitter, strange, and utterly anti-comedic.

PaperLuigi · « **Reply #43 on:** June 07, 2010, 03:33:44 PM »

People, either do the dare or don't comment.

http://media-convert.com/convert/?xid=15-miqwjtbk

WARNING: I use several curse words because I'm cool like that. Also, I am white and therefore suck at rapping.

EDIT: I used a desk to create the beat in 4/4 time. PM me if you want the very crappy lyrics.

Luigison · « **Reply #44 on:** June 07, 2010, 03:49:41 PM »

Quote from: PaperLuigi on June 07, 2010, 03:33:44 PM

I am white and therefore suck at rapping.

Off topic: While there may be a correlation between people's skin color and ability to rap, there has been no prove of such a relationship. As a matter of fact, so called race is only 0.01 % of ones genetic code. I believe that race is merely a social construct based on our kin ability to recognize differences and similarities in faces and skin tones. The term has so little meaning that it has been dropped on most government forms and by most scientists. Sorry to go off topic, but it bothers me when someone makes such a board generalization related to someone's skin color.

PaperLuigi · « **Reply #45 on:** June 07, 2010, 04:03:34 PM »

-_-

It was just a joke you know.

Glorb · « **Reply #46 on:** June 07, 2010, 05:16:09 PM »

Luigison, you fail to explain why Asians and white people are generally far better DJs than anyone else.

And PL, excellent job. I'm not turning bitter, I'm just turning extremely unpleasant and spiteful to keep up with current trends. Regardless, PL is teh winnar, unless someone can dethrone him before the week ends.

Luigison · « **Reply #47 on:** June 07, 2010, 05:38:20 PM »

Quote from: Glorb on June 07, 2010, 05:16:09 PM

Luigison, you fail to explain why Asians and white people are generally far better DJs than anyone else.

Social perception and culture. Race is a cultural phenomenon. Skin color is a function of melanin content and UV radiation. More melanin gives more protection from and therefor allows more exposure to the sun. Historically people of similar melanin content tended to live in certain equatorial areas due to the amount of UV radiation. This formed a culture among these people. Certain cultures value certain forms of music while others favor different styles.

Glorb · « **Reply #48 on:** June 07, 2010, 05:42:22 PM »

That fails to explain why, seriously, Asian DJs tear [dukar] up. I mean, have you seen Mike Relm in action? They're also phenomenal breakdancers. All of them.

WarpRattler · « **Reply #49 on:** June 07, 2010, 05:53:31 PM »

Because of beatmania IIDX and Dance Dance Revolution.

Probably not really, but it's as good an explanation as any.

Glorb · « **Reply #50 on:** June 14, 2010, 05:32:48 PM »

New dare! And Weegee's viewing it RIGHT NOW HE'S GOT THE BAIT PEOPLE.

Weegee · « **Reply #51 on:** June 14, 2010, 07:43:38 PM »

ShadowBrain · « **Reply #52 on:** June 15, 2010, 09:12:32 AM »

Reading over all of this, it looks like Glorb took a dare to transform into Lizard Dude.

Glorb · « **Reply #53 on:** June 15, 2010, 10:15:34 AM »

I doubt Lizard Dude would ever dare himself to put a penny into a microwave and turn it on for one second.

Lizard Dude · « **Reply #54 on:** June 15, 2010, 11:47:24 AM »

The heating instructions on my box of money said one second per cent.

Toad · « **Reply #55 on:** June 15, 2010, 11:30:50 PM »

He could use his EasyBake Oven.

I guess not, since microwaving and easybaking are not the same. That penny would take ages to melt in the EasyBake..

Glorb · « **Reply #56 on:** June 16, 2010, 08:55:52 AM »

The idea was not to melt the penny, but to cause catastrophic damage to a microwave on film.

ShadowBrain · « **Reply #57 on:** June 16, 2010, 11:45:03 AM »

A carefully edited clip of the cooking show scene from Gremlins 2 ought to suffice.

Glorb · « **Reply #58 on:** June 21, 2010, 01:54:12 PM »

YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL *******. NONE OF YOU TOOK THE DARE. GO READ NICHOLOAS SPARKS.

New dare coming soon!

Glorb · « **Reply #59 on:** June 26, 2010, 11:49:07 AM »

Dare's gonna be over in like a day people. Get writing!