Author Topic: Wario's diary (I couldn't resist.) (Read 10994 times)

BP · « **on:** September 26, 2005, 07:03:16 PM »

Every day I'll post a day of Wario's life.

9/26/05- The alarm clock must be broken. It goes off as if trying to wake me up, so I threw it across the room. I arm wrestled a kid in the park today. He made me pay for the operation afterward. I wanted to eat chips, but we were out of lard. I substituted it with Crisco but it wasn't as good.

My friend John: Wow! I can see my own breath! It''s already that time of year?
Me: No. Your breath just smells. Really bad.

PaperLuigi · « **Reply #1 on:** September 26, 2005, 07:17:16 PM »

Wario seems to be gaining fans around the story boards. Is it his stupidity, or hunger? Who knows for sure, but whatever the case, he's great to make fun of.

"And I realized a chyojin doesn''t need useless power. What''s Important and surpasses power is spirit....." Buffaloman from Kinnikuman.

BP · « **Reply #2 on:** September 27, 2005, 05:25:14 PM »

9/27/05
Waluigi forced me to take a shower today. It was the first time I ever took my clothes off. I realized how hairy my armpits are. Anyway, it took a long time to cover my entire body with soap. Then I got soap in my eyes. 2 minutes later, I noticed and it burned. So I washed them out with soap, but they just burned more. I don't get it. Showering takes this much effort and inflicts so much pain, and you're just gonna get dirty again. I'm never taking a shower again.

My friend John: Wow! I can see my own breath! It''s already that time of year?
Me: No. Your breath just smells. Really bad.

kurtvegita · « **Reply #3 on:** September 28, 2005, 11:19:06 AM »

This is very good, keep going!

BP · « **Reply #4 on:** September 28, 2005, 05:34:39 PM »

9/28/05- It's Waluigi's birthday! I want to give him a DS. So I went to Gamestop to sell my DS to pay for one. It was in perfect condition. I sold it and got $50. The clerk put it on the top of the used shelf. Then, on the top of the used shelf, I saw a DS in perfect condition! It was only $120! I bought it and wrapped it. Waluigi's gonna love it.

It's after the birthday party! No one showed up. So that means everyone we invited came! Waluigi unwrapped it and said, "Wow, a DS."

I can talk English more better than you.

BP · « **Reply #5 on:** September 29, 2005, 05:33:04 PM »

WHERE'S MY DS?!?!?!?!?!?

Waluigi said I probably ate it. I think he's right.

Suffix · « **Reply #6 on:** September 29, 2005, 09:32:12 PM »

Bwahahahaha, that return-buy was pretty brilliant.

BP · « **Reply #7 on:** September 30, 2005, 07:04:27 PM »

Today when I was picking my nose I realized I had a butt-chin. So I picked that instead and found some lint.
I got a cat from the pet store and named him Wario Jr. When I called him that he scratched my face. Then I went to the food court to get some food. The guy at the mall said "You can't have your pets here." I said "No problem!" and I don't remember what happened after that...
Anyway, now my cat's lost. What happened to Wario Jr.?

I can talk English more better than you.

BP · « **Reply #8 on:** October 01, 2005, 01:02:02 PM »

I still can't remember what I did at the food court, but I found some cat hair in my teeth.
Well I went back today to get a gerbil. They said "We're out of gerbil boxes." I said "No problem!" And I don't remember what happened after that. I wish I had a better memory...

If birds breathed fire everytime they posted, the forum would''ve blow''d up by now.

smfan1085 · « **Reply #9 on:** October 01, 2005, 09:27:00 PM »

This is just great. XDDDDD

_______
j00r 73h r0x0r, d00d!

BP · « **Reply #10 on:** October 02, 2005, 01:22:48 PM »

I felt like something was crawling around in my enormous belly, so I went to the doctor. He took an x-ray. Now I know where my cat and gerbil are... And my couch and my sandwich and my alarm clock and my cd and my palmpilot and my talking Donald Trump Bobblehead and my pen and my TV and my WaveBird and my umbrella and my GameBoy Color and my Nintendo Cleaning Wand that I never used and my bike and my bedroom doorknob. Waluigi said, "God, Wario. You've eaten everything but the kitchen sink." The doctor said, "No, he ate that, too. See?" I guess I shouldn't eat so much. The doctor didn't find my DS, though...

I'm hungry.

If birds breathed fire everytime they posted, the forum would''ve blow''d up by now.

PaperLuigi · « **Reply #11 on:** October 02, 2005, 02:55:29 PM »

This gets better every day. I think Wario ate the D.S, but it got.........yeah, I won't say anymore. XD

I''m-a Luigi! Number-a one!

