Here's a few more excerpts from my fanfic: "The Tale of Sir Luigi" and "The Tale of Sir Mario".
***The Tale of Sir Luigi***
NARRATOR: So, each of the Knights went their separate ways. Sir Luigi rode north, through the dark forest of Cinos, accompanied by his favorite minstrels.
Luigi is trotting along through a forest, followed by his trusty servant banging the usual half coconuts, and singing minstrels. Luigi looks very proud and firm as we hear the first part of the song, but the combination of the lyrics and the large signs they pass, start to have their effect...
MINSTREL: Bravely bold Sir Luigi rode forth from Cramalot.
He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Luigi.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Luigi.
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken,
To have his kneecap split, and his body burned away,
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Luigi.
His head smashed in and his heart cut out,
And his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged,
And his nostrils ripped and his bottom burned off
And his ***** split and his...
LUIGI: THAT'S, that's enough music for now, lad. Looks like there's dirty work afoot...
They walk on for a while. Bluster and Candy pass them.
BLUSTER: Anarcho-syndacalism is a way of preserving freedom.
CANDY: Oh Bluster, forget about freedom, and don't drop that mud.
They continue on and are confronted by Team Rocket.
TEAM ROCKET: Halt! Who are you?
MINSTREL: (singing) He is brave Sir Luigi, brave Sir Luigi, who...
LUIGI: (to minstrel) Shut up. (to Team Rocket) Oh, nobody really. Just passing through.
TEAM ROCKET: What do you want?
MINSTREL: (singing) To fight and...
LUIGI: Shut up. Nothing really. Just to pass through, good Sir knights.
TEAM ROCKET: We're afraid not.
LUIGI: Ah, well, actually, I *am* a Knight of the Round Table.
TEAM ROCKET: You're a Knight of the Round Table?
LUIGI: I am.
JESSIE: In that case we shall have to kill you.
MEOWTH: Shall I?
JAMES: Oh, I don't think so.
MEOWTH: What do you think?
JESSIE: I think kill him.
JAMES: Well, let's be nice to him.
MEOWTH: Oh, shut up.
LUIGI: Perhaps-
MEOWTH: And you!
JESSIE: Oh, quick, get the sword out! I want to cut his head off!
JAMES: Oh, cut your OWN head off!
MEOWTH: Yes, do us all a favor.
JESSIE: What?
JAMES: Yapping on all the time.
MEOWTH: You're lucky, you're not next t'her.
JESSIE: What do you mean?
MEOWTH: You snore!
JESSIE: Oh, I don't! Anyway, you've got bad breath.
MEOWTH: Well, it's only 'cause you don't brush my teeth!
JAMES: Oh, stop fooling around and let's go have tea!
MEOWTH: All right all right all right! We'll kill him foist, and den have tea and biscuits.
JESSIE: Yes.
JAMES: Oh, but not biscuits.
MEOWTH: All right all right, not biscuits, but let's kill him anyway!
JESSIE AND JAMES: Right!
They look around and see that Luigi has disappeared.
JESSIE: He's buggered off.
JAMES: So he has. He's scarpered.
Show Luigi running off, with the minstrels singing again.
MINSTREL: Brave Sir Luigi ran away. (LUIGI: No!)
Bravely ran away away... (LUIGI: I didn't!)
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled (LUIGI: No!!)
Yes brave Sir Luigi turned about (LUIGI: I didn't!)
And gallantly he chickened out
Bravely taking to his feet (LUIGI: I never did!)
He beat a very brave retreat (LUIGI: All lies!)
Bravest of the brave, Sir Luigi! (LUIGI: I never!)
They disappear into the distance.
***The Tale of Sir Mario***
NARRATOR: As Sir Mario, the boldest and most expensive of the Knights, lost his way in the forest of Cinos, at nearby Xobx Castle, a celebration was underway.
Xobx Castle is shown. Inside the tall tower, the embarrasingly unattractive Waluigi is gazing out of the window. His brother Wario stands beside him.
WARIO: One day, lad, all this will be yours.
WALUIGI: What, the curtains?
WARIO: No, not the curtains, lad. All that you can see - stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land... That'll be your kingdom.
WALUIGI: But mother-
WARIO: Brother, lad.
WALUIGI: But brother, I don't want any of that-a.
WARIO: Listen up. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started, all I had was this swamp-a. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle in the swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That-a-sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned-a-down, fell over, *then* sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're gonna get, lad - the strongest castle in these isles.
