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Which of the animal personalities are you?

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Dachshund
Termites
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Sea Anemone
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Author Topic: Jim Writes Stuff  (Read 6112 times)

Turtlekid1

  • Tortuga
« Reply #15 on: March 27, 2009, 09:27:07 AM »
I can't help but think your grade is on the line for that, but I loved every word.
"It'll say life is sacred and so is death
but death is life and so we move on"

Captain Jim

  • TwinklyMuffin
« Reply #16 on: March 27, 2009, 01:27:48 PM »
Actually, I have a teacher with a sense of humor. This passed as well.
No! I don't want that!

Turtlekid1

  • Tortuga
« Reply #17 on: March 27, 2009, 02:31:32 PM »
Ah.  So much the better for you, then. :P

When can we look forward to anothr literary masterpiece?
"It'll say life is sacred and so is death
but death is life and so we move on"

Captain Jim

  • TwinklyMuffin
« Reply #18 on: May 20, 2009, 04:15:27 PM »
In science, I had to write about five different "fantasy machines". Here's what I came up with.

Machine 1 (Electricity)--- The Hammer of Thor! The Hammer of Thor is a new, not-so-portable security device. First, you program the genetic code of all your family, friends, and pets into THoT. Now, wheel THoT to the center of the house, and run the wires from THoT to “Hermods” (Smaller THoTs) placed a few feet from any entrances to your house. Now, when someone enters your house, the “Hermods” scan them. If they don’t match any of the indexed genetic signatures, The Hammer of Thor unleashes a mighty bolt of electricity! The criminal will then sit there, paralyzed or dead, until you arrive. Isn’t that convenient?

Machine 2 (Electromagnetism)--- The Dastardly Scoundrel Credit Crasher! The ultimate prank! Screw your friends over! The small metal box is big enough to fit in your pocket, and easy to disguise as a garage door opener or a pager. Now, when one of your friends pulls out a credit card, press the big, red button on your Credit Crasher! The Credit Crasher emits an electromagnetic wave,  scrambling the magnetic strip on your friend’s card. Now, watch and laugh as your friend can’t pay for the dinner you both ate! Hoo hoo! (Warning, do not use the Dastardly Scoundrel Credit Crasher if you have any credit cards or electronic devices on your person. Dastardly Scoundrel Co. is not responsible for any damaged property or upset friends.)

Machine 3 (Sound Waves)--- Cerberus’s Howl Dog Command Unit! Wear this medium-sized, more-than-light-but-less-than-heavy device on your wrist. Use the somewhat small keypad to type a command into the Cerberus’s Howl. Now, the Cerberus’s Howl emits a sound wave, only audible to dogs, broadcasting that command! Every dog in the range of the Cerberus’s Howl will have no choice but to obey your command! Have dogs bring you a million sodas! Ride a flotilla of dogs! Have an elite army of dogs attack your enemies! The possibilities are endless! Only $15.95 (plus tax and shipping and handling)!

Machine 4(Another wave force/motion)--- “Cement’s Up!” From X-Sports! Have you ever wanted to surf, but lacked the water necessary to do so? Well, that’s a problem of the past, now that the “Cement’s Up!” is on the scene! Place the “Cement’s Up!” on any stretch of ground. The machine then creates massive waves THROUGH THE GROUND! Grab your board and surf on sand, concrete, asphalt, dirt, and almost any other surface! (Please use responsibly. X-Sports is not responsible for any property damage caused by this device.)

Machine 5(The reflection and refraction of light)--- Peekaboo Pendant! This amazing new device bends light around you, so that you seem to be invisible! It really works! Make your friends think you’re a ghost! Make a sandwich disappear into thin air! Sneak into the bathroom of the opposite gender! The possibilities are endless!



No! I don't want that!

Turtlekid1

  • Tortuga
« Reply #19 on: May 20, 2009, 04:25:32 PM »
Jim, you should work for Gadgetron.
"It'll say life is sacred and so is death
but death is life and so we move on"

ShadowBrain

  • Ridiculously relevant
« Reply #20 on: May 20, 2009, 08:51:25 PM »
Why can't I have awesome prompts like that... well, in non-English classes, at least. There was a thing in English a week or so ago where one of the things we could do was write about our backpack spontaneously turning into wings. So most people did that, but I was trying to be really realistic so I didn't get very far.
"Mario is your oyster." ~The Chef

Captain Jim

  • TwinklyMuffin
« Reply #21 on: September 10, 2009, 03:48:17 PM »
I had to write my biography today. So I did.