BP · « **Reply #12 on:** October 02, 2005, 07:58:02 PM »

Don't you get it? He sold the DS, the clerk put it on the shelf, he bought it and gave it to Waluigi! I know it's vague; it IS Wario writing this!

If birds breathed fire everytime they posted, the forum would''ve blow''d up by now.

PaperLuigi · « **Reply #13 on:** October 03, 2005, 05:56:09 PM »

Three words: Wario. Is. Dumb. Hahahaha! This is the best thing ever.

I''m-a Luigi! Number-a one!

BP · « **Reply #14 on:** October 03, 2005, 06:01:02 PM »

Last night we went to denny's. I ordered the biggest thing on the menu (I can't remember what it was)and Waluigi stole one of my french fries. Then he said "Ooh, I'm STUFFED!" and fainted. Then I went to cold stone and ordered extra large. Vanilla bean.

So any way I found a magic lump. It was the most beautiful lump I've ever seen. I pet the lump and it said "You have 3 wishes!" So I said "I wish I had a hundred kajillion dollars!" And it said "That's not a real number, you have 2 left." "******! I wish I had no more taxes!" So the lump said "You already don't. You beat up all the tax collectors, remember?" "***! I'll save the loast one for later." And I put the lump in my pocket. Later came and the lump said "WISH NOW!" "****, I wish you'd shut up." and it disappeared.

If birds breathed fire everytime they posted, the forum would''ve blow''d up by now.

Suffix · « **Reply #15 on:** October 03, 2005, 06:07:56 PM »

That's a lot of asterisks.

BP · « **Reply #16 on:** October 03, 2005, 07:57:29 PM »

Well Wario uses them a lot when he's not o a game.

(Parentheses are cool.) "Quotation marks are cool." "Punctuation. (is?) cool!"

BP · « **Reply #17 on:** October 04, 2005, 05:45:03 PM »

I found a penny in the dirt today. I put it in a glass of Chuckola Cola to clean it. Then I was thirsty and saw some Chuckola Cola on the table and took a drink. Funny, I didn't think I put ice in it.

I was going somewhere and a Thwomp came by. It tried to smash me but it bounced off of my blubber way up into the sky. Then Mario calls and starts screaming his freakin head off about the Star Road and crap.

(Parentheses are cool.) "Quotation marks are cool." "Punctuation. (is?) cool!"

BP · « **Reply #18 on:** October 05, 2005, 06:56:50 PM »

I got a new computer. I canâ€™t figure out how to turn it on. It must be a really fancy new model.

It''s in a better place, Strong Bad. Or rather, it''s in the same place but now it''s got a big hole through it.

BP · « **Reply #19 on:** October 05, 2005, 06:58:34 PM »

I love MS paint.

It''s in a better place, Strong Bad. Or rather, it''s in the same place but now it''s got a big hole through it.

BP · « **Reply #20 on:** October 06, 2005, 05:52:17 PM »

(Page is covered in peanut butter)

Peanut Butter! YUM! I've just discovered it, and I got 2o jars of it! Ah, I miss the jars...

It''s in a better place, Strong Bad. Or rather, it''s in the same place but now it''s got a big hole through it.

BP · « **Reply #21 on:** October 07, 2005, 07:31:49 PM »

Man. I'm running out of freaking ideas.
I went to this castle looking for tresures. I found his black box and it told me to find its key. So naturally, I smashed it open with my arm. And it 'cursed' me. Supposedly I can walk through bars now. Weird, I still can't.

It''s in a better place, Strong Bad. Or rather, it''s in the same place but now it''s got a big hole through it.

HolyAarom · « **Reply #22 on:** October 07, 2005, 07:33:02 PM »

Too bad. You said you will post an entry EVERY DAY.

Naruto, Code:Lyoko, Zatch Bell, Bomberman, and Mario Pwns.

HolyAarom · « **Reply #23 on:** October 07, 2005, 07:33:02 PM »

Too bad. You said you will post an entry EVERY DAY.

Naruto, Code:Lyoko, Zatch Bell, Bomberman, and Mario Pwns.

BP · « **Reply #24 on:** October 07, 2005, 08:20:03 PM »

>_<
Yeah, I did... But for how long? (Maybe in about 8 years I'll become a mod and close it! But that's a huge maybe)

It''s in a better place, Strong Bad. Or rather, it''s in the same place but now it''s got a big hole through it.

