Wario's Rants

[kurtvegita]

Wario’s rant #1

Wario: I want to sue McDonalds!
Waluigi: Why?
Wario: because if it wasn’t 4 them, I would be able to see how many fingers I was actually holding up!
Waluigi: What are you gonna say, when u r in front of the judge, “yes ur honor, I am a fat ******* and it is all because of Mc.Donalds! Their food is so full of processed, saturated fat that I cant stop after the 30th burger!”
Wario: is that a trick question?

Wario’s rant #2

Wario: u know what?
Waluigi: what?
Wario: I hate it when Mario is drunk, he walks up behind u, pats u on the back, and starts talking about the philosophy of life, all the time trying to pick up princess Peach at the bar!
Waluigi: yeah I kno!
Wario: And dont forget, “friends don’t let friends drive drunk!” SCREW THAT! I say give them the keys, rev up the engine, and send them flyin home with a bottle of tequila in their lap! One of three things will happen. no.1 The cops pull them over, and end up having to beat the sh** out of them, because they refuse to turn off some old Beatles song!
No.2 They get in a horrible accident, and the cops end up scraping their pancaked body off the hood of the car with a frikin’ spatula!
And no.3 my least favorite, they make it home ok, and end up passing out in the front lawn, at 4 am in the morning, with some old 80’s music blasting out of the speakers that no one wants to hear anymore!


 

[kurtvegita]

Wario’s rant #3

Waluigi: Wario, why don’t u have a girlfriend?
Wario: Because unlike other multidependand losers, I don’t need the false compliments of the opposite sex to feel good about myself. I am perfectly happy without some woman calling me at 3: 00 in the morning, and telling me everything that she ate that day!
I am independent and perfectly comfortable alone in my bed, instead of with some girl who takes up the entire thing, snores, and sleep talks about chili!

Wario’s rant #4

Wario: Wanna know what annoys me?
Waluigi: What?
Wario: When someone asks me what time it is, and jumps around frantically pointing to his wrist, I mean come on; do I point to my crotch when I have to use the bathroom?
Waluigi: yeah
Wario: Beside the point, anyway, I also hate it when a cop pulls u over, and is like, “ do u have any idea how fast u were going?” and I am like, “well u should know, u frikin pulled me over!”
And when ppl say that something is new and improved, I am like, which is it, if it is new, that means that there has been nothing like it before, if it is improved, that means that there has been something like it before, they just made it better. Make up ur frikin minds!
And when someone is like, so u want to have ur cake and eat it too? I am like, “well yeah, isn’t the whole point of having cake to frikin eat it, I mean c’mon! What am I supposed to do, eat someone else’s cake, I like cake, ur holding out on me man! I WANT CAKE!!!!!!
And when u r at the movies, and the guy sitting next to u is like “did u see that?” and I am like “ no, I payed 9$ just to stare at the frikin wall, retard!”




 

[kurtvegita]

Wario: You know what makes me mad?
Waluigi: What?
Wario: when i walk into a fast food restutrant and see this "fatkins approved diet" I know what i am eating, i know it is bad for me, but who cares, i like it! i dont need some sign hung up on the wall, saying how bad my diet is! so what if the saturated fat in the large fry is bad for you, so is the pesticides in your salad! And you know what, if you want a healthy and good for you diet, grow some tomatoes, pick them and eat them, i like my arteries clogged! I think it is fun! I like not being able to see my arms, it is fun! and getting a little bit off the topic, but how come when i am watching a movie, and i see the reviews, i always see some fat guy with glasses saying that the show was "riviting" everything is frikin riviting! what the heck does riviting mean anyway! And what do i care if some old fat guy gives the show a thumb up or not! he just goes waving his thumb around like he is frikin ceaser! just take off the glasses, and stop eating all the popcorn! LEAVE ME IN PEACE!!! so next time i go to the movies, i dont want to see a fat guys thumb, and if i see the fatkins diet posted up next to the popcorn, everyone in the theatre will die!

[kurtvegita]

funny

[Martini]

Ha Ha Ha wario is so fat. funny story. Ha Ha Ha waluigi is so skinny.

[Mr. Koopa]

are you gonna make more of these?
That was pretty good.

[kurtvegita]

yeah, i already have some more ideas 4 wario's rant #3 and 4

 

[kurtvegita]

Done yet?





