Mario's sewage problem.

[PaperLuigi]

Okay, I think I'm finally done with Mario's Sacrifice.  The original was wonderful, but the sequals were poorly made. I have time for this comedy I made up. Sit back and enjoy. By the way, I based it on the original Mario Bros. Arcade game.

Chapter one: Workin' on the drain.

"Oh, man....not another one." Mario groaned. He looked at his brother, who had come along to help with the third toilet clog this week.

"Another clog?"
"Yes."
"-but I....."
"Yeah......I know."
Luigi had thrown up the day before, as the "out house" of a middle aged, over weight male had produced a foul stentch that would send even the most powerful soilders of valor and courage running for their lives. The brother's loathed the task ahead. But in Brooklyn, it paid handsomly. Not many would look forward to cleaning rusty pipes, now would they? As they pulled up to a parking lot, the engine began to fault. It was lucky that Mario had made it to their destination.
"Blasted Van. Piece of...." Mario paused.
"Lets get out our tools."
"Alright, but I want you to unclog this one."
"Fine, just don't vomit all over my shoes this time..."
Mario paused again. He looked at the adress.
"This can't be correct. That warehouse has been abandon for years."
"So, you made a mistake."
"I dunno, the address is right, but......."
"Come on bro, they might be a group of homeless civilians, looking for a plumber."
"Let's go...we have no buisness here."
Luigi grabbed his belt and traveled inside. Mario was shocked that he had ignorned his warnings.
"Grr....that blasted fool. He will-a get himself killed one day."
Mario followed. Catching up to his brother, Mario tried to smack him on the head. But he noticed that the warehouse in fact, had a small John in the middle of the floorboard.
"Lets go."
"Luigi, this could be a-"
It was to late, as Luigi had already began to work on the clog.
"If you're not going to do it, I will. We need the money, remember?"
"Stop it, please. If we need the money, we will get it somewhere else. Besides, nobody is here. Quit slacking off, and get outta here."
"Slacking off? You're the one not doing anything. Help me while I-"
Just as he paused, the toilet began to swerve like mad, grabbing Luigi and swinging him around like a cheep toy.
"I warned you! That thing is the demon beast!"
Luigi didn't even get a word from his lips. The toilet sucked him under. Mario locked his hands around Luigi's legs. No matter what, it wouldn't give the poor plumber up. In Mario and Luigi went down, taking on water.
"Gluuuuubbb......."
Finally, the two had passed out. As anyone could have guessed, oxygen was not present. And then........silence.

"M...a..rio...Mar...io....Mario! Wake up already!"
"Hmmm? Luigi? Where are we?"
"Dunno, but I reckon we've been down here an hour."
"So that toilet sucked me down after I grabbed you. I warned you about that thing. I mean, it was out in the middle of no where! And wasn't it odd that we were called to the location, but no one was there to pay us?"
"But-"
"No buts, were down here and that's that! How are we gonna get out?"
"Mario, it's-a important that we don't scream, we don't fight, and most importantly, we don't-"
Just then, an odd looking creature popped out of a pipe that was grouped againts many. It was ugly, round, and had spikes on it's back. A turtle, if you will.
"Panic? M-m-m-Mario?!!! What the heck is that thing?"
"Mamamai! I told you that toilet was trouble!"

Mario and Luigi are in a pickle all right. Not only are they lost in a huge cave of the unknown, but they don't seem to be getting along well. And what's with this strange creature? It's an uphill battle that you won't want to miss! Tune in next time for Chapter 2: Of Pipes and Flies and Turtle Wax. And Koopa Troopa's and calamity.


I have the body of a God! Unfortunately, it''s Buddah.

Edited by - PaperLuigi on 8/23/2005 7:29:29 PM

[PaperLuigi]

Chapter 2: Of Pipes and Flies and Turtle Wax. Of Koopa Troopa's and Calamity.

Mario shoke, to and fro, while his brother grabbed his arm.