WALUIGI: But I don't want any of that. I'd rather...
WARIO: Rather what?
WALUIGI: I'd rather...
Some music starts.
WALUIGI: ...just... sing!
WARIO: Stop that, stop that! You're not going into a song while I'm here!
The music dies.
WARIO: Now listen. In 20 minutes you're getting married to a girl whose brother owns the biggest tracts of open land in Greedville.
WALUIGI: But I don't want land.
WARIO: Listen, Ruigi...
WALUIGI: It's *Waluigi*.
WARIO: Uh, Waluigi. We live in a dang swamp. We need all the land we can get.
WALUIGI: But I don't like her.
WARIO: Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.
WALUIGI: I know, but I want the girl that I marry to have...
The music starts again.
WALUIGI: ...a certain... special... something...
WARIO: Cut that out! Cut that out!
The music dies again and Wario grabs Waluigi.
WARIO: You're marryin' Gary Oak's Head Cheerleader, so you'd better get used to the idea. (slaps Waluigi) Butch! Cassidy!
Butch and Cassidy of Team Rocket come in. Butch has hiccups, and does so throughout this scene.
CASSIDY: Prepare for trouble!
BUTCH: Make it double! Hic!
CASSIDY: To inflict the world with devastation!
BUTCH: To -hic- bright all peoples within our nation!
CASSIDY: To denounce the goodness of truth and love!
BUTCH: To extend our wrath to -hic- the stars above!
CASSIDY: Cassidy!
BUTCH: Butch!
WARIO: Skip da motto dis time-a! Just make-a-sure my brother doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.
CASSIDY: Not to leave the room... even if you come and get him.
BUTCH: Hic!
WARIO: No, no. *Until* I come and get him.
BUTCH: *Until* you come and get him, we're not to enter the room. Hic!
WARIO: No, no, no. You stay in the room and-a-make-a-sure he doesn't leave.
CASSIDY: And you'll come and get him.
BUTCH: Hic!
WARIO: Right.
CASSIDY: We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the room.
WARIO: No, no. *Leaving* the room.
BUTCH: Hic! Leaving the room, yes.
WARIO: All right?
CASSIDY: Right. Oh, if-if-if, uh, if-if-if, uh, if-if-if we...
WARIO: Yes, what is it?
CASSIDY: Oh, if-if, oh--
WARIO: Look, it's quite simple.
CASSIDY: Uh...
WARIO: You just stay here, and make-a-sure he doesn't leave the room. All right?
BUTCH: Hic!
CASSIDY: Oh, I remember. Uh, can he leave the room with us?
WARIO: N- No no no. You just keep him in here, and make sure--
CASSIDY: Oh, yes, we'll keep him in here, obviously. But if he had to leave and we were with him--
WARIO: No, no, just keep him in here--
CASSIDY: Until you, or anyone else--
WARIO: No, not anyone else, just me--
CASSIDY: Just you.
BUTCH: Hic! Just you.
WARIO: Get back.
CASSIDY: Get back.
BUTCH: Get back.
WARIO: Right?
CASSIDY: Right, we'll stay here until you get back.
WARIO: And, uh, make-a-sure he doesn't leave.
BUTCH AND CASSIDY: What?
WARIO: Make sure he doesn't leave.
CASSIDY: Your brother?
WARIO: Yes, make-a-sure he doesn't leave.
CASSIDY: Oh, yes, of course. I thought you meant him. (points to Butch) Y'know, it seemed a bit daft, me havin' to guard him when he's a guard.
WARIO: Is that clear?
BUTCH: Hic!
CASSIDY: Oh, quite clear, no problems.
WARIO: Right.
Wario starts to leave, then turns around and sees Butch and Cassidy following him.
WARIO: Where are you going?
CASSIDY: We're coming with you.
Wario groans and puts Butch and Cassidy back in their places.
WARIO: No no, I want you to stay here and make-a-sure he doesn't leave.
CASSIDY: Oh, I see. Right.
WALUIGI: But, brother--
WARIO: Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on!
Wario points to an Italian tux, and heads out the door. Waluigi looks out the window and the music starts once more. Wario comes back in.
WARIO: AND NO SINGING!
The music dies once more.
BUTCH: Hic!
WARIO: Oh, go get a glass of water.
