Day four. Interesting new things are happening. I can communicate with animals now, hearing their thoughts as tiny voices in my head when I make eye contact. I'm getting all these striking premonitions of tragedies like plane crashes and terrorist attacks moments before they happening, scribbling numbers that match the death toll in blood on the wall. I'm convinced my father was replaced with a robotic doppelganger some time ago. I don't like Community anymore because it's just so obviously a thinly-veiled message from extraterrestrials, using hypnotic suggestion on the show's cast and crew; Chevy Chase is the only one who figured it out and that's why he quit, I know it. For all the extra time I have now, I have to share some of it with my new-found second personality, who is a Froakie, who is also black and mormon, so you better watch what you say or else we'll both get really offended... although on the plus side, I now find that I am perfect and the Froakie is to blame for any irresponsible or selfish actions I ever exhibit, so. And we can sleep while driving since there's only twenty minutes to a nap and there are lots of long straight stretches of road in the area. Our life has never been this great.
All of those things were jokes because I think I am funny and am not going crazy, so everything's pretty normal with me. Except I think I have a brighter face and a springier swagger. Not because I feel like any more of a positive person, but because I feel overall less dumpy and sluggish than before. I also feel more compelled to use my twitter account, which had previously had no activity for over three months...