"Mamamia.......that thing looks creepy! I've never seen it before........"
"Mario! Remember not to panic. The thing looks harm-"
The creature had run up, shut itself into the spiney shell, and began a furious attack on the brothers. Luigi grabbed his plunger, which happened to be his only tool, and smacked the odd little monster to the ground. As he did, it bounced of the wall and hit Mario with a mighty force.
"Aghhhh........Aghhhh! That....hurt!"
He was bleeding heavily from his round nose. The spikes of the turtle had punctured a hole right in the middle.
"Sorry! I didn't mean to-"
Ol' spiney shell had gotten up. It was undamaged, as far as Mario and Luigi knew.
"RUN!"
"I can't-"
"But you have to!"
"My face is killin' me!"
Luigi had stepped back. However, as he did, a small whole had formed itself out of no where. Luigi's best guess is that the ground was very old. Nevertheless, he had fallen. Down and down he went. Mario wished to follow, but he had lost a good deal of blood. It hurt to walk. But he tried. The little creature had followed Luigi down the hole. Determined it was, but a short death awaited. It had landed on a small pipe, and was, for the momment, it was stunned. Luigi had not been injured, but he had noticed the turtle had fallen on a rusty pipe. He jumped up, in an attempt to attack, but because of slight disorientation, he smacked his head on the pipe itself. Because it was quite aged, in broke into pieces. What luck! The broken shards had stabbed through the under side of ol' spiney shell, killing the darn thing with ease.
"It worked!"
Mario followed down.
"I'm sure that wasn't your intention...."
"Ahhhh...shut up!"
Mario laughed and smacked his kid brother on the noggin'. Their celebration didn't last long. More creatures had spawned themselves from who knows where.
"Nuts. There's-a more?"
"Guess so. This place is strange!"
Flies, fireballs, spiney turtles, and others had come to the aid of their fallen soilder. However, before they could get their hands on the bros. a strange looking pipe appeared! Waisting no time, they jumped down, hoping this would bring relief.
Alas, as they made their way down, they had crashed onto a lower plain. "Level one," said a strange lookin' sign, and the bros. were in for the fight of their lives. The creatures had gone after them, ironically.
"They...don't quit!"
"Smart little boogers, aren't they?"
It's seems as if the laid back plumbers of Brooklyn would have to break out some fighting moves.....or at least, a very large wrench.

Keep reading to see if the bros. make it out alive! Do they? Of course, but you knew that, didn't you? Chapter three is up next!

I have the body of a God! Unfortunately, it''s Buddah.

[PaperLuigi]

Chapter 3: POW!

Mario and Luigi were in a real pickle this time around. With nothing but a tool belt to defend themselves, it was going to be quite a while before they could escape from the grasp of the monster....what ever they are.
"Groan........why us? We're just simple plumbers, and we-a some how get into this trouble!"
Luigi had a mysterious calm demeanor, aside from the fact he was about to be ripped to pieces. As the creatures made their way towards them, Mario noticed something in the corner. He ran over and picked it up. It was nothing but an odd looking box.
"Nuts. Thought this was important."
He held onto it, but never read the large print on the left side of the box.
"Grrrr.....hand me the wrench Luigi. I'm going to need it."
Luigi tossed the size 4/5 monkey wrench to his brother. Mario caught it with ease, and set the box down. He still didn't notice the large print. The creatures had run up to the dead turtle. Their eyes began to glow red, and the skin changed to a multicolor.......color! Green and blue, in fact.
"Yikes! Nasty little boogers, aren't they?
"Hand me the nuts and bolts, skipper!"
Mario gave the bolts in his pants to Luigi. (No, I won't say nuts, you jerks!) When the two were in High School, they had been used to fights. Roughin' it up with good pals like their cousin Stanley the Bugman, plus Mario had to duke it out with a gigantic ape when the stupid primate kidnapped his girlfriend Paulina. But enough about the past. It was indeed the present, and the present was trying to put em out of buisness. A strange crab creature had run up againts Luigi. Tossing his nuts n' bolts, it smacked the crustacean in the noggin'. Perhaps it would have killed a normal crab, but it only enraged this one. It's eyes had gone to passive, to angry beyond all reason!
Mario tossed the wrench, but with little success. He grabbed some bolts from Luigi and through them with all his might. Nothing worked. It was time for a little up close combat! They had no other choice.
"Alright, ya little punks! Time for you to tast the-a Brooklyn Brothers Double Brain Basher!"
"Errrr.....Mario? That move is so lame! It has the dumbest name too! I say we give em' the Plumber Pizza's to go!"
They fought over which lame move they should use, while the monsters came upon them with rage. Push came to shove between them.
"Plumber Pizza's to go!"
"Brooklyn Brother's Double butt.......Double brain.....uhhhh....that move I wanna use!"
"See? It's so stupid and pathetic that you can't even remember the name!"
Luigi slammed Mario to the ground. But as he did, the chunky little guy hit his head on something. It was the box he had found. A fly-like monster had jumped at him while he wasn't looking. At the last second, Mario tossed the box it's way.
"Take this, ya freak!"
Fly boy dodged, but the box had hit the ground. Silence. For about a split second, no one moved. And then......the Earth began to shake.
"Mamamia! What the heck is-a goin' on?"
Rocks from above fell on the creatures. Crash, bang, splat! Everything was burried in rubble. Only the Bros. were left. But the earthquake would not quit. A split second, and Luigi was hit in the head with a rock. He passed out again, and fell to the ground.
"Luigi! No!"
But the rocks kept falling. The dust, however, was giving Mario a hard time. He was losing consciousness fast. Eventually, Mario succumbed to the suffocation. He was sure that death was knocking at the door. And then, he was in a deep.....slumber........

