David Dayton:
Save the Last Jump for Me
Luigi had had it. Everwhere he went, Mario got the spotlight. Even back when they were teenages in school, Mario always got all the attention.
Back in the day, Mario was the big mushroom on campus. Girls from all over flocked to him to watch his manly jumps. While Luigi stood there, alone, Mario would bounce up and down, grinning at the cheerleaders as he practiced his mad basketball skillz. In particular, Luigi noticed how one tall, blonde girl kept her eyes on his older brother. Peach Toadstool, captain of the the Mushroom High cheerleader squad, blushed as Mario's eyes fell on her. Luigi knew he would never stand a chance with Peach, the most sought after girl on campus. Sadly, Luigi walked off as Mario landed inches from Peach's feet...
Meanwhile, in the boy's bathroom behind the science lab, the worst boys in the whole school were chuckling over their recent spree of vandalism and nerd tossing.
"Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha... we-a sure tossed that-a Toad far!" chortled a rotund boy in purple pants and a loud yellow shirt. He guzzled a bottle of Kero Cola and waited for his companion to reply.
"Nyah-hah-hah-hah-hah! That-a slimy piece-of-a fungi will never-a bother us again, Wario." The taller, lankier boy was peering into the mirror, using a magic marker to supplement his meager facial hair. His dark jeans clashed badly with the purple leisure shirt he wore.
"So-a, have-a you got-a date for the senior prom yet, Wario?"
Wario grunted.
"Shaddup in you face. Peach-a won't go wid me, she's all mushy over that Mario jerk. What she sees-a in a midget in-a blue jeans and red shirts, I'll never know-a."
(At this point, David became tired of the story and gave up. However, I will finish the story if at least 3 Mario fans who are both female and over 20 send in pictures of themselves dressed as the Princess.)