Author Topic: The NEW NEW Mario Story. P.S. It's NEW! (Read 5531 times)

kirbyman · « **on:** February 10, 2007, 07:17:16 PM »

This is for SushieBoy and Paper Luigi.

Sorry about the mess-up on the other story...

Here's a new one...

It was a fine day in the Mushroom Kingdom... The sky was blue, the birds were singing a lovely tune, and that stain was still on the carpet... Many people, in my opinion, rarely see a day like this, but some were lucky. Inside this kingdom are many people with mushroom caps. They are called "Toads", short for "Toadstools." Friendly people... Friendly people indeed. How they love their Mushroom Kingdom. Although, there are more people, other than the Toads... No, there's more people... their names are Mario and Luigi. These two men are very famous plumbers that work for a beautiful princess. Her name is "Toadstool." ...

PaperLuigi · « **Reply #1 on:** February 10, 2007, 08:25:00 PM »

Some advice: The story itself sounds very good, but it needs to be much longer then a few sentences to start out with. It doesn't have enough to draw the audience in, so write some more.

SushieBoy · « **Reply #2 on:** February 10, 2007, 08:28:10 PM »

It sounds very good, don't slack off dude, you could be the maker of the next The Prophecy!

Ultima Shadow · « **Reply #3 on:** February 10, 2007, 08:58:50 PM »

While, like PaperLuigi said, it should be longer, I can see that you've definitely improved. I'm interested to see how the story will continue, good job!

Area 64 · « **Reply #4 on:** February 11, 2007, 09:50:19 AM »

A definate improvement! It reminds me to get to work on one of the stories I'm trying to make.

kirbyman · « **Reply #5 on:** February 11, 2007, 04:02:47 PM »

A long time ago, Toadstool loved the Kingdom. So much, infact, she named it after her name, but it changed over time... Here's something I forgot to mention earlier. The two plumbers have a reputation to help the Princess whenever, wherever, and however. Then think about it... Don't you think they'd have an enemy? You are so very correct! Their enemy is a huge, green, turtle-like creature. His name? Bowser, King of the Koopas. Koopas are smaller, and hardly put up a fight. Goombas are just like Koopas, but don't have a shell. There are many other enemies, but they'll make appearences in the story. Maybe not ALL of them... Now then... Shall we get to the story?

kirbyman · « **Reply #6 on:** February 11, 2007, 04:34:10 PM »

It was another fine day around the Mushroom Kingdom... The sun was setting, the birds had nested, and that spot was still on the carpet... All the Toads had gone to their homes for bed-rest. Mario and Luigi, however, were up all day cleaning out the castle sewers. "UCK! How in the world did we get stuck with this job?!" Mario complained, "I just think I'm getting tired of this job..." "Don't-a-worry Mario," Mario's twin brother Luigi told him,"It could get worse." He said that just in time to here, "AAUGHHHH!!!" "It sounded like the-a Princess!" Mario told his brother, "You were right! It could have gotten worse!" "Correction: it DID get worse!" he told Mario, "Let's-a-go see what is-a wrong!" They ran upstairs, through all the pipes and poop stuff, to find out what happened. They found out soon enough. It was Bowser, Mario and Luigi's arch-nemesis! The window was broken, so he must've came through the window. "Gah-ha-ha! You'll never get me, you stupid plumbers!" As Bowser said that to the plumbers, they wachted Bowser hop in his Clown Car and fly out the window above the throne, into the night sky...

kirbyman · « **Reply #7 on:** February 14, 2007, 02:52:26 PM »

Mario's twin seemed like he had cried his heart out that night... Mario was in a pool of tears also... Luigi went down-stairs to get a glass of water when he heard something out the-a window. "He-hello?" Luigi tried to hesitate to say that. He looked out the window to see what that russling in the hedges was. He knew it couldn't have been a goomba because they had a top-notch security system. What could it be? Suddenly, the silloueted figure dashed out of the hedges into the night... Then, Luigi went to bed shivering like a popsicle in antartica. Only he wasn't cold. He was frightened half to death... The next day, Luigi heard Mario playing the Donkey Kong Arcade Game. "YEAH! Take-a that!" Luigi could hear Mario through the floor, playing the Arcade Machine. "I saved you-" To that, Luigi rushed down-stairs thinking Mario saved Toadstool. "-Pauline!" "Mario, I think we have to go find Peach!" "Okay. Why?" "Y'know, I never really thought of that." Toadsworth rushed in saying "Someone manedged to get in the Kingdom last night, and possably could be a burglar! Oh, and you HAVE to save Peach, because if she is not saved in due time, the Kingdom WILL be destroyed. Have a jolly-good day!" They both replied to that with, "Uh-oh..."