Wario leaves and Waluigi looks at a nearby stack of notepaper. Then at a bucket of arrows. He looks at Butch and Cassidy, who just grin back at him. Waluigi writes quickly a note, ties it to an arrow, and shoots it out the window.
BUTCH: Hic!
We see Mario making his way through the woods, with his servant, Yoshi.
MARIO: Well taken, Yoshi!
YOSHI: Thank you, sir.
Mario approahces a stream and prepares to jump it.
MARIO: And again... Over we go!
He makes it and Yoshi clicks the coconut halves.
MARIO: Good. Steady! And-a-now, the big one...
Mario jumps onto a rock in a stream.
MARIO: Ooof! Come on, Yoshi!
Thwonk! The arrow lands on Yoshi's chest.
YOSHI: Message for you, sir!
Yoshi falls over as if dead. Mario runs over to him.
MARIO: Yoshi! Yoshi, speak to me!
Mario fears he may be in danger, and is just getting to retreat when he notices the letter on the arrow. He takes it out and reads it.
MARIO: "To whoever finds this note-a, I have been imprisoned by my brother, who wishes me to marry against my will. Please, please, please come and-a-rescue me. I am in the tall tower of... Xobx Castle!" At last-a! A call, a cry of distress! This could be the sign that leads us to the GS Ball! Brave, brave Yoshi! You shall not have died in vain!
Yoshi twitches a bit.
YOSHI: Uh, I'm-I'm not quite dead, sir.
MARIO: Well, you shall not have been fatally wounded in vain!
YOSHI: Uh, I-I think uh, I could pull through, sir.
MARIO: Oh, I see.
YOSHI: Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you--
MARIO: No, no, sweet Yoshi! Stay here! I will send help as-a-soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own particular...
YOSHI: Idiom, sir?
MARIO: Idiom!
YOSHI: No, I feel fine, actually, sir.
MARIO: Farewell, sweet Yoshi!
Mario plunges off into the forest.
YOSHI: I'll-uh, I'll just stay here, then, shall I, sir? Yeah.
Pan to Xobx Castle, where people are celebrating for the wedding. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are standing at the drawbridge, guarding the castle, looking very bored. Off in the distance, they see Mario running towards them. They look at each other, then back at Mario. They seem confused. He doesn't get any closer, though he keeps running. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo look at each other again. Eggplant Wizard taps his forehead. They lean on their pikes and idly watch Mario, still running towards them and getting nowhere. They look at each other. Suddenly, Mario charges up to them and stomps on Eggplant Wizard. He runs in through the front door.
KING HIPPO: 'Ey...
Mario charges through the castle, stomping on almost everyone in site. He stomps on six of the ten dancers. He runs into the castle and kicks Gary's Head Cheerleader in the chest with a Koopa shell. Then he stomps on a couple more people for good measure. He goes up the stairs and tosses a vase at everyone. He keeps on going and arrives at Waluigi's room.
CASSIDY: Now you're not allowed to enter this room, and we're...
Mario grabs them both and performs a Mario Tornado that sends them both through the ceiling.
BUTCH AND CASSIDY: ...blasting off again!
Mario races up to Waluigi and kneels next to him.
MARIO: O fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Mario of Cramalot. I've-a-come to take-
He looks up and sees Waluigi.
MARIO: Oh, I'm-a-terribly sorry.
WALUIGI: You got my note!
MARIO: Ah, well, I got *a* note.
WALUIGI: You've come to rescue me!
MARIO: Well, no, you see...
WALUIGI: I knew someone would! I knew that somewhere out there, there must be...
The music starts.
WALUIGI: ...someone...
Wario comes in.
WARIO: Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it!
The music dies and Wario turns to Mario.
WARIO: Who are you?
WALUIGI: I'm your brother!
WARIO: No, not you!
MARIO: I-I'm-a-Sir Mario, sir.
WALUIGI: He's-a-come to rescue me, brother!
MARIO: Well, let's not-a-jump to conclusions…
WARIO: Did you stomp on all the guards?!
MARIO: Um... oh yes! Sorry!
WARIO: They cost 50 coins each! And you wouldn't believe how much I had to pay to get Butch and Cassidy off of their normal jobs for the day!
MARIO: Well, I'm really sorry but I... I can explain everything...
WALUIGI: Don't be afraid of him, Sir Mario. I've got a rope here all ready!
He throws a rope out of the window, which is tied to a pillar in the room. He looks rather pleased with himself that he has got it all ready.