Edited by - kurtvegita on 7/30/2005 12:34:29 PM

[kurtvegita]

sup peeps, my name is lily, 13 years old, comic writer

 

[kurtvegita]

hey, i need some new ideas, i am almost fresh out of them, just regular problems that ppl in their every day lives have, i make them funny, so if u have any ideas, please let me know? thanx
Lily*


 

[Mr. Koopa]

I don't know where you get this from, it's pretty funny and I hope you can come up with more in the future

[Ludwig]

heh, those are pretty good. keep up the good work.

[Glorb]

Two questions:
1. I found this very funny. So funny, in fact, that I squirted milk out my nose on to the keyboard and had to buy a new one. True story. But why to you shorten words like "for" and "you" to 4 and U? A little grammar goes a long way.
2. What are you talking about this here for, Twistedflames? This has nothing to do with your name, age and profession! Start a thread somewhere else if you want ideas! I respect your comic writing (I'm writing one too, in fact) and I may give you some pointers, but talk about it somewhere else.

Well, this is where the signature goes...

[kurtvegita]

and i am sorry that my story busted ur keyboard glorb

[Mr. Koopa]

are you planning a future in this? I think you can go far in that comic thing.

 

[Deezer]

Can you put them all in one topic? That would be great.

Thanks,
The management

[kurtvegita]

Thats what I told her

[kurtvegita]

ok, i will, thanx

 

[kurtvegita]

Wario’s Rant #6

Wario: Waluigi do you know what bugs me the most?

Waluigi: What Wario?

Wario: It’s when I go to an amusement park, we always have to wait in those ****in lines all day while the ****in sun beats on our ****in back! People will pay 100’s of coins just to wait in dead beat lines! I have to wait in line for an hour, to ride on a 2 minute ride!!!! and  I have to buy two tickets because I take up two seats, it’s not my fault I’m so pudgy, and then people complain because the ride is frikin lopsided!  it’s how I am, I like eating hamburgers, which brings me to my next point. People pay so much money for like, beauty supplies, and anti wrinkle cream, and plastic surgery. But it doesn’t matter because every single one of you, every frikin person in the world will get old, they will wrinkle, and they will….eventually, die! Why not speed up the process??
By, Kurtvegita, and Twistedflames



 

[Glorb]

That's it I'm gonna sue you! It happened again! That's the 2nd keyboard I had to buy this year! I know I shouldn't be drinking milk next to my computer, but these things are expensive!

Well, this is where the signature goes...

Edited by - Glorb on 8/1/2005 7:22:25 AM

[kurtvegita]

lol

[kurtvegita]

Wario’s rant #7

Wario: Waluigi wanna know what really annoys me the most?

Waluigi: What?

Wario: I went to a McDonalds and ordered a hamburger and a coke. I pay 10 bucks and they throw away the receipt. I go to the pick up window. I get a hotdog!!! They don’t even sell hotdogs!!! I go inside and complain about the hotdog ordeal, I say “I still haven’t gotten my coke and I got a hotdog instead of a hamburger!!!” They say “sorry sir, we’ll get this sorted out a s a p.” So I wait and wait and wait. About 10 minutes later I complain again “Where is my hamburger!” They say “Do you have a receipt sir?” I say “no” they say “Sorry sir, we can’t give you the hamburger then.” I then say “Can I at least have the hotdog?” then they say “Oh sorry Mrs. Err… I mean sir, we don’t sell hotdogs here.”

Waluigi: So what did you do?

Wario: I just left, it gets better. I go to Taco Bell and they say “Ello Amigo, may I take you order?” I say “Can I have an extra large Quesadilla please?”
“eh?”
“A muchos grandis Quesadilla!”
“Yes Amigo”
I pull up to the window. I’m waiting there for 5 minutes, I keep hearing “Aye yi yi yi yi!” Loud Mexican music in there. I bang on the window real loud with my spare keys and someone comes out drunk as usual and says “Sorry Amigo, we’re all out of ketchup packets.” Then collapses on the floor!
Waluigi: that sucks dude
By, Twistedflames, and Kurtvegita
Kurt and i are doing these things together now, lol

 

[Screech]

These are very similar to some flash cartoons that you can find on newgrounds.
Have you seen the "Foamy Rant" cartoons?

"At Dukar, we place our emphasis on serving you, supporting
you, and helping you be as successful as possible."

[kurtvegita]

never heard of it