Author Topic: Swimming in a sea of confusion  (Read 4619 times)

« on: July 23, 2008, 08:25:13 PM »
                I know it's been a long time since I've even posted a reply in the forums, and I dont even deserve to post this topic but here it goes anyways.
              It's been a while and I know that, there may be people here that still know who I am and there are deffinatly people here that have never heard of me.  I used to be the kind of guy that would whine about not having anyone to be with or just having the ability to talk to a woman with coherancy.  I am not that guy anymore.  I am a monster, chasing my next high at anyones expense, playing with peoples emotions, anything and everything goes.  I dont like it, but I can't lie to myself anymore, thats how it is. Period.
               Over the past month I've done everything theres been to be had.  You name it, countless nights of being absolutley wasted, shrooms, acid, pills, horse tranquilizers,  and even cocaine.  I didn't care because I thought nobody else did.  Not as in I thought nobody cared about me doing this stuff, but I didn't think anybody cared about me.  I eventually dug myself out of the hole I called life but not without help.  I dont mean professional drug rehab help but just with friends and avoidance.
              What reallly got me out of smoking dope with all my old pals is that I was at the lunch table one day with some other friends.  My one really good buddy Brian has been hangin out with this girl who already had a boyfriend but it looked like it was going really well. (By the way this was senior year of highschool, which was like a couple months ago)  So he's talking about him and her and how he wants to go play pool with her.  Playing pool is something him and I do often, its a game you can just chill and talk about your problems. 
               To get straight to the point, there was a girl I was really interested in, very interested in actually.  I never really talked to her a lot, but I was at the table thinking about the situation, I admit I was probably drunk.  But I get this idea of inviting her on a double date with me and my friend, never really held a full conversation with this masterpiece in my life (I call her a masterpiece because I think she is the most beautiful woman and greatest person in my life at this point at the lunch table).  My friends dont think I'll ask her, they didn't tell me straight up but I could see it in their faces, so now I had to prove them wrong.
              Art class that day I asked her, and the worst thing about it was that my teacher after i asked her she told me she had work, my teacher said I kid you not right out in front of the whole class "Oooooh, Kyle O'Brien was shot down by Kate Lamb!!!"  Thanks a bunch Mr. Rice.....
   But she did tell me she would go after she got out of work, he must have not have heard that.
             We went that night, played a lot of pool, but I kept my distance.  We got back to my house and watched Alien, all of us.  Nothing good happened that night except for the fact that I got to hang out with her.  They said goodbye, they left, thats it.
            Then there was another time when I was sick they came to my house to cheer me up then and we a chilled and hung out in my hot-tub before the day of my Chem regents.  Nothing happened then either but i guess it was worth it.
           The night before graduation though my friend calls me up and asks if I want to play pool with him, his girl, and the foreign exchanged student.  I was wicked tired and didnt want to go.  They invited kate without telling me.  I had dirty, week old cloths on and deoderant.  We go to this local bar where the beat is pumpin we're all getting a little tipsy and I'm talking to her from my heart this time.  Everyone there thinks we're a couple and guys are backing off just because of it.  We get back to my house the night before graduation, chill in my hot tub.  She initiates everything and we just make out like animals in front of all our friends.  Mind you this is the first time I've ever kissed a woman or even touched a woman my own age.
             What really kills me is we got out and cuddled in my room for a couple hours listening to my favorite artist (Syd Barrett).  Then I thought I was the luckiest man in the world.  I went for something and I esentially got it, for the first time in my life I was the happiest I've ever been in my life.  But I think to myself was that feeling worth all the pain and suffering I'm going through now.  I call her and she gives me excuses not to hang out like she has to work or something.  Not to mention I go to parties and see her, I can't talk to her even though she looks unhappy, because most of the time she's on top of some other guy.  I just feel like someone took my soul, got what they wanted and stole it.  Now I'm stuck in a slump thinking about her all the time, crying sometimes, but mostly dwelling on understanding what I did wrong.  Its killing me.
I only watch [adult swim]

« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2008, 08:29:56 PM »
Mr. Rice sucks.


  • Vance Vance Revolution
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2008, 08:31:38 PM »
Cool story, bro.
Remember that your first Goomba boldly you walk? When Mario touched that mushroom being brought up more largely remember that you are surprised? Miscalculate your jump that pit remember that it falls?

Mr. Melee

« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2008, 08:42:46 PM »
I think this would be a great way to post one of my first posts in awhile.

Well, to straight out respond, I really hate those kind of people. You're going steady with them, then they find the worst excuses to not hang out with you anymore...avoidance is the worst possible thing to do to solve problems. You need to confront her and ask her what's bothering her.

