Author Topic: Mario's fairwell Pt.1 (Read 4339 times)

mario2_gold · « **on:** November 07, 2005, 07:17:14 PM »

One fine day in the mushroom kingdom,Mario had it made,growing up in brooklyn, he ran the school and was very popular. Also in the mushroom kingdom, he got all the hottest girls, but mario wasn't really nice to girls. Mario would go out with them and less than a week he'd break up with them. Plus he was admired by the mushroom men, and mario bullied the goombas,by stomping on them,and once in a while he would kick around the paratroopas. Don't think Luigi had it made too, Mario picked on Luigi all the time, but that's what big brothers do. Mario would steal Luigi's hat and throw it on top of the flag pole at the end of each level on mario 1. Little did mario know, he would get a taste of his own medicine when he meets someone large, strong, and has horns.
Every week mario got meaner and meaner until everyone had it, they banned mario out of the mushroom kingdom,faster than deezer can ban a member in this forum. And suddenly for some reason it rained as mario left the mushroom kingdom, suitcase in hand. Kinda ironic, don't you agree, and mario stared at the large castle, and yelled "You'll be sorry you ever kicked Mario Mario out of mushroom kingdom!" as he said that the thunder boomed and a tear ran down his eye,but it could've been a rain drop.

to be continue

Edited by - mario2_gold on 11/7/2005 5:18:00 PM

mario2_gold · « **Reply #1 on:** November 08, 2005, 07:45:36 PM »

Mario was on his own now,walking slowly down the streets. He heard his brown sneakers slap in puddles of rain,looking glum. He had no place to stay and no one to keep him company,he was more lonely than Akon. Mario wanted to cry but he wanted to be a man so he held it in. His eyes hurt from holding it in,he couldn't take it, he ran into the nearest alley. Mario sat down against a wall and let it all out.
When he was finished he was about to step out of the dark alley when he felt something grab him by the collar, suddenly it pulled him down. As Mario hit the ground with a thud he looked up,and a pair of cold, and orange eyes stared into his. Mario got up to run but an orange reptile like arm wrapped around his neck and it choked him. "Ha Ha Ha" went a voice. "who are you and what do you want!?" mario screamed, "the names king koopa." said the large reptile as he lowered Mario to the ground. Mario turned around to look at the creature, "but my friends call me Bowser, and I want to know why you went into my alley." "I don't see your name on it." said Mario trying to look tough. Bowser grabbed mario by the neck and slammed him against the wall. "I don't know who you think you are, but if you trail your sorry butt back into my alley, you'll have your big 'ol nose rearranged to the back of your head!" said Bowser. Then he snapped his fingers and two other large reptiles stood beside Mario, "I'll let you off with a warning right now, guys." said Bowser, and the guys next to mario grabbed Mario by each arm and two seconds later Mario found his head in the dumpster. Mario was hopeless.

to be continued

Edited by - mario2_gold on 11/8/2005 6:01:47 PM

Bigluigifan1.0 · « **Reply #2 on:** November 07, 2005, 07:22:44 PM »

The bad stuff on that was:
~One spelling error
~It needs more capitlization

But it looked good still.

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dude677 · « **Reply #3 on:** November 07, 2005, 07:41:09 PM »

One side of Mario I never knew he had.

Story kinda seemed rushed. Not too presonal, but I think the quality isn't very top-notch. Don't be mad though, don't wanna make a new member mad at a kinda-new member. (I've been here for a bit more then a month.) Kind of confusing, and WAY too muych commas. Nice though.

Orginized is my middle name.

Poorly is my first.

Bigluigifan1.0 · « **Reply #4 on:** November 08, 2005, 07:49:08 PM »

More spelling errors, and you don't need a new thread for a new chapter. The story's still good thuogh.

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mario2_gold · « **Reply #5 on:** November 08, 2005, 08:04:08 PM »

thanks for pointing out my spelling errors(I edited them by the way) but can you say my errors then say how it was,I want to know how good my stories are. thank you.

ooooo,shiney

Screech · « **Reply #6 on:** November 09, 2005, 12:03:30 AM »

I don't think it's neccesary to point out spelling errors unless they really mess up the story. An "Adn" or "Tehn" every now and then isn't really so terrible.
I will agree that you might want to keep the chapters in one topic.

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you, and helping you be as successful as possible."

Jin · « **Reply #7 on:** November 09, 2005, 04:54:44 AM »

Its good

mario2_gold · « **Reply #8 on:** November 09, 2005, 09:46:40 PM »

Mario's fairwell pt.3

Mario pulled his head out of the garbage then groaned. Suddenly he knew where he could live,at the ol' apartment down in brooklyn. He knew his room mate Wario still owned the house and kept his stuff in the storage room. Mario ran to Brooklyn as quick as possible. mario got on a bus after 2 miles because he was too tired.When mario got to the appartment he ran in and everything was gone. Mario looked around and all he saw was Wario,"Wario!" Mario yelled "what happened!" "I...I...I,got robbed." said wario quietly "by who!" yelled Mario "I...I don't know." said Wario "someone in a skee mask" then Mario spotted a letter, "what's this?" asked Mario "a letter" said wario. Mario read it and it said
"dear fat man, I robed your fatter friend and now I'm heading for your bro's place in the mushroom kingdom so do something, sighned k.k.b," "Bowser" said Mario as he finished.

to be continue

mario2_gold · « **Reply #9 on:** November 23, 2005, 04:50:30 PM »

mario's fairwell pt.4

Mario was angry,he had fire in his eyes. Then Mario pulled up th rug and grabbed a mshroom,he ate it and became bowser's size."no one steals from mario mario!" mario boomed as he stomped out of the appartment.Mario went to bowsers ally and stood there. "who dares enter my ally!" yelled bowser "Me" said Mario "the fat man" said Bowser. They both charged at eachother and had a very violent fight with the punching,and the kicking and the IVINGAVINGIVAN! At the end Mario had a fat lip,black eye, broken wrist,and his eyes where bloodshot.Bowser had one of his horns broken,two black eyes, and his shell was cracked."wow" said bowser "you are my toughest challenger yet,and you must have guts to come to my ally to fight me after how I bullied you" "well you wern't bad yourself" said mario "why are we fighting,together we can terrorize the city twice as much" said bowser "truce?" "truce" said mario shaking bowser's hand.

***

Mario and Bowser were messing up the mushroom kingdom and shoving everyone,except Luigi,Mario riolized he shouldn't mess with his little brother,I mean they where family.then everyone in mushroom kingdom ran out and mario luigi and bowser had the place to themselfs.

The End

Mr. Koopa · « **Reply #10 on:** November 23, 2005, 04:59:02 PM »

I don't get it.