Somebody in another message board I frequent posted this, so I thought I'd share it with you guys. It's kinda silly and not "accurate", but it's still kinda funny IMO.
by Aaron Brownstein, Tanooki Suit, Vol.13 Iss.3
Tragedy struck the Mushroom Kingdom last week when beloved Italian-Japanese-American “Super†Mario Sarducci was found dead in his toadstool estate, the cause of death an apparent mushroom overdose. “There were empty question mark boxes scattered on the floor,†said Police Chief Toad. “Some of them had up to ten doses, depending on how quickly Mario hit them.†In addition, Mario’s body had swollen to sixteen times its normal size.
Police have labeled the death a suicide, but Mario’s longtime friend Luigi Castanetti suspects foul play. “Da Mario I knew just-a wouldn’t-a done dis,†a tearful Luigi told reporters through a comically stereotypical Italian accent. “Whenever he had had too much-a, Mario would always a-switch to a Fire-Flower or Raccoon-Feather to balance things out. My Mario knew when-a to say when-a.â€
Luigi has requested that police conduct formal interrogations of all Mario’s most deadly enemies, such as Donkey Kong, Wario, Bowser, and Mark Hamill, in hopes that one will crack and confess to murder.
“Coin boxes-a everywhere and yet he didn’t have-a enough for an extra life? It just doesn’t add-a up.â€
Funeral services were held today, where, in accordance with Mario’s wishes, lovable green dinosaur Yoshi was buried alive with him, in a large green pipe.
