I have a hard time showing anything creative that I've done to other people. I think it's out of fear that whoever I show it to won't appreciate it, but whenever I think that I ask myself "Seriously? Is that any reason to keep all this to yourself?" Because of that, there are a bunch of things that I've wanted to do for the longest time but have been too nervous to do. Things like playing music or drawing or writing. Basically anything that I could point to and say "I did that." There's not much I want to do more right now than learn how to play an instrument or how to draw, but I won't let myself because I don't want to have to show other people that I've done anything. I love when I show something to someone and they like it, or even if they don't like it but can tell me how to fix it. I just don't like actually showing things to people. I used to take piano lessons in third grade, and I loved playing the piano, but I absolutely hated recitals. Having someone ask me to play something for them, in the way family members do, was even worse. I'm still that way and I don't know why and that bothers me.
I know how this feels, having dealt with (and still dealing with) the same things. As to
why you don't want to put yourself out there: if you're anything like me, then the feeling you get when someone rejects or otherwise dismisses your creative efforts is one of the worst in the world. Eventually you'll have to force yourself to be more bold. If you're honestly not confident in your abilities, then practice. In my experience, a lack of talent is just a lack of practice. But sooner or later you'll have to show the results of that practice. And I don't think it's humanly possible to not feel nervous when you do, but don't let the nervousness cripple you (and admittedly, I'm guilty of this too and should follow my own advice). Just remember - while rejection may be one of the worst feelings in the world, having someone like your work is
one of the absolute best (okay, so part of the reason this put me on cloud nine is because I have this thing for Emmy, but still).
I'm a Christian, but I don't like identifying as such. Being Christian isn't the most popular of ideas. I've never been directly ridiculed for it, but I'm always afraid that I will. The most common belief, at least among non-religious people, seems to be that religion is only for "the weak", people who can't decide for themselves what to do with their lives, etc. I hate the idea of being labeled like that. My closest friends, and even some of my family doesn't know that I'm a Christian. Religion is supposed to be one of those things that you're not ashamed of, right? So why the hell can't I get myself to stop being ashamed of it?
Well, the truth is that religion
is for the "weak" - but not in the way most would define "weak."
Everyone is weak in the sense that it's not possible to be self-sufficient enough to be completely self-sufficient. But I digress.
I guess you have a few choices here, that I can think of. Either you can keep it under covers for the rest of your life (probably not too psychologically healthy to have to keep that kind of thing a secret from those close to you), or you can just not care what people think (while it's good to be proud of your faith, being defiant about it probably won't earn you any friends), or you can trust that people will be understanding. Often, people aren't. But if these people are close to you, then I should think they'll at least try to understand.
In any case, don't be ashamed. These days you'll often hear people say "I'm not a Christian, I'm a Christ follower," as if the former should carry any connotations other than the latter. Somewhere along the way "Christian" became a negative label even for Christians. Don't let other people's interpretation of the word shame you. Just make sure
you follow Christ and do your best to help the people you know follow Christ and then trust Him for the rest. It's harder than it sounds, but not impossible.
Third, do something religiously. This doesn't have to be Religion. Maybe exercise, read, write, fish, music, art, etc. The point here is to keep yourself busy.
This. Do something to distract yourself, even if you think you'll hate it (if you find you don't like it
after trying it, that's a different story). Personally I go for walks and sometimes even clean. Like, I've been cleaning my room this past week and I'm not sure why, but this is the happiest I've felt in a long time. Just get yourself a hobby as a distraction and one day you'll find that it makes you genuinely happy.
You start pretending to have fun, you might even have a little by accident.
