New chapter. Goshness. Now read:
Chapter Nine: Patricia Peach Preaches Perkily to the Principal
The rest of the school day went pretty much the same. Ms. Sapph gave out some homework, asking to conjugate the word "n00b", Mr. Lizard made them finish dissecting the goombas (Ted didn't get queasy this time), and Mr. Steve made everyone play dodgeball, after which, in the hall, El Lavador punched him a few times; same old, same old. Everything was the same, except at lunch. Ted had sat next to Lou E. G. Simpson and Nerd Person, and told them about the vandalism while snacking at some school pizza. He could trust those two with a secret. But, right behind the trio, was Patrica Peach, eavesdropping.
"Wow, so this kid's dad was a cement guy?" Lou asked.
"Yeah, he even encased the gold koopa statues in it," Ted replied.
"You have to admit that he had a pretty good plan, what with encasing you in it also," Nerd Person chuckled.
"Shut up if you know what's good for you," Ted pressed.
"Oh my goshness!"
Ted had hoped this moment would never come; he looked around, and there was Patrica Peach, over-pampered hair and all. At that moment, Ted smacked his face in his bowl of applesause in frustration. He shouldn't have said it out loud.
"I am like so totally telling Principal Deezer!"
"What are you? In second grade?" Ted mocked, "who still tells on a teacher."
Lou and Nerd Person pointed at Patrica.
"Well, duh, guys," Ted exclaimed, "but, Patrica, what have I ever done to you?"
"Um..." Patrica squeaked, putting her finger to her chin, thinking, "well, I'm a cheerleader, and now we can't have practice. I mean, what if the football team needs to remember how to spell 'team'? Then what will happen? Huh? That's what the cheerleaders are there for!"
Ted stared at her in disbeilef, as he had done to the incredibly weird Mr. Watoad. This Patrica was delusional.
"Anyways, I'm totally telling Principal Deezer what you did, which was of badness," Patrica bubbled.
"Badness?"
"Yeah."
Well, the period soon ended, and Patrica skipped off to the Principal's office. Ted stood against the wall, and Max Vance walked up.
"Hey, heard you vandalized the football field."
"What," Ted exclaimed, "you already know? I told someone for the first time ten minutes ago! How could gossip spread that quickly?"
"Trust me," Max said, "rumors spread like bacteria when Patrica's around."
Ted walked off to his next class with this aquired knowledge. He basically slept through TMK History, as Mr. L. Son gave a boring lecture on how Pumpernickel the Great gained control of the Mushroom Kingdom's main land, and after that period he returned to the familiar halls. The PA ringed on, as it did when the bell rang.
"Will the following students please report to the main office," some secretary recited, "Ben L. Fan, Aaron Eleven, Carly Moo and Bob Man. And will the following students report to the principal's office: Patrica Peach, and Ted... Zepleenrots? Is that it? Ziplinrots? Zaplenrickts? Ah, you know who you are; just go to the Principal's office."
Ted's throat knotted. He was in trouble; he could sense it as he proceeded to the ill fated office.
*****
"Patrica here told me something very interesting just a period ago."
Same desk, same office, Ted was familiar with this room. But, this time, Patrica was sitting next to him, smirking.
"DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT VANDALIZE SCHOOL PROPERTY?" Deezer yelled; an unusual burst of anger from this Principal.
Ted had to lie. Either lie, or die.
"Sir," Ted sighed, "this is just a dumb rumor going around. I have no idea who did this vandalism, and I had nothing to do with it."
"Well," Principal Deezer said, "I must hear what Patrica has to say about this."
"Um, like," Patrica bubbled, "I totally overheard Ted bragging about doing the vandalism."
"Principal, do I seem like the kind of person who would brag about such a gross misconduct?"
"Now that I think about it," Principal Deezer pondered, "Patrica was also the one who once told me that she found Max Vance pooping in his own locker. Ted I must let you off the hook!"
"But Principal!"
"Patrica, why don't you go poop in a locker," Principal Deezer smirked.
*****
The next day, Ted sat next to Max Vance in Science:
"Man," he said, "I really have to go take a doody!"
He pulled out his pass book, and got Mr. Lizard to sign it. Ted noticed it was a locker pass, not a bathroom pass.
"Max," Ted called, "I thought you had to go to the bathroom."
"Yes, I do," Max exclaimed, "can't you see my locker pass?"