   I was born in a log cabin I built with my own two hands,  in the state of Californiaiaiaia, founded by my great-grandfather Georgewashingham von Lincoln. My birth name is Commodore (yes I was born with a title) James  Battlehammer Hadron the third, but I  just go by Austin. I grew up following my scientist father Dr. Benton Hadron around the world, with our bodyguard Race, my adopted Indian brother Hadji, and my dog Bandit. Actually that’s a lie. I stayed in Californiaiaiaia, and trained myself fighting dinosaurs using only my bare hands (and a shoelace). 
   When I hit the ripe age of 17, I was a battle-hardened soldier with a sweet jacket made of shotgun shells and duct tape.  It was around this time I heard of the conflict between famous writers (like Ernest Hemmingway and John Stienbeck, and to a lesser extent, JK Rowling) and a rouge faction of arctic frost gnomes trying to resurrect their king, Walt Disney. This marked the beginning of the era known as the Cold War (on account of the frost gnomes). Determined not to let the frost gnomes succeed, I tried to enlist in the Famous Writer Army, but they wouldn’t let me in (but they let in Stephanie Meyer. Seriously?). Undaunted, I decided to publish a famous book. Spending all of five minutes, I wrote a short story called War and Peace, and published it under my pen name of Leo Tolstoy. Apparently it was a big hit or something, and I was allowed to join the Famous Writer Army. I was placed in the Vulture Squadron, with the heavy weapons expert William Shakespeare and the field medic Dr. Suess, whom I owe my life to, seeing as he removed the deadly Glorguns from my organs.
   The conflict went on for several years, and I lost an eye in the process (I found it in my canteen not too long after). Countless authors and frost gnomes lost their lives. But mostly authors. That’s why most of the famous ones are dead. Soon, our forces were down to me, Willie, Dr. Suess, and the sniper Emily Dickinson (she didn’t like being near people). We finally decided to out with a bang, and launched a full invasion upon the frost gnome stronghold of Walt Disney World. We fought valiantly, but were unable to prevent the frost gnome mages from resurrecting Walt Disney as a giant robot frost golem with a mustache (and a really nice suit). He struck down my entire squadron with one swing of his monorail arm. I lay in the Floridian snow, barely clinging on to life, when I was visited by the raven of the great Norse god Odin. It whispered a sacred song to me, and I suddenly gained the strength of Fifty Vikings (and a tech support dude from 1997)! With this newfound power, I turned into a mighty dragon with the power to breathe bazookas that fired axes. After a mighty clash that leveled the entire state of Flordia, Robofrostgolem Walt Disney fell, returning to his grave beneath the Matterhorn. I was victorious, and had saved the world. Returning to my humanoid form, I shed a single tear for all the authors who had given their lives (except Stephanie Meyer. I didn’t miss her). Then I bought a house somewhere in Southern Californiaiaiaia, and fell in love…with the prospect of frying strips of pork to a crispy deliciousness.
   And that’s how I invented bacon.
« Last Edit: September 10, 2009, 03:55:18 PM by Captain Jim »
No! I don't want that!

« Reply #22 on: September 10, 2009, 04:36:05 PM »
...Dr. Suess, whom I owe my life to, seeing as he removed the deadly Glorguns from my organs.

I lost. Big time.  This whole piece is amazing.

BTW, change the topic title to something else...
If she is indeed genetically mutated such that she has an eye in the back of her head, then I guess that she is genetically mutated and has an eye in the back of her head.

Turtlekid1

  • Tortuga
« Reply #23 on: September 11, 2009, 10:15:15 AM »
It's pretty brilliant (the story, I kind of agree about the topic name).
"It'll say life is sacred and so is death
but death is life and so we move on"

« Reply #24 on: October 05, 2009, 10:29:11 PM »
You just obliterated one of my favorite topic titles ever.

:(

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