Six and a half years ago, I entered the eighth grade. I had one crush for a while, which is another story, but by about four years ago, I settled on another, much better girl. We ended up going to the same college, and I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, about a year ago, to a dance. Turns out she had already made plans to go, with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend whom she met no more than three months ago. Now, they're still together, and her boyfriend is my RA.
But that's just the background frustration. The main issue is my own room. For the last month or two, I had really been looking forward to next semester, as my roommate was planning to transfer after this one. It's nothing against him... okay, a few things, but the main thing is just that I think I would be a lot more productive without roommates. No, we don't have constant parties, rather, I simply don't do anything. It's just this weird thing I have that I can't get any work done with a roommate around. Admittedly, my laziness comes into play significantly, but I think what's more prevalent is the knowledge and/or misguided notion that anything noticeable I do will lead a roommate to make some comment or query, and I will be forced, by the universe's laws of awkwardness, to respond meaningfully, taking away vital thought processes. Also, more often than not, I know/misguidedly believe that said comment will have at least some measure of condescension (typically more toward the activity than toward me, but I identify with my activities enough to take offense either way). And so I always opt for sitting at my laptop, which looks normal/consistent enough to avoid eliciting any remarks most of the time. I'm not really anti-social, just jaded.
Well anyway, it turns out that my roommate is staying here another semester. And the semester after that, when he does leave, is the semester that I'm living on a different campus. So I don't even get a shot at a room to myself until a year from now, when I'll be halfway through my junior year and too stressed out about the fact that I have no marketable job skills to pay off my $72,000 debt to enjoy the single that I may or may not have. Oh, and did I mention that another guy on the floor wants to move into our room next semester? Never mind that we tried having three roommates at the beginning of this semester, up until we realized that the majority of the extra room space required for a room to be a triple apparently went to having a really high ceiling, and the guy moved out.
So this means no wall for my posters (the wall I get is mostly taken up by the bunk bed, and if we move that, there's no floor), no anytime showers (I'm still uncomfortable with nudity), no getting the slightly better wired internet connection (Last year, the wi-fi was good enough to share it with the Nintendo WFC adapter, which is good, because the internet connection here requires an actual computer. On this floor, however, there apparently are far fewer hotspots, and they sometimes appear to turn them all off at night. The wired connection is a little better, but my roommate's computer can't do wi-fi, so either I continue using this connection, or one of us pays $50 for some kind of solution that neither of us will ever use again. This means it will take significantly longer for my torrents of every MST3K episode to finish.), no doing whatever I want with the TV (because I'm not assertive enough to not feel awkward), no having the temperature where I want it (he apparently needs it where it is for medical reasons), no not using headphones (even if I could make myself realize he doesn't mind, I don't want him to hear some of the stuff I'm listening to, especially if it will elicit remarks that oblige in-depth responses), no filming myself reenacting the cutscenes from Sonic Adventure 2 like I had planned, and basically, nowhere in the entire state (I live in a different state) where I can go for privacy (don't pervertedly misconstrue that).
And there was something else, but I forgot it. So yeah. Angst. I has it.
