Okay, I'm not quite sure this counts as angst (more like bewilderment really), but here goes (the following story is probably mildly NSFW).
So I'm at my girlfriend's house when one thing leads to another and we're making out. I'm thinking,
good job Glorb, until she pulls away. My first thought is that my odor offends, so I ask if anything's wrong. She says no and then asks "Oh my god, you know what would be so hot?"
Now at this point, several thoughts are rushing through my head. Part of me is thinking
aw yeah, I might just get lucky. Another part is thinking
what if she says something really creepy or weird? I say "What?" and that's when she gives this gem:
If, like, I walked in on you masturbating, and you were really nervous 'cause I saw you, and I said, "Don't be", and then I helped you out.
This prompts the biggest "uhhhm" I've ever made as I struggle to make sense of this perfect storm of insane words, like it was a sentence specifically constructed to be a subliminal attack on my mind. I'm tempted to say "Whatever floats your boat" but fear that might offend her. So eventually she asks "Wait, is that really weird or something?" I go "Yeah, kind of" and the subject kind of drifts away.
But like, it is weird, right? What exactly does "helping me out" entail? Like, giving me pointers on proper noodle-yanking protocol? Should I be creeped out by this or not?