What will happen to the Mario Brothers? Why would I ask you this if you already knew that I couldn't continue with out them? Oh well, just keep reading. For the heck of it, okay? Groan.......just get ready for Chapter 4!

I have the body of a God! Unfortunately, it''s Buddah.

[PaperLuigi]

Chapter 4: Into the fire

For three hours, the rocks and dust that had crushed and destroyed an army of monsters, creatures and such, did not budge. Was Mario alive? Of course he was, don't be stupid! But he was far from making his way out of the rubble that had him pinned to the floor. Not even aware of his surroundings, for the moment, he was in a state of subconscious. Dreaming of mushrooms and a beautiful Princess, oddly enough. Then....an intense pain hit the poor plumber like a load of bricks. His head throbbed with the force of a million fires from hell (Pardon my french, if you will.) And on top of this, Mario could not seem to force his way out of the pit. It felt like his leg was smashed to bits, but he wasn't 100% sure. Most of all, however, he was worried that Luigi had not made it out of this fiasco. Mario had witnessed his brother's head being crushed by a thousand rocks above.
"What-a was that box? I think it might have caused the Earth quake, but........."
He paused, but only for a moment.
"It was only a box..........."
He then noticed a small opening within the rocks.
"Light," he said with a heavy sigh.
He was on his back, so getting into a crawling stance would be difficult. Pushing with all his weight againts the rocks, he managed to get on his stomach. Crawling and groaning at the same time, he finally made it out. Unfortunatley, he did not see Luigi at the top.
"No....why didn't he just listen to me? He's gotten himself killed, and....I couldn't.......do anything! I just stood there like a-"
"GAGHHH!!!! UGHHHH!!!!"
Mario looked around.
"Luigi?"
Mario looked in the rocks, but he was no where to be found.
"Luigi? Where are you?"
"Mario, I'm right here! I'm takin' a-"
"LUIGI! I'm so angry at you right now, I can't even see clear! You just had to unclog the toilet, and now, I almost witness your destruction at the hands of this stupid cave! Where the heck are you?! Answer me, now!"
"Mario........I'm over here, takin' a........well....you know.......a dump."
Mario walked over, and was knocked flat on his back by the putrid smell of his brother's poop.
"MAMAMIA! What did you eat?"
"Errr...some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza......"
"Okay, enough. From now on, no more meat before or after lunch brake! That smells rotten!"
"Well, sorry! It's not like yours are the spring fling of the bling bling bling!"
Mario looked at his brother in hysterics.
"That didn't make any sence, ya knuckle head!"
Mario and Luigi joked for a while, as they didn't have a care in the world. Both had made it out with minor injury: Mario recieved a huge headache, while Luigi's neck had been cut open on the back side, with a large gash, however not strong enough to cut open vital tissue. It was strange, that they had survived that horrible earthquake. No one else did. Not one monster. It was if it had happened for a reason. Guess what? It did. As soon as they were done talking to one another about good old times, a booming voice rang out.
"Ahhh, it seems as if you have lived through my first and easiest test, mortals! Now, try this on for size!"
"Good one Luigi, but you can't trick me with your Booming God-like voice from beyond trick again!"
"Errr....Mario? I don't have a Booming God-like voice from beyond trick!"
"Wha...wha? Y-Y-Y-You.......don't?"
Mario stuttered, and fell to his feet. The voice came back.
"Try this on for size!"
The room began to shift, and oddly enough, the temperature rose.
"Hey......is it gettin' hot in here, Mario?"
"I...I....dunno. At least I'm not crazy."
Just then, a huge burst of flame came out from the floor. "Whoosh!" It nicked Mario's leg, but had not damaged him critically.
"Mamamia! What is-a all this?"
The voice rang out, yet again.
"Muwahahahah! This is my second test, or as I like to call it: The underground fire level!"
Mario laughed at the name's absurdity, but he wasn't doin' it for long. Both he and his brother were in a deep dodo, and if they didn't do something fast, they'd be El Mondo Plumber Spicy Special for dinner! As the ground beneath them fell to the great fire, the two found themselves hanging onto a ledge for dear life! Luigi was grabing Mario's legs, but was loosing his grip! And fast, no less!
"Hang on, little bro! I'll get us out....somehow!"

