Hello! "Shroomvania!" is a my new choose-your-own-adventure thriller, with a post-apocolyptic feel. In this story, the year is 350 A.M. (after Mario), and it takes place in Shroomvania, the remainder of what was the Mushroom Kingdom. Times have changed! The Mushroom Kingdom is no longer the happy place it once was.
Anyway, this IS a choose-your own adventure story, so after each chapter, there will be a set number of options you can choose from, and which ever one appeals to you most, you should pick (post your choice). And when I get ready to write the new chapter, I'll tally the number of votes and the new chapter will be based on the most popular choice.
So, I hope you enjoy this one as much as Fungi High, if not more. So read, and please vote!
WARNING! This episode contains mild language and sexual themes.
Prologue – A Mountain and a Temple
There stood an icy mountain, jutting out of a monstrous sea, and silhouetted against a vibrantly pink sky. Giant, withering, brown mushrooms grew all along the mountain. On top of the iciest peak there stood a large temple, coated in limestone, and wafting out the gentle crooning of a harp. Behind the temple's enormous pillars, down several elegant hallways, and behind an ancient oak door, sat Orville.
Orville smirked.
He sat on a large throne, disgustingly manufactured out of his victim's bones. He didn't care. These were the final days of Shroomvania. Overpopulation and disease gnawed at this country's fragile figure.
"Somebody fetch me a cup of wine," Orville yawned at some whimpering koopa servants at the foot of his throne.
"YES, SIR!"
The servants stared at one another, seeing as all of them had uttered that instant response. Under Orville's power, such loyalty was not rare.
"Well?"
Eventually, one of the koopa servants waddled off to the kitchens. During his wait, Orville observed his whitening skin, twiddled the ends of his long auburn hair, and rubbed his sleek silver overalls (which nicely complimented his black undershirt and cap). He took off his cap and admired the large, threatening, capital “O” on the front. His brain swimming in a sea of self-adoration, he heard the scuttle of reptilian feet and the tinkle of expensive glass.
“Master Orville! This was a mistake!”
Orville’s head craned slowly to a section of wine-stained and glass-sprinkled carpet, a nervous koopa standing near. He could always replace the glass and carpet. But incompetent servants were a bit harder.
“You two,” Orville drawled to the other servants, “have him slaughtered.”
“B-b-but, sir,” stuttered a particularly brave koopa, “we can clean the carpet and buy you a new glass. It was only an accident.”
Orville stood from his skull throne, his face splattered with the light draining in from the neon pink sky. He lifted an unsteady hand and violently clutched the throat of the renegade koopa.
“YOU WILL OBEY MY COMMAND! YOU WILL DO AS I SAY! FOR I AM THE LAST KNOWN DESCENDANT OF OUR SAVIOR, MARIO!”
Chapter One - Skeleton and Candy
Skeleton chuckled and took a long drag on his cigarette. He blew a large smoke ring around his darkened apartment. He was the man. He was the street-walkin’, dice-rollin’, stripper-gropin’, chain-smokin’ badass of Mushroom City. He stroked his five-o-clock shadow and thought of last night…or what he could remember of it. He remembered only the beginning of the insane party he threw. The cops were called in the first five minutes! But it was alright, even the police were charmed by this lovable rouge. Skeleton could’ve been the coolest cat in the world, for all these reasons and more, if not for the fact he was a purple-dotted toad. Yes, sadly, above all the leather, whiskers and cigarette burns was a large mushroom head, covered in violet dots.
Skeleton’s gal pal, Candy, entered the smoky room.
“ARGH,” she moaned, throwing a newspaper on the table, “look!”
The top story dealt with a pair of koopas being charged for having links to Orville and committing a brutal murder to one of their own kind.
“That’s [darn] sick,” Skeleton grumbled, “I may live with on the EDGE of edge, but I got morals. I know that all creatures big and small have got some use in ‘em. Orville just kills ‘em to kill ‘em. And the followers he’s getting; it’s ridiculous!”
“No kidding,” Candy sighed, “Mario was a deity! But that doesn’t mean his great-great-great-great-whatever-grandson can go around spitting death.”
“When the hell they ever gonna catch this menace,” Skeleton exclaimed.
“Maybe never.”
“The government can’t do nothin’ right, Candy,” Skeleton mumbled, “and because of that, I need a drink. Wanna go hit the bars?”
WHAT SHOULD SKELETON AND CANDY DO?
OPTION ONE: Hit the bars!
OPTION TWO: Stay home and stay clean!
