Dark days in the mushroom kingdom

[Dud Bomb]

Mario luigi and Yoshi wre walking around yoshis island talking about there old adventure Peach was discusing a trade with the yoshi leader

Mario: remember when luigi was tryin to learn how to use the cape

mario and yoshi started lauthing hard

luigi: haha yep its real funy

yoshi: dam right it is

Mario: yep i never thought snaging your pants on the pole would be funny mr poke dot undys

mario and yoshi fell to the ground and started roling around

luigi:you will never act your age will you

Distent voice: mario!!!!!

Mario: whose that

Yoshi: oh no its tuk that yoshi is obsesd with you

Mario:grrreeeeaaat (roling his eyes)

tuk: i thought id never cach up(panting)

Mario: what do you want

Tuk: can i have your autorgraph

Mario: What ever

mario signs a picture of himself

Mario: there

luigi: we gotta go mario peach should be finished

Mario: ok see ya tuk

they start walkin away

tuk: wait

tuk runs infront of mario BANG a gun shot whent of

Yoshi:holy mackral is every one ok

Mario: im fine luigi

he could be seen wimpering behind the bush mario looket over where tuk whas standing and he was on the floor groining in pain blood coming out of his chest

Mario:holy [mackerel!] luigi get help

luigi ran as fast as he could to town yoshi was presing a his hands againt the wound

mario: keep puting presure thier

tuk:i think im gonna be ok it dosent hurt any more

tuk let out a gasp

mario: i havent got a pulse

yoshi: oh no

mario started doing CPR two medical toeds arrived at the seen in a ambulance

toed1: ok move

toed2: were goin to haf to air lift him the bulets in deep you two beter get out of here

yoshi: cmon mario let the medical people work

they arived at the mushroom kingdom hospatal yoshi had gone into the emergancy room he lied about being tuks father

luigi: hope hes goin to be ok

Mario:......

he was in deep thought clearly worried by the look on his face yoshi came through the door a dim look on his face

Yoshi: doc sais hes got a weak to live

Mario: WHAT!!!!

he stands up and kicks the char he was siting on
luigi hangd his head and coverd his eyes
A police oficer came in

Oficer:mario we need you at the station

Mario: WHY(still enraged)

oficer:just come alone

Mario: you two go to peach and explain whats hapining ill see you later

Luigi and Yoshi: ok

At the police station mario was speaking to the plice chief jef

jef: you need to see this

jef: handed him a bag with a bulet inside jef handed mario some gloves

jef: look at it

mario took the bulet out the bag and looket at it it had his name on it

mario: mumamia

jef: we sugest you stay home and stay indors

mario:ok

Mario was on the phone

mario: yes ill be ok peach...... no police are waching the house.......ill be ok......somhowe i dont think bowsers behind this........see ya

mario was taking a shower when a bang starteld him

Mario:whose thier
Mario put pants on(yes regular pants) and got his hammer from behind his couch

mario:whose thier

all of a suden somone jumpet out from his kichen door and slashet his chest with a knife mario ground in pain and wacket them with his hammer he looket at his chest it wasent bad he looket at the culprit it was a yoshi he ran out the door and into the night

to be contined

Mario runs jumps swims fly save peach and throw vegtables sooooo... wears the iron six pack

[Watch you exclamations. Even with asterisks.]

Edited by - Suffix on 10/16/2005 4:14:28 PM

[HolyAarom]

Your first part was decent. 7 out of 10.

However, I would like to put a suggestion.

-Check your grammer. (Spelling, puntuation, capitilization, etc.)