What is this...voice? And what about the Underground Fire Level? Will it be the last of our hero's? Of course not, but you knew that already! Keep reading to find out all the answers!

Is someone reading this? I even think it's better then Mario's Sacrifice. Please respond!

I have the body of a God! Unfortunately, it''s Buddah.

Edited by - PaperLuigi on 8/31/2005 5:54:33 PM

[PaperLuigi]

Chapter 5: The Pits.

Deep below the feet of the youngest Mario brother, was a boiling inferno of rocks and lava.
"Have we hit the center of the Earth? That toilet look my brother and down further then I thought! I'm sorry for foolin' with it, Mario......."
Luigi's thoughts could not escape his mind, as his own fear blocked any words from coming out. Mario, on the other hand, could only think of getting out of this horrible situation.
"Luigi....I'm going to let you climb up my back and escape to the top of this cliff. I'm on the edge right now, so you shouldn't have far to go!"
"But...what about-"
"Don't worry about me! I'll be fine, as long as you don't panic or nothin'! Go now!"
Luigi listened carefully, and began to climb. Up and up he went until he was on solid, or somewhat solid ground.
"Give me your hand Mario! I'll pull you up!"
Mario reached for Luigi, but he was too late, as a mammoth blaze of molten rock hit the elder plumber in the face. It caused him to fall into the boiling pit, burning every part of his body, as he was roasted instantly. Just kidding. Mario had indeed, pulled himself up to the the the cliff top, shaking Luigi's hand with gratitude. Nevertheless, the two were not out of danger yet.
"Try this, you fools!"
The "voice" had come back to haunt them again, only this time, with a much harder task. The boiling pit had began to rise. Getting closer and closer with each second, the future looked bleak for the bros. Luigi's shoe had caught fire, and chaos exploded with force.
"...aghhhhh.....MY FOOT'S ON FIRE!!! GAAGGHHH!!"
Mario took out his only weapon: A large mallet that weighed in at 15 pounds! Smacking Luigi's foot, it put the fire out quickly. But, as you could guess, Luigi's foot had been smashed.
"You idiot! Now I can't move my foot at all! You're goona have to carry me!"
"Don't look for an excuse for me to do all the work here!"
"But my foot really is broken! You did yourself, tubby!"
"Gasp! *sniff*.....tubby? GRRRR!!! Nobody calls me tubby!"
Mario swung hard at Luigi. It knocked him to the ground with power, and Luigi was K.O'd.
"Oops.........uhhhh...Luigi?"
No answer. Luigi was out cold, with stars in his eyes.
"You lazy bum, you're doin' this on purpose. Fine, I'll carry you, but you owe me a free root beer after this!"
He picked up his brother, and looked for a way out. No where to go but up, Mario did something only an insane man would do at the time: A Wall Kick. Having no idea on how to actually do one, Mario acted on pure instinct, jumping with amazing speed and agility. From wall to wall, he made his way up, and found a large opening. When he jumped to high ground, the rising lava blew right through, and fell like rain. However, since he was no where near the hole anymore, Mario had survived with nothing but a few scratches here and there. Luigi was set down, and slept with peace and tranquility. Suddenly, that mysterious voice boomed out to speak to Mario, once again.
"I see you are truly gifted with athletic abilities! Are you ready for the final-"
Before he could continue, Mario was getting impatient. Somehow, all along he knew this "voice" was just a phony, and was ready to dish out some pain. Provided he could find the little sneak, nevertheless. But, it didn't take long for Mario to notice a figure moving in the distance. With nothing to lose, he screamed.
"Hey, I can see you in the shadows!"
Running up and attacking the "voice" , Mario was sure that the culprit had been caught.
"Hey....owww! Not so rough! Stop it!"
Mario looked at the person he had stomped on. Nothing but....a strange little man with a mushroom for a hat?
"Okay, who are you, and what the heck are these tests about? Tell me, cause I want some answers!"
"Okay, I'll talk, oh chosen ones!"
Mario looked at him in confusion.
"Chosen...ones?"

