Your failure to drink urine is subconsciously haunting you.
Top Things to Say After a Pat-Down at Customs
1: "What, no happy ending?"
2: "Before you ask: No, I'm not smuggling a cucumber."
3: "Was it good for you, too?"
4: "Whoops, I misread my ticket--I guess this is Michael Jackson International Airport."
5: "So, how are things back at the Catholic church?"
6: "You know, if you'd rubbed that a little longer, I'd be bringing a couple fewer ounces onboard."
7: "When you were searching... you didn't happen to find my rights, did you?"