Author Topic: Transformers: Less Than Meets the Eye (Read 8359 times)

Glorb · « **Reply #16 on:** June 29, 2009, 08:31:56 PM »

Transformers 2 sucks as a movie and as a sequel, though as CG action robot porn, it's awesome. To wit:

Jetfire is an ancient British old-man Transformer with a robo-beard and giant walking stick. When he dies, Prime absorbs his jet pieces onto his body to fight whoever the final bad guy was, and then casually shrugs off Jetfire's weaponry and lets it crumple on the ground.

Roughly 70% of all the robots in the movie are unnamed throwaway characters. Most of these are never seen to transform.

The majority of jokes involve dogs humping each other, robots humping Megan Fox's leg, Shia LeBeof getting humped by a mega hot girl and being all awkward about it, and Shia LeBeof's parents humping each other.

I have no clue who the actual big bad guy was supposed to be. I don't think the writers did, either.

Skids and Mudflap act like racist blackface minstrel-show caricatures. They are also the most interesting characters in the entire film.

The logistics of a Decipticon perfectly imitating a human are never elaborated on. In fact, that plot point gets pretty much abandonded after Michael Bay realizes he can't milk any more sexiness out of an emotionless ladybot.

At one point the protagonists appear in Egypt with about half a line of dialogue explaining how and why they appeared there.

Transformers Egypt is functionally identical to the Middle Eastern country in the first film.

Grimlock wasn't anywhere in the entire film.

ShadowBrain · « **Reply #17 on:** June 29, 2009, 09:18:23 PM »

If I can't rely on reviews, other people's opinions, or advertisements, then what the hell am I supposed to do? Literally watch every single movie that comes out? I not completely Roger Ebert here.

I mean really, "I think..." is generally implied before "____ looks bad". Either we should never discuss something unless everyone involved in the discussion has experienced it or some people need to realize that it is possible to pose assumptions without being a hater.

Chupperson Weird · « **Reply #18 on:** June 29, 2009, 10:45:48 PM »

Roger Ebert can't even understand what's going on in action movies. He doesn't listen to any expository dialogue.

Glorb: Emotionless ladybot: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pretenders_(Transformers)
Big bad buy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fallen_(Transformers) unless you mean they couldn't decide between him and Megatron.

Plus, most of the Transformers in the film were actually previously conceived and more of them got named than you think.
The place where most of the fighting happens is the same place as the one at the beginning of the first movie. Scorponok was hiding under the desert for two years.
Maybe they'll have Dinobots in the next movie.
Maybe you're like Roger Ebert and can't pay attention to dialogue explaining how and why they teleported.

Glorb · « **Reply #19 on:** June 30, 2009, 06:42:14 AM »

It happened like this:

Jetfire: Let's go!
(blorp)
Everyone: Holy [dukar] we're in Egypt what the hell
Jetfire: Let's go kill some expendable dudes who have never appeared in the film up until now, as well as minor characters from the first film now reduced to very tiny parts with no dialogue!

Maybe I'm a normal member of the general movigoing public and think the writers came up with a crappy script.

Mr. Wiggles · « **Reply #20 on:** June 30, 2009, 06:53:01 PM »

wait, you people actually went out and paid to see this overblown mess?

This is far more depressing than the fact that DragonBall Evolution is getting a sequel.

ShadowBrain · « **Reply #21 on:** June 30, 2009, 07:30:30 PM »

^ oh kill me

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/smg-transformers-10-questions.html
http://movies.yahoo.com/news/movies.ap.org/transformers39-worstreviewed-400-million-hit-ap

Don't shoot the messenger.

Chupperson Weird · « **Reply #22 on:** June 30, 2009, 07:52:35 PM »

I think Mr. Wiggles just hates movies. And I'm a person that doesn't like them, even.

Jman · « **Reply #23 on:** July 01, 2009, 08:10:54 PM »

I think this film was much, much better than Dragonball Evolution. The best way to teach a kid about that movie is to have them watch through the original series, and then the movie.

Chupperson Weird · « **Reply #24 on:** July 01, 2009, 08:39:35 PM »

Just because it's only loosely based on the original doesn't keep it from being a fun stand-alone work. If you apply the same logic to Transformers, you should hate it too.

Jman · « **Reply #25 on:** July 01, 2009, 08:42:48 PM »

Quote from: Chupperson Weird on July 01, 2009, 08:39:35 PM

Just because it's only loosely based on the original doesn't keep it from being a fun stand-alone work. If you apply the same logic to Transformers, you should hate it too.

Yeah, I'll give it that, Chup. It could have been a good original movie.

Mr. Wiggles · « **Reply #26 on:** July 02, 2009, 03:30:56 AM »

I like good movies.

Neither of those two films I mentioned should ever be considered good.

I'd also like to mention I actually enjoyed the first Transformers. It certainly suceeded in the sense that it wasn't pandering to both casual fans and fanboys and failing hard at pleasing either.