I'm sorry you had to experience all of what you did. However, this whole story rings kind of hollow as you're still taking drugs. Sure you've got control over it now, like you had in 10th grade, but the next time a dame cuts you loose who's to say? It's much easier to justify doing things to yourself when its readily available. If you want to keep at it that's your call, but to me it sounds like you haven't learned your lesson.