But definitely stop with the drugs. Drugs will make everything worse. Waaaaaay worse. Unimaginably worse. There's just no light way to put it. You have to avoid them at all costs. There are much cooler ways to die.

Once you clean yourself up physically, clean yourself mentally. If I remember you correctly, you were a Christian. Get right with God again, man. Once you're right with The Creator, you'll feel much better. Pray to God for guidance and wisdom, because I'm sure he'll help. Your life is still salvageable, and if it all comes to the worst and if you guys do break up, then it was just not meant to be. I'd just let her go and find the true person you should be with. It's also not a good idea to be wanting a woman who is now on top of other guys, as you put it. That just means she's looking for satisfaction, not true love, in my opinion.

So, the checklist I'd recommend is:
1. Clean yourself physically - no more drugs and alcohol
2. Clean yourself spiritually - get right with God again
3. Clean yourself mentally - prepare yourself for confrontation, be firm in your beliefs, know who you are.
4. Continue with life no matter the outcome.
[22:36:29] <Mr_Melee> The day I sell my soul will be the day I sell my hair.
[22:36:44] <SolidShroom> So when you go back to Christian School?


  • Banned
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2008, 09:52:10 PM »
Well, I'm probably not qualified in the slightest to give advice here, but here goes.

Try and meet her in person. Phone calls, emails, and texting, in my experience, don't have the same impact as a direct face-to-face talk, though your mileage may vary.

Once you see her, don't come across too much as needy, or like you've been obsessing over her; this will make the atmosphere sort of uncomfortable. Instead, start a conversation in a casual, laid-back manner.

Now that you've seen Alien together, see the rest of the series except for Resurrection. That will kill a mood like nothing else.

Call Mr. Rice a big weiner next time you see him.


  • Bob-Omg
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2008, 09:56:56 PM »
Bro, if she's doing that kinda crap and trying to be sweet on you then screw you over later, don't even worry about it. Don't touch it aaaaatt alllll.... If you keep at it you're definitely going to feel yourself coming up short... and if she starts to notice this... how you're trying to invest so much time into her... she's gonna wise up and start playin with you.... cat n mouse crap.

Yeah, screw the drugs dude. Some of that stuff is some HARDCORE crap. That's about the worst thing you could do... I mean, you've always heard the story that if you do it, you might like it and wanna do it more... get depressed when you don't have it and have to do more and more essentially digging a grave for yourself.... well, of course, it's true!!! yeah I'd just totally quit the crap now before you do have to have some type of intervention in the future then be one of the many who has a relapse...

Something very personal to me that I would never, ever consider posting on this forum because of the idiotic replies I'll probably get or the different attitude people will have about me (probably "TRENMAN UR A MORON") is that I have smoked marijuana before, a couple years back. Take my case, for example: I tried it in 10th grade for the first time... it was barely cool but it definitely wasn't cracked up to what everyone said it'd be... I was curious, like a lot of kids were. Then after about the 4th time I would never feel good about it. I wouldn't be all relaxed like everyone else; I'd be worrying thinking "oh crap what if i have to run back to the house or something or go drive somewhere..." I would worry like crazy about that kinda stuff... so boom I stopped.... and I used to smoke cigarettes everyone once in a while and that got stupid cuz I'd be out of breath riding my bike at the skatepark and it just wasn't as good as dippin'.... so bam quit that crap and I can breathe like a motha again. The only thing I do now is dip tobacco.... Grizzly straight is my main flavor... I might get green apple, vanilla, etc. when I feel like chillin without a buzz. Everyone trips about my gums, but I do brush my teeth after I dip and rinse it all out with mouthwash... my gums aren't receding with no pain anywhere, they're pink and my teeth are in tip-top shape. I've been dipping the better part of two years and my dentist says my teeth look as good and are as strong as they were as they've ever been when I go every 6 months.

I don't know why i wrote that last paragraph, but I think what I'm trying to say is you gotta curb your appetite for that and find an alternative to your drug use...instead of doing cocaine or something occasionally try puttin a fat ol' pinch o' snuff in and tell me you don't get a huge buzz and throw up within 30 seconds if you're taking that big of a pinch and you've never dipped before. It'd give you a legal buzz quicker than any of your drugs you say you've done.... well, besides marijuana and cocaine as far as I know. Try it out.... better to get into that and be on the safer side rather than go crazy if you have to have me, you'd probably find that to be a lovely alternative.

Crazy how the times change, man.
Formerly quite reasonable.