Okay, no questions for you guys, just get ready for chapter 6.




I have the body of a God! Unfortunately, it''s Buddah.

Edited by - PaperLuigi on 9/6/2005 7:12:37 PM

[PaperLuigi]

Chapter 7: Warp Pipe to Neverland.

Mario and the little midget were looking each other in the face. However, it was Mario doing the intimidation act.
"Hey-y-y! B-b-budy! Hows it....going?"
Saying Mario was as angry as a rampaging bull who had just seen red would be an understatement. The chubby little guy was going to inflict some serious pain onto whatever that thing was.
"Listen! I dunno what this chosen one thing is, or whatever the hell you've put me through. My brother is hurt.......err, I guess that's my fault. But nonetheless, I want answers!"
The midget stuttered. He was so frightened, that not one word came from his sweat drenched mouth. This time though, Mario had become fed up. He had never been this angry before, and the last nerve in his mind snapped in two. Mario picked the midget up by his shirt and jabbed his fist right into his gut.
"Owwghhuughhhh........" He coughed up some blood, and passed out.
"Oh, that's just great! I've knocked the midget man out! This is just perfect! What am I gonna do now?!!!"
Mario, with a heavy heart and not much hope, tossed the midget onto the hard, cold floor. Picking up Luigi, he set out for the surface.
"Wa-a-ait........"
The midget was trying to climb up to his stubby feet. Falling ,stumbling and rebounding, the poor fellow staggered over to Mario.
"You-u-u......must help my Kingdom.......the beast...the horrible beast.....has taken the Princess.....please.......help......PLEASE HELP MY PEOPLE!!!" Mario, however was not in the mood to listen to the cries of a four year old Mushroom Man.
"That's it? You put my brother and me through certain death, and you want us to help you? Just like that?
There was a long, drawn out silence. Mario then explained his situation.
"Listen........I've had a rather rough day, and in reality, I'm quite docile. It's just........I don't understand everything that has happened. The toilet, the monsters, the trials........
"But......I need your help.....please. I'll explain everything to you as soon as possible, but now-"
Mario replied with a soft groan.
"Fine. I'll help you in anyway I humanly can, as long as you supply me with answers to this mystery."
The midget was overjoyed, and danced with glee.
"I shouldn't worry then, because you two aren't human!"
Mario thought it was best not to question what the midget had said. He'd get his answers, so long he didn't question.
"Follow me! We must make haste!"
"Errr.....alright, just tell me your name, so the author can stop calling you midget!"
"My name? It's Toad. Now let's go!"
Mario followed, dashing with his brother on back. Luigi was indeed, unconscious, but at peace in his dreams.
"Hehe, poor guys still knocked out. Oh well...."


I'll finish the chapter later.

I have the body of a God! Unfortunately, it''s Buddah.

Edited by - PaperLuigi on 9/18/2005 5:39:56 PM