Yoshisaurus Rex · « **Reply #25 on:** October 08, 2005, 10:25:18 AM »

One day Wario decided to sleep for a few weeks to give Bird Person a break and go into hibernation. Waluigi spent most of that time trying to get him off the couch so he could sit down and play Super Wario Bros.

Maybe you should let other people give their ideas too, Bird person. That might give you a break and let others join in too.

Random thought of the moment: Annoying bird! I am the great Leon!

(E I):o{D___(--I I):o(D___(o 8(= P)___(=(: )@)___(3 I)}:O})+)___<(= (: ) ) )

Edited by - Yoshisaurus Rex on 10/8/2005 9:27:48 AM

BP · « **Reply #26 on:** October 08, 2005, 04:04:34 PM »

Yeah. Whoever wants to can have a first come first serve shot at this one. When I have another idea, I'll post it.

You''re all my FFFFs. My Freakin'' Fungi Forum Friends!

PaperLuigi · « **Reply #27 on:** October 12, 2005, 07:45:04 PM »

10/12/05

Today I walked onto the scale and it read "only one at a time please." I was so happy that the machine had replied with such a positive response. Must be all this muscle. Afterwords, I began to dash around my neighborhood, you know, to keep my awesome figure. People began screaming for no reason at all. I think the weird guy next door was looking at me with anxiety. Hmmm.....I think Mario told me he was guy crazy. I wish he would stop. Anyway, when I came home, Waluigi turned on the T.V. At the bottom, it read: "Ugly fat man runs naked around neighborhood. Police are ready to take suspect into custody." Hah. I feel sorry for that poor sap. Then the door fell down. And now I'm in jail for some reason. I think the naked guy will be joining me soon. I can't wait to meet him, 'cause I'm gonna laugh my head of when the idiot walks in. Still trying to find out what I did to get here.....

I''m-a Luigi! Number-a one!

Edited by - PaperLuigi on 10/12/2005 6:45:40 PM

BP · « **Reply #28 on:** October 12, 2005, 11:37:21 PM »

XD to the scale sentence

Why do they give electric toothbrushes names like there are different models? They''re not cars!

Bigluigifan1.0 · « **Reply #29 on:** October 14, 2005, 09:01:19 AM »

10/14/05
I slept an entire day yesterday, here's what happened in my dream: That naked guy moved in with Waluigi and ate all my food, dressed up in my clothes, and stole my figure. I tried to scream, but my dream moderator came down in Mario's clothes and said I should shut my face hole. Hey Im out of jail! How'd I get back? Oh, Waluigi said he bailed me out of jail. I saw that naked guy again, I think he was speaking a different language like "La-dee-da-dee-da" or somthing, but when he saw me, he jumped in some quicksand and said somthing about "He didn't go to school" or somthing. I looked in my fridge and I think the dream was true, the naked guy ate all my food! Tommorow Im going to find where he's hiding.

_____________________________
Guy:That dial tone is annoying.

Other Guy: Well thats because someone''s cat was strangled on the phone line.

Edited by - bigmariofan1.0 on 10/14/2005 9:45:25 AM

Bigluigifan1.0 · « **Reply #30 on:** October 17, 2005, 02:27:20 PM »

(I hate double posting) 10/17/05
Hello, this is Waluigi.
Wario is not here, he said something about "finding a guy for the police. I don't like the idea, because last time he did something like that, he almost got arrest by the FBI, for trying to put one of thier agents in jail, only because the guy had a strange black van, and have the reputation of a scared guy, mostly because Wario will beat my stomach to death later, and that forces me to go to the hospital, and they give me a freaking feeding tube, that makes my stomach puff back up again.

_____________________________
Guy:That dial tone is annoying.

Other Guy: Well thats because someone''s cat was strangled on the phone line.

Glorb · « **Reply #31 on:** November 01, 2005, 02:37:40 PM »

11/1/05

Yesterday was Halloween, and I had so much candy that I passed out. I awoke hours later in a police station, and I felt rather cold. I was wearing some kind of makeshift gown. They said I was in jail for something that begins with an "in-", I think.

Note to self: Don't go as a nudist next year.

