Congratulations, BMF1! Keep it up. Now I was going to tell you something but maybe you don't want to hear it now. But I'll say it just in case you still want more advice (if you can call this advice). Here's what I had to say:
I think I might be able to help you a little with this, BMF1. I have some trouble making conversation with people as well (because I need more self confidence and experience), but I have a few tips for you if you want to hear them. I got this information in a great library book called “How to Make People Like You (in 90 Seconds or Less)” by Nicholas Bootman. Some of the book sounded kind of “out there”, but overall it had lots of good points. So many in fact that I wrote down several of them for myself, and I still have them today. I doubt that you will find all of these useful but here’s what I got:
(1) When getting ready to talk to someone: Line up your body with the person you are talking to, make Eye contant, Smile, and then give a friendly Hi. Show them pearly whites! Or corny yellows.
(2) Know what you want to get from your conversations (as far as what people think of your conversations with them), find out what you are getting from them, then change what you do until you get what you want. I’m not sure if I would ever try this.
(3) Open your heart to your listener (don’t cross your arms in front of your chest) so they don’t feel “shut off” from you.
(4) Thoughts = body language, so think positively about yourself and others and then you’ll act more confident. You have to first think good of yourself before you can of others.
(5) Match your voice tone and how fast you talk with that of your friend, and synchronize your body language with theirs so they unconsciously start to like you and don’t even know it. According to the book, 55% of people talk at a fast rate, 15% talk medium, and 30% talk slower and they prefer it if you talk the same speed they do.
(6) When describing things for people, find out if they are a visual, auditory, or kinesthic kind person so you can know the best methods to use (like describing the look, sound, or feel of things). And if you know this you can give people gifts that match their personalities, such as a CD for an auditory.
(7) Remember that 55% of what you say is based on visual (body signals), 38% is vocal (sounding confident), and 7% is verbal (what you actually say).
(IIX) Avoid closed questions that result in only a yes or no answer such as “Are you…?” ”Do you…?” and “Have you…?”. Instead ask “open questions” that start with who, when, what, why (the best one), where, and how.
(9) Speak from your abdomen to make your voice sound more appealing (I still don’t know how to do this).
(10) Give people something to remember you by. Like a certain little thing you occasionally say or do that is goofy or really thoughtful.
For some reason I can’t remember any of this stuff very often but maybe you’ll be able to. It just takes practice, experience, and getting your mind off of yourself long enough to learn about your friend. One of my favorite quotes from my pastor is “Each of us has two ears and one mouth because we should listen twice as much as we talk!” And with that I wish you good luck, and remember that nothing beats a simple “Hi” followed by the question “What’s new?” So… what IS UP with you?
And about that underwear thing, If I pictured people in their underwear I would probably start laughing nonstop and everyone would look at me like I was crazy. Or I might ask people what kind of underwear they’re wearing so I could get a better picture in my mind, and that would be even worse. Or maybe I would… not talk to people period. Because I can just imagine the look on your face right now and it’s not very assuring. XD