WARIO: You killed eight wedding guests in all!
MARIO: Er, well... you see, the thing is, I thought your brother was a lady.
WARIO: I can understand that.
WALUIGI: (half out of the window) Hurry, Sir Mario! Hurry!
WARIO: (to Waluigi) Shut up! (to Mario) You only killed the bride's brother, that's all!
MARIO: Well, I really didn't mean to...
WARIO: Didn't mean to?! You put your foot right on his head!
MARIO: Gosh, is he all right?
WARIO: You even kicked the bride in the chest with a Koopa Shell! It's going to cost me a fortune!
MARIO: I can explain... I was in the forest... riding north from Cramalot... when I got this note.
WARIO: Cramalot? Are you from, uh, Cramalot?
Waluigi's head peeps over the windowsill.
WALUIGI: Hurry! I am ready!
MARIO: I'm a Knight of King Ash, sir.
WARIO: 'Mm... very nice castle, Cramalot... very good pig country...
MARIO: It is?
WALUIGI: (out of vision) Hurry! I am ready!
WARIO: Would you like to come have a drink?
MARIO: Oh... that's awfully nice of you.
WALUIGI: (loud and shrill) I am ready!
MARIO: --I mean to be, so understanding.
Wario cuts the rope.
WALUIGI: Oooh!
MARIO: Um, I think when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away.
WARIO: Oh, don't worry about that.
WALUGI: Oooh!
We hear a splat. We enter the main hall and see people in pain. Wario enters with Mario.
WARIO: Well, this is the main hall. We're going to have all this knocked through, and made into one big, uh, living room.
A man points at Mario.
RANDOM: THERE HE IS!
WARIO: Oh, bloody heck.
Mario starts stomping on them once more.
WARIO: Hold it, hold it! Please!
MARIO: (stops) Sorry, sorry. See what I mean, I just get carried away. I really must -- sorry, sorry! Sorry, everyone.
RANDOM: He stomped on the best man!
WARIO: Hold it, please! Hold it! This is Sir Mario from the court of Cramalot - a very brave and influential knight, and my special guest here today.
MARIO: Hello.
RANDOM: He stomped on my auntie!
WARIO: Please, please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who stomped on who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my brother Waluigi, has just fallen to his death.
Gary's Head Cheerleader looks up and smiles with relief.
WARIO: But I don't want to think I've lost a brother, so much as... gained a sister! For, since the tragic death of her brother--
RANDOM: He's not quite dead!
WARIO: Since the near fatal wounding of her brother--
RANDOM: He's getting better!
Wario gestures to a Kasplat.
WARIO: For, since her own brother... who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him,--
Kasplat kills Gary's Head Cheerleader's Brother.
GARY'S HEAD CHEERLEADER'S BROTHER: Uggh!
RANDOM: Oh, he's died!
WARIO: I want his only sister to look upon me as her own bro, in a very real and legally binding sense.
Applause.
WARIO: And I feel sure that the merger - uh, the union - between Gary Oak's Head Cheerleader and the brave but dangerous Sir Mario of Cramalot--
MARIO: What?
RANDOM: Look! It's Waluigi!
Yoshi comes in, carrying Waluigi on his back.
YOSHI: He's not quite dead!
WALUIGI: Oh, I feel much better.
WARIO: You fell out of the tall tower, you creep!
Waluigi gets off of Yoshi's saddle.
WALUIGI: No, I was saved at the last minute.
WARIO: How?!
WALUIGI: Well, I'll tell you...
A song starts up. Yoshi adopts a "And now a number from my friend" pose.
WARIO: Not like that! Not like that! No, stop it!
SINGERS: He's going to tell!
He's going to tell!
WARIO: Shut up!
SINGERS: He's going to tell!
He's going to tell!
He's going to tell!
He's going to tell about his great escape!
Oh he fell a long long way
But he's here with us today
What a wonderful... escape!
As they sing, Yoshi moves closer to Mario.
YOSHI: Quickly, sir. Come this way!
MARIO: No, it's-a-not right for my idiom! I must escape more...
YOSHI: Dramatically, sir?
MARIO: Dramatically!
He grabs a rope and swings for a large window, crashes and swings back and dangles there.
MARIO: Excuse me, could, uh, could-a-somebody give me a push, please...?
You can read my whole (in a manner of speaking) fanfic at
http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=829993Super Mario Bros. are cool like sunglasses!