-------------------------------------
"How are you gentlemen !! All your base are belong to us !! You are on the way to destruction. You have no chance to survive make your time. HA HA HA HA ...."
-Cats, Zero Wing (Genesis)

BP · « **Reply #32 on:** November 09, 2005, 01:18:40 AM »

11/8/05
Some stickly guy called Waluigi bailed me out of jail. Again.
I was counting the mounds of cash in my room. I lost count at around... $2. So after counting the candy in the enormous sack for Halloween (I got around... 2 pieces of taffy), I decided to go to the candy store.
I forgot to bring money with me, so I tried doing what the other people do: use a card. So I pulled out a library card my mom gave me as a kid. It had For God's sake, PLEASE USE THIS!!!" -Mom written on it. But I can't read. So I got hungry witing in line so I ate some fudge. And some gummi marsupials. And a few jawbreakers. And some M&Ms. And a couple of bags of skittles. And a couple of Wonder Spheres. But it turns out the Library didn't have any money for me in it. The cops came in and arrested me for eating the candy without paying for it. When I got in the cell, I found a note in my pocket. It said Wario, that's the last freakin time I bail you out. You'll have to wait it out next tme. -Waluigi. I wish I could read that note.

Corn is no place for a mighty warrior!

Edited by - Bird Person on 11/8/2005 11:20:56 PM

dude677 · « **Reply #33 on:** November 19, 2005, 12:02:24 PM »

11/19/05

I hate life. I must'a gained a few pounds, as when I got on my scale, it said 'To be continued'. I can't read it, but I bet I know what it means. Stupid off the counter appliances. I don't know why I don't know how to read, yet I can still write. Oh well, nothing's gonna happen.
Waluigi told me to go to pre-school today. 5 minutes later, I got kicked out. Was it because I beat up that kid, or I wrote the ABC's backwards? Anyway, I found my DS. In was in my pocket all this time. Waluigi must'a put it there. It was all smashed.
I went to Gamestop. THe guy at the counter said he wouldn't accept my DS. I threatend to punch him. HE threatend to call the police. The cops laughed at me. Told me I write in diary, said it was a girl thing. I forgot what happened next, but I held a steering wheel in my hand that wasn't conected to the car, and a police cruiser was right next to me, flat like a pancake.
I didn't go to jail, but that darn scale won't tell me my weight. It just tells me that "I've given birth to a new chin." I forgot what happened next, but all I remember was bring a scale to Shoppers. I traded it for another scale. Those that aren't digital. I couldn't read it, but it made sense. If it broke, then that must mean that I am as light as a feather. Ah, life is getting better.

PS: I still can't read, so how the heck can I proofread this entry? Oh well, proofreading is for nerds and squares. I am round. My tummy is round, and that's all that matters.

Yoshisaurus Rex · « **Reply #34 on:** November 19, 2005, 10:27:17 PM »

11/19/05

Oh what a terrible day! I thought that after losing so much stuff, going to jail so many times, and feeling sick from candy that life couldn't get any badder. But today I... I... I JUST LOST MY DIARY!! This is too much for me to take. Even though I can't read it later, and no one else would want to except for evidence maybe, I loved that diary like a bowl of sweet and nutty quadruple-fudge-with-lard ice cream! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!! *tears and chocolate stains on page*

But I'll be okay now. Because I got a new diary! Ha ha! Wario is so smart! I plan to start using it as soon as I finish my old one that I lost that I'm writing on right now. Until then I shall nag my brother to help me find it, or threaten to feed him fries again. Heh heh heh heh!

Mr. Koopa · « **Reply #35 on:** November 22, 2005, 04:23:34 PM »

11/21/05

I found my diary. I saw that my last page had peanut butter on it. So I ate it.
I stepped on the scale and it said "We don't Measure Livestock." I Finally Understood it! If I'm correct, Livestock is that concert I went to in the 60's. I guess they don't measure Lippies.

I decided to pick my chin and I found Toad and another chin. I was the luckiest guy in the World! So I went to Waluigi's Office and got arrested for dropping my pants to go to the bathroom! I asked what happened and they told me that I didn't go to a stall.
I thought it was one of those bathrooms where it moves up some stories. I guess that explains why there were people with breifcases were running in and out of it while some catchy music was playing. I didn't know Waluigi had an office.

Doo Doo do Dee Da Doo Da Da
Neerhaahhahahaha! I like that music.

dude677 · « **Reply #36 on:** November 22, 2005, 04:58:48 PM »

11/22/05

Today I went to the doctors. I had a rash all over my body. Dr. Mario said I was alergic to peanuts. I told him that I could still eat peanut butter since it had mostly buttler. He quit his job and went back to plumbing after, what he calls, 'So much dumb patients.'
I still have that rash. Yeesh, it itches. *scratches rash with diary* Ahhh, much better. Oh yeah, turns out me and Waluigi are brothers. THe other doc said that we were seperated at birth. THe doc told me I was the one that had to get away from mom, since I punched her and threatend to put the house on fire.
I still have that rash. Durn peanuts. Right now, I just eat butter, not peanut. It just tastes bad, that's all.

