I saw the perfect guy for Mario on TV once, but I don't know his name.
Did you ever see the TV show Off Centre? Well, in one of the episodes, [insert name of main character girl here]'s former boyfriend, some short BMX biker guy, claims he and [main character girl] could do it 3 times in a row. Now, [main character girl]'s current boyfriend, [american looking main character guy], gets jealous of the short BMX biker guy, and fakes it while [american main character guy] and [main character girl] are intercoursing, leading to problems that don't really matter. Anyway, I think the short BMX biker guy would make a great Mario.
"Sure, most Nintendo fans remain hopeful, because this is essentially a pre-requisite for being a Nintendo fan, but I personally have had enough. This company seems to hate its consumers. It doesn''t even know who the hell they are. We are not a bunch of idiot kids who want 10-hours in Miyamoto''s garden marvelling at how detailed the textures are on some giant tincan. We want ACTUAL VIDEOGAMES! Of course, Nintendo are too high on themselves to realize this."