PaperLuigi · « **Reply #8 on:** February 14, 2007, 06:03:31 PM »

Words cannot tell how much you've improved on your stories. Great job, I can't wait to see what happens next.

kirbyman · « **Reply #9 on:** February 15, 2007, 07:45:45 PM »

"Luigi, we MUST save Toadstool, or the Kingdom will be destroyed!" Mario told Luigi. Luigi replied,"Ummm, I kind of heard Toadsworth already." "Well, where could she be?" the short plumber asked, "She might not be THAT far..." "Yeah.... But where could Bowser go? It must be somehere so not obvious..." "His castle?" "Probably." The plumbers ran out, like dimwits, in order to find the Princess. They searched high and low for Bowsers Castle. It was nowhere to be found. But then, they looked up! And there it was! This moment reminded them of being paper puppets in Paper Mario... How would they get up to the Castle? That's when that stranger in the dark from last-night dashed past them! "Need a hand?" The figure lowered his hood to reaveal... Link! He pulled out a Hook-shot, and aimed it twoard the air-born Castle, pushed a button on it, and then Link said, "Grab hold." Mario and Luigi held Link, and the three sky-rocketed to the Castle...

Koopaslaya · « **Reply #10 on:** February 15, 2007, 08:19:17 PM »

When periods of elipsis are over-used, the audience is cranky.

kirbyman · « **Reply #11 on:** February 18, 2007, 08:33:46 PM »

As they flew sky-high toward the Castle, Mario and Luigi thanked Link for bringing them to the air-born Castle. They made it on the platform of Bowser's Castle. As they were walking toward the Castle, enemies of all sorts came out from the entrance of the Castle! Mario, Luigi, and Link got ready for a mortal combat. Shy-Guys from the West, Koopas to the East, Goombas and Boos coming from behind the three. They were in for it! Mario found a Question-Mark Block, and it contained a Mega Mushroom! Mario grew to ultimate size. Link took the Boos. Luigi fought the Goombas. Mario took the the Shy-Guys and Koopas. The most intense battle in Nintendo history...

kirbyman · « **Reply #12 on:** February 19, 2007, 06:43:35 PM »

Some-time, after the intense battle, they squirmed through the maze Bowser had set up in his Castle. "It's so hard, this maze," complained Link. "I'll say. It's dark also..." Mario replied. After time passed and reality bent, the three made it to the next room. It was the same exact room! After THAT room, was the same room. After THAT room, it was the same again! "I think we're stuck," Luigi said swiftly. "YA THINK!?" Someone answerd in the rudest voice known to man. "I know that voice!" Luigi said, "It's-" "Im'a WARIO!" Mario almost dropped dead. Link got his sword out. Luigi was eating a granola bar. "Uhhh... Luigi?" Mario asked. "Oh... Right... Sorry." Replied Luigi. "Wario time!!!" Wario clicked a button on the wall. It opened a secret, secret door on the ceiling. "Well? asked Wario, "Watcha sissies wait'n for? Let's-a go!!!" They jumped into the hole in the ceiling that Wario opened for them, and made it to a place like no other in the WORLD.

kirbyman · « **Reply #13 on:** February 20, 2007, 07:55:32 PM »

It was a room made of GOLD! Wario shouted, "YES!!!!!!!!!! MORE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "I think we can hear you fine if you didn't shout..." Mario replied. "What? I just like money!" "I know." "Yeh." "You mean 'YEAH?'" "Yeh." "STOP IT!" Link got bored with them, and opened the door on the East wall. It led to Bowser's Lair. "GAH-HA-HA!!!" They heard Bowser's voice. Wario fainted. Link got a tight grip on his sword on which the grip almost wore off. Luigi ate a granola bar again. "Luigi?" Mario said, "What's up?" "OH... Yeah..."

Hacker Pikachu 25 · « **Reply #14 on:** February 27, 2007, 08:11:57 PM »

That's funny!Ha ha ha*continues ha haing*ha ha ha.

SuperBros64 · « **Reply #15 on:** April 18, 2007, 06:50:30 PM »

i like the stories but someone write about the beggining and like mario freaks out when he eats-a- mushroom and ges twice his size