  • Normal
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2008, 10:42:11 PM »
While I agree that the drugs don't help anything, I don't think a safer, legal drug is the best alternative.  I mean sure, tobacco would be an improvement, but even mundane things like taking a walk instead of smoking/doing would probably help.  Plus walking can clear your head.

From the way you began the topic, it sounds like you were doing drugs, but decided to stop because you met this great girl?  Except now she's avoiding you, or feels awkward about the whole relationship, right?

It sounds like you have Cameron syndrome.  The first girl you really love and want to be with suddenly stops hanging around with you.  I think this girl may seem like a masterpiece to you because of your inexperience with relationships.  Frankly, I wouldn't beat yourself up over this first girl.  I mean, she seems amazing, but compared to who else?  It's your first real connection, right?  Just give it time and pretty soon you'll meet others.  Maybe I'm misjudging the situation; I don't really know the situation to begin with.  Maybe something's going on with her. But chances are you need to grow from this whole situation and prepare yourself to embrace the suffering.

And about the drugs.  If you became clean for her, that's really good.  But you should stay clean for yourself, not just for someone else.
"Hello Kitty is cool, but I like Keroppi the best."


  • Ridicules
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2008, 10:49:32 PM »
Just putting it out there, but... was she drunk?

Anyway, I say keep trying.
"it's always the present"

Ambulance Y

  • raewrednu
« Reply #8 on: July 24, 2008, 12:32:52 AM »
The drugs - I've experimented too, until one night that involved angry policemen. I don't think I need to say anymore than that. And in those months I spent jailed up in my room, away from my friends and my lovely city streets I realized that a few nights of fun aren't worth the overwhelming power of the government. If I'm ever caught with a controlled substance again then I'm in jail and I have a tainted record with no chance of a medical career. Now I am just glad to be fully conscious and to nurture my growing brain. I believe there are more important things than immediate pleasure.

The woman - About a year ago I felt what I thought might be "love" for a girl with the same name as the one you mentioned. I remember that terrible confusion too. I don't feel like saying much more because our situations are probably much different. But best of luck to you, and I hope you feel better.
Edward has always dreamed of becoming a female monkey.


  • Bob-Omg
« Reply #9 on: July 24, 2008, 09:52:30 AM »
Well, Markio, what I was trying to say was if he just has this crazy urge to do something and something like a walk or relaxing isn't gonna calm him down or whatever, he could do that.
Formerly quite reasonable.

« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2008, 04:55:45 PM »
          Yes we were both drunk, but we drank in moderation, like adults, not like kids.  I'm still going for her, theres nothing that can stop me, I can't help myself.  I just have to find out what I did wrong or I wont be able to live with myself if I never do.  I can't relate that night to anything.  That feeling, being with her was the most raw emotion I've ever felt, no drug could match it.

          As for chewing, I've chewed plenty of times and I dont deny its affects.  I have to be in the mood for it though, and if I am its either Cope Straight (long cut), or just a plain old pouch of Levi Garrett.
I only watch [adult swim]


  • In flames
« Reply #11 on: July 24, 2008, 05:21:57 PM »
I hate to tell you this, but being drunk is the very antithesis of drinking in moderation.

Also, don't be so sure that you did something wrong.  Girls just do that sometimes.  You're young; there will be others.

« Reply #12 on: July 24, 2008, 07:22:53 PM »
This topic reminds me a lot of an old friend I once had, but once he got his girlfriend, he became so annoying and preachy that I completely stopped communicating with him.

To this day, he still believes we're friends.
As a game that requires six friends, an HDTV, and skill, I can see why the majority of TMK is going to hate on it hard.


  • Banned
« Reply #13 on: July 25, 2008, 01:35:21 PM »
That, in turn, reminds me of a friend who got a boyfriend after a long time of being single. Sure, I was happy for her at first, especially since he seemed like a pretty okay guy judging from the times I'd seen him. But then, something happened, they started slobbering over each other in public everywhere they went, almost to the point where I felt if they weren't interrupted they'd start making babies right there. I'd have drinks knocked over and be pushed from my seat as they ate each other's faces in a violent mating display. It was annoying. Furthermore, the guy had a habit of saying he'd seen/done/played stuff when I could tell plain as day he hadn't (he said his favorite part of Metroid, when I brought it up, was "the second level", or something like that). Eventually, they went their seperate ways, which was a relief.

So, yeah. End of rant.

« Reply #14 on: July 25, 2008, 01:51:21 PM »
Apparently the guy doesn't know the meaning of nonlinear gameplay. Unless he was talking about Metroid II of course, which is actually the most linear Metroid game.
Luigison: Question everything!
Me: Why?