mario2_gold · « **Reply #37 on:** November 23, 2005, 12:54:21 PM »

11,er... I forgot what day it was.

dear strong bad,I mean diary,

Oh my god! I lost all of my diaries! and I can't afford a new one because I swallowed my money! Now I don't have any diaries to write in. Anyway, I destroyed Waluigi's house when I walked in because I fa... let's just say I had a green haze come out my rear end. Also I got into a fight when I rolled myself to Quahog and got into a fight with a fat man named Peter because he thought I was a big chicken. I won,I beat the crap out him, ah what am I kidding,I only won because I burped and he flew away. Well, I gotta go find my diary.

dude677 · « **Reply #38 on:** November 23, 2005, 05:09:58 PM »

11/23/05

My hair had grown uncontrolably these days. An afro had grown on my head, as well on my chest! I finaly learned how to read... food containers. I just can't tell what 'Stabilizaers' and 'Warning! This product contains poisons!' mean, but they sound appitizing. I think I'll get a drink now....
The doc screamed at me this afternoon. THey said I shouldn't drink window cleaners anymore, but I told him that it tasted like mints. He gave me medicine and told me to eat a pill once a day. I figured that if I wanted to heal faster, then I should take 'em all at once!!
Ugh, I don't feel too good...

NOTE TO SELF: Don't look through kitchen cabinets anymore, especially Mario's.

mario2_gold · « **Reply #39 on:** November 24, 2005, 08:44:43 AM »

11/24/05

dear diary,

I still cannot find any of my diarys. Plus, I found a string in my chin,so I pulled it and the skin on my face fell off.I punched the doctor for trieing to tape my face back,then I walked on the scale and could not be any rudder,it said,"get off my face you fat weirdo!" so I punched the stool and kicked it until the doctor inserted sleeping gas in the room while he had a gas mask on.and i am...getting(yawn) a...little ...d....dizz.....dizzy.WHOA! Sorry about that I'm still in the doctors office,and I farted a bruital fart and the doctor got killed by the fumes.And I nearly drowned in the beach today because I picked my chin while swimming.Stupid swimming place,it didn't have any lifeguards on duty.

hehehehehe,duty

dude677 · « **Reply #40 on:** December 31, 2005, 04:30:41 PM »

Dear diary,

New Years is nearing, and i want to make sure that i wait 'till 12 this time. It's getting real hard. Taping your eyes open ISN'T a good idea for staying awake. It makes me want to close my eyes even more.
*snap*
Ow, that HURT!

Hirocon · « **Reply #41 on:** December 31, 2005, 11:44:03 PM »

Dear Diary,

My nose started bleeding today for no reason. My finger was it it at the time; I tooked my hand out to reach for my plate of chicken and I saw the blood. I asked that weird thin guy what to do. He said I should use my napkin to stop the bleeding. What's a napkin? I decided to use a chicken bone instead. I stuck the bone in my nose but the bleeding didn't stop. I tried shoving the bone in farther, and suddenly I got a terrible splitting headache. I went to see the doctor, but the receptionist told me that the doctor had recently been killed by a farting patient. Some people are real idiots...

Hirocon · « **Reply #42 on:** December 31, 2005, 11:45:09 PM »

Dear Diary,

I stuck my finger in my nose today and found a chicken bone. How'd that get there? There was no chicken on it, I checked...

Bigluigifan1.0 · « **Reply #43 on:** January 01, 2006, 12:58:34 AM »

01/01/05

Hello guyz! Is it someone's b-day today? Everyone says today is special. What does that mean? A guy came up to me today and gave me some strange-looking medicine, then I farted and everyone fell on the floor, so I toke all thier money, for some reason, I'm in jail again.

Ultima Shadow · « **Reply #44 on:** January 01, 2006, 02:03:56 AM »

Dear Diary,

I'm still in jail, and I'm going nuts from being too lonely! Then, this banana teleported in front of me, and started singing and dancing, so I bashed it because I hate dancing bananas. The guy in the cell next to me's really weird, though. He looks a bit like me, and he says his name is Mario. Ha! That's like an anti-Me!

Anyway, this Mabio freak is trying to reach the keys that are being held by the dog. What a moron! I tried to talk to Yabio, but he didn't want to listen to me.

Hey! Yebio got out early! Why's he out already? Oh, well, the Banana guy and I are trying to befriend that dog. Maybe he'll let me free?

Glorb · « **Reply #45 on:** January 03, 2006, 04:11:40 PM »

1/3/06

I peed my pants. Wah.